thiso ne was too short- shorter than most of mine and that's saying something. so i looked back at all the lengths...i smile now that i see the others are longer
793657 I knew that line was going to be controversial when I wrote it, but I'm not an author that blindly replaces every occurrance of "hand" with "hoof". "Hoof-sewn" doesn't make any sense, as even a non-unicorn wouldn't be using their hooves for something that precise. What's the alternative? "Horn-sewn" would only apply to unicorns, and doesn't quite seem to fit the intent of the term. "Mouth-sewn"? Sounds weird.
So, you know... give me another term and I'll consider changing it.
803323 How about, stitched. Or, just Sew. You know, something that works, rather then applying a false limb. Not to come off as a total douchebag, but really, you could have just said "I wish I’d had the time and ponypower to sew all the dresses I sent to Hoity Toity." And it would have fit just fine.
Pretty nice so far. I think one of Rarity's main concerns about Blueblood being chivalrous (or just decent) toward her should have been the concept of falling for a stallions who treats her closest friends like garbage, rather than just the idea of being cast away herself.
She had goggled at Celestia’s enormous golden apple tree, gaped at the monstrous telescope inside the vast Royal Observatory dome, and swooned over the staggering light show refracted from the crown jewels.
Hmm, those are all the locations Spike wanted to show her.
“Whoever heard of love at first sight, outside of a fairy tale?”
Yet such a thing took place in the pilot episode of the series.
This looks like it might be good, but before I continue, is this a fanfic that covers all the bases for potential drama, or is it yet another one where Rarity falls in love without giving the briefest consideration to how Spike will inevitably be devastated?
1126363 Honestly, Spike is pretty far down on the drama priority list in this situation. I don't consider his puppy love to be very serious, at any rate, and Rarity's never shown any indication of even acknowledging it outside of maybe exploiting him a bit. So no, it doesn't address his feelings in any significant way.
I don't count Spike's infatuation as "love at first sight", mostly because Rarity doesn't share it. That was specifically referring to her imagine spot in The Ticket Master.
Pretty damn well-written, minimal errors, and some fantastic descriptions. I enjoyed reading the first chapter, and look forward to the aforementioned fillyfoolery. And lingerie.
When I saw it featured (IF only briefly,) I said to myself "Now Loyal, how often does a mature fic get featured? Well, not too often, I would suppose... So here I go, gonna click it, see how it goes." Just be glad I picked yours first out of my ever-growing list of "Read later" fics.
Well done. Can't wait to read the next few chapters!
This line is pure gold: "a mere hour in the company of Prince Blueblood had been adequate to not only smash her illusions, but grind them into a fine, stinging powder and blow it in her eyes just for cruelty's sake."
The only possible way to improve it would be to replace 'adequate' with a stronger term. Adequate comes off as pretty weak as an adjective. Even 'enough' has more punch to it.
Wow. I can't even continue to read this, because it's so well-written.
It's honestly smashing my hopes of ever writing anything good, especially since I want to include Rarity in my story, and you've captured her character very well.
This is surprisingly well written! I haven't read any of your other stories yet, so I had no justified expectations going in, but I am already enthralled by this character!
So far so great! You're really flushing out the rarely-explored dynamic between Rarity and Fluttershy, building something solid between them. I love it!
moar
thiso ne was too short- shorter than most of mine and that's saying something. so i looked back at all the lengths...i smile now that i see the others are longer
647387
It's more properly a prologue, really.
I hate to be THAT guy but....
“I wish I’d had the time and ponypower to hand-sew all the dresses I sent to Hoity Toity.”
aznbadger.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/lex-luthor-wrong1.jpg
793657
I knew that line was going to be controversial when I wrote it, but I'm not an author that blindly replaces every occurrance of "hand" with "hoof". "Hoof-sewn" doesn't make any sense, as even a non-unicorn wouldn't be using their hooves for something that precise. What's the alternative? "Horn-sewn" would only apply to unicorns, and doesn't quite seem to fit the intent of the term. "Mouth-sewn"? Sounds weird.
