Ho boy :3

The excitement

x2

1409998
You really don't want to read what I had two weeks ago.
Really.

Well, okay, I don't want you to read it.

1410039 Hey you did okay ^^ sometimes it takes an outside perspective. You asked for advice, you took it to heart, and you ended with a much stronger product. This is a pretty glorious ending.

Ship /all/ the ponies.

Here. You deserve this.

deviantart.com/download/201213745/charlie_sheen_seal_of_win_by_iceyninjagurl-d3bspip.jpg

Great ending to the story. Love the way that Celestia was translating Luna-speak at the end there.

1410039
The Princesses? Funny
'Punch...' Funny shit.(Don't ask..JUST DON'T)
Things? DEAD
Great job bro

There was a reference to SleeplessBrony in here. Hell, I was just talking to the guy!

nothing like ye olde party luna~

on a completely unrelated note, fluttershy seemed a bit fast, but then again it seems to be hinted that she was thinking of it even beforehoof

//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

1410395
What? Where?

Aw shit, party Luna and Tia? We're DOOMED!!!

Wow, I was worried for the ending for a second. Excellent job as expected. Lots of flowery descriptors which flowed very well. I am in awe of your skill good sir and wish I could emulate it.

1410438

Like Fine Wine. Exact words are in there.

Anyway, the reason why Sleepless and I were talking is that he and I have similar styles.

1410487
I forgot I did that. He is indeed one of my biggest inspirations. It's safe enough to say this story would not exist without Romance Reports.

AAAAIEIEIEIEI im so happy oh my gosh
This is my favorite fic ever, I'm so happy with its conclusion. You did an excellent job.

The ending was perfection itself. Congratulations. A winner is you.

1410499

True. The same could be said for my stories. Heck, the current story I am writing draws upon it. First thing on here that I read was Like Fine Wine. I draw heavily upon the things I have learned from him. Hls popularity proved to me that my writing has an audience here. Funniest thing is that he and I have similar styles by sheer coincidence. I wrote script-fics, and I don't even know how he picked up present tense. So... it is just plain awesome to get to talk to him. I wonder what he thinks of this story.

Fucking great ending! Is there gona be a sequal?

Complete.

Awesome! Yay for Shy and Rarity and Im with Luna, keep the booze flowin'!

This was a highly developed story, as a story and not just clop. Excellent work and thanks for writing

...oh, and I also laughed out loud at Luna's line of fertility. Seriously, out loud. That was a spot on writing of her, I felt.

Ribbons and Lace updated!

Not only that, it finished!

Best of all, it recovered from that thorough heart-stomping it left us with last time!

This has been quite a ride. Whatever else can be said about this story, I am fairly sure it is the first clop to ever make me cry. Thank you for putting in the time and effort to write this.

Yay!

All of my win......take them. Take what is rightfully yours and be well good writer for now I must do the happy dance *goes off to do such dance*

It was a good party.

Yeah. That's a good ending.

Started reading for the plot, and stayed for the actual plot, which was far better than I was expecting when I started it. A very well written story indeed.

1410679
Nope! I have too many other ideas to bother with sequels.

1411024
Sorry, man, I got impatient, and I figured there wasn't much point in waiting over one paragraph

.1411868
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

1411931
But-but.....................WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...
Fucking brilliant.
I've waited for ages for this ending. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Wonderful! Beautiful!

And I was reading the comment and... No sequels? Well, I won't complain. Much.

Anyway, an applause is what I can give, good sir. Though you may deserve more than simply that.
Thank you for the worthwhile read, good sir.

1412307
Yes please! I hate having dumb errors sitting out there embarrassing me.

1412428
Well, I'm not one to write sequels just because. If I have a strong idea, sure, but I think I've said all I have to say on the subject of Rarity for now. The next thing I write that focuses on Rarity will probably be RariJack.

1412515

I don't mind the lack of sequels. Don't worry.
And after thinking about it... The story already ended well for me. I can't think of anything that could possibly be added to this one... So... I guess a sequel is no longer needed.
Well, that's my opinion anyway.

I stayed up till 3 am reading this, all I have to day, SO worth it *falls asleep*

Well, in the end, this will remain something that I love for a long time. A work of art that stands out among the dreck the genre is known for. Is it flawed? Yes, very much so. But it is a story that stands out for its strengths even through the flaws within. The strength of the narration, lexicon, and style overshadow missteps in characterization, and what is, at best, an easy ending. The party scene seems to be taking an easy way out (although I hear the original concept was a total facehoof). The author's Rarity is easily the best portrayal of her I've ever read. She is far from the perfect pony she wants to be. Her flaws are gloriously present and her suffering even more so. It's a shame then, that I feel the other characters lacked in some way or another. Particularly the love interest. Fluttershy steps so out of character on so many occassions, and I feel it was good for the sake of emphasizing the wonderful characterization of Rarity, but sacrificing a pivotal character to do so.

