This is a tasteful clop. I'm always looking for one and you've done a first rate job! Being resistant to the idea of having feelings for a friend of the same sex may be a bit overused but you've done well so far and I love it! (I can't say I've done better. I've use that in my stories all the time)
455869 Oh, gosh. Thanks! 458741 Well, it's not necessarily going to stay tasteful... It's hard to inject a conflict into a relationship between such close friends without making at least one of them resistant to the idea for one reason or another. (Hah, lookit me, talking about clop like it's real literature...)
459225 Don't apologize, it's a valid criticism. I wasn't aware that it might be considered cliche; now I am. I'll make an effort to avoid that particular theme in the future, and keep an eye toward not playing it too straight in this one.
Does anyone know where the, now damn near canon, idea of Fluttershy writing/owning a vast collection of dirty novels came from? It makes really scary sense, but just doesn't seem like something you would think of.
Not normally a fan of the more adult fics the fandom can churn out, but I've made an exception for this well-written example. Looking forward to seeing where this heads.
464679 Well, unless I'm mistaken, it ORIGIONATED from one of the authors who steamrolled early pony clopfiction; Butterscotchsundae. She was, and is, infamous for sensual romantic often stopping just short of explicit clop stories. Also the author of one of my favorites, Swayback Mountain. (A applejack/rarity pairing of all things, and surprisingly well done.)
The earliest instance of the the fluttershy dirty novels thing I can find was Butterscotches story 'Rarity's magic book'; which Twilight stumbled across a erotic novel rarity had accidentally left behind at the library. Twilight, ever curious, took a peek and became enraptured by its contents. Rarity, upon realizing where she must have left the book, bolted back to the library to get the book before it was discovered, but found a flustered and aroused twilight reading the book, and gave her a hoofs on lesson in sexual exploration to the pent up mare. When twilight woke up, they finished the ending of the book, and rarity was disappointed saying 'Miss Papillonne' wrote amazingly steamy sensual scenes, but terrible endings.
The scene then cut away to fluttershy narrating as she wrote a poorly veiled instance of Twilight sparkle (named Sparkler) as the main character, and having difficulty finding the words. Upon finishing the scene she rereads it and praises herself, saying "Oh Miss Papillonne... “ Fluttershy chuckled to herself “You filthy, dirty little pony! You’ve outdone yourself this time!” Revealing fluttershy is in fact the infamous dirty story author twi and rarity were reading.
From there it was referenced in other stories, and it became almost fan canon in the clop lovers that Fluttershy secretly writes dirty novels. http://clopfic.heroku.com/fics/416 Butterscotch eventually removed it from Deviantart, either because it was TOO borderline for DA's standards; or simply because it was it was one of her earliest works and she didn't like it as much now that she has penned quite a few more fanfictions. But it is still available on googledocs.
612077 I didn't do it deliberately in this document. If I did decide to do so, the development would definitely dominate the dialogue. Depending on the demeanor of the discussion, I can draw out such daftness for a decent duration if I dare... but I don't.
2) Fluttershy had spent most of the evening the gardens.
You missed an 'at' between 'evening' and 'the'.
Other than that, I say you're doing a great job. And while clop, even clop with content, might not be literature, if it's written tastefully, captivates the reader, and even manages to evoke some of the intended emotion in the reader, that's all that matters (in my opinion, anyway). Keep up the great work! On to the next chapters!
The clop in this chapter is hot, but what really makes it for me here is the believability in Rarity's revelation. Her internal monologue feels very in-character and consistent.
