When i first start writing a story i start them off with a "Default character" bio template i have storied on my PC. this is usually based off their in show character from the show. I usually devope the character in the story from there into a unique character. If the character doesn't have much to go on like Cheerilee for instance, i yank up one of my "OC bios" that i think would fit them best and work from there. This is one of my more detailed ways i write stories.
Now we're all finally caught up, I'm starting to wonder if watching Rarity get broken is such a good idea... Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to influence the story, but I'm just thinking ahead to the various possible outcomes. The best one I can think of is Rarity ending up giving Scoots the love she failed to get from Rainbow. The idea of Rarity just getting....broken, just isn't sitting so well anymore.
“She'll be just fine sweetheart, Twilight would never do anything to hurt her.” If hitting her in the head with a loose manequin leg is not counted as hurting her, then I don't think I wanna know cheerile's definition of hurting somepony...
On another note I am starting to get annoyed about how easily I get comfused when trying to keep track of what is happening when. "present" Is written in Past Tense, while future is writtened in Present Tense. I can elaborate, but for now I wanna know how Scootaloo will get Rarity sleep with her.
Also, I have no Idea how you did it, but every time I read the word mound just wanna strangle someone. I can not for the love of Celestia figure out how your story made me hate that word with such intoxicating fury. As for the future, here is some alternatives: Nethers, Marehood/FIllyhood, or why not stick to the textbook classic, Genetalias.
Im kind of torn about this fic at this point... I mean Twi is undeniably evil. Even suspending disbelief and going with the tone of the fic that Sweetie and Cheer actually love each other Twilight is still planning on mentally damaging a friend so that she can get things the way she wants them. hell she was even grinning like a loon at the prospect of Rarity being forced to change into a pedophile through prolonged brain washing.
Not to mention that Scoot's story with Dash heaps on evidence that what is going on is wrong and damaging to both parties. Scoots has to live with guilt and Dash is permanently damaged and cant have a healthy life ever again. Basically I cant figure the tone you want. Are you in favor of Cheer and Sweetie and this is a romance fic? or is this a dark fic about lust and twisted love?
I had completely spaced I had promised to help my big sister with her new clothing line this weekend. Couldn't haven picked worse timing to agree to this if I tried.
haven't _____________
“She'll be just fine sweetheart, Twilight would never do anything to hurt her.”
cap. ___________
Forgot to mention it in the last few chapters (too caught up in reading the thing). But Applebloom needs to be fixed to Apple Bloom, and some of your paragraphs need to be broken up. But other than that, I can't tear myself away from this fic, and I'm even more excited to re-read the sequel.
I'm just going to go ahead and favorite/thumbs-up this, cause I know this is going to be good
581545
Thank you!
I must admit that when i began writing this i expected nothing but flames.
So i'm very happy to see so many people loving my work!
584403
Not intentional, but hey if it makes readers enjoy the fic more than more power to em!
584611
When i first start writing a story i start them off with a "Default character" bio template i have storied on my PC. this is usually based off their in show character from the show. I usually devope the character in the story from there into a unique character. If the character doesn't have much to go on like Cheerilee for instance, i yank up one of my "OC bios" that i think would fit them best and work from there. This is one of my more detailed ways i write stories.
Now we're all finally caught up, I'm starting to wonder if watching Rarity get broken is such a good idea...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to influence the story, but I'm just thinking ahead to the various possible outcomes. The best one I can think of is Rarity ending up giving Scoots the love she failed to get from Rainbow. The idea of Rarity just getting....broken, just isn't sitting so well anymore.
584798
Oh I know this but it's like the ONLY exception to my realistic approach to writing.
Holy shit...
I don't know how you are able to do it....
Just.... Wow.....
“She'll be just fine sweetheart, Twilight would never do anything to hurt her.”
If hitting her in the head with a loose manequin leg is not counted as hurting her, then I don't think I wanna know cheerile's definition of hurting somepony...
On another note I am starting to get annoyed about how easily I get comfused when trying to keep track of what is happening when. "present" Is written in Past Tense, while future is writtened in Present Tense. I can elaborate, but for now I wanna know how Scootaloo will get Rarity sleep with her.
Also, I have no Idea how you did it, but every time I read the word mound just wanna strangle someone. I can not for the love of Celestia figure out how your story made me hate that word with such intoxicating fury. As for the future, here is some alternatives: Nethers, Marehood/FIllyhood, or why not stick to the textbook classic, Genetalias.
kikikikiki poor rarity always was the hardest to convince
Im kind of torn about this fic at this point... I mean Twi is undeniably evil. Even suspending disbelief and going with the tone of the fic that Sweetie and Cheer actually love each other Twilight is still planning on mentally damaging a friend so that she can get things the way she wants them. hell she was even grinning like a loon at the prospect of Rarity being forced to change into a pedophile through prolonged brain washing.
Not to mention that Scoot's story with Dash heaps on evidence that what is going on is wrong and damaging to both parties. Scoots has to live with guilt and Dash is permanently damaged and cant have a healthy life ever again. Basically I cant figure the tone you want. Are you in favor of Cheer and Sweetie and this is a romance fic? or is this a dark fic about lust and twisted love?
2500466 twilight isn't evil,she's just a spark(or,to be less polite,a mad genius).
they're pretty crazy,ya know...
haven't
_____________
cap.
___________
Forgot to mention it in the last few chapters (too caught up in reading the thing). But Applebloom needs to be fixed to Apple Bloom, and some of your paragraphs need to be broken up. But other than that, I can't tear myself away from this fic, and I'm even more excited to re-read the sequel.
That last little bit of Scootaloo's monologue was hilarious; "this is gunna be a loooong week"