- Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 25th, 2022
Nom_deCheval
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Nom_deCheval
Joined 5th Mar, 2012 ·
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Nom_deCheval · 73k words · 299 15 · 4.8k views
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A third? I haven't finished the first.
straight..........up............pimpin'
I'm excited. Super excited.
Sex and a more than decent and interesting plot? And here I thought "Romance Reports" was the only one of his kind.
790418
Xenophilia is starting to get pretty good, story wise.
Sophistication and Betrayal is also a good one for sex with a proper story behind it.
Both are really good, just like 'Who Rules?', but they are Human x Pony, so might not be your cup of tea.
Goddammit Goddammit Goddammit Goddammit... Cliffhangers...
Thanks folks. Appreciate the kind words.
Question for all of you: should I add Romance to the tags? There is certainly a level of it here, IMO, I just didn't know if anyone would feel it fit that classification. Feedback on this would be most welcome.
791548 Damn! Thanks.
I LOVE this kind of feedback. It tells me where I'm succeeding and where I need to work to strengthen things. As I act as my own editor I miss some things, and I like--no, I need to have them pointed out to me. I don't feel like you pissed all over the story at all. You were critical, not destructive. There is a difference.
The only question I have regarding your remarks is the formatting towards the end. Are you talking about the Zecora scene? That was formatted to be rhyming couplets, since she speaks that way. Or was it something else?
And you are right, things will develop and explain themselves in time. Some more quickly than others.
Oh, and thanks for the kind complements, too. Those are always good to hear as well.
791679 Huh. I see what you are talking about on the text at the end. That's not the way it looks on my original text, or where I go to edit it on the page. I even reformatted it to try and repair that issue, but it won't fix. That's something odd with the way the site is formatting things.
Oh well. I'm not going to cry over it.
I'm guessing Twilight's unusual hyperactivity was caused by Celestia's horngasm in the last story, right?
Well, as for the story, pretty cool.
Also, I've noticed you use periods instead of commas after dialogues followed by speaking action.
"It's gorgeus." Rarity said. <--- incorrect
"It's gorgeus," Rarity said. <--- correct
You only put a period to end a dialogue if you describe an action or something. If you say something like said, whispered or any speaking verb, you add a comma.
It's not a big deal, but I thought I should let you know.
BUCK YES! MY BODY IS READY!
792656 Thank you! I have no idea why I didn't know that one. But a lesson learned, etc....
Been waiting for this for soooo long! Can't wait for the rest!
Awesome!
Eos damnit i want the next chapter already.
793471
"Such was life in the Everfree Forrest" - should be "Forest"
Trixie's whole conversation with Luna has her randomly switching between refering to herself in the third person and the first person. You explained why she did that with Rarity, but with Luna I can't tell if it's intentional or just a few mistakes.
I also agree with Dirigible that double spacing between the paragraphs would make it easier on the eyes.
You've gotten Fluttershy and Spike down pretty well, she was a bit less soft-spoken than normal but the situation called for it so it works. "I schedule time for relaxation" this is perfect Twilight and it made me laugh.
I don't like how you're trying to fit in pieces of recent episodes. You did it in the last part too. It just feels really forced and doesn't fit with your narrative. If the Chrysalis thing happened months before the start of the series then why wasn't it mentioned until now? Why didn't Twilight visit her brother when she was working as a guard in Canterlot? Surely she would have visited to get some tips. And Where is Princess Cadence in all these activities? It's not needed for the story (you even say that Chrysalis isn't the issue, it's Luna's growing power, probably her victory over Celestia in the first part, and probably Twilight absorbing some of her power) and just seems like you're forcing references for references sake when the story fits much better as a sort of alternate path for the characters rather than a continuation of the show.
Kinda weird that two months have gone by and nothing is really said about the affects it had on Twilight's relationship with the princesses. Other than that I'm liking it. At first it seemed weird that Twilight didn't need sleep when the princesses did, but now that energy isn't running an alicorn, just a regular unicorn. Trixie's motivation for revenge is good and I'm actually on her side a little. You've opened up a great opportunity with Celestia for characterization that was kind of lacking in the last part. Her desire to stay the strongest at all cost so that she can protect those who depend on her, since she is the Ruler at the moment (politically at least).
It was a good start and I enjoyed it. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Also, I think a Romance tag should be added. At the very least because Trixie and Rarity definitely have one, Celestia and Luna too.
802338 Thanks.
The "forest" thing was a stupid error. Thanks for catching it.
As to Trixie: the reason I have her speak that was is simply because that's how she spoke in her episode. I'm just mirroring that. And as to the episode references: I actually try to keep those to a minimum, but since the subject came up it only seemed natural to Luna to reference the Chrysalis thing to me. I'm not trying to force them in, but I am trying to keep them to a minimum.
