You snicker and ask if they can save the lover's quarrel for another time. The Death Look you receive almost turns your coat brown for another reason.
You can't help but snicker at Applejack and Rainbow's argument. It reminds you of that one comedy you used to watch secretly at the hive. You forgot the name of it, but (if you remember correctly) it would always make you laugh and you almost got caught because you were laughing so much. So, being the idiotic bug you are, you decide to crack a joke about it,
"Mare, mares, could please save your lovers quarrel for AFTER this problem is settled with."
Cold, unrelentingly silence is all you get from your joke. Applejack and Rainbow slowly turn their heads towards you and... give you a pleasant smile? They then both say at the same time in a creepily pleasant tone,
"What was that?"
Their pleasant tone and creepy smiles begin to unnerve you, but you begin to feel truly terrified when a sudden dark aura appears behind them and a creepy looking mask appears behind them. You start to shake in fear and you feel like you're gonna turn your coat brown for another reason. You stutter out,
"No, nothing, I didn't say a thing."
Rainbow and Applejack nod there heads in approval and the creepy mask and dark aura disappears. They then look at each other and go back to arguing about who's right. You stop shaking and look behind you and see... that everyling else is all right. You can't help but think in shock,
Didn't they see that! How could they not see something so gorram terrifying when it's right in front of them?
You decide that you should just focus on waiting for the argument to die down for now and focus on what just happened later.
23 MINUTES LATER
FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA! THEY'VE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR THE PAST 23 MINUTES!You think to yourself in extreme annoyance.
Their 'argument' has devolved from giving actual reasons why each party needs the land, to just shouting "US" and "THEM" at each other. And it's annoying you to no end! Finally your annoyance reaches its peak when they just start to just scream at each other, so you do what any self respecting citizen would do...
You quietly mutter to the crowd.
"Can I say something?" you ask. Everypony turns and stares at you. (Again with the staring) You clear your throat.
"SHUT UUUUUUPPPP!!!!!"
"TIME OUT! Why don't we let the two people who ACTUALLY live here discuss this. Perhaps they can come up with a compromise that works for everybody, because that is how diplomacy works."
You go over to the two arguing ponies and mutter,
"Can I say something?"
The two arguing ponies (and everyling else for some reason) stop talking and they begin to stare at you (what is with these ponies (and buffalo) and staring) You mutter a "thank you" before you clear your throat and scream at the top of your lungs...
"SHUUUUUUUUUUUT UPPPPPPPPPPPP!"
The ponies (and one buffalo) are surprised by your outburst, but before they can talk back you continue to speak,
"Here's an idea. How about instead of the two ponies who don't live here stop 'discussing' (*you use air quotes here*) about how this problem should be resolved, and instead let's let the pony and buffalo who ACTUALLY live here discuss this. Perhaps they can come up with a compromise that works for everybody, because I'm pretty sure that's how diplomacy gorram works. Shiny?"
Braeburn and Little Strongheart both nod their heads in agreement with your idea, but Applejack and Rainbow just ignore what you said and go back to arguing. You give a annoyed sigh and think,
I didn't want to do this, but you gorram fillyfoolers leave me no choice.
You decide that you have to use emergency plan D-34. You think about the object you need and you pull out...
Step 1. Get duck tape
Step 2. duck tape RD and AJs mouths
Step 3. hide before they can retaliate!
The duct tape from The Inventory and nod towards Braeburn as you show him the duck tape. He looks shocked at first, but then he nods his head grimly before mouthing to you "Do it" (you also notice that the buffalo mare has noticed your duct tape and also gave a grim nod as well). You nod your head before you run over to the two arguing ponies and doing something that will probably get you killed...
You duct tape their mouths shut. They look at each other in shock and they try to talk but all that comes out is mumbles. You nod your head in victory and say,
"That duct tape should keep your two yaps shut while Braeburn and Little Strongheart make a compromise."
It is then that you realize that you just ducked taped the mouths of the scariest mares you know, so you slowly begin to back away. The two mares give you a glare that would make a dragon wet its pants and you chuckle nervously before... booking it the hay outta there, the two angry mares right on your tail.
