• Member Since 4th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen January 18th

The-DerpSide


I need HELP and the website isn't letting me write a blog

Comments ( 93 )

i see you went with the wing idea nice work kid hope to see more chapter in the future:ajsmug:

Oh this is going to be a lot of fun. So is this taking place during the first Winter Wrap up in the show? How long will it be before he can come back? Might I suggest that he come back during Discord's return while Twilight is gathering everyone?

What is this a crossover of?

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No, the most I've seen from the series is someone "crawling out" of his shed skin.

Comment posted by The-DerpSide deleted Sep 22nd, 2014

great idea, but it was really fast, like how quickly they gone from figuring out the snake can talk to Spike agreeing to sign the contract... literally seconds apart; and how you 'explained' his apparently natural abilities

Comment posted by FicusCat deleted Mar 25th, 2015
Comment posted by Elric of Melnipony deleted Sep 23rd, 2014

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I'll work on that. I was just trying to give the names of techniques if people want to look them up.

This chapter will be the last time readers will see the list.

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Why do readers need the list at all? As the person who drew my attention to this story pointed out, it's not as if we begin each Harry Potter book with a list of spells that he knows.

5039026

And when I have time, I'll delete the picture and change the hortzontal rule.

Really, why did no one ever tell me about that! I would have done that since my first story!

Comment posted by Reeve deleted Sep 23rd, 2014

You are a writer. So write properly.

I don't want pictures. I don't want an abilities sheet. I want you to describe to me how Twilight looks. I want you to show Spike using these abilities throughout the story instead of listing them at the beginning for my convenience. That's Writing 101.

5039642 that was actually something I forgot to delete.

I made a list of techniques to use in the story, yet limited the amount he knew to keep Spike from growing too powerful. However, I got busy and forgot to transfer my list elsewhere.

I find it frustrating how no one can ever stick to the traditional manuscript format or ebook format of story writing.

It's not a bad idea, nor is the writing really bad either, but it could certainly use some revision.

Comment posted by KaleStarhorn deleted Sep 29th, 2014
Comment posted by KaleStarhorn deleted Sep 29th, 2014

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And they will be shown! This was just an intro and the list.......well.....I was making it when I started choosing abilities to use and forgot to delete it.....oops....

Comment posted by The-DerpSide deleted Sep 29th, 2014
Comment posted by KaleStarhorn deleted Sep 29th, 2014

This story has potential. I like it...but it could do with a few...what's the word I'm looking for? 'Fixer Uppers'? Anyway, I like the story so far, but a word of advice, explain what the character looks like, not show it, like this:

The snake looked at his purple saviour. A small, but powerful snout jutted from where a 'mouth' would be. Slanted irises, almost like a cat's or snake's showed concern for the slithering reptile. The emerald green orbs travels over Doku's scale covered body, giving a worried look. Doku's eyes travels down, seeing two four clawed hands, sharpened to a killing edge. His eyes traveled down more to see a three toed foot, the claws gripping at the cold ground. Something waving behind the strange creature caught his attention: a spaded tail, raised aboved the ground. Sharp, green spikes jutted from the top of his head to the tip of his tail, but one thought ran through Doku's mind: A dragon?!

Comment posted by DAMN HAMSTER deleted Sep 29th, 2014
Comment posted by Elric of Melnipony deleted Sep 29th, 2014
Comment posted by KaleStarhorn deleted Sep 29th, 2014
Comment posted by KaleStarhorn deleted Sep 29th, 2014
Comment posted by The-DerpSide deleted Sep 29th, 2014
Comment posted by Elric of Melnipony deleted Sep 29th, 2014

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And this is what happens when two opposing idealists clash. I admit I have some things to clean up (like my accidentally posted list, and a scene that didn't get posted for some reason where Doku actually BEGS Spike to sign the snake summoning contract so he could work on repaying the debt he owes Spike....I was sure I had written that, but it didn't appear....stupid glitches)

However, I admit that starting a "comment war" between people who like the story and those who don't IS excessive.....and doesn't do me any favors.

Comment posted by KaleStarhorn deleted Sep 29th, 2014

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The first published story featuring Elric of Melniboné came out just over 50 years ago. The alchemists were much, much later. Do try to get your facts straight if you're attempting to insult someone.

Comment posted by KaleStarhorn deleted Sep 29th, 2014

I'll bet Spike has 'wood release' when he's around AJ and Fluttershy... if you know what I mean! :rainbowwild:

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Pffff......hahahahahaha!

That literally made me crack up!

5049557 This story needs a billion euphamisms.

Come on... snakes... wood... dragon... It's practically giftwrapped as a ready-made sexual pun story! :rainbowlaugh:

5049847 I just thought of the most hilarious exchange... I'll PM it to you.

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Thanks, as I said I am constantly trying to improve. I thirive on constructive criticism, not bashing.

cool chapter :pinkiehappy: can't wait to see what is next:twilightsmile:

Nice chapter, I little insight to what Spike has been up too along with what is happening in Ponyville.

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