Chapter 19 Regrets
Thief
Chapter 19
Regrets
I awoke to the sound of talking down on the bottom floor of the barn. The two humans, recently learned had the names Dylan and Luke. Shorter Dylan, broader Luke. They of course easily earned the hearts of all the ponies, and were invited to stay in the barn for the night. Hell if I cared, just meant more sleep for me.
When I fully awoke, I felt around, half expecting Fluttershy to be sleeping nearby. When I felt no one, I heard everyone talking downstairs with Luke and Dylan. I exhaled, sitting up.
“Figures…” I glanced outside, and shielded my eyes. It was practically noon, I had been asleep for quite some time now. It had been a while since I got a full night’s rest…
I listened closer to the conversation going on downstairs, wondering what they were talking about.
“Interesting…” Twilight mumbled, writing down some things on a pad of paper with a quill. “so, which was more advanced? The Playstation Four, or the XBox One?”
Luke shrugged. “Well, I have a PS4, but I owned an XBox three sixty. I prefer Playstation, though. So of course I would say Sony is better, but a lot of people would disagree.”
“Man, that Call of Duty game sounds sweet!” Dash jumped up. “I wish I could try it.”
“Well,” Dylan started. “it’d be a little difficult for someone without fingers to use a controller.”
“Controller?” Twilight inquired further, leaning in.
“It’s a small, object that you hold to play the game or whatever you’re doing.”
I rolled my eyes, and backed away. They’ve been here less than 24 hours and Twilight’s already asking about my world. It’s a zombie apocalypse, and she still cares about that. Plus, she’s already seen our world once.
I stood up, and headed over to the window. The floor must’ve creaked, because below me Fluttershy perked up to look above her.
Fluttershy snuck away from the group without being noticed, and headed up to the second floor.
“John? Are you awake?” She looked around the room but didn’t see me. She suddenly heard the ground outside crunch, like something heavy landed on it. She flew to the window, and saw me just recover from a break roll. “John!”
I looked behind me at Fluttershy, and instead of greeting her I carried on my way, walking from the barn. She flew up beside me, expecting me to stop.
“Um, good morning.” She smiled.
“You too.” I grumbled back to her.
Her smile faded into a concerned frown as she flew in front of me, causing me to stop. “Do you need something?”
Her frown dropped, and instead her face gave the emotion that she was slightly hurt.
“..N-No, I was just-”
“Okay well I’ve got some things to do, if you don’t mind.” I walked around her. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone at the moment. Especially her.
She bit her tongue. “John!”
I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn’t think to stop, my body just automatically did it on it’s own.
“What’s wrong? Why are you acting like this?” She confronted.
I hesitated for a second, still not turning around. “Wouldn’t you rather be inside with, Dylan and Luke?”
“I…” She looked to the ground. Why would he say that…? She quickly looked back up at me as she noticed me walking away. “W-Wait!”
“I’ve got shit to do Fluttershy, go back with the others.” I continued walking away from the barn. She finally gave up, kicking the ground lightly and heading back inside the barn.
She walked back into the farm shelter, her head hanging a bit low. Twilight turned to her as she entered.
“Hey Fluttershy-” She noticed her draggy appearance, and got up to walk over to her, the rest of the group continuing with their own conversation. “Hey, are you okay?”
“I-It’s John..” She choked a little. “He’s acting weird.”
“Yeah,” Twilight quickly agreed. “he was acting strange last night too. I think I know why.”
“Why?” Fluttershy immediately asked, concerned for her close friend.
Twilight looked left and right, before leaning towards Fluttershy. “It’s Dylan and Luke. I’m pretty sure John is jealous of them.”
“J-Jealous?!” Fluttershy chirped out, quickly covering her mouth and blushing as she realized she spoke too loud. She whispered back to Twilight. “W-Why would he be jealous?” She seemed offended.
“You know how much John cares about you. I guess when he saw you caring so much for Luke last night he felt hurt, or jealous.” She explained.
Fluttershy held a hoof over her mouth in realization. She didn’t take John for the kind to get jealous over something like that. Surely he knows that she wouldn’t just replace him like that.
