Ah, so that's where Sombra's line went.

Not going to lie this one was disappointing. It doesn't feel like there was any real progression or closure. Everything just went in a circle and it was pretty dull. There was barely any of Dom Celestia which was sent up to be a big deal at the end of the last one, Fleur becomes more of a Mary Sue by the day and Chrysalis got away without any consequences again. Sorry but this is the first one I didn't like..

5831176 I kind of agree. There was little closure and not alot to go on

5831176 5831457 Well, to be perfectly honest, I agree.

I felt this one going the wrong direction around chapter three, but despite my best efforts, I couldn't right the ship. I didn't want to leave it dead or just say "ignore this one," though. So, I followed through.

It went where I wanted it to go, and conveyed the information and got the characters to the positions I wanted them to be in, but I never felt that sense of satisfaction when I was writing it. I always felt there was something missing from it.

All I can do is ask that you guys forgive me and don't give up when I get around to the next chapter. Though open and honest critiques such as this are ALWAYS welcome, too.

5831812 nahh its ok you had a lot going on if I remember your blog posts right and I'm sure you did your best. No one is going to carry on a perfect streak forever.

5831812 Nah, I keep watching, simple mistake is all!

“Ms Sparkle, are you all right?”

Ms.
_________

“If I hadn’t been her, then….”

here
_____________

On Fluer ... was Eidolon part Fluer (at least her teeth), or did that patchwork crime against nature take over her body? As for the various ships. I think what was missing from Dom Tia is that Tia was trying to be like Luna as far as Dominance, when she's not Luna. She's not forceful, or blunt. She's more subtle, and passive. Ithink she should have explored bondange, and role play. Both of which are more fitting for her nature. Luna's the one who uses Mistress as a title, more physically dominating acts in BDSM. But then again, a sub has all the actual power in BDSM.

Chrysalis, I'm still off on that. A part of her feels like she's (and Celestia) are still under the effects of the Mind Rape tea ... although that can be somewhat harder on them since things that work off of and amplify emotions are harder to deal with after the fact. Since they build off of what's there and crnk it up to 11. Add in Luna's fantasy that caused an even bigger rift between them, and Chrysalis's ego being the size of Alaska Sure as sugar didn't make things any easier.

What fic did Tia and Twilight do it? I forget.

And I look forward to Cadance joining Luna in the sack, as well as maybe a bit more of either Tia + Caddy, or a Princessesly menage a trois.

So, is there going to be a scene with Cadance's "punishment?"

Well now I'm at a loss. This installment of 'Who Rules' has completed and I've finished both Harmonia and Child of Shadows. I can feel the withdrawls kicking in Nom! What do I do!?!?!

5838534 You've read both my books?! YOU DA MAN!!

And I'm working on my next book (not part of the Elan series, but that book is coming after this one--I have at least three more plotted), and I think I'm going to write a pony one-shot story, too. Just something to make me feel better about the pony writing.

Got any suggestions for a pony (non-Who Rules?) story?

5839382
Well it wouldn't be pony but I did have an idea for a silly one shot based on Pinkie trying to figure out what Adagio keeps in her hair. Pinkie just wants a storage hair buddy. Speaking of Pinkie is it appropriate that I read Renarde in her voice? It just feels right.

First of all, seventeen thousand words? I bloody love you. Secondly, this is still marked as incomplete. Is that on purpose? Or did you forget to change it? Because that "THE END" at the end seemed pretty definite.

Poor Fleur... I think. Having perfect teeth suggests that Twilight zapped—wait, where would Coldheart have gone? Twilight does not know where the spell sent Eidolon, so would it have sent Coldheart to the same place? Who taught her the spell? Does Celestia know what would have happened to Coldheart? IF Eidolon was zapped into her Equestrian counterpart, would Coldheart have been zapped into Cadance? Would Trueblood have been zapped into Twilight?

So many questions and so few answers.

~KBO.

5840385 Thanks! The story is now marked as complete.

The "perfect smile" bit was there to make you wonder, actually. That's why I haven't given a clear answer on it. There is a connection between Eidolon/Sombra and Fleur, though. And I'm hoping to explore it in a future story.