1 HOUR LATER
You finally managed to lose the two angry mares by ducking through a thin alley which they got stuck in (you almost got stuck as well, but some WD-40 allowed you to slip away, no pun intended) and then hiding in the Salt Lake Spitoon just to be safe. While you were hiding there, you decide to treat yourself for helping to broker peace by ordering Apple Crisp and "cider, the good stuff" (Sweet Apple Acres cider). After placing your order, a crowd of Appleloosans (including Braeburn and Sheriff Silverstar) come into the saloon and you hear the Sheriff bark to the bartender,
"Bartender, Salt licks and keep em comin! As of tomorrow, we're at war with the buffalo."
You hear gasps from the ponies in the saloon (including yourself) and you ask,
"What happened Braebrun? I thought you and that buffalo mare were gonna make a compromise!"
"We were, but then Pinkie started singing a terrible musical number. Fortunately, the stage fell apart halfway into her number (nice job patching the stage a few weeks ago, Bugze), but the damage was already done and now both sides are gonna go to war."
Having lost your appetite, you decide to change your order to "Shirley Temple, extra syrup" . After changing your order, you mutter to yourself,
"War... war never changes."
COUPLE OF MINUTES LATER
You finish and pay for your drink (*75 Bits left*), leave the saloon in sadness, and are about to walk away towards Braeburn's place when the saloon doors bursts open and...
Sheriff Silverstar gets drunk on salt licks and leads the town in a musical number.
You hear this in the background and Silverstar starts to... sing?
"What can you expect from filthy large heathens?
Here's what ya'll get when species are diverse!
Their furs are really brown,
they're only good when down
They're vermin, as I said and worse!"
Suddenly a bunch a Appleoosans start to sing as well, and what they're singing ain't exactly tolerant...
"They're savages! Savages!"
Silverstar then drunkenly climbs on a nearby table and he continues to sing...
"Ain't even ponies."
The Appleloosans start to grab pies and catapults (apparently Nightshade only ate half of the pies) while singing...
"Savages! Savages!"
Sliverstar stumbles down from the table and starts to walk around pointing at other ponies and singing...
"Drive them from our town!
They ain't like you and me,
which means they might be evil.
We must sound them drums of war!"
As soon as he said that a pony starts to play the drums in a war like fashion and the Appleloosans continue to sing...
"They're savages! Savages!
Dirty furry devils"!
Then Sliverstar and the Appleloosans sing at the same time...
"Now we sound the drums of war!"
You look disgusted at what the ponies of this town are saying, when you see smoke coming from the buffalo camp, and you decide to use your Zoom to see whats going on over there, You say the incantation (Give me the sight of an hawk. Give me the sight of an eagle. Show me what others can't stalk. Give me the power of... ZOOM!) You hold your head in pain from the magical drain, but you notice that the buffalo chief is sharping his horns! You also begin to hear signing coming from the camp as well, and the chief is signing...
"This is what we feared.
The pony is a demon.
The only thing they feel at all is greed."
Then, a shaman looking buffalo, who looks to be painting war paint onto two other buffalo begins to sing as well...
"Beneath that colorful hide,
there's emptiness inside."
The two buffalo and the buffalo around then begin to sing as well, and just like the Appleloosans, its not very nice...
"I wonder if they even bleed!
They're savages! Savages!"
The chief buffalo begins to walk towards the other buffalo and sings with them...
"Not even buffalo.
Savages! Savages!"
The chief buffalo and the shaman buffalo begin to sing right after each other...
"Robbers at the core."
"They're different from us which means they can't be trusted."
"We must sound the drums of war."
As soon as he sings that, some buffalo begin to play the drum in a war like fashion and sing...
"They're savages! Savages!
First we deal with this town,
then we sound the drums of war."
You then hear some more singing behind you and you turn to see an even more inebriated Silverstar singing...
"Cabbages! Cabbages! *hic*"
Then, out of nowhere, a mare (who's name, if you remember correctly, is Carrot Top. You've patched up her door and cupboards a few times) takes a pie and screams...
"Let's go pie a few, mares!"
You then hear the buffalo sing...
"Savages! Savages!"
