Scootaloo wants to find out the truth about her origin, and the source is closer than she thinks.
((this story is a sequel to the comic strips "Sorry I couldn't be there for you". I did not make the comics, but the creator gave me permission to make a sequel to the comic. Enjoy!))
http://matty4z.deviantart.com/art/sorry-I-couldnt-be-there-for-you-pg1-407774639 ((this is the link to matty4z comic.))
Special thanks to TheMyth for proofreading the story
((My first story to ever be featured on the home page))
Chapters (8)
i like it and please mark more chapters for this story
Really great! I had seen the comics before, and loved the concept. In my personal opinion, although you are laying it on a bit heavy with Fluttershy acting the way she does when she encounters Scoots, keep in mind you may wanna tone that down some, or have it more internal. In the show, there are many times she meets with Scoots and she doesn't give herself away. I understand this is alternate universe, but kinda try to have it fit in more.
Otherwise great job! Looking forward to more.
Really great start. Im going to follow this.
the feels are strong in this one
I was thinking of using that comic too for a story, what a coincidence. It should different when I get to it. Good start by the way.
its good i like it a lot keep up the good work
Not bad but I think you should work on your pacing some, also a lot of the character dialogue and interactions just seemed really rushed. good so far, though.
I hope this has a happy ending
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/2/14/242576__safe_fluttershy_scootaloo_scootalove_artist-colon-0r0ch1.png
Saw this comic. Fluttershy is bitch here. She had her own home, work, position in society and she throwed her own child into orphangae because "she cant manage to have a foal?". Fuck her and author of this comic. If it is his/her view on parental role and duty, so i hope he/she will never had a child.
3968682 don't worry, there'll be more.
3968736 Thanks. But, this might be a stupid question, but how?
3970310 She was very young back then. Be in her hooves and go through the same situation she went through.
3970046 I figured there was a pacing problem. But I couldn't figure out what to come up with next. I'm still a rookie at this.
3968716 Could you point out the errors so I can fix 'em, please?
3970379 ok
Awesome this is so cute
Everyone was way out of character, the pacing was pretty bad, I noticed some grammar mistakes, and.... How did you even manage to call Scootaloo a "timid pegasi" when she's never been portrayed that way in the show?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/8/176462__safe_animated_scootaloo_crying_hub+logo_scrunchy+face_sleepless+in+ponyville_spoiler-colon-s03e06_cry.gif
3970671 I was aware of the pacing. And how'd I call Scootaloo a "timid Pegasi"? Alternate universe. That's the answer to some questions. And pinkie is in character. Remember Filli Vanilli? Also, please point out the grammar issues. I can't find em. I'm blind when it comes to stuff like that.
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3970310
You do realize that there are mothers who do this in this day in age? Most of them are way to young to take care of a child. So this story seems plausible as long as Fluttershy is very young.
I absolutely loved the comics, and I have a feeling that I will like this more.
I say track down the pony who abandoned Fluttershy and
make him suffer!!!! I really hope Scoots forgives Fluttershy quickly so they can be a family. 
Awesome!
3970671
I think the author was referring to Fluttershy as the timid pegasi
3973317 Huh, never thought of it like that.
I'm wanting an editor so bad, but I have no luck for that. Also, who was acting different? Was it Pinkie? Because in Filli Vanilli, she wasn't really making anypony laugh.
i'll take Scootaloo in, and help her remember her mother, I am the creator of equestria after all
3973658 I see. ok. I know it wasn't well developed, but I put down what came to mind. I'm still blind when it comes to grammar. I have got to get an editor!
3974060 when comes the next part???
Not gonna thumb it up quit yet, but you have my attention. I'll fave it, just to keep track of it.
3974881 soon. I'll make this next chapter a bit longer and more in depth, I hope.
3975306 ok i hope it came out soon :)
3974702 Quite.
A story for the comic that became my headcanon? Well I'm interested!
But yes, as people have said, a proof reader/editor would be a good idea.
I was going to point this out:
Suspicions*
But someone already pointed out you need an editor
Anyway I love scootaloo so imma keep an eye on this, but the quality of writing and grammar has to improve or no upvotes for you
So in this Universe, im guessing, Big Mac is the father?
cause there is a lot of FlutterMac matching fics
3976443
That's what I've been trying to do! I'm going to get an editor for this story.
3973467 Meh
3976968 That it is.
I like this so far, but there is something I would recommend. Each scene should go a little longer and a little more specific instead of just jumping quickly. I'll follow this fix though
MOAR!!!!!
3977477 I agree to this comment. It does seem to jump from one scene to another. My mind wasn't wanting to cooperate, so I decided to put down what come to mind. I'll fix it as soon as I'm done with the second chapter. And I give my word, this one will be a tear jerker like the comic. Won't spoiler anything, sorry.
Very nice story. That being said, I found some things you may want to edit.
Derpy and Roseluck's names are misspelled and you consistently write Sugar cube corners instead of sugar cube corner. Also, I'm pretty sure that should be "past" instead of "pass"
The needed apostrophe is missing.
That quotation mark should be deleted.
That should be "Shy's". Also you seem to switch between using past and present tense throughout the story.
That should be "Fluttershy's".
And that should be "Applebloom". I really liked this story and would like to see more.
3978619 THANK YOU!!!! thank you for pointing these out!!!!
You have a lot of problem with tenses. At one point you use present tense, then you use past tense. You also forget punctiation at the end of a piece of dialogue. There should always be a full stop when you end a piece of dialogue unless you add a "She said" something like that, then it should be a comma.
I suggest you get someone to help you with the grammatical errors, and possibly someone that's willing to help you flesh out the story quite a bit more. It has potential, but it needs work, and a lot of it.
Not bad, but I did see a few problems. The most notable is you don't indicate scene breaks. The writing shows where they should be but there is no indication that there are any so this looks like one giant wall of text. Here is what I mean
There is clearly a change of scene there so you should give an indication of it. You could put a few ***** or use [hr ] (there should be a space there I just put one so nothing would happen). Here is how it could look
Here is the only other place where you ought to show a change in scene.
It'll make this look better overall, IMO anyway. Up to you if you want to do this or leave it as is. Other then that and some other minor errors others pointed out this is pretty good. Hope to see this do well
3980730 Thanks for pointing those out. I've edit that to make less confusing.
3980123 Well, can you point them out? I'm blind when comes to this stuff. Grammar, tenses, ETC. Also, I've mentioned this in the authors notes.
3981572
Change in tense should be easy enough to spot.
"I am buying stuff" is present tense.
"I bought stuff" is past tense.
As for the dialogue punctuation, you just have to read through it yourself. Skim through the chapter and see if what I wrote in my first comment isn't done.
Regardless, I'm no proofreader or editor, I suggest getting one to help you.
You can try The Proofreader Group or Overly Extensive Editors. Both of these groups have people willing to help you out. I currently don't have the time anyway, sorry.
3981612 I see. ok. thanks