She may look like an ordinary wolf..... but as the tale unfurls, there is more bark to this bite than the eye tells.
Chapters (11)
- Member Since 18th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2019
RustyKat
Losing my mind, and proud of it!
RustyKat
Joined 18th Jul, 2013 ·
Offline
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I like it.
Interesting. Let's see where this goes shall we
Before I read this, three things. One, if you want to tell me you have a new story, PM me. Two, 'But if we' instead of 'But we' for your description. Three: most people will tell you not to use emoticons in story or description except in the case of a troll fic.
5594041 well...... I had to tell other people about the difference between Rusty and her crazy persona Miss Rusty.
So, um, this is a thing. A thing I don't like. Sigh. Where do I begin?
Well, I suppose I need to start with the most notorious comment on this site; get an editor! Good god is the grammar and writing atrocious. Words are missing, whole lines don't make sense, and some even repeat what has already been said before. It is very distracting and I kept sighing through out the story as I had to piece together what you meant. Final note for this part is that your descriptions aren't a part of the narrative, they're just there. They feel unnatural and throw off the immersion more then just about any other writing flaw you have here.
Next, and I know this is to establish your own interesting OCs, but this is fairly try hard. Te strange looks, the attempts at making them mysterious and possibly hated. It all just feels forced and awkward for me. Then comes the dragon that attacks them. Again, this feels try hard, especially with the bit of comedy. If he is so worried about this kid, why is he engaging in combat? Why can't he just walk through the forest that I'm guessing has to surround their house, otherwise people might see them? It feels like padding and just kind of stupid without setting up a true relationship between our main character's parents. They're still just kind of these things we got a glimpse of, but not much more.
My last note is pure nitpick. Why does he transform in town? Even if no one was in that street, I'm pretty sure someone would have seen the dragon flying into the sky.
5594129 You got several points there.
One...... this ended up on paper before I thought about it. Never was too good at grammar. ....if you can't understand my storyline....... I'll re-write the entire thing.
This has never happened before. Yes... I know the storyline is total poop.
These changes won't happen right away because I'm currently writing the next chapter.....
But i'll notify you when the changes are made. Thank you for your.... interesting Critism.
Second, that is his territory, and he did not see Crystal until Rhinestone said something.
Third......... you have a point. Never thought about that.
5594150 I would definitely get an editor Black.
5594157 yes... I have three on paw that can help me.
I finally got around to this one and... you mis-spelled fuchsia.
5652440
mooore!
aww isn't lil Rusty so cute
Rhinestone is chuck norris
i would put another space between those two lines if i were you since we go from 2 characters to two others
apart from that nice chapter
5957507 done!
lil rusty is just adorable
by the way while i'm at it, here's just a little thing to correct
Hmmhmmm.
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