“I'm glad you changed your mind, Taylor” Shining Armor was grinning ear to ear, which, given the facial anatomy of equines, was very difficult.
“I told you he'd come around.” Jay was right, especially after what he told me of Cadence being a complete bitch. Well, general rudeness was expected, we were human, but slapping away an offered hand is uncalled for. Which, of course, was my reason for being here.
“I just wish we could have left the city.” I understood why Celestia hadn't let us out, Shining Armor had a barrier to keep up, we couldn't just go for a trip to Las Pegasus. Still, we were going to have fun with this bachelor party. I take back everything nasty that I've ever thought about Armor, I actually kind of felt bad for him. I don't know how many friends he has, if any, but his squad-mates were unable to attend. If we hadn't shown up, he would've been alone right now. “Las Pegasus sounds a lot like our Las Vegas.”
“It's alright, if you like drinking and gambling.” Shining Armor shrugged, right as he'd captured my full attention. Alcohol isn't really my thing, I only drink on occasion, but I'm a damn shark at blackjack, and that was a wonderful opportunity to earn money. Well, earn is a loose term, really depends on how you apply it. “I hope you guys don't mind me being nervous.”
“Understandable, you've got a big day coming up, just don't leave the bride at the altar.” Jay was joking about him getting cold feet, er, hooves as it were. Not really the sort of thing you can pull a punchline from, but he was trying. “All that matters right now is having fun, just the three of us on the town.”
“Before we get started, I need to lay down some ground rules.” This was important, the Bro Code dictated the ancient and absolute rules of bachelor parties. “If anyone asks, we don't remember anything. Not a damned thing about tonight will ever be spoken of again, unless it is between the three of us, alone.”
“You say that like we're going to get into trouble.” Armor looked a little put off at the idea of running wild. Of course, as a captain, he was held to a higher standard. Good thing photography of the groom-to-be was forbidden to prevent scandals until after the ceremony. Word of mouth, however, was still well and good, not that hanging out with two mythical creatures wouldn't damage his good name. “How are we supposed to pull off amnesia, anyway?”
“Already taken care of, my horny friend.” The unicorn blushed at my humor, surprising what embarrassed ponies, unicorns and their horns, pegasi had their wings, earth ponies had a thing for flanks, even a passive joke could be seen as adult comedy. To answer the captain's question, I produced a flask from the back of my pants, where I usually kept the revolver. It was high powered grain alcohol, about one-eighty proof, fresh from the Griffin Pridelands. “All we have to do is show up with this bad boy empty.”
“Where did you even get that?” Jay was obviously very surprised by my resourcefulness. That, or he was shocked that I'd managed to get my hands on booze without any sort of identification. Either way, I had definitely pulled one over on Canterlot's system of laws.
“Liquor store.” I unscrewed the flask's cap and took a whiff of the stuff. With a few coughs, I found out very quickly that I had gotten my money's worth. Damn, no one bring a match anywhere near me for the next few hours, maybe the next couple of days. We should probably mix this up before we drink it, so we don't vomit our guts out.
“The one at the corner of Chapel Boulevard and Eclipse Avenue?” I was genuinely amazed that the straight laced stallion knew the den of vice that I had procured the distillation from, maybe he was an acquaintance of the old griffin that owned the place. Maybe the guy had a bit of a wild streak in him, after all. The thought brought a small smile to my face, it wasn't every day that I had this number of opportunities stretched out before me.
“The very same.” We shared a nod, familiarity with the city would be invaluable in the event of an attack, God forbid, and it was a wonderful excuse to subtly share our knowledge. Besides, a little dirt dealing never killed anybody, a lot, however, has been the deaths of countless people. “Second rule for tonight: No communication with outsiders, that includes fiances, marefriends, coltfriends, spouses, family, in-laws, and future in-laws.”
“You done this before, or something?” Jay was a little taken back by my progress, or maybe it was the fact that I hadn't asked him to help. I really don't know which, but it was a guess, that had to count for something. Right? “You've rattled this off like you rehearsed it.”
“This speech has been used by innumerable individuals when their friends were being hitched to the old ball and chain.” Shining Armor looked a bit offended at my honest opinion of the institution of marriage, but seemed pleasantly that I called him a friend. “You just don't have the culture to understand the tradition.”
