You, sir, are writing an absolutely fantastic story. I hope it is as fun for you to write as it is for me to read. I look forward to more of this story.
Okay, I never thought I'd be able to, but I'm going to say it. This is better than Romance Reports. Seriously, this is the best clop-with-plot I've read... probably ever. The characterization and storytelling pace is brilliantly well done, and it seems to concentrate primarily on the storyline without sacrificing the quality of the clop scenes. Seriously, all my thumbs.
You have my undivided attention. [edit] Ohmigosh! I was going to make a Romance Reports comparison, and I didn't, then I saw the comment! I wouldn't say... better, but it is definitely in the same league.
576438 Regarding the Romance Reports thing, I'd say the quality of storytelling and characterization is about equal, but you put in proper paragraph spacing rather than the 'wall of text' approach of RomRep. Also, you seem to realize that 'internal monologues' and 'coherent grammar' aren't mutually exclusive concepts, which is why I find this a much easier and more flowing read.
576565 Well, okay, I'll absolutely own that -- though personally, I kind of liked the stream-of-consciousness internal monologues when they were reflecting confusion and emotional responses rather than subvocalized thoughts. Rarity's panic attack in ch. 3 was intended to evoke that very tone, in fact.
578260 Rarity knew it was rude to look so shocked, but she couldn’t manage any other expression. “A composition book? Fluttershy, I didn’t know you wrote! How did I not know this?!”
Fluttershy ducked her head. “I'm sorry, Rarity. I kept it secret. I was just embarrassed...”
The unicorn giggled. “I don't see why you should be! Might I read a little?”
“Oh... um... that one hasn't been edited yet...”
“Edited?” Rarity repeated. “You've been... edited? Have you had something published?!” she gasped.
“Um… a few…” The pegasus was already blushing hard.
“What were they called?” Rarity demanded. “I can’t believe I never heard about this!”
“Oh, well, I use a pseudonym…”
Rarity clapped her hooves to her cheeks, all but dancing with glee. “Ooh! Now I simply must read them! What’s your nom de plume?”
“It’s, um… Rose Papillonne.”
“Hmm? What was that?” She leaned closer to catch the soft words.
The windows of the Carousel Boutique rattled and birds took startled flight for a hundred yards around. “WHAAAAAT?!”
Rarity had turned beet-red and forgotten how to form sentences. “Then you— Surprise and Firefly—”
“Uh huh.”
“But I— to those scenes— and you’ve been taking inspiration—” The unicorn’s eyes widened farther and she gasped, the blush spreading from head to hooves. “And Sparkler—”
“I’m sorry…”
Rarity wobbled slightly on her hooves, though her voice was oddly steady. “I think I need a moment.”
The way that Rarity gets herself in such an emotional bind is so, so believable... and when the letter is being discussed, I got a strong sense that she WANTED to be discovered. Your ability to write complex characters who are a mess of inconsistencies papered over with a thick layer of persona, just like real people are; That's what I most appreciate here. I await further fascinating fiction, forthwith.
The unicorn fell over in a dead faint. For some reason this invoked an extremely strong image of Fluttershy as CATS from Zero Wing. "Hello how are you gentlemen" .... "You have no chance to survive make your time"
I rarely read clop stories. Typically, in my opinion, any story involved is flimsy and the sex is rushed far too quickly. Too often it is just sex for the sex of clop. (Does that make sense?) The fact that it wasn't until the second chapter that it began shows a compassion to keep the story fresh and connected with each scene. Rarity's concerns over if her emotions are real or not and fighting over what her body is telling her versus what she had come to believe are played out well through her thoughts and physical/emotions actions very vividly. And for some reason I can almost picture Rarity standing outside Fluttershy's cabin in a trench coat staring in the window.. Yeah wouldn't happen. Also, the grasp for the personality of Rarity is amazing. It feels very much to what the show would offer (if it ever fell down this road). Touches to her speech, words spoken, how she fauns and agonizes feels that there's a connection between the character and the author. Thank you for writing this, I'm glad I didn't skip over this story expecting a typical lewd clop. A nice sensual story with a sensual clop makes for a pleasing experience! : P.S. Fluttershy makes the perfect wife for nearly every single character. Hands down.