“Anyways,” Twilight glanced at the group behind her. “he should come around. Right now, I think he just needs some time alone.”
While Fluttershy didn’t fully agree with Twilight, she assumed it would be best.
“Come on,” Twilight gave Fluttershy a reassuring smile, holding her friend's shoulder. “let’s go back to the group.”
- - - - -
The fresh air and the birds chirping that surrounded me, in addition to the constant, light breeze that grazed over and around my body, not enough to make me shiver, but still a refreshing feeling, gave me the relaxation that I needed. Being alone with nature once again pushed away all of the stress that had been waterlogging my brain for the past few days. It was good to get away from it all.
Though no matter where I went, or what I did, Fluttershy had always seemed to be burned into my mind in a place where I couldn’t reach it to push it away. Every few seconds, she brushed past my mind. So subtle, yet, excruciatingly powerful. The only thing that took my mind off of most of everything around me, was the throbbing pain in my jaw. I didn’t have the energy to trek through the barn for some medical equipment and deal with the ponies. So, I decided to go with a natural choice. The best choice in my opinion.
I ‘borrowed’ an entrenching tool from the outside of the barn to bring with me. I began to dig a hole in front of me.
Okay, so make a Dakota Firehole, build a cooking station, pull out my metal cup and canteen, get stinging nettles, make tea. That should help with some of the pain.
I began my day with some hard labour, how I used to do it every morning on my own. It refreshed my memory, making me smile. About 10-15 minutes later, the two holes were fully dug. I then scouted around the edge of the forest for fire materials.
About an hour later, I had everything I needed. A fire going, a tree to rest my back on, a cup of hot, nettle tea. I was more relaxed than I had been in a long time. I closed my eyes, taking in the taste of the nettle tea. The fire crackling and the birds chirping…
I suddenly heard and saw a squirrel hope over next to me when I opened my eyes. It looked up at me, and climbed onto my leg.
“Hey there little guy…” I held up a finger near its face. It sniffed it, and moved under my arm and onto my chest. He moved up to my cup of tea, that was resting on my chest.
“You want some?” I tilted the cup a little, and the squirrel poked his head in-
“GRAAAHHH!!”
The squirrel was gone in a split second as soon as a walker fell from behind the tree and right beside me. I moved my leg just before the walker almost bit down into my flesh.
Spilling my drink, I rolled over away from the walker and rushed to get up. The walker got up and ran at me. My hand reached for my sheathe to pull out my knife, and my eyes grew wide as soon as I didn’t feel the weapon.
I was just about to brace for impact from the rushing walker, when suddenly an exit wound appeared on one side of the walker’s skull, blood splattering out of it as the walker fell to the ground.
After I realized it was shot from a gun, I turned to the direction of the enter wound and saw, of course…
Luke.
I saw Luke standing on a hill in the horizon, holding his Kar98k rifle. A few seconds later, Dylan and the rest of the ponies ran up behind him.
“John!!” A bunch of them yelled out and began running towards me, some flying.
What just happened? I questioned myself, looking down at the dead walker in front of me.
I was quickly pulled out of my thoughts as I was hugged from the side, and I stumbled to keep my balance.
“John! What are you doing out here alone, you almost died!” Fluttershy held me as tight as possible, and I could hear her choking up slightly.
I just stared at the walker, and slowly turned up to Luke who was walking towards us with Dylan.
“What are you doing out here..?”
She pulled her hear away from my body to look up at me, confused and a little bit angry.
“W-What?? What kind of question is that, you were almost killed and that’s you first thing to say?!” Dash flew up to me.
“I didn’t ask any of you to be here.” I pushed Dash away, angry with their sudden appearance. “You act like I can’t take care of myself.”
Fluttershy have a face of awe and anger. She reached a hoof out towards my hand. “J-John, don’t be like this-”
I pushed her hoof away, and it hurt myself, so much. I watched her hoof being pushed away, the look on her face filled with hurt. She dropped from my body and onto her rump, still staring up at me. I saw her eyes beginning to fill up with tears. I quickly looked away, not wanting to see her cry.
