I...

I don't know what my emotions are doing, Ill be honest. good read though. Ill give you an up-thumbs and a "Gewd jawb".

Lately ive been reading more and more clop... I'm a little concerned with myself..

I also have no clue what the comment above mine says.

>>251000251000

A) The length of something is not a valid point against the story, unless you're able prove that this story's length somehow works against it.

B) If you can't come up...

C) ...with more negative points...

D) I read this story twice and I still didn't find any over explained points. Could you please point one out to me?

E) ...don't put these in. It makes you look stupid.

F) Says the person who's characterization of Pinkie Pie was non-existent at best, and when it wasn't it was horrible. Those were my thoughts when I read your story which, might I add, has more thumbs down than up. Then again, what do I know... it was too long. I just skimmed it.

The moral of the story is this: Don't go around criticizing other's stories when you have nothing to back your arguments with. ESPECIALLY if one of your stories is a trollfic and your only real one has more thumbs down than up. So don't complain when you honestly don't know what you're talking about. You idiot.

Now about the story:

It was quite nice. It was romantic, well characterized, and you portrayed the connection between Rarity and "me" well. I also like how you managed to portray the connection between Rarity and her friend. She's only there for a while and is gone as soon as she arrived but it doesn't leave you thinking who she was and what she was about. You can figure out all about her quite quickly and clearly.  Well done. The drama was nicely done too. It felt real and it payed off to a heart warming ending. The only negative points I can find are that, while still well done, the sex scenes seem off and the job and the connection to the co-workers of our protagonist is only lightly touched upon. I would have also liked to see more of his backstory. Which was quite subtly put in and it didn't break the flow of the story. But what bothers me is that we slowly start to learn about how he ended up in Equestria, but then it's just dropped. So yeah, I guess Mr. Dashin was somewhat correct in his point about the length being a problem. But instead of being too long, it was too short. The story feels like it's gonna expand on a couple of aspects but then runs out of space/time.

So that's my two cents. You can either take what I said as it is. Or you can count in the fact that it's very late at the time of writing and I'm sleepy as all hell. And maybe tomorrow I wake up and see that your story is a pile of incomprehensible babble and I just imagined the story in and I see that my comment is completely unjustified. (About the story that is. I still think Dashin's an idiot.) But I doubt that.

>>251391251391

Hey, thanks for the feedback, Amppi. It's much appreciated, especially as this is my first piece of 'adult' fiction. This is a work-in-progress story, not a one-shot, so I plan to cover any issues in future chapters.

Let's see here...

-I intend to expand on the roles of both Rarity's friend, and the construction guys, in further chapters. I wanted to just introduce them here, especially Cashmere, because I intend for her to have a large role in the future. You can probably guess her role by her personality...or I would hope, if I wrote it properly. Rest assured, you'll get to know the other characters well enough soon.

-Writing sex scenes is hard, I've come to find out. It's a really delicate thing. As I re-read through this, I'm finding the first scene to be somewhat rushed, and that bugs me. So, look for that to be improved in the future. I didn't want to just...skim over the intimacy, like I've seen a lot of people do. Would you say it was too descriptive, or took too long, or something like that?

-The audience-insert main character's story will, needless to say, be expanded upon. I've always liked dropping the backstory slowly, in pieces, because I think reading a huge chunk of what is, essentially, exposition is kind of tiring. I'm planning out the next chapter as I type this, and I'm going to try and focus primarily on the backstory and the side characters.

I'm relieved that the drama came across well without crossing into melodrama!

For most of this, it was basically myself trying to 'feel out' the story, seeing what works and what doesn't so that I can improve upon those things in future chapters.

Thanks for your constructive criticism, I really appreciate it!

-Dref

>>251000251000

Flat criticism helps no one, bro. Constructive criticism is what helps people improve.

The operative word is 'constructive' here.

I am reading this simply because your description made me laugh my arse off. Thank you for that ^_^

Strange... Looks like this Fic can't decide if it's a humanised story, a HiE story or a regular romance/ clop story. This makes for some odd reading. For example, first we get this line: "She grasps your head in her hooves and turns you to face her". A few lines later we get this: "Pulling back and letting her arms rest on your shoulders". I'm sorry, I wasn't aware ponies had arms. I thought they possessed forelegs. This confusion tends to ruin the immersion of what would otherwise be a great story.

