East Bound and Down
“How did you know I’d be back so soon?” I was talking to Twilight, who had been here for a number of hours. I think she was waiting on me. At any rate, my infection was cured, and my foot sewn shut, I needed to keep from running for the next few days, but at least I was on the mend.
“I saw you limping last night.” That answer told me more than she had intended. Apparently, my foot was hurting last night, why hadn't I noticed? Must have been how hectic the day had been, so I can't say much to that effect. I could, however, make the most of this situation.
“So, you just couldn't keep your eyes off me, huh?” I punctuated the sentence with a wink. I always figured Twilight to be the easily embarrassed sort, and I was glad to see how correct I my assumption had been. That is, to say, very. The Unicorn went from lavender to scarlet within a second, quite the transformation.
“It was nothing like that! I was just making an observation.” I had known that, of course. The two of us shared a common factor: our analytical minds. Our outstanding intelligence, combined with equally keen observation skills, made for excellent information gathering and retention.
“Nothing to be ashamed of, Twilight.” I can be a pretty nice guy when I want to be. Of course, those occasions are rare in the extreme. I just don't like people, they're too loud, ask too many questions. I don't mind teaching others, but if they can't understand me, that's their problem, not mine. “I am, after all, a unique specimen of a species you are unfamiliar with. I know for a fact that if our positions were reversed, I would do the same.”
“I'm glad to see that we're on the same page.” She was smiling as she spoke, apparently satisfied with my response. With that smile, I knew there was curiosity. I am happy to teach, because I know she's willing to learn.
“Twilight, how would you like to see a piece of human technology?” Just because I would explain some things to her did not mean that I wouldn't do my very best to get something out of the arrangement.
“Only if you agree to explain its purpose.”
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Getting apples out of the trees was the easy part. Jay was only thinking that because he felt moving the filled cart back to the barn was much more difficult. Big Mac had left the cart and buckets behind him, trusting the human to get the job done. The flutist accomplished his appointed task, and a little extra. Considering how many men would have taken to the hills after being told they'd knocked up someone, he felt he was doing pretty well.
He still didn't know it was a lie, it didn't matter to him right now, anyway. Jay was working under a fairly large amount of guilt, striving towards personal redemption. The teen could be a complete ass, but he was equally capable of stepping up the plate and getting shit done. He would continue his attempts at appeasing the Apple family, which would probably include marrying Applejack so the kid would have both parents around.
That meant Jay was stuck here, regardless of how circumstances improved. Even if Taylor found and fixed the FTL gun, the flutist couldn't go home, couldn't continue his education. He'd never see his family again, never graduate high school, never accomplish any of his dreams. Right now, it sucked to be Jay Braden.
To top off this cake of depression, the teen just lost feeling in his legs.
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“What is that?” I can understand Twilight's curiosity, but her slight fear caught me off guard. Then again, I would be scared of a strange, metal object that was painted dark green and brought by an alien creature. I have a fear of Master Chief, so what? It probably didn't help that there was a bloodstain on the tailgate from when I stabbed the manticore. How had that not attracted more predators?
“That, Miss Sparkle, is a Chevrolet Silverado. Long story short, it is a vehicle that is propelled via internal combustion engine turning a drive shaft that turn the rear axle, giving the rear wheels rotation. The engine burns fossil fuels, namely gasoline, a refined product of crude oil.” I may not know the true inner working of the modern engine, but I do know the basics. “I need you to get it out of the mud.”
“Can you get it working if I do?” She would help me, I could tell, but she needed confirmation of my ability to repair any possible damage.
“I'll see what I can do, but we'll have to see.” I think she found the answer appropriately satisfying, because she started to levitate the truck from its prison. I'm not sure how much it weighed, but Twilight did have to strain herself, very slightly, to lift it. It doesn't need to be said, but I was nearly awestruck by the display. Magic must have been so normal to them, that I was left wondering about how it had affected their society through the ages. I was also curious to see how Twilight could manage without her magic to assist her.
“Can we go inside?” She tried to act professional, but I could hear the youthful enthusiasm in her voice. She was almost child-like in her curiosity, a feeling that I sorely missed. I then realized that there was a rather impressive collection of porn in the driver-side floorboard. How the hell am I going to explain that?
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It struck Jay as odd that he hadn't seen Granny Smith or Applebloom yesterday. Maybe they were mad at him, he could understand Granny Smith fitting the part, but the school-age filly probably didn't understand the implications. Jay amused the thought that either Applebloom hadn't been told, or she was excited over getting a niece or nephew in the near future. The flutist chuckled a little, even in this shitty situation, any good smartass can find something to laugh about.
The cart was currently being unloaded by Applejack. She had been impressed by how many buckets the flutist had filled, and she knew how much a full cart can weigh. The load was easy for her, but for something as scrawny as Jay, it must have been substantial. The farm pony felt a bit sick to her stomach about carrying the teen along like this, she could understand a little corporate dishonesty, but faking a pregnancy was too much.
His memory had better be restored soon, AJ just didn't know how long she could keep this lie going.
