The fuck just happened? The last thing I remember is firing the FTL gun, then nothing. I'm cold, wet, partially submerged in some sort of muck. Insects sounded off all around me, while the winter had been unusually warm, it did not warrant the emergence of summer's favorite nightmare fuel. I flexed my hands and feet, still there, I sniffed the air, swampy. My eyes opened, and my world turned upside down.
I was in a wooded area of some sort, a mixture of tropical and deciduous plant-life surrounded me. I sat up, and a wave dizziness swam through my head, standing made it that much worse. I felt around myself, searching my pockets for anything that may be useful. My wallet, while valuable, was out of the question, same with my keys. I patted my legs and found just what I needed, my most useful tool: a survival knife with a ten-inch fixed blade in a leg sheath. Double edged tip, a saw on the back, with a hollow handle for storing necessities: four anywhere matches, a compass in the pommel, fish hooks with line.
I looked around for a bit longer, seeing no other options, I headed east.
$%$%$%$%$%$
Jay had no idea where he was. One minute, he's dicking around with his friend, the next, he's being chased though a forest by something. The teen ran around a tree, he kept turning in an effort to lose his pursuer. The band student was, by no means, athletic, it didn't help that he was in flip-flops and bargain bin shorts. The forest was chilly, but humid, and the young man found himself sweating and panting long before he normally would have.
Ducking behind a boulder, he waited for his stalker to pass him. A big cat of some sort, likely a cougar, ran by. Jay had never been around big predators before, and the experience was spine-chilling. Whatever it was, it seemed to have lost track of him, Jay breathed a sigh of relief. The young man crept out from behind the boulder, and tried to get his bearings.
Nothing out of the ordinary, the plants all resembled what he'd seen near his home. He assumed he was still in Walker County, that it was just cold for a March day. The explosion might have made him fly into the woods, but that didn't explain why Taylor wasn't around. Wouldn't he have landed nearby?
Jay was very aware that he had no idea about navigation. He also knew that the odds of being found in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere were pretty low. The highschool band flute player set off in a random direction.
Besides, it's not like he could get lost any more than he already was.
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What the hell was my truck doing in a pool of quicksand? The dark green Chevy was almost completely hidden by the suctioning muck, its tailgate was the only thing that remained visible. She was probably totaled. Damn, I really liked the old girl, too. I shook my head, this was no time to get sentimental. I knew that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong with the FTL gun, and that accident had resulted in an explosion of some sort.
I stopped walking, there was movement nearby, something big, quadruped by the rhythm. I ducked behind some foliage and tried to be as invisible as possible. A... lion of some sort sauntered onto the rudimentary path that I had somehow found myself on. A small pair of mammalian wings rested on its back, and a scorpion tail swished through the air to its rear. What the blueberry fuck was going on here? I was looking at the manticore of legend, a monster that could swallow corpses in a matter of seconds! Jesus H. Christ, I needed to find that gun, and fast.
The beast sniffed the air, apparently it was looking for something. I hoped it wasn't hungry, Taylor stew doesn't sound too appetizing. I slid the knife from its sheath, just in case I needed it, and attempted to quietly escape. A twig had other plans, breaking under my foot with a snap. the beast and I locked eyes, and I took off like a bat out of hell.
My worn pair of Redwing boots wasn't that comfortable to run in, but it'd have to do. The manticore had the advantage of speed, but I had my wits and knife. The run back to my truck was short, made shorter by the half-ton monster trying to eat me. The tailgate and a fair portion of the bed were exposed. Oh, right, things in quicksand bob up and down, good.
With a renewed fervor, I leaped on the tailgate, slid down the sloping bed, and sat my ass down in the muck. My knife was ready to meet flesh, just as the beast jumped and smacked into the framework. It leaned its head over the side of the truck. “Big mistake, asshole.” I thrust the blade upward.
It sunk into the beast's jaw, the gap between the side, and wedged into its skull. With a harsh tug, I freed the blade, and feline ran away. I was aware of the forest's eyes on me, as though every living thing knew I didn't belong here, that I’d violated some taboo in the natural order of things.
With a raised middle finger, I resumed my trip east.