“I’m out here for the reason that I need space, so why can’t you guys understand that?” I looked over at the rest of the group, my eyes landed on Twilight, making her feel the need to speak up.
“How can you act like this?! You were almost killed!”
“I don’t need you guys to come rescue me when I’m in trouble!” I yelled back at her, and she only felt the need to get angrier.
“You’ve helped us when we were in trouble, so we’re only repaying the favor!” The growled, stomping her hoof.
“I don’t NEED and favors done, so just leave me alone!” I was getting fed up with these ponies, and AJ barged in.
“If we left you alone you would be dead!!”
“Oh, WHO CARES?!!”
That last statement froze everyone, including myself. I sighed heavily, turning and walking away.
As I walked away, I heard Fluttershy burst into tears and run away.
“JOHN!!” I heard Twilight scream out at me, though I didn’t flinch. I just continued on my way.
“Twi,” AJ walked up to Twilight, and rested a hoof on her shoulder. “let ‘im go.”
- - - - -
It was later that evening, and John still wasn’t back yet. Everyone was just outside of the barn, around the fire as usual. They had all recovered from the recent events, or, almost everyone. Fluttershy was a few feet away from the ground, lying on the cold ground with her back facing the crowd. They had all tried multiple times to cheer her up, but it was no use. Although it had seemed strange, she only wanted to talk to John. So she had been lying on the ground for hours, awake the entire time as far as anyone knew.
AppleJack returned with what seemed to be an acoustic guitar, resting on her back.
“Here ya go. It ain’t mine, ah keep it here for relatives when they come by to play, so don’t break it.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve never broken a guitar in my life.” Luke chuckled, taking the guitar from off of her back. As soon as it was in his grip he began to fiddle around with the strings.
“Might need some tunin’” AJ added, sitting back down beside her sister.
“Yeah,” He mumbled, already twisting the nuts on the guitar head. In a matter of seconds, he had all the strings in tune to a standard E tuning. He struck a few chords, with the pick that was wedged between a few strings on the neck.
“You’re pretty nifty with a guitar.” Dash listened in, Twilight beside her. Twilight was mostly watching his fingers at work, other than the sounds of the instrument.
“Me, Luke, and a couple of friends were actually in a band together. So we know our way around music.” Dylan explained as Luke played around with the guitar, both of them impressing the crowd.
“You had your own band??” Dash grinned. “That’s awesome!”
“Yeah, it was a lot of fun actually. Something nice to do in the afternoon. Though, of course, once this all came down it wasn’t something that we were able to do anymore.” Dylan watched Luke play, speaking at the same time. They all listened closer as Luke began to actually play a song. Twilight gasped when she quickly recognised what song it was.
“Is that..”
“Hotel California.” Dylan chuckled. “Man, I haven’t heard that oldie in a long time.”
Fluttershy’s ear twitched as she heard the name of the song. Remembering John speak about it in the car. She turned her attention towards it.
“On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair,” Luke began to sing, playing at the same time. “Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air.” Dylan joined in on the second verse.
Somewhere else, John was on his way back to the farm. He had some apologies to make, though he had barely gained the will to do so. As he drew closer to the barn, he could see the warm glow of the fire, and also heard what sounded like singing. He walked a little bit faster, the words becoming clearer. And I nearly gasped when I heard what song it was.
“Welcome to the Hotel California!” Luke and Dylan sang out loud, the catchy song digging into the ponies hearts as they joined in. “Such a lovely place,”
“Such a lovely place!” The crowd sang out with them.
“Such a lovely face.”
John’s pace slowed as he was in the bush, nearly impossible to see with the fire right in their eyes. He didn’t know what to say. What was happening… even though it was just a song, it was almost heart breaking to him.
“Plenty of room at the Hotel California. Anytime of year,” They continued.
“Anytime of year,”
“You can find it here!”
John didn’t even bother to walk by them, or let them know he was there. He just strolled over to the car, and opened the door to get in.
The second he opened the door, Fluttershy’s head snapped over to him. Even though John was hard to see, she got up and ran over. “John!!”