Okay, just randomly stumbled upon this, and gotta say I really liked it. Especially that you included most of the female arousal anatomy. That she got swollen, erect, hot and wet. So many just mention the wet part. Possibly hot as well. Which is rather silly, as it's just like using "boner" as the only term for male arousal. You really caught the general female "trailing off fantasizing" thing hehe. And can say the fantasy in question was really appealing. There's just something about straddling that's so amusing And it does fit Rarity if going for her being "dom". As her being a screamer... yeah, could see that to hehe. And as said, if going to aim with certain attributes and whatnot, you made them really IC, likewise with the dialogue
While I do like that for now, (at chapter 2) their prides (genitals) haven't been mentioned in detail, as it leaves those that can't stand them being anatomically accurate, yet doesn't ruin it for those that does like it hehe. Oh, and liked the "petals" part, kinda commonly use stuff like "her flower was in full bloom, petals spread wide apart" and whatnot myself In either case, to trail off in a bit tmi, I can relate to said "needing a cold shower", rarely took one, but eh xP Usually just skipped and woke up with morning dew. But yeah, think you did a really great job so far. Was surprised Rarity didn't go all "Oh sh-" after noticing she messed up the fabric... and I do hope there's some squirting involved in the other chapters... Rarity would do awesome dominating with that... *cough* Anyhow, on a last side note, technically earth ponies would generally be better at oral with how while pegasi and unicorns use their wings and horn to do stuff, EP are left with their mouths. (and tail)
I'm rereading this from the beginning (and I'll probably do so again; a good story's always worth a reread). One bit of criticism: the last sentence is a little strange. Fluttershy's not really cream-colored, and wouldn't Rarity be picturing herself as Ms. Gates and Fluttershy as the paramour?
864734 At that point, no. It's just supposed to reflect that she can't get Fluttershy out of her head. As for the color thing, it's just artistic license.
I must say you are doing wonderful work here. This is quite an interesting situation you have setup, a straight Rarity just beginning to realize she might have an attraction for her friend. Its a different angle on Flarity and I simply love it. Bravo.
938019 Yes, yes she does, but you must acknowledge Rarity frequently ends up watching Sweetie for her parents. And Sweetie would be inclined to barge in to what she thinks of as a second home.
946224 Not all that often, actually. You can count the number of times we've seen Sweetie at Rarity's house on one hand. She does seem to hang out there more often since Sisterhooves, though, I'll grant.
Alright, time to pick the bones of this dead carcass clean like the vulture I am.
Wait.
Wrong fic.
This one was good. Like, REALLY good. Seriously. Fan-fucking-tastic. I have no more words. Other than I favorited and thumbed the SHIT out of this story.
Reading past the sexiness, I can see an immesurable amount of guilt piling up on Rarity. She's the element of Generosity, not voraciousness.Taking from Fluttershy so resolutely has got to be making some sort of conflict I Rarity's subconscious. If not externally in the form of mischaracterization, then internally as a personality clash.
Extrapolating from there, I can say this story either isn't as good as I remember it being (because of such a brazen mischaracterization of the story's protagoniat) or it's better than I remember (as Rarity works out her inner struggle of 'Carnal Desire VS Generous Soul.')
I'm observing objectively, of course. Aside from the question raised (Is Rarity acting out of character for a reason or is it just so we can get some steamy clop?) This is quite an inpressive display of visceral imagery. Rarity's desire manifested suddenly and believably, and save for the thought of pushing her desires onto the poor pegasus, seemed to be handled within character quite well.
You seem to have a healthy blend of introspection and action, making for a very good pace that keeps me wanting more.
Long story short: a technically masterful chapter. It remains to be seen if Rarity's dalliance will shape the tone of the story, or if it was a break in character for the sake of clop.
(Typed on a phone, please excuse grammar.)
Only one way to go from here: Further up, further in!
not sure how much I like it. It's worth noting that Rarity's attraction is, at this point, purely physical. That's not inherently a bad thing, but if they end up getting together it might feel rather contrived, unless the point is that they aren't a good fit, which I doubt. let's see where it goes.
Very well written, and believable aswell, looking forward to reading more.
If anyone has editing suggestions or criticism, by the way, I welcome them.
Primrose... Primrose... wasn't that Fluttershy's pen name in another fanfic?
Anyway, cute story. I'm looking forward to more, and I love those little dress-up parts. I hope they'll do that again.
454785
No, but Rose Papillon was in "Twilight Sparkle and Rarity's Magic Book". Which, obviously, is not canon to this fic.
455230
You're right, mixed that up
Thiss is really good so far. I can't wait to see where you take this, though I can guess. you have the makings of a first rate clop author!! Bravo!
This is a tasteful clop. I'm always looking for one and you've done a first rate job! Being resistant to the idea of having feelings for a friend of the same sex may be a bit overused but you've done well so far and I love it! (I can't say I've done better. I've use that in my stories all the time)
455869
Oh, gosh. Thanks!
458741
Well, it's not necessarily going to stay tasteful...
