Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!

by trahzo

Chapter 1: Mommy Loves you!

"The 1st ship will be...Spikelestia! Oh-my! the 1st chapter starring Spike falling in love with his mother! starting it off with Semi-incest? well, not exactly, since he's adopted, but anyway, let's get this show on the road, scene transition now you pathetic filthy dog!"

"I resent that remark!" said Rover the Diamond Dog.

---

Spike moved back to Canterlot so he can find a wife after that mishap with Rarity falling in love with this stallion and Pinkie Pie bringing Electric Eels to Dinky Doo's Sweet 16! So yeah, he broke a-lot of hearts after leaving, but he can't live in a town that broke his heart many times before! So now he wakes up, on an Ultra luxurious bed, in an Ultra luxurious room! This room had it's own luxurious bathroom, the curtains & carpet matched, which were velvet red, man Celestia, did you spoil Luna this much when she came back?! Well, as I was saying..wait, what was I saying? I lost my train of thought after something about spoiling, but...Oh yeah, the Pokemon Bank is finally available for US 3DS's, no...Uhh

"Narrator, you were talking about Spike waking up from bed!" Pinkie said.

Oh yeah, thanks Pinkie, well anyway, Spike was up and introduced to a big breakfast in bed, the disturbing part of this was that the pancakes were in a rather inappropriate shape, okay I'll tell you what they looked like, they were all shaped like flanks. Spike thought his mom was just trolling him like she does to everypony else. But something seemed different about today, after breakfast he checked the calender and realized it was his 18th birthday today! Yeah, he and the guards spent so much time wife hunting and it caused him to completely forget his own B-day! So Spike got into the shower to hopefully enjoy a great birthday party with his friends and Rarity. Lol, I didn't include Rarity in his friends. hold-on, what's going on? Why did the scene turn into some screen like view? Okay, we're zooming out and...Oh, looks like our all powerful ruler is going Molestia on us for this chapter & is spying on the star of this story with a hidden ca...Oh Celestia, she made us look at his twin towers! *Face Palm!*

"Tee-Hee, happy birthday my darling son!" She says as the Deboss theme song slowly begins to play in the background. "I hope you enjoyed my asscakes, pancakes I rubbed my ass on!"

"Sister, so what you are saying, is that you want your Spike to eat your ass?" A guard asked, concerned that she has become a maniac.

"Yes, don't you dare question my methods, now that he's tasted me, I shall now be destined to be his wife!'

"(I'm now scared of you my glorious ruler!)"

HEY MOLESTIA, THIS IS THE NARRATOR TELLING YOU TO STOP BEING A MOLESTER! YOU STUPID BITCH!!! Hahahahaha, she can't hear me dishonor her. So anyway, Spike gets out of the shower and gets dressed, because his closet has all the latest & hottest clothing, Oh, and no I didn't order 20 pizzas! I sware, it's those kids in class getting back at me for giving them an F--! Let's just continue the story before my rage blows-up again! Anyway, the party happened, the mane 6 once again failed to convince Spike to return home & left with shattered hearts! He feels sorry for doing this whenever they visit, but he doesn't want to die alone! Even though dragons have 100,000's of years, of life, he wont wait for that special somepony! He entered his room to find a huge present!

"Huh? What's this?" He noticed the note and read it!

Happy Birthday, Spike! Mommy loves you very much!

"Aw, Momlestia, you didn't need to!"

He then opened the present, and inside contained a naked princess!

"Ah, what the?"

He had no idea what was going on!

"Hello Spike, come-on, let's go to bed, to make this the best birthday you'll ever have." She then grabbed his left wrist & pulled him over to his bed!

"Mom, your kidding right? This is all just you trying to troll me right? I know how you love to troll people, Trollestia!"

"Oh, Trollestia, isn't here son, the Lestia here, is Molestia!"

"Ah, s-s-so, it's not a rumor, you actually do molest people?" He said in fear

"Yes, but I've decided to finally settle down, and the one I plan to settle down with...is you!"

Then the scene swiftly goes black, as the cries of Spike echo through the wind!

---

"...My my, that was a...interesting start, next letter please!"

"Yes, your majesty!"

Comments

[panzerbrony]

the levels of disturbing in this chapter is Over 9000!

[Geoice]

Find an off button to the swag

[Rennes le chateau]

The lack of creativity of this chapter is so overwhelming is not even funny.