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“Is that what I think it is?” I had moved the porno mags to the passenger's floorboard, and hoped Twilight wouldn't notice. I was dead wrong.
“Are you referring to the dry rotted ceiling liner?”
“I meant the picture of Trixie with her genitals exposed.” She barely finished that sentence before the full extent of her statement set in, and she came to a horrifying realization. Not only did I have a rather copious amount of pony erotica in my truck, but Trixie was a centerfold in one of the skin mags, or was that fur mags?, and said centerfold had possibly spent an unknown amount of time with me, alone. Jesus Hudson Christ, I must look like huge pervert right now.
“I know this looks bad, but those are not mine.” I've never had to explain porn to anyone before, so this was new to me. I hope the excuse would work.
“Then whose are they?” I noticed that she hadn't run away screaming yet, so that was a good sign. How do I word this without making Trixie look bad, while keeping my own head above water?
“I'm not going to lie, I looted them from Trixie's wagon after I patched her up the first time.” I took her confusion as an opportunity. I placed the ignition key into its slot, and turned fully.
As if by some miracle, the engine roared to life.
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Jay ran this idea by me: he gets magic.
I personally don't want to do that.
You get to decide if I go cliche or not.
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I'd let him have magic, but not personal magic. Magic items for specific effects are just like giving out any other tool, but no mind-controlled telekinetic fields or the like.
If other folks over-rule that, I'd do it by sticking a horn on his forehead to get in the way and make his magic about as good as Sweetie Bell. Every guy wants a pink horn poking out from his forehead, right?
idk what u should do
LOl, yeah. Random crack turned into plot that you write just 'cause. Gets more hits and reviews then your serious story...
Yeah. That happens all the time.
In fact if I write a story explaining that the CMC are actually Peggy Sue Celestia (or Rarity), Luna (or Applejack) and Discord (Yeah.. Scoots stays discord XD) that already pre-empted the big bad and are now just yanking their previous selves chains for the lulz...
Hm... Naah. Back to the review:
HiE. Check. Random pointless backstabbing. Check. Juvenile craptasticality... Check. Teaching Pinkie Pie about bear bashes... Sooon. Turning Ponyville into a kegger Party... Ditto.
In conclusion I found the story amusing but... Seriously, pet peeves:
1. Applejack would NOT extend the 'punishment' for too long. Not if the guy was as depressed as he seems to be. She'd feel sick to her stomach.
2. Why the heck are the guys so randomly jackass? It just does not compute?! Whyyyyy! Tell me TELL ME!
3. Celestia is an ancient pegasister... It's the only answer... Wait, that's not a peeve... What?
Hm... HiE self insert... As Celestia...
Anyway. This story sucks... I'm watching it and when's the next chapter coming up?
490166If you were to ever meet Jay and I IRL, this is how we act on a regular basis.
AJ is only going to do this for however long Jay remains an amnesiac, or until about thirty-six hours has passed, whichever comes first.
Trollestia is troll.
You are credit to team.
Whenever I get the free time to write and finish.
Well, you could always do a dickish thing and give him crappy magic.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfp6afqzwC1qfcbfro1_500.gif
I rest my case.
Oh, and "We gonna do what they say can't be done."
I say there should be like a wonder twins magic, they have to work completely together to cast even a simple spell. That way it can be there but never ever used.
But that's just my own two cents.
HiE that gains magic? Please don't be that guy, there are already too many. Make this story stand out from those ones.
490827 NO QUOTING SONGS!!!
493277 Fine. I won't quote them anymore, but you can never silence the song in my heart!
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110314152018/mlpfanart/images/c/c2/Pinkie_Pie_dancing_to_her_Zecora_song.gif
493998 I'm not trying to silence the song in your heart, I just dont like THAT specific song... S&TB was NOT one of my favorite movies...
In retrospect, the whole "magic" thing was a really crap idea.
Note to self, don't come up with ideas at midnight while making Ramen Noodles, it can't end well.
494168 To be fair, I didn't name the chapter...I just queued off it.
494306 Fair enough, although, if I were going to pun off of the chapter title, I would have gone with Loaded Up and Trucking instead...
494338 That's actually what I was going to name the next chapter
494348... pleatedjeans.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/man-in-grey-suit-pinching-bridge-of-nose-headache.jpg aahhh...
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Can_b319c2_1992595.jpg 494360
494338 See, I'm psychic.
I would be scared of a strange, metal object that was painted dark green and brought by an alien creature. I have a fear of Master Chief, so what?
i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj580/charlieg1999/Avatars_Halo_Shield_Animated.gif
i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj580/charlieg1999/PICS/youbeatmetoitdamn_be869899cf892b9c1af2a1357bb658d2.png
I can't be the only one disappointed that Taylor didn't even remotely make a Star Wars reference when Twilight rescued his truck. C'MON IT WAS PERFECT!
“I'm glad to see that we're on the same page.” She was smiling as she spoke, apparently
satisfied with my response. With that smile, I knew there was curiosity. I am happy to teach,
because I know she's willing to learn.
BOW CHICKA BOWWOW!!!!!!!
Size matters not.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Yes, but you get either flight or super stronk