That was sexual assault, plain and simple.

YECHHH.

Thiss was a great read, I'm just sad Its over.

5537614 Well hopefully we'll have a sequel, but since it was a roleplay I don't think it'll be the same, initially I tried to make a little more alone, I failed; this is a partnered story and it fails if only one carry's it. But HP (As I call him :3) is a massive rper so we should see a sequel.

Also glad you enjoyed it, means a lot. :)

This was a really good story, the best MLP-fanfic about lamias I've read so far actually (and I've read quite a few already). I like how you're always trying out something different in each chapter.
There's a lot of small mistakes though, so you should definatelly find someone to proofread these before you release them.
Also, you didn't tie up all the loose ends (yeah, I know it's based off of a roleplay, but still), so I hope you'll make a sequel eventually.

5696588 Hopefully we will make a sequel, but a good story always leaves people wondering.

As for proofreading, I do it myself and I'll hopefully get better at spotting the mistakes, thanks. :)

..., he smirked at Lemon as he worked his tail around her.
...Lilly scared him more than a hydra ever could.
...but he was attacked by some unknown assailant.
“No…” was all she uttered before Straw gave in, ...
“So, what do you want her to do?” Pine asked again, ...
... and Pine mentally sent instructions to Straw on what to do, ...
..., but they were very… submissive to it.
Pine pushed Straw gently off his still erect member and looked to Lemon, who ...
... though, based on what she had heard in her trance, it seemed like he/she (not really sure) had something else in mind.
She had given Pine a chance, and he ...
Lemon took the moment to kiss Pine deeply as she rode back down form her high, ...
..., but feeling their little hair (not sure) flutter against his tail was an amazing feeling, ...
Then again, he could get away with all by (not sure) using hypnosis on Lemon.
Straw especially enjoyed the lamia tightening around ...
..., I want you to put as much effort into resisting as you can.
Let me lift you off the ground, support your weight.
All you have to do is lean into it and ...
..., able to support her h weight now without worrying about ...
... , let my hypnosis take your mind and let your worries just wash away.
She couldn't resist Master Pine; he was everything that mattered.

Hope this helps a little

5697965 Dayum... You sir are thorough... Also, that's a lot of mistakes! O_O

Did you fix them or are you pointing out what needs fixing?

snake-pony yay i love snake-ponies. great story btw

5882224 Thank you glad you liked it! :)

This was a great read. I hope you plan to do a sequel as it was great. And don't smartphones have spell check?

5922905 I'm British might be spelt different here than where you live. Also, glad you liked it :)

5935510 Well I'm from Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean and in school I learnt both American and British spelling of words, so I might change between the two without realising I did. Makes sense right?

5935510 I'm also looking forward to you continuing this in another of your stories. Just put it in the header that it is a cross-over between this story and your other story/stories.

great read
fun fact: this is my first clop related fanfic to fav.
I don't usually like clops, but this one was too good to not fav.

5961818 Thanks.

6092259 Hopefully I'll find time, thanks for pointing this out for me, but I got a lot of stuff to do first so it may take awhile, ^_^'

this might be an old story, but u left a loose end in it, Lilly is still at large and will likely still try something, be it foolish or not. while u did avoid a 'Chekovs Gun' scenario, it was not to the extent it could have been, not unless it was going to be addressed in a future story regarding Lilly and her apparent obsession with revenge

6467613 That was kinda the idea with the rp, leave something for people to think and imagine for themselves, we'll see Pine and Lemon again, but I don't think I'll be doing a conclusion to this, it was an rp and if I do a sequel I'd like it to be an rp turned into a story still. :)

Can you do a sequel it would be a really good time to do it