- Member Since 13th Apr, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 17th, 2023
mr lovecolt
“Saints have no moderation, nor do poets, only exhuberance.” ~Anne Sexton
mr lovecolt
Joined 13th Apr, 2013 ·
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Gay human on pony romance? That's about as rare as you can get. Hell, you can find futa foalcon easier!
Color me intrigued. Your writing is pretty strong, and you avoided some of the more common tropes of shipping. I am eager to see where this goes.
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Thanks. I can't wait for you guys to see what I have in store.
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Well, I didn't want to post this—mainly because it's rude and and childish—but since you put it like that...
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Unusually, I rather like the two humans featured. More, please!
5745899 Thanks a bunch. I didn't want this to be a typical "coming out" or "dealing with homophobia" story, since that has all been done.
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Neither of those are bad; it's how they're carried out more than anything. So far, you're doing so quite well.
Off to a great start.
I can't wait to see where you go with this (Hopefully it'll lead to a bedroom)
5745997 Well, it is important to remember that this is about a relationship. I want this to be something everyone can enjoy.
First off, I'll agree with everything Jake's said. This was a joy to read. It flowed really nicely and apart from one sentence, I couldn't find anything wrong.
As with Revenant, I like the way you've begun fleshing out the two humans but in particular, I'm delighted to see what you're doing with Adam. When so many humans are idealised "manly men", it's a refreshing change to have one who's more gentle and maybe even a little refined.
I wish I could say more as I would love to see this continued and want to give you as much encouragement as possible but so far I've said all I can. For me, this is a good example of why Marshal Twilight started the ABMA group (and thank you for adding your story to it, initially, as I may otherwise have missed it!) - the site needs more quality M/M romances.
Wonderful and cute! The way the human fits in to this world is nice, and he interacts with the characters very organically.
Please keep it up!
I start reading, and the very second sentence has an issue. Can you spot it?
"The aura surrounding the needles around her faded and fell to the floor."
5747077 I was looking for it everywhere, and the incorrect sentence was the second one? Thank you for that. I went ahead and fixed it. That really had me since it was mentioned before.
I am 99% certain that the other sentences are right.
While we are on the subject, I do hope that the story itself is interesting to you.
5747086 So far, yes. It's well-written, is engaging, and has interesting OCs that are definitely not run-of-the-mill, FIM cliches notwithstanding. I'm looking forward to seeing more.
In the meantime, Hail to the King, baby.
Well, well, what do we have here? Oh, look, another HumanxPony romance. *sigh* Oh, goody, I—
You have my attention.
*After reading*
Okay, so, I am actually pretty impressed right now. First of all, the main character is likeable and pretty unique. I like how you actually made him something other than "generic masculine guy". In fact, he's actually fussy. Sticking him with Rarity was a pretty cool idea as well, because I think watching them play off each other is going to be interesting and amusing.
Despite him not really being a "manly man", I don't really get the sense that he's a "sissy boy" either. In fact, he strikes me as a guy confident enough in himself that he's willing to just be who he is, rather than adhering to any construction of gender roles. It doesn't even seem like a deliberate subversion (as in, making him a guy-in-name-only), which only adds to his depth as a character. It's only the first chapter and he's already got more character than many I see in stories that are much longer than this.
Plus, he's interesting. That's usually good enough for me, but the way you write him is icing on the cake.
I also like the little hints and nods you do. Like this one:
For one thing, that's sweet how Mac feels that sense of regret so quickly. Second, this is interesting conflict. They both seem to have some insecurity/fear or another, and it resulted in a clash between them. This certainly piques my interest, and I suspect you're going somewhere with this. I am definitely looking forward to that.
As for the spelling and grammar, I didn't notice much in the way of problems. I didn't really spot any out-of-place punctuation or missing commas or anything like that. It also read quite smoothly, which is something that even some grammatically correct stories don't quite manage to do.
However, I will say that you need to start trusting in your own dialogue. When I say that, I'm referring to things like this:
It is redundant to say "she encouraged herself" because, based on the dialogue, that is very obviously what she's doing. The readers don't have to be told the same thing twice. A simple "said" is usually fine. The exception is when you need to specify that the tone of the dialogue is not the "default" one, such as whispering or shouting.
Now, it's actually not too bad. I see a lot of things like "he muttered" and "she yelled." Those are perfectly valid uses. But occasionally, I just see a few that would have been better off as a "said."
Now, another minor issue are things like this:
For one thing, that word is missing an 'l', but that's neither here nor there. The issue I'm pointing out is that it's not really the right way to handle this. I do agree that it needs to be specified that her tone is mischievous, since the dialogue otherwise doesn't have that tone. But in this instance, it would have been better to use an action to demonstrate it. For example:
"Smirk" does a good job setting the tone you want, and as a bonus, it gives you a free action/detail for the reader.
Now, these are just nitpicks mind you. They're problems I noticed, but they actually weren't very distracting all-in-all. This is definitely a story that I would highly recommend, both for the originality of the pairing, the fact you actually made an interesting human OC, and how well you're handling it all so far. The pacing looks fine, and the story both hooked my interest and has me wanting to see more. That, my good author, is skill.
I will be keeping my eye on this one.
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Wishful thinking on my part.
I know you're going to kill the soft and sweet side of these two hunks, but, there's definitely an audience for the people who wanna learn how exactly a human being can walk after a 'bout with Big Mac.
