I Blame You

by Whitestrake

Samsung Actually Makes the iPhone's Processor

It turns out Celestia keeps a stock of records for her private collection. While Frank Sinatra wasn't my first choice for work music, I can't argue with a classic voice like his. I think Leviathan liked the music, the machine spirit thrummed aloud to Sinatra's cadence like a soldier's marching feet. Washing the tank was a task best undertaken in a group, but it had a slight aversion for the ponies, so I was stuck by my lonesome, with nothing more than an ancient spirit and a phonograph for company. Cleaning the massive war machine was only half of my job, repairing the broken lascannon was still a major concern.

In case you didn't know, Baneblades are pretty big, so the bath took well over four hours. The excessive time was mostly my attention to detail, which was augmented by my fascination with Leviathan's many battlescars. A thick layer of dirt and grime obscured the winterized camouflage used by its original regiment, cleaning away the filth revealed the beautiful pattern and the array of gouges and rips that marred the paint. In my professional opinion, my mechanical ally had seen some shit.

I climbed to the broken lascannon power cable, which was about as thick as my arm. Other than its huge size and tremendous capacity, it wasn't that different from a normal cord. Still, it was hooked up to a fucking anti-armor laser cannon, so that made things way more awesome than what most people fixing wires usually deal with. While soldering copper ends of a broken wire was easy for appliances, the use of a torch was needed to melt the thick bands of metal that conducted the weapon's energy. If repairing such a relatively simple trauma was this difficult, then the gouge Chrysalis's magic left on the hull would be staying for a quite some time.

“Aren't ya gettin' hungry?” I looked up to see Applejack standing near one of my worktables, which was odd, because the two of us never really saw eye to eye. I gave the farmer a tired smile and silently wondered how she knew where to find me.

“I'll be heading back up in time for dinner, don't worry.” The orange pony gave me a confused look. I had no idea why, of course, because I'd been inside the makeshift garage fro the past four hours, but there was just something a bit strange about her questioning gaze.

“Taylor, it's five in the morning, ya've been down 'ere since lunch yesterday.” Huh, that actually made sense. There wasn't a clock in the impromptu workshop, so I could have been in there for days without noticing. Still, you'd think I would have gotten tired by then.

“Maybe I should lie down before I do anything else.” So long as I have something to do, I don't get physically tired. Mental exhaustion is still a problem, though, because I've always had the habit of using my head way too much. If you're having trouble understanding how I was feeling, imagine doing something, then having your head filled with lint or some similar fluff.

“Ah think ya should.”

$%$%$%$%$%$%

Rainbow Dash was getting restless. Being cooped up in Canterlot Castle wasn't good for the chromatic pegasus, and cabin fever was starting to set in. While being in Equestria's capital hadn't been unpleasant in itself, the athlete just couldn't find anything to do in the high-class city. Sure, Cloudsdale had its own social hierarchy, but that revolved entirely around pegasi; here in Canterlot, unicorns had the top rung on the ladder. Not that all the magic in Equestria had stopped the changeling invasion, the equally-unusual humans had done most of the heavy lifting.

Why didn't she like to think about the hyper-intelligent apes? Jay had called her a rapist during their first meeting, right in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and the other one was just an asshole. At least she could poke fun at their fear of heights, which the polychromatic mare never quite understood. If they were some kind of monkey, wouldn't they like being in trees and stuff? Maybe all humans were scared to climb things, but their hands were perfect for it, so why didn't they use them like they should?

“Humans are weird.” Yes, that was her final decision. She could easily work alongside them if need be, but she wouldn't make the first move into actual friendship unless one of them changed his act.

$%$%$%$%$%$%

Have I mentioned that the castle is tough to navigate? Oh, I have? Well, now its worse, maybe they moved the walls. Or I could be really, really tired. Yeah, maybe missing a meal had a negative impact on my blood sugar level, or maybe it was sleep deprivation. I really had no idea. I could find my way back to the tower I was staying in, but that was the extent of my cognitive abilities at the moment. After getting to the floor my suite was on, I had to think about which door my room was behind. One would reveal my waiting bed, the other would have a sleeping changeling queen. I remember the last time I had to pick between two doors, and I took left then, so my luck was out for that option.

I opened the right-hand door, and saw the room's layout. It was familiar, so I must have chosen the correct option. Ever been so lazy you just strip as you walk? Just kick your shoes off, let your pants hit the floor, toss your shirt wherever it fucking wants to go? Yeah, I could tell I was going to enjoy sleeping for twelve or so hours. I was so hyped for knocking out that I didn't even wonder why none of the guestrooms at the castle locked. Were I energetic, I would have jumped onto the waiting mattress, but I had to settle for an exhausted flop.

“Taylor?” A very familiar voice came from under a lump I hadn't noticed in the dark. By the time my eyes had adjusted, I could plainly see Chrysalis's face, complete with confused and tired look. While I wasn't certain changelings needed sleep, the broodmother looked like she could use it.

“I'm too tired to move, go to my room if you want privacy.” I crawled under the blankets and settled into a comfortable position. “The door doesn't lock.”

“Maybe you shouldn't stay up so long, you sound a little agitated.” The hivequeen gave me a sympathetic look, and I started getting angry. If there was one thing I couldn't take, it was pity from someone who has no right to look down on me. But, for the sake of good relations, I bit my tongue. I mustered every bit of niceness I could, but I think the effort was worth it.