5839817 Oddly enough, I was thinking of doing an EQG story, simply because I haven't to date. And I find myself oddly smitten with Sunset Shimmer as of late, so... Definite possibility there.

And Renarde with Pinkie's voice? Hmmm. Never thought about it, but it's certainly not far off (though a little deeper, IMO), so yeah, if you want to imagine her voice that way, I'm good with that.

5840866

Probably because Sunset Shimmer has turned out to be a very sweet girl and a shining example of redemption. I can't even watch the first movie any more because I just can't stand seeing her cruel again.

5833409 Wow. I just realized I didn't answer this. I blame the copious amounts of pollen in the air right now...

ANYWAY... Tia and Twilight first got it on in The Wager, and then again in The Ascended. And yes, there was a lot of stuff that didn't go right with the Luna/Tia and Tia/Chrysalis thing. I just dropped the ball on this one. I apologize.

And of course, thanks for catching the errors. Always appreciated.

And you never know about the Cadance thing...

5833624 My wife has asked me the same question. Multiple times. So...

The door to the chamber slammed against the wall as it was thrust open. All eyes turned to the entrance, and Twilight found her heart suddenly caught up in the middle of her throat.

“Hi there,” Trueblood said calmly. “Sorry about that, but I could hear you on the other side of the door and it seemed like the perfect time to come in.”

i fucking lost it at that part , should change her name to trollblood XD ......

“Who told you to do it?” Twilight asked.

Apple Bloom swallowed visibly. “She calls herself Eidolon, an’ she sent me here to tell you that she’s gonna go free that trapped Empress lady—right now.”

me >OHfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

sigh i must be becoming more aware of the media im consuming , cause i knew that you were going to make it so that Eidolon would need to use twi's body/magic as a vessel to accomplish her goal the instant you had apple bloom say that she wanted twi to be there....

...oh for fucks sakes , now you just made me super fucking depressed for new equestria's Eidolon actually being fleur , i didn't see that one coming at all i just thought Eidolon was another one of coldheart's crazy creations , that's just such a low blow man :'c .....

5831812 i see , well you could always just change this fic when you think of a better way to execute it :l , really to me it just seems like you cut it short for some reason , you established a lot of major plot lines early on/in the previous installment and then discarded , didn't finish , and pushed some of them on to the next installment while letting the now pointless princess banter take up like half of the fic's time.....
if you needed help figuring out where to take things you should have asked us :l .....

5831176 how is fleur a mary sue? the only time she's been present in the story is when she was doing her job , which was to be a vigilantist for the nation , i don't think her being good at that makes her a mary sue....

5847116 5847116 Fleur is a Mary sue because never struggles. Every scene has her in complete control of the situation, never out of her depth even with ancient, immortal rulers of kingdoms and all the princesses spend the time telling her how good and important she is. At no point has anyone won against her or even put up a decent challenge. She is a Sue.

5847058

I'll take that as a yes and be on my merry way!

5847040

I know how that is. Awoke just now thanks to a panic attack inducing allergy attack. At 4:30 in the bucking morning, I really hate Florida weather sometimes.

But yeah, you're welcome for the catches, I really need to read the series to see those two together bumping horseshoes (can't believe I forgot about them ... although I guess it's like Rares and Trixie. When's the last time they've popped up or had any impact in the story?.)

I can't wait to see the next story come out. Until then, take care and good morning.

5847404 I'll agree with you up to a point--and that point being that I have set things up for her for the next story, so I know more about what's going on with Fleur than the reader. So, from your perspective, I agree. From the bigger perspective...well, just wait.

5847717 I'm in Georgia, so we're right there with you, my pollen brother! And I believe I've stated this somewhere in this whole thread before, but Trixie and Rarity are major players in the next book.

5847717 I'm in Georgia, so we're right there with you, my pollen brother! And I believe I've stated this somewhere in this whole thread before, but Trixie and Rarity are major players in the next book.