You've done well, friend. Magnifique, as Rarity would put it. Now go write something with less French in it. Seriously, that got a little tacked on by the end. I'd love to see how well you can capture someone else.

Oh, also, Steel Resolve agrees with me that you need to write Other Mares. We need to see that story in full. Because with names like Ecstacy and Leather Lash, they won't make the show canon anytime soon...

Love and Tolerate

All my bravos. Seriously, the style of writing in this surpasses a great many published novels. Rarity is absolutely spot on, and the descriptive passages (not just in the intimate scenes) are fantastic. The princesses appearing at the end was a nice touch, too. One thing that I think raises the bar of this story above the vast majority of its kind (I hesitate to call it a clopfic; the term doesn't seem to do it justice) is the fact that the big climatic (heh) sex scene actually feels realistic, without sacrificing its emotion or general sexiness.

The one and only characterization-related quibble I have is this; Fluttershy seemed, if not traumatized, certainly shaken and pretty disgusted when she found out that Rarity had been lusting after her in that dress. Even with the fact that she's now alright with the lusting, and reciprocating it, I still can't really imagine a character like her being at all comfortable in putting that particular dress on again in a sexual situation. Especially given the kind of mental associations she'd probably still make with it (a kind of 'shame trigger', if you will). Okay, I concede that it'd be basically a crime to describe the outfit in such detail at the start, and then not revisit it when things get juicy, but it just feels ever-so-slightly out of character for Fluttershy.

It's a very minor quibble however, and it doesn't stop me from 10-out-of-10-ing this story to the moon and back. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; in future, if people ask me to link them to a good piece of MLP erotica, I'll send them to this before Romance Reports.

Basically, bravo once again.

I remember reading this before I even had a fimfiction account, but now that I do, I wanna thumb up the crap outta this story!!! Now, I have to find another rarishy, besides green, to occupy my life. Thanks for writing this story, I love love love it, maybe I'll read it for fun next time

I can't believe I JUST found this. So I simply had to read through it in its entirety.
Very, very nice narrative and care for details. But I think my favorite scene (non-romantic at least, I'd be hard pressed to pick one of those) was that conversation between Pinkie and Rarity in... chapter 9, was it? Brilliant stuff, right there.
[I hope this doesn't double-post, had some login issues]

There isn't much clop I can say I read for the plot and not the plot, but damn, you did a really good job with the writing here.

Good show, old chap. Good show.

1412757
Believe me, I've considered it (writing Other Mares, I mean.) I may do that eventually, if I can put together a solid plot. You know, with, like... themes and motifs and shit.

1413003
Umm... they're hot... Anyway, Rarity would totally coordinate their outfits. You know she would.

1413515

Seriously, the style of writing in this surpasses a great many published novels.

Hehehe. Thanks, but I'mma call bullshit on that.

If people ask me to link them to a good piece of MLP erotica, I'll send them to this before Romance Reports.

Okay, that I can get behind -- RomRep is one hell of a hard act to follow!

1414245
Can't marry! Writing!

very nice ending to a great story.. i have to say i'm a little sad there's no sequel planned but it won't leave me sleepless
i would love to read Other Mares at some point, the few lines really got me excited

well.. on to waiting for the next chapter of Green, but first.. onwards and upwards into my bed

This was and is a good ending to a truly wonderful story. I would have to say that your story is about the closest any brony/pegasister has come to actually describing first time sex between women, now I've only had sex with one women but this was a close (well not the ponies bit) simulation of the event. The nervousness, the communication and erotic feelings. Also this had solid story and character development, so it was a plus on many a side. You kept them extremely in character, made good pacing and made good use of French and english words.

So if I was to rate it I would say an 10/10, have a pinky. Hope to see more of such fantastic work in the future.

All the best for the future, Fillyfooler.

I have to admit, I was surprised when someone recommended a clopfic to me, and even more surprised when it was actually...good. The whole time during the sex scenes, I was thinking "holy shit, he's not just reveling in clop; he's playing this as exactly as creepy and unhealthy as it would be" and I was actually wondering if I was just reading it too deeply until the Other Mares bit near the end came up. That kind of dissonance is really hard to pull off tastefully, but you did.

To address the elephant in the room, the sex scenes themselves were genuinely well-written, even outside the uncomfortable context. You were flowery and all, but it never quite felt amusingly lurid like these things usually do. Moreover, it didn't feel altogether removeable; making a discreet cutaway would actually have taken away from the impact of the story. I've read very few stories I can say either of those things about.