607052 Thank you! I think that Rarity and Dash are two of the most interesting characters to write because their internal processes are so dramatically at odds with the faces they present to the world. Rarity is constantly at war with her own worse nature, and she's shown herself capable of immense self-deception and rationalization. Of all the mane six, I think she's the one who knows herself the least. Applejack, I think, is the most honest with herself (naturally!) but even she betrays more depth than she thinks she has. She wouldn't oppose 'frou-frou' so violently if she didn't think it somehow damaged her image, which begs the question: who is she trying to look so tough for? (Why yes, I do have an Applejack story sketched out already. How did you know?)
609144 Each character has a certain dynamic about them that is unexplained thus far in the show according to their personality traits. As you mentioned, Applejack has a lot of pride. She tends to want to stick to a certain image and fights most changes to this image. This has the problem of bringing a clash onto others perceiving help or temporary changes as permanent ones. One thing I notice (mind you, this isn't saying anything bad onto other writer) in quite a few shipping stories that has the character coming out of the closet, Applejack is one of the two who usually shows the hatred for homosexuality. Rarely does this go beyond Applejack being raised old fashioned or considering it an abomination of sorts (in truth, if you consider real world stereotypes Applejack's position in life makes her the most likely to have this idea) for the cause. My opinion, taken from the show, was that she'd usually be the most accepting. Heck, she at times seems more loyal than Rainbow Dash to me. Course this is all my opinion.
609343 I tend to think of Equestria as a pretty accepting place. Anyway, I find the storyline of "Character and friends try to come to terms with her gayness" is boring. It's inventing a problem to solve when there are plenty of more interesting ones already present in the characters. Dash is insecure, of course -- but my angle on that is that she tends to define herself in terms of what she can do and what others think of her, and thus practically everything she does is motivated, or at least informed, by her self-esteem. It's when her sense of ethics and personal desires drive her to do something 'uncool' that she becomes interesting. Twilight... I tend to leave alone because so many others examine her inside and out (no pun intended), and because Romance Reports did it far better and more thoroughly than I ever could. Fluttershy, I have some trouble with. She's a highly reactive character -- her first response is to withdraw from a situation that makes her uncomfortable, so the story has to bring conflict to her rather than the other way around. That's not to say she doesn't have her inner strength, but it takes a fairly deft touch to let her face a situation without overwhelming her. Pinkie is difficult for the opposite reason. I have trouble writing her bizarre zig-zags of thought. There's a certain knack to making Pinkie sound like Pinkie, and I don't really have it. Like Twilight, her focus episodes have gone pretty in-depth about her personality, so there's not much left to say there. Abandonment issues aside, I think she's in search of someone who can do for her what she said in "Smile, Smile, Smile" -- "And maybe you feel sad, but Pinkie will be there to show you that it isn't that bad."
609594 Pinkiepie is that friend who I think everyone wishes they had or could be. Someone who is able to look past whatever and cheer up even the most horrible of moods.
With the story series I'm doing I currently have Rainbow and Fluttershy shipped, Applejack is looking at somepony but no hint as to who or gender. Eventually I plan to do a full story (chapters) on Rainbow/Shy. With her, I can't help but not think that there's some trauma (Fluttershy), people can be naturally shy but there always feels like there's something deeper. (Yes the show did reveal various things with this from the bullying and that very well could be what the trauma is.)
Overall acceptance does feel to be Equestria's way once someone steps up to show that something isn't dangerous. The only time that comes to mind is Zecora and much of that was fear of the unknown. (A character I have nightmares writing for). If I was to add hate for someone being different (which I have for my writings) it's typical that they are the minority of thought and often have bad things occur to them.
610751 Yeah, I'm always quick to point out that Ponyville didn't even know that Zecora wasn't a pony herself -- there's no racism there, just prejudice against an individual with creepy habits who somehow lives in a place that's supposed to be incredibly dangerous.
610821 Which reminds me... Whatever happened to the parasprites after they got sent into the forest?! Only two places they could have gone for their new found food lust. Zecora's and the old Princess Castle.
611423 I get the feeling the forest was already full of sprites. This was just the Ponyville branch of a widespread epidemic, as the trouble in Filly indicates.
612090 It is a frightening thought. Also why hasn't Pinkiepie's pancreas killed its self yet? As a diabetic I demand to know! Okay. I'm going off on random things now
Wow, this is simply amazing. It is so belivable as well. I think that this story could easly stand up without out the intament parts, but I'm glad that they are there
This installment was just brilliant, but (I hate to say it) for one thing:
That was bad of her, shew knew...