>>251489251489

It's wonderful to hear that my criticism can be of use. It's also wonderful to know that things will be expanded upon in future chapters. What I initially meant was that the backstory tidbits and characters really left me wanting to read and learn more about them. This is a good thing, and means you managed to make the story very captivating. And you wrote the character of Cashmere perfectly. The character feels very real and flows into the story.

The sex wasn't over descriptive or anything, it was just fine. I just think it's missing this feel to it. I guess "intimacy" is the best word I can come up with to describe it. I'm not saying that you skimmed over any of it or anything. I'm saying that it's still missing something. It's missing a bit of the connection between rarity and our protagonist that can be seen in other scenes. The sex isn't too long and it doesn't drag on or anything. So good job on that.

The drama as I said, is done very well. It feels very real and it flows into the story perfectly. The drama sucks you into the story well enough that you can feel the weight of the air as our protagonist contemplates his actions. Same goes for the romance. And the connection. etc.

So yeah, the story is wonderful and I can't wait see more. Keep up the great work.

This actually my first time writing criticism, let alone constructive at that. So I hope I managed to get my opinions across in this one as well as the previos one.

>>251529251529

Heya Bloodpool, I must confess to that part being a result of indecision. Do you describe their front legs as "arms", since they use them to manipulate things, or forelegs? I actually changed those two words around a lot. In the future, I'll stick with "forelegs". Sorry for the confusion!

>>251524251524

Thanks! I'm going to try and keep descriptions light-hearted and silly, because, honestly, a story about romantic ponies is silly. Might as well have fun with it!

>>251595251595

You are indeed helpful, so don't worry about it. Trying to get that 'intimate' feeling is proving to be quite a challenge. I thought I'd written the scenes with a good amount of intimacy, especially the second one at the end of the story, but that's something I'll try to fix. That was actually the primary goal of that scene near the end, and I tried to convey the intimacy and emotion of it. Failing to get that across fully irks me a bit. I may have to revisit it.

I'm hoping that Rarity, as I've written her, is sufficiently in-character. I think some people expect her to be this hoity-toity personality all the time, but as we've seen in the show, she's very caring and considerate when she wants to be. To me, she seems like she'd be a very intimate and frank person (or rather, pony) to be around, a little more laid-back than she outwardly appears, at least in the context of a relationship.

So, yeah, thanks again. You're a big help!

I normally don't approve of this kind of stuff but damnit I approve of this

Also, that was beautiful and well written. You held true to your descriptions claim, and you should be proud ^_^

>>252323252323

>>252553252553

Thanks, guys! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Nowhere to go but up from here.

Nice to know I can be of help.

If I may expand upon my original opinion about the sex now that I've slept and re-read the last scene, I think why it feels like it's missing something is that, while the foreplay is just nice and you can feel the connection, the sex itself in the last scene is brief and over slightly too quickly. So it's sorta abrupt. Then again, I'm no expert. I don't want my opinions taken too seriously, only as somewhat helpful advice. Don't wanna be the reason of ruining a story. So it's just fine, all tough might need a bit of work.

As far as the character o rarity goes, I have to agree with you. So in my opinion, your characterization of her is just perfect.

>>251603251603 Personally, I tend to use the term "forelegs". Ponies aren't bipedal: they walk with all four limbs on the ground, thus lending more weight to the theory that they have forelegs and not arms. I belive that an organism only posseses arms if it does not use the same apendages to walk.

And by the way, I find the sex scenes a little too graphic; I don't have a problem with that, but they seem like you've just pulled them from a regular clopfic, which makes them less erotic and just plain awkward. In books, particulary romance novels, sex scenes usally center on the feelings and emotions of the charecters rather than the physical act.

>>254842254842

I see what you're saying with the sex scenes. I think it's just a matter of personal preference on things like that. Personally, descriptive scenes in fics have never bothered me, but I can see how they could do so with some people. I think when I first started writing this fic, I was going for "a clopfic with a story in it", but after feedback, and spending (no joke) five hours writing part of the second chapter last night, it's really become more like "a story with a clopfic in it". While I don't plan on cutting out descriptions entirely --after all, let's be honest, quite a few people are reading stories like this for the sex-- I do plan on making them more infrequent and more emotional, so that when they do happen, they have a greater impact.