Just saying...
Huh. Not bad, I must say, not bad at all. Always a pleasure to see more Big Mac fics.
The only thing that slightly jars with me is him kicking out when Adam's trying to put the pants on him. I can't even put into words why it doesn't quite sit with me as you certainly give plenty of explanation for why he feels so uncomfortable about it and with Adam being so pushy it's an understandable explosion of frustration....
Eh, still a good story and I look forward to seeing more!
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*raises hand*
A HumanxPony done right, finally!
[Insert joking parody comment on how liking an m/m fic will turn me gay here]
On a serious note, way to go, dude! Upvoted and tracked!
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I'll pray for you...
*Hell, we've
Actually, what Big Mac wears is a horse collar. A yoke goes across the withers and is used primarily by oxen.
Other than that, I didn't see any mistakes! The writing is very clean and engaging. Keep up the good work!
I am extremely picky on HiE (I think I may have less than five HiE stories in my favorites altogether), but I really like this one so far. Both Adam and Amy are engaging characters, as well as the ponies. I've never seen human x Golden Delicious, so that is new, and while there are a few human x Mac ones, I don't think I've seen a gay one so far.
I particularly like how both Adam and Amy are their own people without worrying about gender roles. That makes them seem much more rounded and relatable than sticking Amy with Rarity and Adam on the farm just because chromosomes. The scene with Mac, Adam, and the pants was both funny and sweet. Really looking forward to more interaction between those two, along with the wedding!
In short...
quickmeme.com/img/24/241265ff26dad158d67e44d767ccbf252a087ae6bb1cfb9a8f56bf591159aa83.jpg
Liked, faved, followed.
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And corrected. Urgh, why do I keep missing those little things?
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Don't worry about it! Happens to us all.
I lol'd.
Mmmmm, such delicious world-building! And you better look out, Mac. Ole Pokey is trying to... horn in on your man.
Eh?
Eh?
...
Oh, screw you all...
5768431 oh, Pokey is just confident in himself. Oh, I'm so excited for the next chapter.
5768655 thank you. The plan is for an update every Sunday afternoon.
I've been wondering if there was any gay human in equestria, glad I finally see one.
5770431 I fully intend for it to be a series, actually. You are right; there is a distinct lack of human x stallion m/m on the site.
“That’s a might peculiar" should be, "That's a mite peculiar."
A "mite" is a small amount.
5770801 I always thought it was "might" as in "it is mighty peculiar" like it was very peculiar. So help me, I will go right up to my ninety-four year old granny from Kentucky and tell her what for.
Seriously, though, give me a day and I will look into that.
5770709 I've been considering the potential for a Displaced story with some shipping between (redeemed) Sombra and the (male) human in question, though the human has been transplanted into the body of one of his 3rd Edition D&D characters.
Does it count if the human isn't entirely human anymore?
5770431 Well, this one is weird, but oddly enthralling, and this one shows a lot of promise.
And there're this and this to keep you highly entertained in the meantime.
5770992 it is important to remember that D&D and MLP follow two ideologies. It is possible for a redeemed Sombra to be similar to Cecil from Final Fantasy 4, insofar as he conquered darkness by facing his demoms, however.
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Gah, so many!
Thanks...
5771020 Odd that you should mention "facing his demons"...
5771258 Only the first two are M/M. The other two are just hilariously amusing.
Well, this was lovely. The whole "serious business" with the pants was very entertaining, the wedding and aftermath was d'aww-worthy, and the potential for a love triangle is strong. Curious to see where you take that.
I do have one question, though. Are humans generally stronger than ponies? Golden seems like he's a bit fearful of Adam.
Oh, and by the way.
Now a human needs to be seen breakdancing, causing the nearby ponies, or at least Big Mac, to shit bricks.
5772389 It wasn't so much that he was stronger, just that he didn't realize how tightly he was gripping Golden's shoulder. I added a sentence afterward to give slightly more context.
Oooh damn. I think Mac's a bit infatuated already, even if he doesn't want to admit it.
Watch out, Mac, Pokey's moving in!
Great chapter! Can I say again how much I love Adam and Amy? The departure scene nearly brought a tear to my eye. You're doing great with the emotions in here.
Keep up the good work!
Another good update! I love how Adam stood up for himself. This should be an interesting development indeed.
Ah, that was a nice chapter. I love all the peeks of insight into the setting you give us, such as with the paper. Gives us some good background info without resorting to exposition.
And, I know I said it earlier, but I do love watching Rarity and Adam playing off each other. They go together so well!
As for Adam, I do think it's neat how he was hurt by what he overheard, but he stood up for himself. Confident despite being an emotional guy. Me likey.
This continues to be an excellent tale, and I'm anxiously awaiting each chapter as you release it. The pacing and story are excellent, the characters are detailed without resorting to blatant exposition, and well, it's got Big Mac in it. :)
YAY!! First comment!!
Oh Gods above!! The uncomfortable landings!!
Absolutely love this.
Feel kinda bad for Adam though.
Excellent work my friend. Cannot wait to see where this goes.
Both Mac and Adam wanting to show the other that they weren't hurt and were capable was a nice touch. They're definitely growing closer than they think.
Too bad they'll be holed up in the house for a while now! Might be a good time for them to get some good conversation in, though.
Great update!
hnngggg, so cute...
"She pat his leg."
That should be "patted."
5883537 Thank you, dear.