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Jay watched in awe as the lion-thing from earlier ran by him, it didn't even stop to attack. A small trail of blood marked its path, and the flute player was quick to avoid its origin. The young man's heart kicked into overdrive as he saw the border of the forest on the horizon. Running seemed like the best course of action, but that would alert other, possibly larger, predators nearby. What to do, what to do? Throwing caution to the wind, the teen started at an easy jog.
It was only during this moment of relative peace that he was able to truly observe his surroundings. The plants, both those he was familiar with and exotic, provided for a semi-relaxing atmosphere. Nature here felt... pure, untamed, like something to be respected. Jay was about halfway to the exit when he heard a familiar thumping behind him. He turned his head, and saw the same manticore from earlier chasing him, blood covering its chest. Jay kicked out of his flip-flops and high-tailed it towards freedom.
The brambles tore at his skin, but he wanted out and away from that thing. The open air was so refreshing, the sun was shining, and whatever the hell that monster lion was had stopped chasing him. Rows of trees filled his view, ordered, evenly distanced from each other. A sign of civilization! Jay tried to find the farmhouse or work shed, the ordered trees hinted at the existence of both. He needed a phone, a bath, and something to calm him down. A gasp made him turn.
Just in time to see two orange legs slam into his pelvic region.
DUN DUN DUUUUUN
'hissss'i felt that one
i obviously just broke some taboo here...... FUCK THE POLICE (middle finger)
347658
Same here ouch!
Bad girl Applejack BAD!
I gotta whine about the knife. Hollow handled survival knives WILL break. I suggest you replace the part about the hollow handle with one about a pouch on the sheath.
900605
Depends on what it's used for, and if the tang is intact, etc. but yeah, unless it's just a tiny little hole for a bit of oh-shit niceties it won't hold up to any amount of heavy use.
Also.
*flinch* ouch.
*takes off (invisible) hat*
We gather today in remembrance of the dearly departed... This unlucky son of man got kicked in the junk by a farmgirl. And a horse. At the same time. If you don't get it, they were the same person.
*flinches again*
i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj580/charlieg1999/PICS/Pulleditoff_4d04bda3831a4b465c833ca8f35daadb.jpg
ಠ_ಠ
oh oh god it hurts
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTyFo46JQ2As2X1UTkXhqbRtq60-7oAg4muZbTkVHCZLK8TqBMbNA
Oh god, I can almost feel that. Cringe.
374839 HELL YES. :D
"Why dont you fire the gun at th laptop?"
I looked at him as if he was a genius.
"Yeah! What's the worst that could happen?"
Murphy's law, kiddo… Murphy's law.....
also AJ and RD are too violent against the human visitors in all the HiE fics, but hey, its a characteristic mark those two have here and it works pretty well so I wont complain about it.... too much
I am going to assume she only hit bone until you say otherwise in the first paragraph of the next chapter.
Well your friend weeds flip flops... is he a he or is she a she?
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Oooooooooooooo damn right in the kisser!
1819367 friad not bud got him in the family jewels I reckon no kids for him
Why (in almost all FF) AJ have to kick the guy(s) junk???
Is a taboo thing to do with this charter???
2205603 well shes at the perfect height for it.
normally i would say Bumfuck, Egypt or BFE
now though i get to say Bumfuck, Equestria
.2205603
I think it's that authors are subconciously linking her passion for kicking high-hanging fruit with kicking low-hanging fruit. Plus let's be honest: her solution for an awful lot of problems is "kick it and see what happens".
Apple jacks logic. See something you never seen before. Fucking buck it in the face.
2976498 Actually in this case, it seems she bucked him in the balls. Which makes sense, they're more at her eye level. Frankly, considering that it's Applejack, I think I'd rather be bucked in the face. At least then the sweet release of death or unconsciousness would quickly sweep me into darkness. I don't know if it's possible to pass out from the pain of taking one to the gonads, but I DO know you can projectile vomit.
3807046 That poor bastard is most likely sterile and will piss blood and pain for the rest of his life.
Looks like she bucked them apples good.
Cya
Raziel-chan
He took a critical hit to the 'nads!
some guy in Denver: *Hissssssssssss* who just got there balls slammed into cuz i wanna give them a medal if they lived cuz that was the most painful thing they ever experienced.
3807046
how do you know
Kiss them jewels goodbye, homeslice.