I'm being long-winded again, so I'll cut it off here. Thanks for the feedback!

>>255012255012 I agree with you: as with most things, it simply comes down to a matter of personal taste in the end.

drama lol i rly enjoyed reading this and not just as another clopfic

hope to read moar soon

Ho-ly shit. Probably one of the best clop fics I've ever read so far. I've always been a sucker for 2nd person, so that drew me right in. I just hope the one I'm writing can stack up.

First! I'm really liking this I love the long chapters.

What a wonderful chapter to accompany the other wonderful chapter. Once again, I gotta point out how well you've portrayed everything. From Rarity to the town itself, everything has greatly written character and natural flow. Not really much to say here, since all the good points that I mentioned in the last chapter are present here. Many things are also improved upon. In the last chapter I mentioned how it felt like the story didn't get to explain everything and thus, felt too short. Well, that has been replaced with a perfect overall pace and a satisfying ending to this chapter. And I love how the characters are given more... well... character. They seem a lot more 3 dimensional and organic. Everything feels real and natural. the romance and the connection between Rarity and the protagonist is ever present and very apparent from the interactions between them. The connection and the past between Rarity and Cashmere was very well expanded upon too, feeling real and believable. I could go on, but I would just end up repeating myself about the characters and how fun it is to see more backstory and depth. Yeah, that's the word. Depth. So much of this story has great depth. So, yeah. This chapter's great and works just as well without the sex, which is always a plus . Keep up the good work and if there's anything you want critique of, let me now. Can't wait for the next one.

>>277865277865

Thanks! They take a while to write, but in the end they're worth it.

>>277949277949

Heya Amppi, always good to heard your thoughts. I'm ecstatic that you thought the chapter was done well, I was really trying to tighten up my writing and work on characterization. It would seem I've done a pretty decent job! Hooray! Thanks once again for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

Now to figure out where to go from here...

excellent looking forward to future installments i hope there's going to be more back story to the relationship like the beginning of this chapter

>>279657279657

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that question. Anyway, I just remembered something I forgot to mention last time.  I forgot to mention that the date (as in, the one behind the picture in the box) is also interestingly done. And that's a great thing. Just wanted to put that out there.

>>282354282354

What question? It was a rhetorical "well, what do I do now", as in, I'm trying to figure out where to take the story now.

I'm glad someone noticed the date thing! I've been neck-deep in Skyrim for a few months now, and I really liked how their date system is separated into Eras (or is it Empires?), so I copied it over with a small change.

>>282635282635

Sorry. I'm not too good with rhetorical questions.

I think it's Emipres in skyrim. But it should be Eras in Equestria, since the rulers never actually chance regularly... Or something. I'm not sure.

Also, if you're in need of a pre-reader or any other form of help, I'd be glad to assist in any way I can.

That's a lot longer than I expected! How wonderful. More reading material this time.

Anyway, once again it's great seeing you expand upon the world they're in. With the characterization of Canterlot you've given, the world has a lot more depth. I also like the ever expanding character of Pipe, with us this time seeing more detail on his relationship with his missus. Not much else to say here, the same good points I have mentioned earlier being either as good or better in this. Although I must say that I like how you did the argument. Very well written. You're gonna start getting more detailed comments when the heat and drama increases, giving me more things to work with. Keep up the stellar work! Always looking forward to it!

I love long chapters! I actually really really like the flashbacks to his arrival. They're like a tease because I want to know the whole story.

Ooooh. I like it.

More flashback background info and some hot, steamy Human x Pony love.

Also, yay for cursing ponies!

once again an amazing Chapter and what a good chapter it is. I love this story, not because of the clop, but because of the expert writing. Well done and I can only hope to Read another chapter soon.

Edit:I have just seen the word count, I did not even realise how many words were in that chapter, it did not feel like there was that many. Again well done such an entertaining story.

