Going To Equestria

by Moony Scratch

The Last Entry

Well, I’ve been here for 3 years now. Twilight and her friends have done so much over the 3 years I’ve been here.

Twi called me up and told me to get to town square, I put Sterling, my cat, into my backpack, and everything else that I brought with me. It took a while but I got to town square.

“Sup Twi. Why did you call me over here? And why did I have to bring my stuff?” I said.

I saw all my friends that I meet at Ponyville and other places.

“Holy crap. Why are you all here?” I said, a lot of them were sad and crying.

“Whats going on?” I said, out of them all I saw a pony that was like a sister to me, Vinyl.

“We're all here to, wish you a happy goodbye.” Vinyl said.

“What? You want me to leave Ponyville? What the hell?! I thought we were all friends!” I yelled.

Not knowing what’s going on, Twilight came up to me and said, “It's time, you should know for what.”

I didn’t believe it, was it really time to go? Go back… home? Everyone said their goodbye’s to me, I teared up every single time. Then when it was AJ, Pinkie, Rainbow, Spike, Flutter, Rarity, and Twi’s turns. They all thanked me for being there for them. I saw a pony I’ve only seen a couple times, it was Derpy.

“You may not have know it but you’ve helped me out too. You defended me when others were mean to me. Thank you for that.” Derpy said kissing me on the cheek, I blushed, and hugged Derpy back.

Twilight opened the portal to Earth, I said with a strong voice, “Goodbye, everypony! And thank you all! I love you all like brothers and sisters!”

“Hey Twi?” I said.

“Yea?” Twi said.

“Could I come back sometime?” I said.

Twi smiled and gave me a book.

“This is how you can talk to me on Earth. Take it, and feel free to come back anytime!” Twi said.

“Goodbye. Also, before I forget, I never told you my name.” I said as everyone was surprised I still haven't told them my name.

“My name, is, Moony. Remember me, goodbye. Till a new day, with a new dawn, I'll come back.” Those were the last words I said before stepping into the portal and going home.

I am back home, I felt a vibration from the book, when I looked into it, I saw a message.

“I think you’ll be expecting company, Moony.”

I was confused.

What did she mean by company?

Just before the portal closed, a grey mare flew right into my face, it was Derpy, of course.

“I could never leave you! You’re like a brother!” Derpy said.

“Don’t worry, you can live with me, we can be a family, together.” I said, then I was hugged by Derpy.

Time for the next chapter of my life to begin.

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed reading this. I know it was bad, but hey! It could've been worse. Also, you damn well believe there's going to be another one.

Comments

[Flint-Lock]

(sigh) where do I start with this one? I guess I could start with how horribly out of character everypony is. Seriously, Fluttershy wanting to kill a baby Changeling? Rainbow Dash beating the protagonist to a pulp because he accidentally saw AJ in the shower? What the hell?

Next on the chopping block is the pacing: it may be the only thing in this universe that moves faster than light. There's no time for character development or descriptions. Characters are just introduced without any sort of buildup or chemistry.

Lastly, where the heck is the plot? All I see is few dry, boring chapters about some human doing stuff. The central conflicts, if you can call them that, are resolved in a few short sentences, and any attempts at drama, like Rainbow Dash beating up the main character, fizzle out like a damp firecracker. It's like you didn't even try to make a good story.

In short, this fic isn't very good.

[SShonix]

6682263 well, hey, my first fan-fic was worst than this, and I didn't think this one was bad...It's alright...

[Moony Scratch]

6682263
6682263 I know it wasn't good, I wrote this a couple of years ago, but if people like it. At least I did something right.

[Flint-Lock]

6683278
Well, at least you're taking it well.

[Obsidian Husk]

I know it was bad, but hey! It could've been worse.

No, no, I don't think it could have been but good try. My only pointers are:
Match characters with their personalities
Don't have huge time gaps
( This is my own opinion, don't make characters irrational)
Either way it was a good first try.

[staryoshi06]

One normal day, just walking back home from the corner store with my bros, Larry, Carter, and Logan. “Thanks for letting us stay with you.” says Carter, “Yea man, that's cool.” said Larry, “Well, we’ll see you tomar-” cut off by a huge portal opening and sucking me into it, most likely never to see me ever again… Or so I thought.

This is not a description, this is more fitting to the start of a chapter.

you.” says

This should be a comma, not a full stop.

cut off by a huge portal opening and sucking me into it, most likely never to see me ever again… Or so I thought.

This is one of the most overused cliches in fanfictions. Don't use it.

Also, show, don't tell.

[Moony Scratch]

6686255 Thanks for the feed back! More or less, I posted this to see peoples reactions. But thank you for the feed back, truly.

[Moony Scratch]

6685080 Thank you kind sir from sparing me from the critic gods! I will head your words of wisdom. (I'm not being sarcastic.)