“Chrissy, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.”

$%$%$%$%$%$%
Extra – The Game of Blame
Day six in Equestrian society.

Jay was adjusting somewhat well, but being surrounded by ponies was a bit startling. It was unlikely he would mellow out in the foreseeable future, so he was just winging it. He didn't know why, but somehow, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had decided the mythical beast would be able to help them get their magical tramp stamps. It may had something to do with him throwing a bucketful of muddy water on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. He was about to ask the girls to leave him alone, in a polite way of course, when something slammed into him from above.

“What in Equestria are you?” A very familiar pony was holding the teenage human down, one that many people viewed as best pony. Rainbow Dash was popular, but there was something about her that just asked for shit to come her way.

“Help! She's trying to rape me!” Did Jay know he was making a scene? Did he know that there was something morally wrong about accusing a national hero of being a sexual predator. The answer was the same for both.

“What? Stop lying!” Dash didn't really know what to do, but getting away never crossed her mind. The polychromatic mare was stumped, but she could always resort to her old flight camp tactics. “Shut up!”

“Run children, before she takes you to her rape dungeon!” Jay would enjoy his day, for it was glorious. In fact, the flautist was having so much fun, a new word was forged in the fires of English grammar that fateful afternoon. He would go down in history as a pioneer and adventurer, loved by women and envied by men.

For Jay was the first to ever experience the giggleshits.

Comments

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

This chapter. I like it. When he was washing the tank, it brought back happy memories of Warhammer 40K. Man, I loved that tank.
Also, if there isn't either a romantic scene or awkward explanation to people who walk in and see Chrysalis and Taylor, I will be disappointed.
*Nod*
*Clap*
Make it so.

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

Also, rape dungeon. Nice touch.

[Dull Mist]

I think I got a case of the giggleshits when I read the word "giggleshits."

[lolz anonymous]

hey! i remember reading that! lol!!

[ezy goin]

1523512
As did I. How has no one come up with it until now?

[Olivine Ellva]

Hello everybody, It's time to go on an adventure.

And yet another adventure.

[ponies are my crack]

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_majslpvJfe1rwlt8ro1_500.jpg

[Sue]

1523820 that picture made my day

[Kitsuneisuki]

Giggleshits!

[Xpep9000]

Laughed for a good 5 minutes at the ending paragraph
Good show my good sir!

[Miki]

1523488
Baneblade still has shit on my beast of choice.
games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m400728_99120110004_NecronMonolithMain_873x627.jpg

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

1524857
Hey, you get that crap outta here. We don't take kindly to your kind round these here parts.
I still remember fighting those sons of bitches.

[Whitestrake]

1524857>>1524917 If you ever wonder why I didn't choose an Monolith, the answer is yes.

[Miki]

1524917
media.comicvine.com/uploads/11/113563/2494680-trollnecron.jpg
Youmad? I remember playing games against the guard and wrecking their armour like it was nothing.

Space/Chaos Marines and Tau players on the other hand can go suck a fat one.

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

1524965
http://bekrex.deviantart.com/favourites/51379264?offset=216#/d4emwk3

Nope. I got God Empress Celestia. BOW BEFORE HER MIGHT!

1524934

Yes you remember fighting them and how much of a bastard they could be?

Hey guys... how do you post pictures?

[Whitestrake]

1524991 No, I remember summoning hordes of robotic undead to sweep the board.

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

1525006

..... I don't know if I can read this story anymore....

[Miki]

1525010
1525006
images.dakkadakka.com/gallery/2011/12/1/300437-Blood%20Angels,%20Bro%20Fist,%20Fist%20Bump,%20Humor,%20Necrons.jpg

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

1524965
deviantart.com/download/266447955/god_empress_celestia_coloured_by_blueshift2k5-d4emwk3.jpg

HA HA! FEEL HER MIGHT!

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

1525037
Well, in this case... yeah, okay.
/)

[Miki]

1525051
Alright, on that note.

images.dakkadakka.com/gallery/2009/7/21/43731-Motivational%2520Poster,%2520Necrons,%2520Warhammer%252040,000.jpg

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

1525100
Kickin' a man while hes down... I approve.
*Golf claps*

[Mr AJ]

"Giggleshits" I love it! I might make that the new nickname of a certain co-worker.

[Miki]

1525108
I;m just a bitch like that. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png

[Soul Reaper]

i am going to use that word every day now. THIS, I SWEAR!!!

[Anubis Nox]

“Chrissy, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.”

Such is life aye ^.

[Glassed]

Giggleshits
Is now my new favorite word.
-Glassed

[Alondro]

1530436 I'm just randomly mixing artifacts, because this story is getting silly like that.

[HighTreason25]

Someone give a realistic dictionary entry for "giggleshits". Please. You would win all the interwebs. all of them

[AdmiralStrep]

giggleshits... as in laughing so hard you shit yourself?

[Dgrb]

1535769 'Giggleshits' the process of giggling so long and hard you shit your self.

[Nightmare Wolf]

Maintenance of a Baneblade. Anything sweeter than this, is riding one.

[Mactinto]

“Run children, before she takes you to her rape dungeon!”

I'm dying

[Razzy]

Go Chryssie go!

Lol at the Rainbow Dash and Jay scene.

Cya
Raziel-chan