>>309112309112

Hello once again, Amppi! I'm glad you've enjoyed this chapter, and I'm glad you mentioned Canterlot. Part of my goal with this story is making the world "you" and Rarity live in feel like it's a real place. Too many stories focus on just one place, or, with clopfics, the bedroom. I've always found that boring. There's a whole world out there, might as well explore it. Also, I'm happy to see that the argument was well-written. Like all writers, I am my own worst critic, and I'm always thinking "I don't know if this is good enough", so it's nice to see things play out like I was hoping.

>>309117309117

Thank you! Deciding whether or not to just "exposition dump" the protagonist's back story has been a recurring question, but I like doling it out piecemeal like this. Just another thing to keep people hooked.

>>309217309217

Fuck yeah, cursing ponies! Always fun to write, and read.

Steamy pony love is the best kind of pony love. Always wanted to try my hand at writing spur-of-the-moment stuff like that, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

>>309620309620

Thanks, Shadow. I try to make every chapter accomplish something and progress the story. I'll be taking a day off from writing, but I intend to start back up on Monday. Hopefully with a chapter that's just a wee bit shorter. They're fun to read, but good Celestia, they take FOREVER to write.

You guys are awesome, thanks for reading my story! I appreciate each and every reader I get, believe me.

been waiting for this great chapter

take that cash ya bitch

"So tell me...Cashmere..."

She has her mouth achingly close, teasingly hovering just above her cheek.

"...how many ponies here tonight are wearing your designs?"

---

Game, set, match: Rarity.

Daww, that was beautiful Your characterization in this chapter (even moreso than the previous two) is top notch :D Everyone feels alive and relatable. I particularly loved his reaction to waking up in the hospital, since many of the fics glass over the "OHSHIT" moment that would go through someones head in that situation. You're right, doing it in pieces is the best way to go, no matter how antagonizing it is to wait for the update for more. Their take down of Cashmere was absolutely brilliant. I'm a bit surprised Rarity didn't mention the "elements of harmony, took down two Gods, held her own with two dragons, friends with the princesses, might actually design something for them at some point" aspects of her recent life. Seems that being on a regular talking basis with Celestia would be a nice blow to strike. Anyway, Well structured, hints of psychological warfare, even a bit of understanding Cash's mind. Write on good sir, we all await more

>>309818309818

>>310051310051

You have no idea how long I was sitting here trying to come up with a good line for that, lol. And it worked out! Hooray! Writing the dialog between Rarity and Cashmere is a ton of fun, it's become my favorite thing to try and come up with. Writing two women in a catfight, while still maintaining their air of civility (more or less) is great fun.

>>310292310292

Howdy, Bridge. I actually rewrote that opening a few times, because I wanted to convey that "oh shit!" kind of moment. I mean, really...if you woke up in a hospital surrounded by talking, brightly-colored ponies, wouldn't you be a little freaked out? I know I sure would.

I didn't mention the elements or their adventures or what-not because, so far, the drama between the two of them has been business-related. Doesn't mean I can't keep it stored away for later use, though

Heh, I think you nailed it pretty well :)

Gotcha :) I can see it now: "Oh, you've got a nice bit of business I see Cashmere. I'll leave you to it then, Princess Celestia is waiting for me to design something for her, and you just can't keep royalty waiting... too long."

Cashmere: @_@

As always, very good...

(Anyone else hate the word 'babe' as much as I do?)

>>311375311375

Well, it's a pretty common word when used between couples, and I think it adds a bit of realism to the relationship. As is, I try to vary the little pet-names as much as possible, but there's only so many you can use. I end up using pet names more than I usually would for a story, mostly because I'm avoiding using a name for the audience-insert protagonist.

>>311897311897

Yeah, I know. I still really enjoyed it. That's just a little quirk of mine.

What about darling?

It's a TRAGEDY how little darling has been used! How un-lady-like!

>>311910311910

Ha, funny you should mention it, I always feel like I'm using "darling" too much, since it is kinda Rarity's signature word in the show. Again, I try to vary the usage, because reading the same thing over and over would get boring.

Glad you enjoyed the story, though!

You cant imagine how hard  it is to read  fanfic, let alone a clopfic, with your loved ones very close by. I squee'd twice quite loudly which almost tipped them off. I think I made it worse when I tried to hide it...

