Magic pervades the land of Equestria, aiding it’s inhabitants. Pegasus ponies are able to soar the skies with great speeds, moving the clouds and controlling the weather. Earth Ponies are more down to earth, having a natural connection to the land, making them the green hooves of the world with an enhanced strength capacity. Unicorns have direct control of the magic pervading Equestria, and it channels through their horns, making them better organized and able to do bigger tasks. Alicorns, who have the abilities of all three races, and use them to their fullest ability. No other species have ever been affected by this magic however, so only the pony races are affected, making many other species jealous of the ponies magic.
Everypony knows this, along with every other species on the planet. But what happens when a member of a brand new species comes to Equestria, and is also affected by this field. This new species isn’t affected like the Pegasi, Earth Ponies, the Unicorns, or even the Alicorns. This new species has survived for 200,000 years, using their greatest talent…
Their Minds.
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Featured on 6/11/15. You guys are amazing!
Characters and Tags will be added as the story progresses.
Will have both slice of life and adventure themes, FIMfiction's tagging system doesn't let me tag both though.
I don't know how to respond to this story yet. I need more chapters before I can judge it. However, from what little I do know is that it looks good so far so keep up the good work.
Is this a self insert? Please tell me this isn't a self insert. Because, if it is, you will be baked.
And then there will be cake.
Moar?
4755814 Patience is a virtue, I'll be starting the next chapter later today or tomorrow.
I am pleasantly surprised however how much of a positive reaction this story has gotten.
First story ever that someone that I don't know as asked for more.
Achievement unlock.
Thank you all.
4755823
no Problem.
i liked it so far and wonder what his reaction will be.
The premise is interesting and your writing is beautiful. Upvoted, favorited and I'll check out what else you've written so far.
Well done and keep up the good work!
4755951 Beautiful? My writing has never been called that before.
4755985 Aside for some misplaced commas and the occasional mistake I think you've got a good rhythm in there. There's a certain "flow" to writing and you keep it going for the most part.
4756052 Thanks, that means a lot to me.
Guess whats in the popular stories section on the front page.
4756403 No way!
4756441
Yeah. I just looked.
Is this some kind of crossover with Dr. Who?
4756691 Not at all. If you want that, see my story the princess and the lord of time.
4756693
Nah man. I just saw "police call box" and jumped to the conclusion.
4756710 I like the show, I actually own that shirt.
4756716
Alright, glad to have that cleared up. I never could get into the show and I can't find it in me to like the crossovers.
4756733 Well, Not a crossover. I love the show, but I respect your decision to not like it.
just for the love of god, don't screw this up!
4759353 Believe me, going to try my damned hardest not to.
Well... another human in equestria story... that I will be waiting for ages for each chapter...
4760459 I'm doing my best.
I am just so surprised that this story is doing so well, I'm taking as long as it needs so that it's up to snuff.
4760514 I hope this story would turn out like unturned did on steam (17 year old made a game and got it into the top ten played games daily for a few weeks now). Yes it is high hopes, but it could still happen.
Found you on the side bar thingy, I'd like to see where this goes.
fave'd.
4760930 This story has gotten way more attention than I ever thought it would,
This story carries a lot of firsts for me, first story in the popular lists, first story to have it be asked for more, first story to have more than 25 likes.
This story, even though it is brand new, holds a special place in my heart.
I'm going to do my damned hardest to make this my best story.
4761109
Deserved attention, your first chapter is interesting, so i don't see anything strange about you getting some likes, faves and the ever so humble, cry for MOAR.
While i can't speak for everyone here, i bet some few would really want another chapter asap, but i hope you don't rush this, it would be a shame to have a chapter tomorrow or the day after, that doesnt hold up to what you have so far.
Don't you dare rush this, cuz this shiet has potential
4761179 It's just... never happened before. None of my stories have ever gotten this much attention. It's mind boggling, I'm almost ashamed for playing Dead Island when I could be writing.
EDIT: I actually wrote the first chapter in a day.
4761199 It feels good, doesn't it? To see your story in the Popular tab, to see the Favorites and comments... Use these, fellow author. Use them to fuel your pride, to fuel your fingers, to write more!
4761992 I don't need pride, pride leads to overconfidence, which leads to my down fall.
This praise will fuel my work, Thank you, everyone who faved and liked, this is why I started writing, to have people enjoy my work and want to see it advance.
Also, the one person who didn't like? Please tell me why, All criticisms make my work better.
You're comma-addicted aren't you? Goes to show that you can't use ', and' to continue/fuse a line. Combined with the iffy language and the 'jump right into it' plot hole, (Spike immediately going along with whatever Twilight said in that one paragraph. Not that it's out of character, it just shows you rushing.), I can see the hits of a new writer.
Biggest plot(shit) hole of them all: 'Pure of Heart'. We're talking 'bout a human here, right? I hope you don't plan to make one of the dime-a-dozen 'Human-is-transported-to-Equestria-defeats-villain-and-gets-the-girl' stories, huh?
Oh, if anyone asks, tell them I wasn't here.
4763175 not new, just a tad out of practice.
Thanks for the criticism mate, I'll do my best to fix those errors in future chapters.
it's too early to judge you on your story. so i'm gonna keep my criticisims on hold. i can't spell it right, but whatever. anyways, continue writing another chapter and i'll make my judgements.
4763946 You got it!
4763175 Also, thanks for adding me to the group you formed.
4764002 This is a human story, right? It's my job to tag those. Feel free to attempt to tag more. Our rules are on the front page.
this is the most cliched thing in this chapter
Aside from the rather cliched intro, with the discussion on the necessity for a new race of pure heart, seems pretty good so far. I don't generally read human stories, but this one looks like it'll be fun.
Your writing has a nice flow to it, and is consistent throughout the piece.
Love the explination, I can't wait to see what's to come.
The story has my interest, however the paragraphs are a bit too large. Try separating the long paragraphs into smaller ones, that way I don't got to narrow my eyes to read it. Good start through.
4771157 I'll do my best.
4764683
4766877
Sorry for the cliché, but to be fair, near every story has at least one.
I like the story so far, but there is one thing I don't quite understand. Did Twilight get her scar in the original changling attack on Canterlot and it hasn't healed since then, was there another changling attack where Twilight procured the scar, or is the canon timeline just skewed?
She is becoming a zombie that starts a plague and the only cure is beatboxing
He never called Spike a lizard. Either Spike broke the 4th wall, or you dun goofed.
well this seems better than anything i have written. i want to see some more though.
4772330 The scar was obtained in the original siege of Canterlot, it just hasn't healed yet.
4772569 I dun goofed.
Yeah! Inheritance Cycle baby! Saphire is best dragon!
4774474 saphira. Her name is saphira.
He doesn't know he's a human, or what milk is, but he still knows about Jesus? I'm not trying to criticize, but that's kind of a plot hole.