It kind of got wrapped up at the very end a little too easily for my tastes, especially given that you were so brutally honest about how much Rarity damaged things. It didn't feel fake, though, just rushed -- that's the sort of thing I get the feeling would've been resolved over months and not hours. I actually would've been okay with it having ended on a question mark at the end of the previous chapter, but I'm a douche who likes it when stories end in a half-resolved dysfunctional mess, so hey.

So anyway, thanks. Genuinely good story.

"I myself own a shop that sells things,"

Deadpan Rarity is best Rarity.

Also, this is glorious. Especially Luna. Especially light bondage. Especially Fluttershy being this quiet ball of hormones. Especially... Everything.

Take me NAO!!! Um....if thats ok with you....

1416744
Thanks! I admit I considered a sfw version, but around the midpoint I decided it just wouldn't work. Even if I removed the overtly sexual material, there's still enough "adult themes" that I still wouldn't feel comfortable marking it less than Mature.

The ending isn't something I'm particularly happy with, but I found that I would need to rework previous chapters to fix it. I think I'm unlikely to post a story piecemeal again... it's just too easy to paint yourself into a corner when you can't go back and revise earlier chapters.

1417186
I think the final chapter may address your issues, but if not, If like to hear what didn't feel right to you. It's not the attraction Shy objected to, it was the underhanded way Rarity pursued the relationship.

This, I love you for posting it. Cheered me up about not getting my new laptop yet ^_^

Now that you've wrapped it up I can say that this is my fav romance fic ever : ) Thanks for putting all the time and effort into it that you did!

I don't like unfinished stories, so I've been waiting for this to complete since chapter 3. Glad I was aimed at it when I was.

So, to be completely on the level: This is yet another fic that falls in my 'wish it hadn't had the clop' category. Of course, that's just an opinion thing and not meant as a slight. In fact, you could easily assume that since I wanted the clop out of it, there was a story in there I liked... and you'd be right!

Having read your above comment, I would actually agree that taking the 'maturity' out of it would kill the story in quite a few ways. I think this is what really stands out to me, mostly because I remember back to the discussion about Romance Reports going up on the Vault. It was labelled as 'the clopfic where the clop matters', and I was not convinced that was true. In this case, I would say that was true. I would make a point of saying that this is now my #1 fic in it's category, but out of just two, that's not really helping :P

So, to be more specific:

Even though I would prefer the dream/daydream stuff to have been shorter as a matter of personal taste, it doesn't change that the way you used those to actually accentuate the story was excellent. Also, that you managed to include so much while very specifically avoiding it being any more than dreams/daydreams, for the most part, did a wonderful job of threading it as story, so that even a miserable bastard like me was hard pressed to see it as 'clop for the sake of it'. That's something quite rare, in my experience.

Further, the pacing of the entire story was generally excellent. Maybe a touch quick at the start, but nothing more than personal taste. I also thought the RD's letter thing was a little too obvious, but there's every chance I just got lucky. Besides, if that's the best I've got in terms of possible complaints, I'd say that's a damn solid result. Also, it's nice to see a story that actually focuses so well on the buildup, and does it with such fine control over the level of tension. It was so very stop-start, allowing the tension to rise and fall erratically, while maintaining a healthy level of frustration on the part of the reader. Many a time was I feeling frustrated about the direction things went, and that's a great sign of a hooked reader, I think.

I have one question: did you plan the whole pacing from the start? It seems a little too well constructed to have been written on a chapter-by-chapter basis as so many are on here. If you didn't, I'm deeply jealous; if you did, I'm deeply impressed.

Congratulations, you have a achieved a score of: 0 baseball bats to the face. At no point did I feel manipulated, rushed, talked down to, patronised, or demeaned as a reader. (This is always my biggest peeve, so that's how I grade. You got a perfect score!)

-Scott 'Inquisitor' Mence

1420081
Thanks... I think?
Seriously, though, the pacing wasn't deliberate in the sense that I did it consciously, but I've probably read so much that I have a sense of when it "feels right". Which isn't to say I didn't need the occasional kick in the rump from my prereaders. I didn't exactly plan EVERYTHING out, but I did start with a vague idea of the major plot points... which got heavily revised about the time I was writing chapter 4 anyway. I definitely could have used more planning on the front end, at any rate. Live and learn.

As far as Rainbow went, it wasn't exactly meant to be a shocker. Her behavior gave her away if you knew what to look for, though you have to admit that the reader has an advantage in that they know the mane six are more important to the story that everypony else, so that narrows down the suspect pool pretty dramatically.

Such a wonderful ending to a lovely story. Even ignoring the clop bits. I think that my favourite part of this was that last line from Luna