Anyway the first was the FO:E reference with the Sparkle~Cola and the second was that little exchange with 'Cash'. I've long since gotten over the whole "feeling feelings from smutfics is wrong" stage and I really hope to see this continue. Not a lot of critisizms either just keep it up!

>>312615312615

Hahaha, I'm glad someone caught the FO:E Reference! I freakin' love that fanfic so much, it's unbelievable. Thanks for the encouragement, I'm gonna start on chapter four tomorrow!

I made an account just to comment on this story. This story is outright AWESOME, and I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Keep up the great work!

>>316768316768

I appreciate that, Kip. I know I'm filling up the comments section with my own, uh, comments, but I only do so because I'm absolutely overjoyed any time I get a comment on my story. I'm starting work on chapter 4 tonight, should be a good one. Hopefully!

Absolutely incredible beginning, that is what tips me off to if this is king to be a good story or not, but the chapter lengths are kind of annoying because I'm on mobile so if I get a text I have to leave the page and lose my spot, course instead of waking in the bed it would have been cool if he woke on a beach and the story developed from there

>>317397317397

Well, that's part of the narrative. The backstory is revealed a bit at a time. If the opening memory went straight into the protagonist lying on the beach (or rather, near the edge of the Everfree Forest), then that would defeat the purpose. Besides, at this point in the story, the protagonist's story has passed the initial incident and has moved to the start of his life in Equestria.

Which will, of course, be expanded upon in this chapter.

OK not only did my face light up with a big grin at the doctor who reference (my favorite show ever) but the story itself is amazing, I could not just skim this one over, I was to drawn in, I can see now that this will probably become my favorite story (or very close to favorite)

Jesus, this chapter had half the views of the first, I guess people really only care about the clop

>>318532318532

Give it time, it's only been out a few days, and the initial chapter has been out about three weeks now. There's always the people who read the first chapter and don't read the others, no big deal. I mean, you like the new chapter, right? I keep writing this story for the people who enjoy it, so no worries.

I just realized I forgot to indent the third chapter. Derp.

Quick fix, at least.

>>318971318971 I love this story, the clop almost seems like a bonus, definitely interested in the backstory in the later chapters considering I just finished the first 3 chapters and am hooked on this story to the end

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

i liked the story enough to throw a dress on rarity and ask you if this was kinda what she was wearing meh i threw on a random pic i found off google

<script src='http://img831.imageshack.us/shareable/?i=throwntogetherv1.png&p=tl' type='text/javascript'></script><noscript>

Image: http://img831.imageshack.us/img831/9690/throwntogetherv1.png

>>326101326101

You know, I actually had an image of it in my head when I was coming up with it, and that's a pretty good guess, lol. I may just try and create it from that image...

Nice job.  Very few errors, and over all a great story.  Not normally my cup o' tea (HA!), but I approve of this.

This is just amazing! Its times like this when I wish I could write my thoughts. Sadly I'm not very good at that. You are now my 3rd favorite author! I nearly jizzed when I noticed the FOE reference! I love that story so much! Keep it up I'm hooked!

The plot THICKENS...  Great chapter!  Onto the next one!

That was simply AWESOME.  I need MOAR.  Keep up the fantastic work.

>>326499326499

>>326640326640

Thanks, guys! I'm half way through chapter 4 right now, and it's going to be heavy on the Cashmere/Rarity interactions, so you can look forward to that. I wonder how many times I can say "I'm glad you're enjoying my story" before someone tells me to stop saying that...

>>326101326101

Heya, Razz. I featured you in a blog post! Woo!

Image: http://dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133185383208.png

>>327939327939

awesome really like the ribbons (took me about 30 minutes to vector this as i read this... at 4AM ) sex aside this is a really awesome story keep it going!

I am really enjoying this story. Keep up the good work

I just read the last chapter and it was simply amazing. Excellent work!

Now I need moar. MOAR!

4 AND 5!? WOOT! You are amazing!

An easy fix would be if rarity got the princess to say she prefers raritys wares

fantastic

I ever tell you I love you,Dre?

So fluttershy realized she was a lesbian?interesting,interesting...