Sliverstar then began to sing....
"Now it's up to ya'll, ponies!"
Suddenly, everyling from both sides begins to sing the same lyrics at the same time (Go figure)...
"Savages! Savages!
Barely even considering!
Now we sound the druuuuums
offfffffffffff
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr!!!"
Suddenly, Sliverstar passes out on the ground and begins to snore loudly, and all the ponies around him prepare for war. You cancel out your Zoom (causing another headache) before spotting the Mane Six with Braeburn and the former are all looking at the drunken Sheriff and the town in silent horror. Rainbow Dash (of all ponies) says,
"Wow, that sounded REALLY species-ist"
Braeburn then replies,
"Oh, the Sheriff is normally always fair and tolerant towards all species. He only gets like this when he's salted and even then it's all bark and no bite. The last time the Sheriff was like this was when he found out that his beloved baby sister got married and forgot to tell him until 3 months after the wedding. He got really salted and started singing 'Don't Trust Them Ziggers."
...
"Did I mention that her sister's new husband is half-zebra?"
Before you can hear what the ponies are going to say next when you hear a familiar voice say...
Nightshade asks you why the Buffalo and Ponies want to hurt each other (and you have a difficult time explaining it to her).
"Daddy, why do they want to hurt each other?"
You look down and see that Nightshade is adorably poking her head out of the Inventory. After a few seconds of shock (half at the fact that she's sticking her head out of the Inventory and half at the fact that SOMETHING actually woke her deep slumber) you quickly duck into an alley before the Mane 6 could see her and sternly say,
"Nightshade! What have I told you about coming out without disguise when visitors are in town."
She looks sad and replies,
"Sorry daddy, but that music woke me up. Why do they want to hurt each other."
"Well, you see dear, the buffalo want to stampede through their traditional grounds, but the town's main source of food, the apple orchid, is in the way of their path."
Nightshade replies,
"But, can't the buffalo go around the town, or our neighbors move the orchid, or the buffalo fly over the apples, or..."
You interrupt her,
"They already tried to settle things peacefully, but it didn't work and now the ponies and the buffalo are going to fight each other."
"But... why do they need to hurt each other?"
Finding yourself unable to make sense of the situation as well, you sigh in defeat and say,
"I... I don't know Nightshade. I just don't know..."
Nightshade looks at you blankly and says,
"That's dumb."
You sigh and reply
"I know dear. I know..."
You and Nightshade look on in sadness at the town preparing for war before you start to glare in anger and think to yourself,
This is my home, I can't let it be destroyed in a pointless war. I know I have to stop this, but what can I do?
While you're thinking, Nightshade comments,
"Why can't they get together for something they both like? Like an eating contest or salt licking (why can't I lick salt yet?) or..."
*ding* Nightshade's rambling suddenly gives you an idea, but it's a VERY risky idea so you say to her,
"Dear, I got an idea. But I need you to promise me that you will NOT get out of bed until I tell you to. No matter what. Promise?"
Nightshade looks at you in worry, but then smiles and says,
"Okay daddy. I love you."
With that, she ducks back into the Inventory and you go into an alleyway. What you don't notice is a yellow and pink blur following you into the ally...
You quickly put your stetson and orange bandanna into The Inventory and you wash out the mud from your coat. As you put the coat back on, you say to yourself...
When the Appleloosans and the Buffalo are about to go to war, you decide to help make peace between the two groups by giving them something to unite against... THE HOODED OFFENDER!
or... Give them something to unite against: the Hooded Offender!
"There's only one sure way to stop a war between two species... and that's to give them a common enemy. And that enemy..."
You put on your hood before saying in a determined voice,
"IS THE HOODED OFFENDER!"
With that said, you teleport above the town on top a water tower you patched a few weeks ago (after falling a few feet onto it of course, stupid imprecise teleport)...
Back at the alley, Fluttershy walks out of the shadows and looks at where you once stood with hope and worry before whispering to herself
"Please, Hoody, please be careful." and with that she walks back to her friends.