The group stopped the music and looked over, getting up to see what was happening.
He hastily got in and shut the door, ignoring the butter pegasus. She jumped up on the door, peeking through the window.
“Where are you going?!”
She yelled through the window, though he didn’t even glance over at her until he started up the car.
“...I’m sorry.” He spoke roughly. John saw her stop her yelling as she tried to acknowledge what he just said. She had just barely heard him, as she replied.
“S-Sorry?? J-John!!” She yelled once again as the truck took off. She ran after it, but it proved too fast for her quickly. She collapsed on the ground.
“D-Don’t go…”
The sound of the truck engine slowly got quieter as John drove down the dirt road. He cleared his throat, and wiped his eyes and his sleeve.
“I-I’m sorry..”
She knew. Fluttershy knew where John was going, and she knew she had to follow him. She had to go alone, but she wasn’t sure she’d make it in time to stop him.
“Come on girls,” Twilight looked down. “there’s nothing we can do. We just have to wait for him to come back. Let’s go inside.”
Fluttershy sat, watching the truck travel farther and farther with every second that went by.
“Fluttershy?” Twilight turned around, stopping and waiting for her as everyone else headed inside the barn.
“...I-I’ll be in, in a minute..”
Twilight nodded, following the others inside. The split second that her friends were out of sight, Fluttershy took off as fast as she possibly could after John.
- - - - -
I got to my destination slower than last time, as if I just didn’t have enough energy to push the pedal down further. I knew that every foot that I traveled just brought me closer to what I was about to do. It was dark out, but I didn’t have the headlights on. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything positive at this moment. How could I turn Fluttershy away like that? I wanted to slap myself just for pushing her away.
Finally, I saw the town in the distance. It drew closer and closer, and my body automatically lifted some weight off of the petal as I moved slower. I looked down at the Beretta on my lap in my right hand, and sniffled. Looking back up at the town, that was much closer I felt some tears run down my face again.
When I made it to the town, I stopped the car and turned it off. I sat silently in the car for what must’ve been 30 minutes. Barely breathing and only blinking a few times. Finally, I clenched the pistol tight in my grip and opened the door. The cold air hit my face as soon as the door was open. Applying pressure on my left foot, then the right as I stepped outside, closing the door behind me.
“It’s time…” I sighed, walking away from the car, and into the same store that we had looted the day before. It was still unlocked, the way we left it, and I stepped inside. I walked to the register, and on a little stand was a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter. I opened the pack of smokes, took one, took a lighter, and stepped back outside.
I leaned against the wall and looked into the distance. Placing the cigarette in my mouth, I lit up the end and took in a deep breath. My mouth and lungs rejected the sickening texture and taste immediately, though I forced myself not to cough.
Slowly, I exhaled. The black smoke flowing forward and out of my nose. I looked down at the Beretta in my hand, holding it in front of me. The shiny, engraved metal shone in the moonlight. I chuckled.
“It’s moments like these, that life seems so delicate. But,” I took another puff from the cigarette, the second one not as bad as the first. “you think of the bad things, and you ask yourself, ‘What’s the point?’” I spoke to myself, exhaling the unhealthy smog at the same time.
“Well, I guess I don’t see the point anymore...” I tossed the cigarette to the ground, and brought the gun to my forehead.
“I’m sorry Fluttershy.”
I squeezed the trigger.
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So, there. Four chapters in two days. As I'm still on vacation at the moment, starting tomorrow I will be at the West Edmonton Mall in Alberta for the next few days. Obviously, I won't have time to upload chapters until I get home. So, I uploaded as many as I could in the time I had now, for the reason that I won't be able to write the next few days, and my friend has been bugging me about uploading. So, that's my update. I hope you've enjoyed the past few chapters, more exciting events coming up in the book.
I'm his friend that has been bugging him, I am also in the story as the character named Luke.
Better if its
"Yeah I know, no big surprise. I nearly died many times in the apocolypse. I don’t need you guys to come rescue me when I’m in trouble". I said to her, and she only felt the need to get angrier.