So, you know... give me another term and I'll consider changing it.
803323 How about, stitched. Or, just Sew. You know, something that works, rather then applying a false limb. Not to come off as a total douchebag, but really, you could have just said "I wish I’d had the time and ponypower to sew all the dresses I sent to Hoity Toity." And it would have fit just fine.
803323
Well of all the things you could have put, hand-sewn is the most wrong
I accept your challenge with gusto though.
How about something like,
“I wish I’d had the time and ponypower to personally sew all the dresses I sent to Hoity Toity.”
maybe? If you don't want to put hoof-sewn or horn sewn
Anywho, I came on strong there. Sorry about that, just trying to help in a fun way.
Just thought I'd stick my oar in...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=IpiJn4fkh0s#t=97s
Hoof stitched is a known (canon) term, even if it doesn't make too much sense.
803856
803901
But she DID sew them herself. Using a machine.
803970
You win the internet! Show canon > makes sense. "Hoof-stitched" it is.
803970
as scorch wins
One short chapter in, and I can already tell I'm going to like this.
Pretty nice so far. I think one of Rarity's main concerns about Blueblood being chivalrous (or just decent) toward her should have been the concept of falling for a stallions who treats her closest friends like garbage, rather than just the idea of being cast away herself.
Hmm, those are all the locations Spike wanted to show her.
Yet such a thing took place in the pilot episode of the series.
This looks like it might be good, but before I continue, is this a fanfic that covers all the bases for potential drama, or is it yet another one where Rarity falls in love without giving the briefest consideration to how Spike will inevitably be devastated?
1126363
Honestly, Spike is pretty far down on the drama priority list in this situation. I don't consider his puppy love to be very serious, at any rate, and Rarity's never shown any indication of even acknowledging it outside of maybe exploiting him a bit. So no, it doesn't address his feelings in any significant way.
I don't count Spike's infatuation as "love at first sight", mostly because Rarity doesn't share it. That was specifically referring to her imagine spot in The Ticket Master.
I liked it so far its late so :CHILD out
Pretty damn well-written, minimal errors, and some fantastic descriptions. I enjoyed reading the first chapter, and look forward to the aforementioned fillyfoolery. And lingerie.
When I saw it featured (IF only briefly,) I said to myself "Now Loyal, how often does a mature fic get featured? Well, not too often, I would suppose... So here I go, gonna click it, see how it goes." Just be glad I picked yours first out of my ever-growing list of "Read later" fics.
Well done. Can't wait to read the next few chapters!
1127716
Minimal errors? There were errors? Where?!
1126459: Finally! someone Who has enough sense to see rarity and spike together.
This line is pure gold:
"a mere hour in the company of Prince Blueblood had been adequate to not only smash her illusions, but grind them into a fine, stinging powder and blow it in her eyes just for cruelty's sake."
The only possible way to improve it would be to replace 'adequate' with a stronger term. Adequate comes off as pretty weak as an adjective. Even 'enough' has more punch to it.
Wow. I can't even continue to read this, because it's so well-written.
It's honestly smashing my hopes of ever writing anything good, especially since I want to include Rarity in my story, and you've captured her character very well.
2296255 adequate is fancier.
451415>>647387>>647418>>793657>>803856>>803970>>856872>>1126363>>1126593>>1127716>>1462060>>2296255>>2324721 *hugs*
I love the story so far well done to you sir or miss i hope you keep writing if thats alright that is
Why am I reading this again?
Oh yeah.
Because it's fuckong amazing.
This is surprisingly well written! I haven't read any of your other stories yet, so I had no justified expectations going in, but I am already enthralled by this character!
You should get this read out on YouTube :) The best are: Wubecake, Scribblerproductions, T Spears or Lotusmoon.
So far so great! You're really flushing out the rarely-explored dynamic between Rarity and Fluttershy, building something solid between them. I love it!