It's said that the fewer mistakes there are, the more of an impact it makes. The one typo I found in this chapter stuck out like a sore thumb. It did very little in the entirety of this chapter to sully the steaminess, but during the dénouement of this chapter it started to bug me...like how Rarity's internal naughty voice bugged her.
I do apologize for having to point it out, but typos (especially in my own work) bug me to no end.
815059 Oh, don't apologize, I appreciate folks finding errors. I'd rather have them pointed out and fixed than continuing to sit there embarrassing me.
gosh no wonder i was so lost, i thoght it was Fluttershy, Rarity, AND some random mare that was mentioned here n there...and it was a DREAM, talk about confusing. i have no read words besides i got lost, i guess.
Well I didn't think this story could get any better. I was so wrong that my phone literally bitch slapped me after finishing this chapter. This is some of the best clop I've ever read then again I think this is league's ahead of clop.
Screw my entire day I think I'm gonna read the rest of this.
Rarity seems to be taking the struggle with her emotions remarkably well, and would it have been any other mare in the entirety of the show, this story would have wrapped up a chapter ago. The helpless romantic in Rarity and her ever-present trepidation makes for a gripping read. I can't help but get a feeling of Cold in Gardez's 'Salvation' when reading these erotic sessions. Your descriptive prowess easily matches his, making the whole story that much more comfortable and engrossing.
poor rarity
This is a very detailed story, from the overarching love to the dream, keep up the great work.
I proclaim your offering satisfactory.
You, sir, are writing an absolutely fantastic story. I hope it is as fun for you to write as it is for me to read. I look forward to more of this story.
Okay, I never thought I'd be able to, but I'm going to say it. This is better than Romance Reports. Seriously, this is the best clop-with-plot I've read... probably ever. The characterization and storytelling pace is brilliantly well done, and it seems to concentrate primarily on the storyline without sacrificing the quality of the clop scenes. Seriously, all my thumbs.
576108
Oh, jeeze... I think you're overstating the case a tad! Romance Reports is the unreachable ideal that I look up to.
This is so sad and beautiful, even intriguing. Very excited to see where this goes!
Hoping for a happy ending, but we'll see what happens. Much love!
You have my undivided attention.
[edit]
Ohmigosh! I was going to make a Romance Reports comparison, and I didn't, then I saw the comment! I wouldn't say... better, but it is definitely in the same league.
576438 Regarding the Romance Reports thing, I'd say the quality of storytelling and characterization is about equal, but you put in proper paragraph spacing rather than the 'wall of text' approach of RomRep. Also, you seem to realize that 'internal monologues' and 'coherent grammar' aren't mutually exclusive concepts, which is why I find this a much easier and more flowing read.
Man, I'm glad I Favorited this one.
576565
Well, okay, I'll absolutely own that -- though personally, I kind of liked the stream-of-consciousness internal monologues when they were reflecting confusion and emotional responses rather than subvocalized thoughts. Rarity's panic attack in ch. 3 was intended to evoke that very tone, in fact.
576628
Me too!
578260
Rarity knew it was rude to look so shocked, but she couldn’t manage any other expression. “A composition book? Fluttershy, I didn’t know you wrote! How did I not know this?!”
Fluttershy ducked her head. “I'm sorry, Rarity. I kept it secret. I was just embarrassed...”
The unicorn giggled. “I don't see why you should be! Might I read a little?”
“Oh... um... that one hasn't been edited yet...”
“Edited?” Rarity repeated. “You've been... edited? Have you had something published?!” she gasped.
“Um… a few…” The pegasus was already blushing hard.
“What were they called?” Rarity demanded. “I can’t believe I never heard about this!”
“Oh, well, I use a pseudonym…”
Rarity clapped her hooves to her cheeks, all but dancing with glee. “Ooh! Now I simply must read them! What’s your nom de plume?”
“It’s, um… Rose Papillonne.”
“Hmm? What was that?” She leaned closer to catch the soft words.
The windows of the Carousel Boutique rattled and birds took startled flight for a hundred yards around. “WHAAAAAT?!”
Rarity had turned beet-red and forgotten how to form sentences. “Then you— Surprise and Firefly—”
“Uh huh.”
“But I— to those scenes— and you’ve been taking inspiration—” The unicorn’s eyes widened farther and she gasped, the blush spreading from head to hooves. “And Sparkler—”
“I’m sorry…”
Rarity wobbled slightly on her hooves, though her voice was oddly steady. “I think I need a moment.”