THE NEXT DAY
You stand on the water tower, your cloak billowing in the wind (you REALLY wish you could take a photo of yourself right now) as you see the buffalo standing atop a ledge getting ready to stampede. You also see the Appleloosans prepare their pies for war. With a sigh you think to yourself,
Okay, two small armies are about to go to war and all I have to do is turn both sides against me. All without killing or hurting anyling too badly and not getting caught or exposed in the process... Piece of cake. Oh, and I'll keep The Inventory up here so that Nightshade will be safe.
Suddenly, you notice the buffalo mare from before and the chief-looking buffalo talking and you see hesitant contemplation on his face.
Yes! you think in relief They're not gonna do it! I won't need to kill myself with this idiotic pl-
"–whaddaya say?
You got to share
You got to care
It's the right thing to do..."
With that, the chief-looking buffalo gets really angry and initiates the charge. As the tribe barrels towards the town you call home, all you can say is...
"...GORRAMIT PINKIE!!!"
What do you do?
Editor: A Reminder For the Hive Mind for the Interactive Combat Episode 53:
1. The Hooded Offender's objective is to unite the ponies and buffalo against himself so comment accordingly
2. Bugze is NOT gonna kill, cripple, or seriously injure any of the ponies or buffalo
3. Nightshade is not in danger so he can't use the Nightmare Cloak
4. Don't make the Hooded Offender an overpowered, beat-up-everyone-easily Mary Sue
5. The Hooded Offender does NOT get outed as Bugze in Appleloosa
6. Have fun. This story does have a Comedy tag after all...
There is only one way this kind of epic showdown can begin: RCV powered maniacal laughter.
You've learned your lesson from the ursa incident, so your first order of business after getting their attention is to turn it away from the Inventory and Nightshade. You teleport to the ground, in the middle of the two armies, to deliver an epic speech.
"Mares and gentlecolts-" Your speech is cut off by the sound of a thump from the pony side of the battlefield. You turn to look and see Rainbow Dash on the ground with Fluttershy pinning her tail down with both front hooves.
Well that was nice of her. "Mares and gentlecolts and whatever passes for that among you buffalo folk, I thank you for your interest in this miserable patch of rock, but I'm afraid all this effort is quite meaningless. You see, all of this now belongs to me."
Horrified, or perhaps confused, silence hangs in the air. A faint voice from the back of the buffalo herd calls out, "Nuh uh!"
"Yuh huh!" You retort with all your wit. "Unlike all you ignorant savages, I actually have what you need to stake a claim. A flag!" With that, you pull your homemade flag from under your cloak and drive it into the ground, letting it unfurl to reveal the insignia of...nothing. The flag is pure black. You skipped sewing class in changeling school to play the new Super Mare-io Sisters, which was really hard to get because Chrysalis forbade anything featuring Celestia or Luna.
Rainbow Dash breaks free from Fluttershy. "Your flag sucks, and you suck, and I bet your plan will suck too! Seriously, what has ever gone right for you?"
You remind yourself to take it easy, because you don't want to lose your temper this time. "Oh you silly filly, none of that will mean a thing when I get my clutches on the treasure!"
Rainbow gasps. "You monster! That treasure doesn't belong to...wait, there's a treasure?"
-----------------
You decide to let Braeburn get the last shot at the end of your epic battle, because he was a really cool guy. Unfortunately, he has no idea who you are, so his buck nearly takes your head off.
You hit the ground dazed, but your head is still clear enough to stick to your plan. You reach out a hoof towards the orchard, saying "No! The most delicious apples in all the land! You were almost MINE! The money I could have made..."
Looks of confusion greet you when you turn back to the victors. "You may have won this round, savages, but the Hooded Offender will return!" You teleport away just as Rainbow Dash charges again.
You gather up the Inventory and sneak onto the next train in your pony disguise. Braeburn deserves a letter when you get off at the next stop, but it's time to get out of Appleloosa. You'll miss the place, but those crazy mares will probably stake it out to find you again. So long as you can keep yourself ahead of them, you're a happy bug. As you sit in your traincar, you hear voices in the hallway.
"You sure you wanna head back to Ponyville, Twi? The varmint might be-"
"He won't stick around, Applejack. He's trying to stay away from us now. Once we get back to Ponyville, we'll come up with a new plan to catch him. I hear Princess Celestia will be visiting soon, so that will be the perfect opportunity to put our heads together."
