Who Will Win Scootaloo or Dash
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen March 18th
Matt11
I'm a recently returned writer and plan to release alot of stories again.
Matt11
Joined 10th Jun, 2013 ·
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- Matt11 · 1.3k words · 30 7 · 1.6k views
- TheGreatEater · 1.7k words · 47 12 · 2.3k views
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It looks like you attacked this story with a thesaurus, which is a good idea, generally, but in moderation. Chill with the big words sometimes, it gets annoying to read. I'm not going to mention how bizarrely out-of-character everypony was since that's as obvious as Rainbow's rainbow mane and arrogance. There's no sense of development or progression, the only one who barely developed was Rainbow Dash. By the way, what's the moral of the story? You can be a stuck up annoying brat for no apparent reason (other than the underlying psychological damage of having your idol, who somehow possesses a gaming console inadequate for the physiology of ponies) and make Rainbow Dash apologize who I'll admit went overboard with the whole violence thing but still, Scootaloo should've learned something. She didn't even apologize to Fluttershy!
There is barely a point to this story, sisters will fight, like cage-match fighting but only one has to apologize because the other is a poor wittle baby who is justified in her actions because she was called a bad nickname.
Gasp!
It isn't like you called Dash a terrible nickname from her own childhood!
3152690 ill work on that nexe time my 1st story after all
Need to add beginning ".
___________________
_______________________-
and
put in italics please to show that this is a thought.
_______________________
For a first story. It's actually a pretty good fic. Flutters acted in character protecting a weaker pony ... although I don't think Scoots would be such a douchenugget. Other than that it's pretty interesting to see their reactions to things, and lucky that Twilight's thick skull broke her fall. Congrats and I can't wait to see what else you come out with.
3152699
I was going to be nice, I really was. But I couldn't after reading it, I had hopes that Scootaloo would learn some kind of lesson but she got off scotfree. I guess destruction of personal property and attempted arson doesn't mean much these days.
3152690
Actually like your comment.
3152736
Thanks. Criticism is meant to help, if I sound like a jerk then they need to get over themselves. As if I wanted to waste my time insulting someone with a long essay, they aren't that important. But if they want to improve, they should at least heed my comments.
May I suggest sorting out the description by capitalising the words which need capitals and adding punctuation because people will avoid the story if the description is bad!
Other than that, the other two have basically covered most of it except for a few errors when you spelt "want" like "wan't" and such :3
Good work for a first fic :3
3152725 looks like i got editing to do and thanks
3152764 thanks
3152748
Exactly. And you did a good job with your criticism. You pointed out things that were wrong and needed improving. Were actually very constructive, most people don't really recognize the difference, but rather than tear him down you were a really cool critic. Not a jerk at all. And I feel the same way if I write what basically equals a huge chunk out of my time it's because I care.
3152779
You're welcome, and a bit of editing goes a long way.
Gah, the import looks like it screwed some things up. Especially at the end there with 'of it' and some spacing issue's. I will take a look through it and do an edit run. The italics thing is my fault. I forgot to remind you of that before you posted. Again, I apologize. It's awesome that you can take criticism in stride like this. Gather up the critiques, make notes, and we will go back through and make any changes you want.
Often times it takes a good critic from a reader to slap a layer of new perspective on things. Also, we really need to work on that synopsis.
3152690 The apology to Flutters was implied, as was her cleaning up the mess since she was living back with Dash. A connect the dots yourself if you will, but I often run into this problem where readers demand I be literal and thorough in every minute detail. Scootaloo worked hard to buy Dash a new Hoofbox. I think that shows leaps and bounds of growth, as well as her apologizing for her actions. Also, the heavy wording is my style. I think in terms of complex words on a daily basis, so I apologize if I may have influenced Matt a little too far into crazy thesaurus rex territory.
yeah okay, i think i will just echo whats been said here, the story line is really good in terms of a one shot fic but some editing is needed....i could do it if you wish but unfortunatly im going to be busy with the next chapter of my story today but i can certianly do it tomorrow
3153929 that wood be very help full
And yet, Scootaloo never even used VERBAL assault on Diamond Tiara, Babs Seed, or Silver Spoon.
3158550 then i take it you like it and thanks
Better.
3164623 thanks glad you helped with it with nodesing the missed spelled stuff and what not
Awesome you're good. scracht that youre really great
. hope you make more stories!!!
3330180 I'm making one right now be awhile b4 its out
It used stare! It's super effective!
A good fanfiction from a good guy.
Keep it up.
3347260 thanks and thanks for the fav
AHAHAHAH! The pokémon reference made me laugh so much!
3374292 glad to hear
3374302 Great story, I'm always glad to find a story that focuses on the two best characters in the show!
This Fic just. Confused me
I've read this story several times now, and I finally have some stuff to say:
1.
Doesn't she mean, "you can dash it but can't take it"?
2. The show needs a Scootaloo and Rainbow episode similar to this.
3. This was well written enough, but feels like it should have been split into two full length chapters.
4. The show needs an episode where Fluttershy actually gets angry enough at one of the others that she uses the Stare on them.
I kind of see rainbow dash and scootaloo acting like this but scootaloo would never be that mean to fluttershy and if fluttershy had cut herself scootaloo would try to apologize immediately and would feel bad also child abuse so rainbow should of been arrested but I guess it wasn’t that bad and
Also references
Hoofbox=Xbox
And there’s alot of shooting game they could of been playing so I’m just gonna go and say they were playing call of duty