>>351350351350

No, no, not quite. It's complicated, and I'll be expanding on it further in later chapters, but for now Rarity is basically just trying to help her get her self-confidence going. It, uh, just so happens that I happen to like the Rarishy ship. No relation, I assure you...:*cough cough*

>>351339351339

I love you too, Sig. What can I say? I have that effect on people.

aww poor Rarity

(total rip off south park witch I ) "how about a courtesy lick next time you decide to FUCK ME!" damn that musta hurt

Damn, was hoping for a threesome in this chapter. Oh well maybe in a later one.

this part is awesome Fluttershy is best

but this is a great set up i wonder how this whole situation is going to work out

possible threesome ... hey a pony can dream

Yeah for some reason I thought there would be a threesome... But that cant be right... ANYWAY! Freaking excellent double update, Fluttershys part was the best in this one throwing out that Bch... Finally read it after me slacking all day, well worth the wait! Eagerly awaiting more.

"Hmmm...how to explain. Well, every unicorn has inherent magical powers, though the strength and ability of said magic varies from pony to pony. Basically, there's a magical circuit that runs from the base of the spine all the way to the brain, then up to tip of the horn. Think of it as another nervous system. When a unicorn wants to use his or her magic, like so," he lifts the glass from your hand, rotating it in mid air, "the magical circuit detects the impulses sent by the brain, and focuses the magical energy inherent in the world through the conduit of the horn."

"Like the Force?"

Hahaha! i havent laughed that hard in a while nice one. <3 your work.

*Rarity kisses Fluttershy*

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw986_medium.jpg

"What, you mean Elephant Excretions?" i pissed myself laughing. Excellent work! Keep it up.

>>352109352109

>>352199352199

>>352569352569

I'm sensing a pattern here...

No threesome for this chapter (or two chapters, rather), I'm afraid, I was just introducing the side-story. I always like to give a reason for what happens in the story; whereas most pseudo-clopfics are like "here's a few characters yada yada AND THEN THEY FUCKED. THE END.", I like to give a set-up for it. Then when it does happen, you feel something about it.

You know, besides that feeling. Just sayin'.

Not to say that it can't happen, of course...I'd just like to build up for it.

Everyone knows the best release is the one that you've been waiting for

>>352721352721 *Reading your post* Yeah totaly agree, there are to many of those out there, and not enough storys with a actual plot... Though I am tracking about 200ish fics, half of which are non-sense.

*Scrolls down* "Not to say it can't happen" eh? My Jedi senses proove usef-

*Looks at last line* No comment.

D'awww! Poor fluttershy! Can't imagine how freaked out she must be, but at the same time comforted, a tad drunk, and most likely a little... excited. And on top of the days emotions... Geez

Okay, two chapters... I'm prepared to let my review/praise gland run out of liquefied verbal excretions. Hopefully you haven't gotten bored of my comments quite yet!

So anyway, the drama in chapter 4 was excellently done. It has improved a lot from the first time we had drama in this and it feels a lot more involving.

The romance and connections have stayed in their position of 'very great', I'm still waiting for some Rarity vs. Cashmere super-drama to comment on.

I also like how you did Cheerilee's dialogue.

Same goes for Fluttershy. And speaking of Fluttershy... I didn't see that coming. That side plot came totally out of the left field... And believe me, when you manage to create a scene that NOBODY sees coming, and still have it feel completely natural without it disrupting the story at all, you KNOW you've done a great job.

With just 5 chapters you've already come up as my favorite artist on this site. Keep up the exquisite work.

With this chapter being my favorite so far, I can't wait for the next one.

>>353154353154

>I'm prepared to let my review/praise gland run out of liquefied verbal excretions

That's dedication, right there. Dedication of a possibly sticky nature, but dedication none-the-less!

Good to know the drama between characters is being done properly, that's always my biggest concern. Trying to, say, have an argument without it coming across as cliche is always a challenge. I'll have a big Rarity vs Cashmere Rumble In The Jungle (or fashion store, whatever) soon enough. Currently planning out the next chapter.