The train pulls away from the station, drowning your sobs and curses of Lady Luck with a blast of its whistle.
(sorry for bad grammer, i typed this with my phone.) As you looked around the arera reailized you had no plan,no attacks, nothing. You really couldent do anything to get noticed without harming any ling. "i see you need help" who the hay was that??? Turning around you see a transparent mare whereing a Cloak much like your own, only green. You wonder how she got up haer "who the hay are you? You ask" they call me the emersld herold protector of the marked one. Im the reson your always tended to and im the one who sent you those things, for it is my job to insure your survival. im hear to warn you what you intend to do will get you killed and you must stop now." Well that explains alot. But you where going to save these pony evan if.it DOSE kill you! But she seemed to read your mind before you could say anything she spoke again "i see your persistant with your goal, and i will not stop you if that is your haerts desire but you will need this" she then touched your for head. You close your eyes as years of experance and practice of a spell flow into your head, along with a really good plan. (learned emit force: a non lathal spell that seends a shock wave of pure momentum along with a coating of magic to dampin impacts of both the caster and enemys to knock them away from the caster, can also be used to take fall damage if timed corectly.) When you opeaned your eyes she was gone. #to minuets later# Useing your new knoladge you charge up you horn take a deep breath as a whit arua ingulfs you and your symble starts to glow blue and jumped down At over 20mph slaming the grond with a sound grater than an atomic bomb, knocking everyling back into a wall. You and every ling else gets back up Slugishly (you moveing slower due to the spell drain altho this made you look cooler.) And know fully standing yell in the RCV "I AM THE HOODED AFFENDER AND YOU ARE ALL LESBIAN FILLYS! ESPESUALLY PEGISI WITH RAINBOW MANES!!! To that someling yelled "CHARGE" as you started running looking behind at the mob gaining on you you say what anyling would say in this situation; "i should have stayed an evil yes changeling!"
4669370 Holy crap i think we both typed the chapter 0_o
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Not quite. Someone has to write the action bits. I guess I took the easy way out.
4669370
You're about to make your entrance when the water tower collapses (you might have used a little too much WD-40 on the bolts when patching it), flooding the town in the middle of the battle and soaking both sides (you get swept up too, of course). Taking advantage of the situation, you quickly shake off the water and use the RCV to make a boastful villain entrance.
Recommended tactics:
-Use Falcon Punch to knock buffalo into groups like a bowling ball (you've seen first-hoof how durable buffalo are so they can take a Falcon Punch)
-Use Shoryuken to launch ponies (they're lighter than buffalo)
-Use forcefield since most of the combatants are buffalo and earth ponies and thus will be aiming for close-quarters combat
--But keep an eye out for lassos and pies (speaking of which, deflect a pie towards Chief Thunderhooves so he can experience the deliciousness of Appleloosan friendship)
-Fluttershy is okay, but keep an alert watch out for Rarity (unicorn magic can hit from a distance), Twilight (powerful distance spellcaster), Pinkie Pie (unpredictable reality bender with a party cannon), and Rainbow Dash (aggressive and REALLY fast pegasus)
-If a couple of buffalo and/or ponies are holding you down, use FUS RO DAH to get some breathing room
-You know that "water+electrcity=BAD" (learned that the hard way...), maybe magic works the same way so try to use Stun Spell on puddles to (hopefully) knock out groups in those puddles
Suggested injuries
-You trip and smack your hooded face on the end of a large tube, wait that's not a tube, THAT'S A BUCKING PARTY CAN-(*Boom*)
-Applejack lassos you and uses her strength to spin and slam you against the side of a building before a pair of buffalo ram you through the building (which happens to be the town's schoolhouse) which collapses (Cue cheering foals)
-You get knocked into the Salt Block Saloon...
--You get dragged along the bar-top counter, hit your head on every glass/mug on the counter, and slam head-first into the piano
--Head repeatedly slammed on the piano to the tune of "Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits"
--Try to do a chandelier swing, but the chandelier breaks causing you to fall
--Chair and/or table smashed over head or back
More random quotes for Bugze to spout out:
-"I'll eat your livers with some jelly beans and a nice Chianti!"