It's hard to inject a conflict into a relationship between such close friends without making at least one of them resistant to the idea for one reason or another. (Hah, lookit me, talking about clop like it's real literature...)
459213
You're the author and I can't wait to see more. Sorry if I was a bit forward.
love it and cant wait for more!
459225
Don't apologize, it's a valid criticism. I wasn't aware that it might be considered cliche; now I am. I'll make an effort to avoid that particular theme in the future, and keep an eye toward not playing it too straight in this one.
Does anyone know where the, now damn near canon, idea of Fluttershy writing/owning a vast collection of dirty novels came from? It makes really scary sense, but just doesn't seem like something you would think of.
Not normally a fan of the more adult fics the fandom can churn out, but I've made an exception for this well-written example. Looking forward to seeing where this heads.
Really nice. Way better than any clop I come up with.
464679
Well, unless I'm mistaken, it ORIGIONATED from one of the authors who steamrolled early pony clopfiction; Butterscotchsundae. She was, and is, infamous for sensual romantic often stopping just short of explicit clop stories. Also the author of one of my favorites, Swayback Mountain. (A applejack/rarity pairing of all things, and surprisingly well done.)
The earliest instance of the the fluttershy dirty novels thing I can find was Butterscotches story 'Rarity's magic book'; which Twilight stumbled across a erotic novel rarity had accidentally left behind at the library. Twilight, ever curious, took a peek and became enraptured by its contents. Rarity, upon realizing where she must have left the book, bolted back to the library to get the book before it was discovered, but found a flustered and aroused twilight reading the book, and gave her a hoofs on lesson in sexual exploration to the pent up mare. When twilight woke up, they finished the ending of the book, and rarity was disappointed saying 'Miss Papillonne' wrote amazingly steamy sensual scenes, but terrible endings.
The scene then cut away to fluttershy narrating as she wrote a poorly veiled instance of Twilight sparkle (named Sparkler) as the main character, and having difficulty finding the words. Upon finishing the scene she rereads it and praises herself, saying "Oh Miss Papillonne... “ Fluttershy chuckled to herself “You filthy, dirty little pony! You’ve outdone yourself this time!” Revealing fluttershy is in fact the infamous dirty story author twi and rarity were reading.
From there it was referenced in other stories, and it became almost fan canon in the clop lovers that Fluttershy secretly writes dirty novels.
http://clopfic.heroku.com/fics/416
Butterscotch eventually removed it from Deviantart, either because it was TOO borderline for DA's standards; or simply because it was it was one of her earliest works and she didn't like it as much now that she has penned quite a few more fanfictions. But it is still available on googledocs.
Huge Hoofner
Snerk.
I bow to you, O king of bizarrely suggestive puns.
Really good stuff!
I have to ask though; is it intentional that you use so many alliterations? It's INSANE!
612077
I didn't do it deliberately in this document. If I did decide to do so, the development would definitely dominate the dialogue. Depending on the demeanor of the discussion, I can draw out such daftness for a decent duration if I dare... but I don't.
Anyway, it's kind of a Twilight thing.
I noticed two things:
1) Sweet Celstia full of light...
It should be 'Celestia'.
2) Fluttershy had spent most of the evening the gardens.
You missed an 'at' between 'evening' and 'the'.
Other than that, I say you're doing a great job. And while clop, even clop with content, might not be literature, if it's written tastefully, captivates the reader, and even manages to evoke some of the intended emotion in the reader, that's all that matters (in my opinion, anyway). Keep up the great work! On to the next chapters!
814915
Thanks for the catches, and the compliments.
The clop in this chapter is hot, but what really makes it for me here is the believability in Rarity's revelation. Her internal monologue feels very in-character and consistent.