And I'm experimenting with the double-space between paragraphs in the chapter I'm currently writing to see how it feels to me. If I like it--and so far I kinda do--then I'll go back and reformat chapter one.
Thanks again!
802548
Alright, makes sense.
From my point of view the story was started before any of those episodes aired, so it doesn't have to try and adhere to what they did to the canon. But if that's how you think it should be then go with what you think will make for the best story.
790498
I just can't really get behind bestiality, so I'll pass, hombre.
I've enjoyed everything leading up to this so far and can't wait to see what happens with Trixie next. She isn't a tragic figure, but I do hope she gets some payback for what Luna forced her to do, and the way Celestia tricked her into failing to defeat Twilight. I mean, Celestia, the beloved ruler known for always trying to do what's best for her kingdom and the ponies in it, set Trixie up to fail, So I can see Trixie being pretty jaded about both the sister's by this point. And except when she was lying to Luna in this chapter Trixie hasn't been a major ass, so I'm sympathetic to her.
Aw, yeah!
Trixie betrays Luna for power.
How the hell did the Princess NOT see that coming?
I hope Luna gets rescued...
Defication has hit the oscillation. Good times ahead.
umm i think Nightmare Moon is coming back unless Luna can resist the temptation of her power fed freedom. anyway i wonder what twilight's going to find out? also Celly found scrolls that basically increased her libido that was already high to begin with. i really wonder how twi is gonna deal with all of this?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png aanyway... 'clop clop' you know Zecora's pretty good at this!
"Zecora sat beside her, a brush steady in her /hand/ as she finished tracing a line into the lavender unicorn’s coat."
Maybe hoof?
So many things. Trixie usurped Luna! Oh man. If Luna succumbs to NMM again..Equestria's in for one helluva shitstorm ain't it? Dat Twi x Zecora sex scene.
Cliffhangers are cruel man. But it guarantees I'll be back for the next chapter.
832536 Damn. Thought I caught all of those. Thanks. It's fixed.
And cliffhangers are fun. Builds tension. Creates a good foundation for a shitstorm.
Oh man, the shit just got real!
In-fucking-credible
Can't wait to see more of this, 'Who Rules?' is definitely my favorite series on this site
884018 Wow. Thank you. (New chapter later this week, btw.)
OH, SHIT!!!!!! TRIXIE YOU FUCKIN" SELFCENTERED DUMBASS
To be fair, Trixie was mentally/physically abused by Luna, and has never been portrayed as a totally 'well adjusted' pony.
And now she may well be influenced by an entity that was created using magic that has proven effective at corrupting gods. Not singular, plural. Not sure if Trixie has much of a chance against that influence, though Twilight has hit a few buttons that seem to work. Playing Trixie's vanity against the darker influences may work, though it seems clear she's going down a dark path. Zecora's prophecy for the win.
In her talk with Trixie Twilight basicly proves words hold a lot of power. Especially when spoken at the right time. So go Twilight
damn nmm is free again. hopefully she decides to just cause everyone to have a massive orgy rather than a fight.
cheers bro
Woah. This chapter took the breath out of me. Story is progressing along quite nicely~ Things are happening at a nice pace.
But...
That cliffhanger!!!!!!! Grudihgshdjsgefdggsjsi!!
GODDAMN CLIFFHANGERS!!!QPSOCNDMWRIFHXW29(0?,!1'qlzxnx
Oh and yay!!! I've been waiting for this for so long
:O
Dat plot.
Alright. I'll be the one to say it. The plot thickens.
yay, I am loving where this story is going
dagnabit twi either a your too late or be you screwed up the spell again.
cheers
daym. i love this story.
I find myself rooting for Trixie.
In this story, she is 100% justified in her hatred of everything, sans Rarity.
Oh snap. Evil Celesta sounds so... angry hehe
Will be interesting if you could do alternate endings for each of the "evil" ones winning along with the ending you planned.
958456 Hmmm.... That's an interesting idea. I might have to think about that one.
Thanks!
Holy god shit just got real
958490
Your aware that by ending i mean kinky alicorn sex.
Well sorta kidding , but would be interesting to see the ending, depending on what the goal is of each, all their transformations have something to do with love, NMM started with luna wanting love, Trixie wants love (better said admiration) of others and
Celestia became Solar Flare (like that Evil Celestia name so using it until you pick one lol ) because she wants to protect the ones she loves (and kick ass of the one she blames)
Woah! Three powerful beings that each want to destroy/rule over the others on the loose? Equestria is in for rude awakening. I do wonder where they went..
Not gonna lie, Zecora's last rhyme gave me shivers!
I was smiling through the last couple of paragraphs cause I know something kick ass will happen on the next chapter
The power of a good, nasty fuck can purify even the darkest of hearts.
But I don't think Nightmare Moon is going to be that lucky.
>inb4 orgy to purify everyone
Oh Trixie. How will you save the day?!