We all know Pinkie likes parties, that's just how she is, and that it wasn’t out of the question that she would want to throw a celebration in honor of our victory over the invading changelings. Well fuck going to that, after being burned alive, I just wanted to relax, and Jay needed the wind-down as much as me. So, apparently Chrysalis and Trixie get along well, because they collaborated with Twilight to host a coed slumber party. Unfortunately for me and my fellow teenager, the broodmother was just as deceptive as she had always been, and lured us both in under false pretenses. Well, that's how they got Jay, because they ripped me out of bed and dragged me to Chrysalis' room.
“As soon as I get out of here, you are all going to die.” It was ten, and I'd been trying to sleep since noon. I was not a happy man by any definition, and they were going to know it.
“Relax, you got less sleep around me and Bons.” Did I forget to mention Lyra was there? Well, she was, and that alone made things more bearable and stressful at the same time. And no, that was not an innuendo about me joining in on the couple's sex, they were just loud and the first-floor ceiling wasn't enough to block the noise. “And that was while you were trying to build an electric engine for your truck.”
“Why not build me a new laptop?” Jay was enjoying this exponentially more than me, of course, zero to the hundredth is still zero. “You seem to be doing everything except what you promised.”
“Eat a bucket of fried dicks.” Before things could escalate further, Lyra and Twilight got between us in an attempt to diffuse the situation. Please note that they were blocking me, because Jay posed no physical threat to me. I'll be the first to admit that he had bulked up during his work at Sweet Apple Acres, but he still wasn't on my level.
“Now listen, I've done all of this to give you guys a relaxing night with friends, the very least you could do is humor me.” Twilight could be very forceful when she wanted, as I had learned twice while working for her. As you know, we arrived during the early spring, so care to guess what happens in the late spring and early summer for equines? Yeah, that had been the second time I'd learned that lesson.
“I'll cooperate as long as he does.” What Jay said was tantamount to my own words, though much less civil. With our mutual, though begrudging compliance, the Element of Magic pulled out what I had thought was a board game, and I had been close. You know those boxed Truth or Dare games that use cards that tell you what to ask or have the person do? Well, apparently Equestria had them too.
“Trixie always hated this game as a foal.” The showmare hadn't actually hated the childish game, so much as never had anyone to play it with. She was a very lonely filly before I came along with my knife and makeshift medical skills. Her disdain aside, we circled around the two stacks of cards and took our seats. Trixie and Lyra where at my sides, Chrysalis was across from me, and I was left wishing for a die to roll to decide who went first and what direction turns would go. Sadly, the mares decided Jay would have the first go.
“Alright, Twilight, truth or dare?” He wouldn't draw the corresponding card until she answered, and the whole setup had me suspicious about the game's intentions. With each passing moment, the odd feeling in my gut worsened, and I knew when to trust my gut.
“Truth.” Twilight had a very slight smirk on her face, and the other females wore the same. Why was this doing nothing to ease my nerves? If anything, it was making me more on-edge than normal, and that was never a good thing. Jay drew the Truth card with the practiced ease of a gambler, it probably helped that we played a lot of Magic before coming to Equestria.
“How many se- what the fuck?!” I have never seen my friend's eyes so wide, save one round of yearbook photos that I'm not willing to discuss. He waved me over to see what had caught his breath, and I can't truly say I'm surprised.
“Well, Twilight, answer him. How many sexual partners have you had?” Judging by the looks I got, they hadn't been expecting me to be so cool with the mature game, but two can play at this game. Well, technically it requires three or more, but you get the point. The lavender Element bearer blushed and stuttered for a bit, clearly unused to being asked such questions, but she did pull through.
“None.” I don't think anyone was surprised by that, I can attest that she got out less than I did. Now, it was at that moment, after I had read the question aloud, that I realized I may have brought some shit down on me. But, the first rule of a war of attrition was entrench your position, and this battle had a mental no-man's-land. My conscience already had its spade ready. “Taylor, truth or dare?”
“Dare.” Retreat? Do I look French to you? And yes, I knew that I was likely putting the nails in my own coffin. Twilight magicked the card from the stack like an ace Uno player, yes, those actually exist. The lavender mare thought she had me pegged with her scary and embarrassing dare.