5847116 Well, I won't rule out the possibility of me going back and reworking this book at some point, if only to make myself feel better with how this worked out.

I am curious, though: what plot points do you feel I did not address in the story? (And I never see the interaction between the princesses as pointless banter... )

5848506

Yes!!!! I am eager to see what they've been up to these last few books. Any idea when it'll be out?

5848616 Woof. Um, no. I'm gonna guess late summer to early fall, but I don't know for certain. I'm gonna do that pony one-shot I mention below, and I'm working on a new novel, plus the whole work/relationship/life thing, so... I am going to do it, I just can't promise a timeline on it.

5848681

Alright. Well best of luck on your projects, and I hope they go well for you.

5847404 well maybe if the princesses were acting something a little more than just moody teenagers she wouldn't be the nanny that's always in control of every situation with them....

but there you go nom confirmed where i knew this was going to head for the next book that we would be seeing some more from fleur in other capacities....

5848512 well there was new dom celestia that never really happened which someone else pointed out
not to mention new sub luna and mega dom chrysalis , we only got 1 scene of that in the previous book
even though it's been mentioned many times it's apparently going to be a really big deal in the next book there's only been 1 instance of this new changeling threat being shown
there was now free reign to move between the parallel words and it was restricted immediately
the court trial which was the only reason twi was staying in new equestria and it was ended before it got anywhere
the new villain served no purpose we can see thus far , but i think you mentioned you wanted it to be ambiguous cause there's going to be more development in the next book , in which case should it be part of the same book then?....
doing something about the new changeling threat was pushed to the next book

could probably think of more later as well....

i thought of the perfect word/way to describe it after i finished the chapter and went to take a shit , by the time i got back i had forgotten how i thought to describe it , but maybe it was something closer to being 'super redundant princess banter'......

.........................
everywhere , halp....

Loved it! Looking forward to the next book. Happy I waited until you finished this before I started reading it.

Great story! Great series overall as well. :)

However, that last line has me questioning a great many things.... along with those being Trueblood and the patchwork mare. Both being mentioned as having perfect smiles... then that last line implying that Fleur has a perfect smile as well.

Hopefully that doesn't mean what I think it does. Otherwise the next story will need to answer quite a few questions.

Anyway, keep up the great work on these! I look forward to the next one. :D

6021840 Thank you! And yes, there was meant to be an implied link there. And yes, more development will happen.

Glad you're enjoying it. Thank you for the kind words.

So, I have now read the entire Who Rules Saga, but ultimately ended up not liking any of it. Huh.
I was looking for a more substantial story featuring Luna and Celestia, but only found a somewhat disjointed mess. Events didn't make sense to me, characters acted unintuitively or seemingly at random, with explanations only ever given when the stories were already over. The main "antagonist", both in the adventure and the romance parts, that was basically mind-controlling/corrupting magic every time, only made things worse. I kept somewhat hoping that the next story would clear things up, but it took me far, far too long to realize I didn't actually enjoy reading it.

6094923 Well, I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy it, but thank you for giving it a try.

5831812
Hey, we all have bad days. Sometimes we write a story we don't like. Sometimes we can't shoot straight to save our lives in a video game. Sometimes we trip and fall in the bathtub.

Ugh, that got long-winded. My point is this: We all screw up sometimes. When that happens, the best you can do is get up and try again. Try to avoid a mistake if you can, but if you make one, then it happens!

On the story itself, I enjoyed it. Not as satisfying as your previous ones, but I did enjoy the read.

I liked it. Th last sentence creeped me out. Poor Fleur.

Chryssie is best princess.

But she should totally get her own stained glass window. And jet changelings in Canterlot, since acting as her guard.

I so want it to turn out at some point that when Fleur thought she was manipulating Chryssie, Chryssie was manipulating her.

Cya
Raziel-chan

just reading the description makes me wonder did you get this idea as a build off from How Twilight Sparkle Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Baddies Cog part V-VI?

Her teeth were perfect.

That was the most disturbing part of this whole series.

It took me almost TWO YEARS to read this installment!

Thanks for the fic!