The residents of New Humansville continue to work toward a better and more stable society in their new home of Equestria, before the big announcement of their existence by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to the rest of the world.
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yeeeeees i cant wait for more lolol
Then just wait till tomorrow. :) Do you think you can do that? I know it's hard, but hold on brother.
FINALLY!!!!!! IT CONTINUES!!!!!!!!
Yaaay. Thank you, Truthseeker!!
No problem bros!
OMG!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! It is finaly here! I am so happy!
ALL MY YES!!!
Saw 2 little errors in chapter 1
Should be conscience.
Umm... Plothole... When did the transformation happen? Did I just forget the transfusion? How did they get along at the start? All of these questions need to be answered.
IT'S OUT! WHOOO!
4862537 He's still human in appearance. A blood transfusion after getting mauled by timberwolves from Big Mac changed him at a cellular level. So...think of him as a humanized pony.
A sequel! Yessssssssss!
70 died. Don't forget some of those were pregnant females.
For half of the chapter, I had this undeniable feeling of this deep male voice saying:
"Previously on the Unity Pact..."
Let's see where this is going.
wut?
Oh boi, sequel tiem
These stories have nearly consumed me in the past two days. Damn you!
I can't believe you haven't used this song yet in your story
So now Artax is helping the Apple family? Sounds legit!
6204556
Commas are important, people!
He's telling Big Mac to get with a brother.
He's telling Big Mac, his brother, to git sum.
conniejjasperson.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/lets-eat-grandma.jpg
stephentall.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/oxford-comma2.jpg
7037356 incest is not wincest and wincest is best
it's like a regular boar, but dire
One thing thats going to bug me os the videos. On the one hand theyre great for aetting mood, but on the otherhand they make it less readable, much like advertisements and worse yet one of the videos is down.
8967270 That one is supposed to be The Last Of The Wilds by Nightwish.
8967270 Fixed
Wait... a Micheal W Smith song?
Wow. Never thought I'd hear a song from one of my favourite artists of all time.
9482931 I like a wide variety of music... except country. I HATE country music save for one singer: Reba (and that is mostly because she is a badass in real life and she sings about actual issues)
this is a good story thanks.
9484740
Go look up Corb Lund, he’s a good cowboy/western music artist! I can’t stand new country “pop country “
https://youtu.be/fmdq2NrnGg0
10100173 For the first part of the song I felt like maybe I might like this guy. It started off as an upbeat song about having fun... then at the end, with the very last line, he destroyed all my hope. You see, my problem with most country music is that it either revolves around unnecessary sexual content, or super depressing stuff. There is a saying I heard which generally seems true: you know what you get when you play country music backwards? You get your wife, your dog, and your house back.
I think I'll just stick with Reba for when I need my country fix.
Hello!
You are just wonderful at commenting on stories, expressing your arrogant, ambitious opinion, which can bring a few happy minutes, so I decided to return this favor to you, and show you a mirror. Why arrogant? Because you didn't respond to my comments, and in general you read only to point out to me that I can't please you personally.
I will read the first three chapters, and I will write in the comments what I don't like about this story (just like you did), but unlike you, I will be more verbose, and I will try to explain my point of view.
P.S. I would like to start reading your first story of this book, but I was not attracted by the description and rating of the story. It's not a very good move to write your epic story in different ratings. Thus, it may bring limitations for readers who wanted to see the continuation of "This epic" story.
However, I will put on a chemical protection suit, and express my opinion about the plot. And so, Let's go!
If this is the main character of this story... Artex Rias, then I already feel sorry for him, and the first feeling that arises when reading the description of his appearance and so on, I want to show mercy to this (mutant). He needs to be finished off so that he does not suffer!😉
Go to Ponyville and live under the guidance of Princess Twilight Sparkle... this is a real template, and causes only eye rolling. (Boring). Probably at that time, the authors did not have more imagination and the ability to think creatively to try to bring something unexpected to the plot.
Well, I see that you have attached great importance to the World Building, which is of course correct, but sometimes you want to see more life, and most importantly a sense of atmosphere. The dialogue with Applejack could have been a little more, and it would definitely have brought more life to the scene. Otherwise, it turned out dry. But since this story is a continuation of the first book, then can make allowances for criticism.
What happens to your characters' dialogues? Why are they all so dry, unemotional? There are a few details missing that could better convey the feelings of the character. The main character is more like a robot. You can at least use a little humor in his words! After all, he's working next to a sweaty mare, and you could slap her ass saying, "I'M HUNGRY! We need to go get something to eat, and not your fucking apple pies!" Ahah... these few words + a description of Applejack's reaction to such a bold, sincere statement by a human (mutant) would play an interesting role in the plot. Take a closer look at this:
Artex stopped and crossed his arms,
"Just how big do you want her to be? From what Fluttershy says, Suey is going to be twelve feet . . . " Artex stopped and converted feet to Fathoms, "Four Fathoms tall. She's already sure to end up being a big girl, I don't want her eating your whole orchard."
Applejack waved her 'brother' onward,
"Come on ya big goof!
"Oh alright, you win A.J. I'll bring her." they had reached the barn by that point so Artex took a moment to greet the rest of the Apple family before he left.
Do you even have plans to return to this story to make edits? Maybe even add something so that this story corresponds to a Mature rating from the very beginning.
That's all for now. So wait for the next comment, for the next chapter. I'll write it tomorrow.
P.S. I have a feeling that in real life you also keep a pig. Well, that's your right. You can even keep an ant farm!
11125396 I said what I said about my decision not to continue for personal preference so you wouldn't think I was being a jerk. And what do you mean about me not replying to your comments? I'm not on here every single day. I have a demanding job and life. I'm sorry if my inability to respond in a timely manner offends you, but that is the way it is.
Furthermore, I said that I could tell you cared about the story because of how much you wrote and that your effort was obvious. What the heck are you so upset about really? I would reference the comment I left, but you deleted it. I was not reading your story only to post comments. I read it because the premise interested me. Calling me ambitious is a new one. I don't remember anyone ever calling me that, so thank you, I guess.
In any case, my intention was never to patronize or insult you. I leave comments for the purposes of constructive criticism, not to be needlessly critical.
Hmm... never had anyone accuse the dialogue of being dry and emotionless before. That is something to consider (oh, and calling him a mutant is pretty accurate). In a different setting (more comedic) the example you gave could be funny. This story is meant to be pretty serious overall and in Artex' mind slapping Applejack on the backside would constitute sexual assault. It is established in the first story that he is generally very serious except when he is relaxed. Sorry you decided not to read the first one. It would help things make much more sense. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story in some way. Ttyl.
I'm so glad my brain decided to send me memories today of The Unity Pact from back in 2014.
Tell me how surprised I was to learn that there were more installments!?
Reading this one now to see what happens to my crew after that crazy part 1. Normally I would re-read the first part after all this time, but I'm honestly too eager to find out! Don't remember if I ever mentioned to you in person, though I'm sure I did, I really love the way you depicted everyone from the start. For me personally at least, I find myself particularly attached to the boys and girls of the C.W.G. and looking forward to seeing what my guy Artex is up to in this one.
I'll give a shout when I'm done
☮
11422996
11422996 Glad to have you on board. I don't know whether or not you will like what comes next. I am curious however. Your user page indicates that you created your account yesterday, yet you say you remember the story. Did you have a different name before that I might recognize?
I ask because I remember a person from 2014 named Ghost-091 who absolutely HATED both the story and me as a person. Furthermore he created an alternate account after I blocked him then lied about it and so on and so forth. If you are him, don't bother.
If you are a decent person, then welcome.