“Put on a pair of socks.” Right, the whole sock thing. You'd think that she would have realized that I wore a pair every single day, but geniuses lacked common sense sometimes.
“You mean like these?” I pointed to my feet, and you could have seen the joy drain from her face when she realized me level of preparedness. She looked angry for a second, really angry, like burn down your house with a glare angry. The lavender mare flipped through the rulebook for a bit, before she evidently found the passage she was looking for.
“Whenever a player already meets the requirements for a clothing-base dare, a new card must be drawn.” Twilight placed the card in the used stack, looking smug that she'd beaten me for the first time since we'd met. Her magical aura enveloped the next Dare card, and for once, I was feeling nervous about my fate. But the die had been cast, let the universe do with me as it pleased.
“Let's see what we've got.”
$%$%$%$%$%$%
Extra – A Lesson in Equine Biology
Week Three in Equestria, a Monday.
“Huh, wonder where everyone went.” I was sitting on the balcony of Lyra's apartment, which was goddamned fancy enough to warrant it. I had been awake for the past two days, another bout of insomnia for me, and through the past couple of days, my sleepless brain had been noting the diminishing numbers of males in Ponyville. Even the Doctor had taken flight, which was rather odd of him, what little I actually understood outside of scientific conversation. Spike and Big Mac had left town yesterday, and they took Jay with them for some reason, so there was one fly out of my ointment.
Like I had done before in my sleepless mornings, I watched the town awaken with the dawn as I sipped a bitter, herbal medicine meant to aid in rest. Just as I thought, married couples and young foals had left town entirely, while the vast majority of the fairer sex had remained, along with the occasional dude thrown in for balance. The mares seemed a bit... off somehow, like they were itchy or sick, but my perch didn't allow me the luxury to take closer observations. I was also too lazy and polite to ask a lady what was wrong with her. However, something in the air was making my head fuzzy, so maybe getting another cup of bitter sleep-aid and knocking out for a couple of hours wasn't such a bad idea. The last thing I saw from the balcony was Bon-bon leaving for work, we always seemed to miss each other in the mornings.
“Oh, hey Taylor.” Lyra was sitting at the dinner table, eating her breakfast like a sensible person/pony, but I couldn't help but notice a tinge in her cheeks. She was slightly flushed, maybe she had a fever, not something I needed to deal with, but still. I placed my own cheek on her forehead, ponies were hotter than humans on a normal basis, but she felt much warmer. “What are you doing?”
“Do you feel hot?” Lyra looked at me like I was insane, before she must have remembered something, then she started laughing.
“Yes, I do.” She still had that mocking grin on her face, and I could easily pick up the same dizzying aroma that was outside. Whatever it was permeated the air within the dwelling, and seemed to be emitting from the teal mare that sat in front of me.
“I trust you have something to fix this?” Malady should never be taken lightly, especially if it was making my own senses go haywire. The mare just giggled and grabbed my hand, something she had always been rather fond of, and I wasn't about to turn away an ailing pony.
“It's not that kind of sickness, Taylor.”
“So, if it's a virus, just treat the symptoms.” She giggled again, I think I was missing something here, but who cares? A shake of her head told me I still had it wrong, and a point of her hoof hinted that I should look down. There was a certain question that popped into my head, and I just about answered my others with it mere existence.
Why did I have an erection?
Then I remembered what spring meant for equines.
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Do I even need to tell you guys that you pick the dare?
oh this is gonna be good and i love the mental theme of war he choose for this scenario
Um damn I got nothing.
then why did you post this comment?
Shut the hell up brain!
i say he has to put on a speedo
oh god, dis gun be good. Dare-another clothing based one, just for lolz.
so the biology lesson... is that before or after the truth or dare game? if before he should give a pony a massage, if after... i'm not sure, but some thing suggestive... make him strip?
Wow, classic truth or dare moment here.
Btw, here is a mistake
. Me, really? I personally thought it was my. Ah well
Nice story, grammar errors or not.