Okay, just randomly stumbled upon this, and gotta say I really liked it. Especially that you included most of the female arousal anatomy. That she got swollen, erect, hot and wet. So many just mention the wet part. Possibly hot as well. Which is rather silly, as it's just like using "boner" as the only term for male arousal. You really caught the general female "trailing off fantasizing" thing hehe. And can say the fantasy in question was really appealing. There's just something about straddling that's so amusing And it does fit Rarity if going for her being "dom". As her being a screamer... yeah, could see that to hehe. And as said, if going to aim with certain attributes and whatnot, you made them really IC, likewise with the dialogue
While I do like that for now, (at chapter 2) their prides (genitals) haven't been mentioned in detail, as it leaves those that can't stand them being anatomically accurate, yet doesn't ruin it for those that does like it hehe. Oh, and liked the "petals" part, kinda commonly use stuff like "her flower was in full bloom, petals spread wide apart" and whatnot myself In either case, to trail off in a bit tmi, I can relate to said "needing a cold shower", rarely took one, but eh xP Usually just skipped and woke up with morning dew. But yeah, think you did a really great job so far. Was surprised Rarity didn't go all "Oh sh-" after noticing she messed up the fabric... and I do hope there's some squirting involved in the other chapters... Rarity would do awesome dominating with that... *cough* Anyhow, on a last side note, technically earth ponies would generally be better at oral with how while pegasi and unicorns use their wings and horn to do stuff, EP are left with their mouths. (and tail)
I'm rereading this from the beginning (and I'll probably do so again; a good story's always worth a reread). One bit of criticism: the last sentence is a little strange. Fluttershy's not really cream-colored, and wouldn't Rarity be picturing herself as Ms. Gates and Fluttershy as the paramour?
864734
At that point, no. It's just supposed to reflect that she can't get Fluttershy out of her head.
As for the color thing, it's just artistic license.
454785 CUTE? WTF
I kept waiting for "And then Sweetie Belle walked in and asked why Rarity was screaming..."
937931
Sweetie lives with her parents.
I must say you are doing wonderful work here. This is quite an interesting situation you have setup, a straight Rarity just beginning to realize she might have an attraction for her friend. Its a different angle on Flarity and I simply love it. Bravo.
938019 Yes, yes she does, but you must acknowledge Rarity frequently ends up watching Sweetie for her parents. And Sweetie would be inclined to barge in to what she thinks of as a second home.
946224
Not all that often, actually. You can count the number of times we've seen Sweetie at Rarity's house on one hand. She does seem to hang out there more often since Sisterhooves, though, I'll grant.
Alright, time to pick the bones of this dead carcass clean like the vulture I am.
Wait.
Wrong fic.
This one was good.
Like, REALLY good.
Seriously.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
I have no more words.
Other than I favorited and thumbed the SHIT out of this story.
"The client measurements matches yours!"
"Are they for a pegasus pony? You left space for wings" - "Yeah! For a Pegasus"
Sure Rarity... Sure :P There's no way it's a client xD
Now, let's resume readingmedia.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyzqph6fqx1qht01a.png
Heh Heh SWAG!
Well poo... it started great but meh... clop.
Any chance for clop/no clop chapters?
Unusually well done for a clopfic. You've managed to capture the characters really well. Bravo!
i think i came
As did I.
By the By, are there any Australians who will reply to this comment?
Reading past the sexiness, I can see an immesurable amount of guilt piling up on Rarity. She's the element of Generosity, not voraciousness.Taking from Fluttershy so resolutely has got to be making some sort of conflict I Rarity's subconscious. If not externally in the form of mischaracterization, then internally as a personality clash.
Extrapolating from there, I can say this story either isn't as good as I remember it being (because of such a brazen mischaracterization of the story's protagoniat) or it's better than I remember (as Rarity works out her inner struggle of 'Carnal Desire VS Generous Soul.')
I'm observing objectively, of course. Aside from the question raised (Is Rarity acting out of character for a reason or is it just so we can get some steamy clop?) This is quite an inpressive display of visceral imagery. Rarity's desire manifested suddenly and believably, and save for the thought of pushing her desires onto the poor pegasus, seemed to be handled within character quite well.
You seem to have a healthy blend of introspection and action, making for a very good pace that keeps me wanting more.
Long story short: a technically masterful chapter. It remains to be seen if Rarity's dalliance will shape the tone of the story, or if it was a break in character for the sake of clop.
(Typed on a phone, please excuse grammar.)
Only one way to go from here:
Further up, further in!
oh hey, this is a rather old piece.
not sure how much I like it. It's worth noting that Rarity's attraction is, at this point, purely physical. That's not inherently a bad thing, but if they end up getting together it might feel rather contrived, unless the point is that they aren't a good fit, which I doubt. let's see where it goes.
it has a certain charm, though.