“What else does this tradition involve?” I think the stallion was a little nervous about the night's events, human culture could be shocking to the small equines, even the most family-friendly activities could be considered too obscene for every day conversation. “Where are we supposed to go?”
“Oh, you know.” I blew over the flask's mouth, making a small whistling noise. I put on a small smile, trying to ease the unicorn as much as I could before dropping my next bit of humor. “Strip clubs, bars, maybe a brothel or two.”
“WHAT!?” Both Jay and Shining Armor looked at me like I’d gone insane. I was kidding, of course, and they knew it, but comedy was the universal killer of nervousness. After a few moments, we shared a long laugh, even some passing guards grinned as the heard us.
“I'm never going to get used to you two.” Bro-fists/hooves were exchanged as the white stallion recovered from the cacophonous revelry. Despite my earlier opinions, Armor was turning out to be a pretty cool guy, even with the law enforcement job. We joked around for about another hour, taking jabs at one another, all in good fun. But, sunset was upon us, and we needed to get down to business. With Canterlot's lights twinkling below the balcony, I brought the flask out again.
“Gentlemen, tonight shall be recorded as the wildest night in Equestrian history.” I brought out three shot glasses, and poured some of the clear drink into each of them. “What happens, we shall never speak of, it never happened as far as we know.” I passed a glass to each of them, and raised mine in celebration. “To Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, may the two of you have a long and happy marriage.” The others moved to drink, but halted as they noticed that my arm was still. I wasn't done, not until I said everything I needed to.
“But, more importantly, may this be a night that we won't remember, but we shall never forget.”
This ought to be good.
awwwwwwwwwwww yeah.........do i sense a hangover twist
I foresee things of varying badness in that trio's future
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960369
That is horrifying.
Also my comment on this chapter because I didn't get a chance to proofread it.
Alcohol isn't really my thing
Says the one who got drunk last week and told one of his fans to eat shit.
:3
hell yeah!!!!!
x.X
"Before I me Shining Armor, i was a one man wolfpac.....er herd. But after meeting all of you I decided to let you all in my herd."
AWWWWW YEAAAAAAAA
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Nothing less, nothing more.
Okay, now you just HAVE to do the strip club. You have got me too damn curious on what a pony strip club would be like. As I can only imagine they would be wearing lots of socks, some saddles, and maybe some underwear, maybe a dress or whatever? That, and I can only imagine what those guys would be going through with a pony stripper grinding up and all over on them if they get a dance. Hell, it doesn't even have to be pony exclusive! Throw in a griffin or a teenage dragon, and some others!
Some bars as well to get some alcohol stench on them. Ya can't claim drunkeness when ya smell fresh as a daisy!
963122
two words: damn, strait
Why do I have the feeling this is going to turn out like the movie "The Hangover".
960601
Bro.... how could u have knocked up AJ and not tell me. not kool
I call RD
Or Celestia and Luna
EVEN OVERLORDS RESPECT thebrocode.co.uk/images/small-logo250.png
HOW ELSE DO WE ESCAPE OUR QUEENS FOR WAR CAMPAIGNS...
Taylor just turned into Barney Motherfuckin' Stinson.
That bachelor party is going to be Legen - wait for it - Dary.
Isn't those last words a reference to The Hangover? Or is that so obvious no one mentioned it? Anyway, prepare for unexplained chicken.
1660968
Funny, I don't recall Scootaloo making an appearance in The Hangover.
Oh, c'mon! You knew somebody was going to make that joke eventually! Don't give me that look! I'm just surprised it took 13 weeks and 3 days...
Fucking hangover references
Why do I foresee one of them ending in bed with Chryssie? And I'm not talking about Shining.
Cya
Raziel-chan
One of the reasons I moved back to Arizona, Everclear is 190 proof here. Nevada, and other states, limit it to the watered down 151 proof.
I don't like the taste of alcohol, and I have a mountainous tolerance to it. So rather than waste the money on a case of beer, I prefer to just use the high octane stuff. Does wonders for muscle pain, though I do try not to drink too often, so my liver doesn't try to run away to early.
(Where is a Berry Punch emote when you need one?)