-"Show me the money!"
-"Get your stinking hooves off me, you gorram dirty pony/buffalo!"
-"I came at you like a wrecking ball!"
And some western quotes for Sheriff Silverstar or any other buffalo/cowponies
-"Young fella, if you’re looking; for trouble I’ll accommodate ya" (True Grit 1969 by John Wayne)
-"I'm your huckleberry."
-"Somebody oughta belt you in the mouth. But I won't, I won't. The hay I won't!"
------
-Pony/Buffalo 1: "We'll head him off at that pass!"
-Pony/Buffalo 2: "Head him off at the pass? I hate that cliché!"
Rainbow Dash picks up Little Strongheart, flies high into the air, and then dive-bombs Little Strongheart at you causing the young buffalo to slam into you with a flying headbutt with enough force to send you flying a couple of blocks into Chief Thunderhooves and Sheriff Silverstar who both headbutt and buck you (respectively) hard enough to send you smashing through the window of the hardware store and into the display of duct tape and WD-40 in the back. Quickly regaining your senses, you decide that more duct tape and WD-40 would come in handy later so you throw out a few bits (*68 Bits left*) and quickly stuff some rolls and cans into your coat
Acquired "Rolls of duct tape" and "Cans of WD-40"
Remembering that WD-40 is flammable, you put a small can in your mouth, grab a lighter, leap through the broken window and yell, "BURN IN THE NAME OF THE PROPHE- I MEAN ME!" (or just "FLAME ON!") before putting the lighter near the can and spraying around you, creating a stream of flame that keeps the surrounding ponies/buffalo at a distance (that way, it looks like the Hooded Offender is breathing fire from his faceless hood).
However, you suddenly remember that heated spray cans explode (long story involving shaving cream, a spark, and 2 weeks in the infirmary) and drop the lighter and throw the can away in a panic. Fortunately, the flaming can lands in and blows up a cabbage cart ("MY CABBAGES") not seriously harming any pony (although the explosion does make Pinkie and Twilight jump away in an overly-dramatic fashion that would look alot cooler in slow-motion) and the scattered cabbages flying everywhere force a couple of ponies and buffalo to take cover (although a few cabbages do pelt you in the face and one even hits you right in the "family jewels")
When you decide to end the battle, you spout in the RCV (See Minds Eye's AWESOME idea, specifically:
) before yelling "HOODED OFFENDER, AW-", but get dog-piled by every buffalo and pony. Then you teleport away
-----------
Maybe I'd live in either Sword Art Online (virtual reality FTW) or Sekirei (what, I'm a guy...)
HELL YEAH!!!
*Starts blasting every Dalek with every gun in John Woo-style flurry*
Bugze attaches one end of duct tape to a lampost and runs in circles while parallel to the ground, kicking at the ponies and buffalo charging at him, pulling at the duct tape to keep himself level. Kinda like at 1:30 here:
Pinkie Pie tackles him to the ground, screaming "Hey! We have GOOD animation here!"
Robotech, or something like it.
Meanwhile, use your brain. See if you can find a way to distract both sides from their stupid and senseless quarrel without getting killed, wounded, captured, or otherwise incapacitated.
Hope you guys don't mind if I expand on those a bit.
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During which a stallion rides by on a surfboard yelling "Surf's up everypony!" while a pair of buffalo jump on him to form a pyramid.
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"Do you have a flag?"
The ponies and buffalo shrug at each other.
"Well then, no flag no town; you can't have one. 'cause those are the rules,.. that I just made up."
=====
At one point in the fight, Twilight corners Bugzy and begins blasting at him with laser magics, which he avoids by break-dancing (while lubricated by WD-40).
Somehow Vinyl Scratch shows up with her turntable and yells "Aww Yeah! gettin' This party started right!" while pumping out the trot-step.
Bugzy then foalnaps her and screams "I am stealing your wubs! I'm hungry!"
Vinyl: "Hungry for tuna?"
Bugzy: "No, hungry for tunes!"
