Five years have passed after the war with the Changelings, an era of peace ushered in. The sun is shining, the birds singing...and the palace lively with two very mischievous fillies. Now with more borscht!
D'awww... I hope poor Nightmare Moon can reach an understanding with Talon and have his love, too. I love love love stories where NMM is given love and understanding; I have a few in my 'Short Shorts' Collection!
I loved your Fury short and you should add more of them with whomever you want. I feel like Nightmare should get a chance at being accepted. I've always had a soft spot for her. That doesn't mean their shouldn't be some conflict with Talon, NMM, Luna, etc. Just in the end things should work out. I'd really like to see some more of her personality. Also will the fillies have a bigger role later on? Amazing chapter and keep up the good work!
The reasons for my ruling are as follows, I'll begin with the Pro's.
1) The character development is spot on. 2) The plot is interesting. 3) Excellent tone, as usual. 4) The pacing is consistent and well done. 5) The environments are fleshed out to the point where visualizing them is easy. 6) Those Fillies are adorable.
Now for the Con's, there aren't many but there are a few.
1) Grammar and punctuation could use a little work. I've noticed this in all of the chapters so far. 2) Sometimes things seem a little repetitive (i.e. Nickers and Withers are used a lot.) Not necessarily a bad thing, but it can make immersion into the story a bit difficult at times. Especially when those words seem out of place. 3) This may sound strange, but the relationship between the Fillies and everyone else seems a little TOO good. I don't mean to sound negative, but the fillies, while adorable, seem more like heavenly archetypes rather than actual children. Just something I thought I'd point out, not really a big issue with me.
That's all from me... See you next chapter.
*theme music starts to play as the Solitary Man rides off into the sunset*
1- Nightmare Moon and her love for Talon was very well written. How she is shown to 'chase' what she wants with no rest is both beautiful and kinda dark.
2- Celestia is a troll, a sexy troll, but a troll none the less. That is all.
3- Luna's interactions with her children made me dawww hard. Her interactions with Talon just made me ha-...I mean, I liked it
4- I'm looking forward to seeing just how Nightmare explains herself to Talon. If her character is done like how I think she is, then I'd imagine she'd be able to both entice and frighten him simultaneously.
I have to say one of the 20% of the best love stories here on FIMFIC Your Work is really nice, not too much, not too less, emotion, spirit and heart.
But: Not Ex Hale, it is exhale... strangely that jumped me like a sex-crazed mare on 'deprivation' *cough* did I say something?
Go on dear, good work.
P.S. but one thing: the Chapters are a wee bit to long~ 15kw per chapter is simply to long ^^" split them. less than 4k is short and over 12k is too long ^^" that is a bit deterring ~~~
Oh boy! New Chapter, time to read...
Mhmm, I'm looking forward to this!
Blimey this took me a while to read, worth it though XD
Get the next one out ASAP!
3903312 well? Thoughts? Do be detailed, darling.
D'awww... I hope poor Nightmare Moon can reach an understanding with Talon and have his love, too. I love love love stories where NMM is given love and understanding; I have a few in my 'Short Shorts' Collection!
I loved your Fury short and you should add more of them with whomever you want. I feel like Nightmare should get a chance at being accepted. I've always had a soft spot for her. That doesn't mean their shouldn't be some conflict with Talon, NMM, Luna, etc. Just in the end things should work out. I'd really like to see some more of her personality. Also will the fillies have a bigger role later on? Amazing chapter and keep up the good work!
3903483 try "The Prince Of Darkness" by ShadowStallion
NMM x Human
Okay, first my rating of this chapter.
4.5 out of 5
The reasons for my ruling are as follows, I'll begin with the Pro's.
1) The character development is spot on.
2) The plot is interesting.
3) Excellent tone, as usual.
4) The pacing is consistent and well done.
5) The environments are fleshed out to the point where visualizing them is easy.
6) Those Fillies are adorable.
Now for the Con's, there aren't many but there are a few.
1) Grammar and punctuation could use a little work. I've noticed this in all of the chapters so far.
2) Sometimes things seem a little repetitive (i.e. Nickers and Withers are used a lot.) Not necessarily a bad thing, but it can make immersion into the story a bit difficult at times. Especially when those words seem out of place.
3) This may sound strange, but the relationship between the Fillies and everyone else seems a little TOO good. I don't mean to sound negative, but the fillies, while adorable, seem more like heavenly archetypes rather than actual children. Just something I thought I'd point out, not really a big issue with me.
That's all from me... See you next chapter.
*theme music starts to play as the Solitary Man rides off into the sunset*
clicktempus.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Riding-off-into-the-sunset.jpg
3903318
Thought, detailed?
Okay-
1- Nightmare Moon and her love for Talon was very well written. How she is shown to 'chase' what she wants with no rest is both beautiful and kinda dark.
2- Celestia is a troll, a sexy troll, but a troll none the less. That is all.
3- Luna's interactions with her children made me dawww hard. Her interactions with Talon just made me ha-...I mean, I liked it
4- I'm looking forward to seeing just how Nightmare explains herself to Talon. If her character is done like how I think she is, then I'd imagine she'd be able to both entice and frighten him simultaneously.
Where's the chappy Sarah?!
I'm starving over here
I have to say one of the 20% of the best love stories here on FIMFIC
Your Work is really nice, not too much, not too less, emotion, spirit and heart.
But: Not Ex Hale, it is exhale... strangely that jumped me like a sex-crazed mare on 'deprivation'
*cough* did I say something?
Go on dear, good work.
P.S. but one thing: the Chapters are a wee bit to long~ 15kw per chapter is simply to long ^^"
split them.
less than 4k is short and over 12k is too long ^^" that is a bit deterring ~~~
where's chapter 4? i was almost finished reading when fimfiction.net crached!
Edit: and now the chapter is up again
The lenght of the chaps are lobg but i can manage, that doesnt mean i dodnt like the chapter.
Your work os amazing especially with the emotions
You don't need the 'times', 'thrice' means 'three times' already.
this is EPICLY AWSOME I LOVE IT hey you said to write a review this is my review!