So yeah, the Fluttershy thing...I think I rewrote that scene a good five or six times before I was happy with it. As I said in another comment, it's something I've wanted to include since I first started writing this story, but I forced myself to be patient about it and only put it in when it felt appropriate to do so. I'm glad to see it worked! With the protagonist's back story mostly complete (though there's details here and there I'll expand upon), I wanted to introduce a secondary story line. Hence, Rarity and Fluttershy having that moment together. Just from the show, it always seemed to me that Rarity and Fluttershy would be a good match; they're always spending time together, and they seem to have a history that goes a ways back. So, shipping goggles on, I'm gonna see where I can take it from here.

Always appreciate your feedback, Amppi!

Well, that was an awesome chapter!  YAY for awkward relationships between main characters!  Can't wait for the next update.

Man, this story REALLY connects you to Rarity so well.  Thank you.  And to Cashmere - I WILL END YOU.

>>360649360649

Thanks for the kind words, Patrick. That's exactly what I've been going for! I'm working on the sixth chapter as I type this, I think you guys will enjoy it when it's finished.

>>352847352847

That was too cute for words.  (That shipping is the best.)

(I got mugged at knifed point and now recovering from a few cuts here and there and I had some free time) I was bored waiting so I made Cashmere

My dA account.

you like?

Image: http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/4219/cashmerev1.png

>>365178365178

You made that? Really?

Holy Celestia, that's amazing! That's way better than what I could have made. Definitely what I pictured Cashmere looking like, I love the expression on her face. Thanks, Razz!

Did you really get mugged at knife point? Wow. Crazy, man. At least you're okay.

>>366743366743

yes indeed

took me few days (Time taken about 18 hours) I just Had to give her a smug look

meh I live in the ghetto kinda not the 1st time its happend only a knife came up this time im fine

also I just wanna talk about the manticore(elephant?) in the room......

>>365178365178 her horn looks kinda small doesn't it?

>>370732370732

ya I'm better at wings and blank manes this was my first unicorn so use to doing earth ponies and such but if you remember in the story "her horn barely pokes out from between her bouncy head of hair"

>>370732370732

>>370847370847

Well that's because of her hair being so poofy, not because her horn is small. Still, if you imagine the horn as being mostly obscured by her hair, then it looks fine. Besides, it's a minor detail, I think it looks great. It's my desktop image

Quality writing there, like the previous chapters. Haven't got myself into the next chapters yet, but I bet they're going to be as good as the previous ones.  

Also, I have to mention this. The sex part, while it was quite intense for my tastes, it still brought up that both of these characters really love each other, the thing which I seem to always either forget or miss in other these kind of fics. I pondered this scene through after I finished reading, and I had that "funny" feeling while doing so.

I seriously hope that you're going to write more after you've finished this one

>>372564372564

Thanks for the kind words, Romuluzz. Nice choice of avatar pic there, too, lol.

I think my story gets better as it goes on; the early chapters, especially the first chapter were just my attempt to get a 'feel' down for this story. Kind of a "throw it at the wall and see what sticks" sort of situation.

Writing something as intimate as a sex scene always proves challenging, but it really was something I wanted to include from the start. As I've said before, there are so many stories out there that just turn sex into this...routine. You know what I mean? It's like "Part A goes into Part B", like you're reading Ikea instructions. There's no emotion there, there's no reason for it to be happening, it's just there. I like to spread any sex scenes out, so that they're not a constant thing, and so that when they do happen, you really feel for the characters. I think I did that especially well in later chapters.

And yes, once I finish this story (whenever that is, lol) I plan on writing many more, with all kinds of narrative styles and kinds of stories. So, we'll see where it goes from here!

This is wonderful. So much... suspense! Both for the plot of the story, and the more intimate parts!!!!

Can't wait for more!!!!

I read this story to this song and I won't lie. I feel dirty.

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/342/129969639840.gif

>>374953374953

I take it you mean you had this song in your head, probably during the 'grand opening' scene? I love Deadmau5, I had to give him a shout-out.

>>376128376128 wow i feel like an idiot. the post has been corrected!

>>376128376128

Y U NO Gimme i coolor! didn't know what to give him for eye color so i gave him a "I am disappoint"

ENJOY!

Image: http://img814.imageshack.us/img814/8706/pipewrenchvis1.png