=====
And final idea... All the trees in the apple orchard turn out to be Ents that come to life to defend their caretakers (Led by Appljack's tree, Bloomberg).
4669970
...And Bugze gains a new friend.
SAO again, because of the virtual reality.
You sigh to yourself.
"Well...time to be the villain."
You then jump from the water tower, your billowing cloak serving as a parachute. The ponies and buffalo gasp.
"Who are you?!" The chief barks. You smirk and snicker beneath your cloak.
"Ehehehe...well you see, my little ponies...and buffalo, the drums of war shall not beat tonight." you say menacingly. For some strange reason you hear a four beat tapping from inside your head, driving you mad. You ignore it and keep taunting the western creatures.
"For there is only one savage...one creature that is not pony not buffalo...one being that does not even bleed..." you say. The ponies and buffalo look at eachother in confusion and you can see fear creeping into their eyes, which only encourages you.
"THAT BEING IS ME!" you scream, your cloak billowing behind you like the great wings of a colossal war bird. The ponies and buffalo gasp in horror. One mare from the back pipes up.
"Don't tell me you're" you interupt her with a swift movement of your cloak, getting up in her face and flaunting so you look bigger than usual, causing her to shrink back in shock.
"THAT'S RIGHT, PATHETIC CREATURE. IT IS I, THE HOODED OFFENDER! MWAHAHAHAHA!" you shout. You strike a menacing pose, enjoying every second of non painful spotlight.
"NOW! ONE OF YOU TINY, INSIGNIFICANT MAGGOTS CAN GATHER ALL THE COURAGE IN YOUR PATHETIC, WEAK HEART TO FIGHT ME?!?!" you shout. You're answered with silence. Well that was anticlimactic. Then you hear a voice pipe up from the very back.
"ME!" the voice shouts. Your ears droop underneath your cloak. You know that voice. It was Rainbow Dash.
Really, Lady Luck?
You stand at the top of the water tower and strike a pose. Surprisingly, a random bolt of lightning strikes behind you. Where did that come from?
"Sorry!" A grey mare with mismatched eyes calls behind you, "I just don't know what went wrong!"
You say nothing, you have gotten the buffalo and ponies' attention.
"You will not fight each other today!" You bellow.
"Why not?" Carrot top asks.
"Because, you lowly pony, I am THE HOODED OFFENDER!!!"
There were gasps all around. You smile and strike another pose. No lightning this time. Huh.
"What are you going to do?" A random pony asks in fear. You rise on your back hooves.
"I'm going to...." Everypony leans foreword in anticipation of your words. "DANCE!" You start to shuffle your hooves to a non-existent beat and flail your forelegs in the air. All the ponies and buffalo watch with confusion. Then, you start to move your hips like "yea" and nod your hips like "yea".
"AHHHHHHH! Make it stooooooop!" The ponies and buffalo begin to scream and run in circles. "Unite! Unite! We need to stop this fiend!"
"Our eyes!"
"Make it stop!"
You continue to dance until you are sure they will team up. Then, to your surprise, they chase you out of town.
"Ahhhhh!" You scream. Well, at least your plan worked.
Why does the war song remind me of the apple road trip song?
We're Apples to the core
They're robbers to the core
We're famliy but so much more
We must sound the drums of war
Duct tape pinkie to a pole
He falls off the water tower, hitting his chin on everything on the way down. Once he hits the ground, there's dead silence.
"oooooooow..."
You pick yourself up, rubbing your chin, only to see everyling in town still staring at you. You focus all your magic into a single non lethal attack as you chant "Hucha hucha hucha..."
The ponies wait expectantly for the attack.
"LOBSTER!" Then, lobsters are magically conjured onto everyling's flank.
including your own.
Which anime world would I want to live in?
Hetalia or Pokemon (It's Japanese therefore anime), Hetalia is a nice anime about personified countries and would be an awesome world to live in, and need I say anything about Pokemon that's not already known?
Anyways, great chapter, and I'll let the experts here suggest things, awesome job all of ya
Fariy Tail, Detective Conan, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Digimon, Pokemon.......Any really but mostly the first three
You made a fallout reference... You just made my day author.