• Member Since 18th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2019

RustyKat


Losing my mind, and proud of it!

Comments ( 15 )
Comment posted by Nocturnal Derp deleted Apr 20th, 2016

I really like this. Lots of feels.

Much better

windy, cold day

People say cold, windy for a reason. Flows better.

Dark pitch-black

Redundant. Remove one.

in the only shade she could.... a small cave under a tree

Shelter instead of shade, and how is there a cave beneath a tree, or if the tree is in front of the cave, why do we need to know about the tree?

I wish I hadn't left from the town to

remove from the

most deepest

remove most

I don't like it. You're trying too hard to be descriptive and adding a lot of words that aren't necessary. All of those corrections were from the first paragraph, and that wasn't it. Past that, I just don't like it. It is forced and I honestly feel nothing for this mare who did this to herself.

5628082 it's good for a first write.:ajbemused: Once published, then I look for editors. Don't judge me.... most of the time I'm at work and my imagination gets WAY out of control.

Good start, have a favourite. :pinkiehappy:

It's definitely likeable, but it's just not the sort of thing I go for.

Like, no fave.

Spooky. I like. Hope to see more.
The grammar wasn't really an issue for me here. I actually write the same way, focused nearly fully on what is going on that I make small mistakes and even big ones before I realize I made them. I'm liking how there isn't any character name here... leads a lot up to imagination and even mystery.

5628093 I'm not judging you for this, because I write like that too. :twilightsheepish:

I got the chills

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