“Take your time.”
The unicorn fell over in a dead faint.
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/131900433120.png
An intriguing story, to be sure. Continue post haste!
The way that Rarity gets herself in such an emotional bind is so, so believable...
and when the letter is being discussed, I got a strong sense that she WANTED to be discovered. Your ability to write complex characters who are a mess of inconsistencies papered over with a thick layer of persona, just like real people are; That's what I most appreciate here.
I await further fascinating fiction, forthwith.
579598
“Take your time.”
The unicorn fell over in a dead faint.
For some reason this invoked an extremely strong image of Fluttershy as CATS from Zero Wing.
"Hello how are you gentlemen"
....
"You have no chance to survive make your time"
605753
Thank you! I was rather proud of that one.
605853
Thank you very, very much. I'm really glad that came across. (Rarity's conflicted feelings, not Fluttershy as CATS. Heh.)
I rarely read clop stories. Typically, in my opinion, any story involved is flimsy and the sex is rushed far too quickly. Too often it is just sex for the sex of clop. (Does that make sense?) The fact that it wasn't until the second chapter that it began shows a compassion to keep the story fresh and connected with each scene. Rarity's concerns over if her emotions are real or not and fighting over what her body is telling her versus what she had come to believe are played out well through her thoughts and physical/emotions actions very vividly. And for some reason I can almost picture Rarity standing outside Fluttershy's cabin in a trench coat staring in the window.. Yeah wouldn't happen.
Also, the grasp for the personality of Rarity is amazing. It feels very much to what the show would offer (if it ever fell down this road). Touches to her speech, words spoken, how she fauns and agonizes feels that there's a connection between the character and the author. Thank you for writing this, I'm glad I didn't skip over this story expecting a typical lewd clop. A nice sensual story with a sensual clop makes for a pleasing experience! :
P.S. Fluttershy makes the perfect wife for nearly every single character. Hands down.
607052
Thank you! I think that Rarity and Dash are two of the most interesting characters to write because their internal processes are so dramatically at odds with the faces they present to the world. Rarity is constantly at war with her own worse nature, and she's shown herself capable of immense self-deception and rationalization. Of all the mane six, I think she's the one who knows herself the least.
Applejack, I think, is the most honest with herself (naturally!) but even she betrays more depth than she thinks she has. She wouldn't oppose 'frou-frou' so violently if she didn't think it somehow damaged her image, which begs the question: who is she trying to look so tough for? (Why yes, I do have an Applejack story sketched out already. How did you know?)
609144
Each character has a certain dynamic about them that is unexplained thus far in the show according to their personality traits. As you mentioned, Applejack has a lot of pride. She tends to want to stick to a certain image and fights most changes to this image. This has the problem of bringing a clash onto others perceiving help or temporary changes as permanent ones. One thing I notice (mind you, this isn't saying anything bad onto other writer) in quite a few shipping stories that has the character coming out of the closet, Applejack is one of the two who usually shows the hatred for homosexuality. Rarely does this go beyond Applejack being raised old fashioned or considering it an abomination of sorts (in truth, if you consider real world stereotypes Applejack's position in life makes her the most likely to have this idea) for the cause. My opinion, taken from the show, was that she'd usually be the most accepting. Heck, she at times seems more loyal than Rainbow Dash to me. Course this is all my opinion.
609343
I tend to think of Equestria as a pretty accepting place. Anyway, I find the storyline of "Character and friends try to come to terms with her gayness" is boring. It's inventing a problem to solve when there are plenty of more interesting ones already present in the characters.
Dash is insecure, of course -- but my angle on that is that she tends to define herself in terms of what she can do and what others think of her, and thus practically everything she does is motivated, or at least informed, by her self-esteem. It's when her sense of ethics and personal desires drive her to do something 'uncool' that she becomes interesting.
Twilight... I tend to leave alone because so many others examine her inside and out (no pun intended), and because Romance Reports did it far better and more thoroughly than I ever could.
Fluttershy, I have some trouble with. She's a highly reactive character -- her first response is to withdraw from a situation that makes her uncomfortable, so the story has to bring conflict to her rather than the other way around. That's not to say she doesn't have her inner strength, but it takes a fairly deft touch to let her face a situation without overwhelming her.
