I'm just a guy who likes My Little Pony.
One normal day, just walking back home from the corner store with my bros, Larry, Carter, and Logan. “Thanks for letting us stay with you.” says Carter, “Yea man, that's cool.” said Larry, “Well, we’ll see you tomar-” cut off by a huge portal opening and sucking me into it, most likely never to see me ever again… Or so I thought.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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(sigh) where do I start with this one? I guess I could start with how horribly out of character everypony is. Seriously, Fluttershy wanting to kill a baby Changeling? Rainbow Dash beating the protagonist to a pulp because he accidentally saw AJ in the shower? What the hell?
Next on the chopping block is the pacing: it may be the only thing in this universe that moves faster than light. There's no time for character development or descriptions. Characters are just introduced without any sort of buildup or chemistry.
Lastly, where the heck is the plot? All I see is few dry, boring chapters about some human doing stuff. The central conflicts, if you can call them that, are resolved in a few short sentences, and any attempts at drama, like Rainbow Dash beating up the main character, fizzle out like a damp firecracker. It's like you didn't even try to make a good story.
In short, this fic isn't very good.
Dang! A tear ran down my face when he got punched...
6682263 well, hey, my first fan-fic was worst than this, and I didn't think this one was bad...It's alright...
6682263
6682263 I know it wasn't good, I wrote this a couple of years ago, but if people like it. At least I did something right.
6683278
Well, at least you're taking it well.
No, no, I don't think it could have been but good try. My only pointers are:
Match characters with their personalities
Don't have huge time gaps
( This is my own opinion, don't make characters irrational)
Either way it was a good first try.
This is not a description, this is more fitting to the start of a chapter.
This should be a comma, not a full stop.
This is one of the most overused cliches in fanfictions. Don't use it.
Also, show, don't tell.
6686255 Thanks for the feed back! More or less, I posted this to see peoples reactions. But thank you for the feed back, truly.
6685080 Thank you kind sir from sparing me from the critic gods! I will head your words of wisdom. (I'm not being sarcastic.)
Moony you cancerous fuck, you need to stop reading your own fanfic...
You suck
Moony please tell me you still aren't reading this?
If you are still reading by this point, then maybe you should just use that gun on me