1447546
obviously, he is a pirate.
Dare: make Chrysalis slober like a dog all over Trixie.
1447656
Really, I don't think he could be that cliche.
However if that was what he was going for...
THAT'S SO CLICHE!!!
Thong and bra.
Maybe I just enjoy this story too much, but I think it should involve him and Chrysalis. "Kiss the player across from you" or some such. Taylor would be like, "Dammit universe."
So Jay made a degreaser and an ork pony appeared, causing Taylor to go into a space marine blood rage? Seems legit...
1448192No, I haven't, but it sounds like something I could watch
Calling it now, Taylor
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1447656
Or maybe he secretly is Irish...or a giant leprechaun!
locked in a closet for 5 minutes with the person across from you (chrysalis)
or
make him have to give someone a lap dance (preferably jay, for the lulz)
or
he has to sneak into celestias bedchambers, put on her socks, and sneak out without getting caught
Aw man! Do you try to kill me? I'm laughing so hard from this chapter that the death himself appeared next to me to take me to the other side and forgot it instantly as he began reading along with me. He just forgot his job and as we ended this chapter, wished me a good night and disappeared.
May I suggest that you continue both, the truth or dare game and the spring time where he was the ONLY male in town.
It would be totally hilarious to see him dealing with it.
Flying mares everywhere. They are flying to him.
Take cover dude!
Bronydragon
Huh...I say make something unique to pony culture that might not seem like it is what it is...I mean that in the grammatical sense, as in maybe using a word that makes no sense in that context, but actually means say, maybe their version of 7 minutes in heaven, but since they're herd animals, I can see it being a public 'Right in front of everyone else deal' (By they are herd animals, I'm referring to the ponies, do remember that this could very well be influenced by their biology). So maybe...He has to kiss the person sitting across from him (Chrysalis) ideally specifying that it has to last for a full minute, and must be tongue-in-mouth. In front of everyone. I'm not sure if this makes any (Coherent, sane) sense (12:00 here on a school night) so, yeah.
1448409
Better, sneak into celestia's chambers and put the socks on her without waking her up. Then do the same to Luna the next morning.
And butter their floors for good measure.
...
1.Have Taylor blindfolded, and forced to kiss any three things.
2. passionately kiss one group member for two whole minutes (must be timed)
3. give a lower body massage for 5 minutes (game moves as normal)
best HiE fics I found in a long time
Haha, this!
~Have a good one.
Ohh no. I'm not placing a dare.
...
I'm a raging pervert. I throw a dare out there, eyeballs will ignite spontaneously.
1449545 Do it Raptor, hit us with a good dare!
French kiss Chrysalis.
Just finished reading the whole story, great thing dude
And by the way, they were lucky to find a Levithan tank and not Metal Gear REX...
A single shot and it will be the end of Equestria....
I say he has to run around the room stark naked.....
1449767 :3 Well..... Well, if you insist... a light one... Dare him to sneak into each of the Princesses' rooms and give them a lick across the nethers ;3 Bonus points if he misunderstands and thinks that means Cadance as well. More bonus points if that means Shining is 'collateral damage' to that...
You had to lick Shining's what???
It was in the way!
The first comma should be a semicolon, and I would probably use "then again" instead of "of course" (that's just me though)
1451078 Is Dash even there?
Soooo, in the extra... Taylor gets to 'play' with all the mares in the city while they're at the peak of estrus.
That boy's gonna be worn raw by sunset.
Idea for a dare........ Taylor has to be fisted(hoofed?) by the player across from him.
I never pick dare, I always pick Truth, because then I can lie if I don't want to answer the particular question.
you never lie in truth or dare ever!
I demand a Taylor x lyra clopfic
I lost The Game
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We salute you Taylor.
1586123 GODDAMNIT I JUST LOST THE GAME AND I WAS DOING SO GOOD TOO!
You mean like this?
Spike, did I read that right? You, Big Mac, and Jay left Taylor alone to survive the horror of estrus season in Ponyville?!
You know this sentence sounds soo wrong on soo many levels of creepyness.
I love them genocide parties.
Cya
Raziel-chan