Pinkie is difficult for the opposite reason. I have trouble writing her bizarre zig-zags of thought. There's a certain knack to making Pinkie sound like Pinkie, and I don't really have it. Like Twilight, her focus episodes have gone pretty in-depth about her personality, so there's not much left to say there. Abandonment issues aside, I think she's in search of someone who can do for her what she said in "Smile, Smile, Smile" -- "And maybe you feel sad, but Pinkie will be there to show you that it isn't that bad."
609594
Pinkiepie is that friend who I think everyone wishes they had or could be. Someone who is able to look past whatever and cheer up even the most horrible of moods.
With the story series I'm doing I currently have Rainbow and Fluttershy shipped, Applejack is looking at somepony but no hint as to who or gender. Eventually I plan to do a full story (chapters) on Rainbow/Shy. With her, I can't help but not think that there's some trauma (Fluttershy), people can be naturally shy but there always feels like there's something deeper. (Yes the show did reveal various things with this from the bullying and that very well could be what the trauma is.)
Overall acceptance does feel to be Equestria's way once someone steps up to show that something isn't dangerous. The only time that comes to mind is Zecora and much of that was fear of the unknown. (A character I have nightmares writing for). If I was to add hate for someone being different (which I have for my writings) it's typical that they are the minority of thought and often have bad things occur to them.
610751
Yeah, I'm always quick to point out that Ponyville didn't even know that Zecora wasn't a pony herself -- there's no racism there, just prejudice against an individual with creepy habits who somehow lives in a place that's supposed to be incredibly dangerous.
610821
Which reminds me... Whatever happened to the parasprites after they got sent into the forest?! Only two places they could have gone for their new found food lust. Zecora's and the old Princess Castle.
611423
I get the feeling the forest was already full of sprites. This was just the Ponyville branch of a widespread epidemic, as the trouble in Filly indicates.
612090
It is a frightening thought. Also why hasn't Pinkiepie's pancreas killed its self yet? As a diabetic I demand to know! Okay. I'm going off on random things now
612126
Argggggghhhhhhh, you are crazy, CRAZY!
Wow, this is simply amazing. It is so belivable as well. I think that this story could easly stand up without out the intament parts, but I'm glad that they are there
This installment was just brilliant, but (I hate to say it) for one thing:
That was bad of her, shew knew...
It's said that the fewer mistakes there are, the more of an impact it makes. The one typo I found in this chapter stuck out like a sore thumb. It did very little in the entirety of this chapter to sully the steaminess, but during the dénouement of this chapter it started to bug me...like how Rarity's internal naughty voice bugged her.
I do apologize for having to point it out, but typos (especially in my own work) bug me to no end.
815059
Oh, don't apologize, I appreciate folks finding errors. I'd rather have them pointed out and fixed than continuing to sit there embarrassing me.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23040892.jpg
HOLY SHITE IT WAS ALL A DREAM
...
...
...
We need to go deeper!
...
...
...
If you know what I mean.
"cheongsam"
I read that as "chenogasm" every time.
My friend, you have some high quality Flarity here.
Masterful.
Once more, I have no words.
Other than I regret only having one account with which to favorite and thumb the shit out of this story.
865061 I thought of the same thing.
gosh no wonder i was so lost, i thoght it was Fluttershy, Rarity, AND some random mare that was mentioned here n there...and it was a DREAM, talk about confusing. i have no read words besides i got lost, i guess.
What's with all the eastern dresses?
Oh, and this is just plain amazing. If I could give a separate thumb for each individual chapter, I would.
"She firmly reminding herself"
I think you meant reminded.
938088 omg me too!!!
Well I didn't think this story could get any better. I was so wrong that my phone literally bitch slapped me after finishing this chapter.
This is some of the best clop I've ever read then again I think this is league's ahead of clop.
Screw my entire day I think I'm gonna read the rest of this.
This chapter... is glorious.
Rarity seems to be taking the struggle with her emotions remarkably well, and would it have been any other mare in the entirety of the show, this story would have wrapped up a chapter ago. The helpless romantic in Rarity and her ever-present trepidation makes for a gripping read. I can't help but get a feeling of Cold in Gardez's 'Salvation' when reading these erotic sessions. Your descriptive prowess easily matches his, making the whole story that much more comfortable and engrossing.
Truly masterful.
Onwards!
I wish I could read this without getting all.. excited..