It feels like it's missing some punctuation in quite a few places, but I actually quite like this lamia entry. You've got a good story going; it's just a little rough around the edges.

Just looking at the entrance caused her bright yellow mane to stand on end in fear, this place was not natural. She brushed her light blue mane nervously

First paragraph... And you already got the color switched. Is it supposed to be "Just looking at the entrance caused her bright yellow coat/fur to stand on end in fear, this place was not natural."

Just trying to help.

looking at the entrance caused her bright yellow mane to stand on end in fear, this place was not natural. She brushed her light blue mane nervously, her light purple eyes darting around.

Does she have a yellow mane or a blue mane?

Lemon jumped into the air with surprise letting off an adorable. (——

the mysterious creature dragged her across the cool ground towards him. (——

but the mare didn’t need to know that detail. (——

but she felt if he’d wanted to kill her he’d have done so already. (——

“O-okay sure...” Lemon said, as her eyes danced across this lamia’s sinuous form. (——

“Do you have a name?” she asked, admiring how light danced across his scales and noticing how smooth and cool the scaly tail around her hind legs had been now she wasn’t in impending danger. (——

“Oh I’m Pine Wood, two words, and you are?” Pine asked gesturing with a hoof. (——

“I’m Lemon Glaze,” Lemon said with a slight polite nod “I make ceramics in the town nearby. It’s the big reason I need this flower. It’s a pleasure Mr. Wood.” Lemon said politely, relaxing slightly this Pine Wood fellow seemed alright, except for the gigantic snake tail. (——

“Sure follow me... And please don’t call me Mr. Wood, makes me feel old, (——” Pine said light heartedly trying to mask the blush on his face, she was polite.

tunnel that slopped at the start at a dangerous angle.(——

As Lemon walked, she couldn’t tear her eyes off of Pine’s swerving form.

held out his hoof (Which made her think of a noble knight helping a fallen lady in a story book) that Lemon’s trance was broken. (——

He was imagining it no way she was...why was she staring at him like that?(——

Pine’s massive serpentine body made things even closer than Lemon was comfortable with. (——

like fresh cut lemons, Pine shook his head refusing to get distracted again. (——

“Just hypnotise her now, she wouldn’t be able to see anything but my eyes... JUST DO IT!” Pine thought but he didn’t even turn his head. (——

though he could still find prey it was just a little awkward doing so. (——

Lemon said turning to her guide and smiling. (——

“My mother always told me to never judge a book by its cover, and I suppose that applies to ponies as well, even if they are giant half-snake creatures” Lemon’s eyes once more drifted to the distance. (——

Oh for crying out loud!! How many periods did you forget to put in after each sentence!!?

“Yes I live here. Anyway, follow me we’ll have a look around,” Pine said inwardly thinking. (——

“Hypnotise her, she’ll enjoy it... whether she wants too or not.” Pine tapped his hooves on the ground. (——

She momentarily forgot about the flower wondering what they could possibly be. (——

Pine turned to face Lemon. (——

Pine continued to wrap his tail high up Lemon’s body, securing her from fleeing, if she managed to look away. It was so cute to watch ponies subconsciously try to resist and then want to keep watching until they fell asleep. (——

attempting to keep what little of her mind she had left. (——

Lemon didn’t have a single thought at the moment she was a total blank slate now. (——

“Well there you go re-make her, she won’t leave you then!”Pine thought. (——

“No, not like last time... I don’t want her to never think for herself.” Pine panicked then sighed, Lemon had let off a little thought, confusion as to why she was listening to Pine, but it was quickly squashed into a corner and trapped. (——

“You’re okay.” Pine whispered, he hesitated then gently kissed her. (——

His cold blooded tail enjoying the warmth of the pony beside him. (——

ethereal lilac,

Ether Violet.

WHICH IS IT?