I'm an aspiring writer, with far too many ideas for my own good. I write pony fictions for fun, and if others enjoy them, then that's all I could ask for.
When Octavia sees Vinyl's affections towards a stallion, she can't bring herself to confess her feelings towards her childhood friend. Jealousy leads to an argument on Hearth's Warming Eve, and when Octavia is set to play music at the local play, she is shocked by a sad call from Vinyl. With someone close to her dying, Vinyl finally begins to question her life, and what she truly means to Octavia.
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Nice fic
Hmmm… seems like an good story; I'll read it before I go to school tomorrow.
Getting up at 4am pays off sometimes… I guess.
Great story. I give it a 9/10.
Bravo, good sir! Bravo!
Very touching! I would love to see this become a longer story, but if that doesn't happen I'll be satisfied with the ending there is.
Cheers!
THE FEELS! THEY BURN! BUT IT HURTS SO GOOOOD!!!!!!
*sob*
that was amazing... good work...
the feels...
i cried when vinyl's mom died! 
3177886
I wouldn't mind making a continuation of this sometime if I could think of something descent enough.
3178088
Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!
But seriously though, thank you. I'm glad it touched you.
If you were looking to make a continuation, make a little off-shoot about one of their dates a few weeks/months/years whatever, down the line. You could have a series of time skips for their relationship.
Good luck if you decide too.
Argh! Damn! I want to like this story, I really do. But I just. Can't!
Before this comment gets down voted out of existence, let me explain.
Actually even if it is I'll just post it again until I'm sure the author's seen it...
Your grammar and spelling isn't an issue, for me the issue is pacing. I don't know, call me crazy or whatever but:
"My mum just died."
"I'm here for you."
"But why? When I'm such an awful friend?"
"Because I love you."
"Want to go on a date?"
Am I the only one who sees something wrong here? Sorry to butcher what I'm sure was meant to be a touching finale but this really bugs me.
I get that Vinyl is all about being fast and loose, I get this is just a one shot. You do a great job of showing instead of telling, particularly with the death scene, but come on! Do you really expect me to believe that in the same day her mother dies, Vinyl is going to ask Octavia out on a date? That would probably be a candidate for most awkward date ever. Frankly I'd expect that behaviour from Neon. Again I really want to like this but the ending just ruined it for me.
I know you're probably not going to change this because of something I've said. Hell who am I to you anyway? But please. Please! At least have some time progress. I get annoyed at a lot of fiction I read on here because hardly anyone seems to understand pacing. Sure they use fancy words and clever phrases, but I can't enjoy them if the story's going a mile a minute. I know it's asking a lot of fan fiction "writers" sometimes, because a lot aren't professional writers, neither am I, come to think of it. I could just be talking nonsense. Still, I feel this story needs more. The groundwork is there, build on it!
Vereor Nox
The Eternal Black Flame.
P.S Neon Lights. He wouldn't happen to be based off of the character voiced by ShadyVox in that one flash would he?
3181348
She wants to do something to forget about her breakup and her mother's death. Here's a pony that actually enjoys being there for her and picking her up when she falls. It isn't a date. It's grief consulting with your best friend.
3181348
Actually, what you want is for the plot to be expanded on, plain and simple. There is a backstory here but it's moreso given a groundwork for people to easier imagine what it is. The idea is that they've been together for years and years and the feelings were always there. As for the ending, Vinyl isn't asking for a date "tonight" and in all honesty she probably only wants it as a means of achieving some comfort. She doesn't want to dwell on this and knows her mother wouldn't want her to. The idea that the date would be awkward indeed came to mind, but part of me just couldn't let it end on a sour note, or with the possibility of one.
I'm sure plenty of people would have loved the idea of being able to say Vinyl didn't return Octavia's feelings at all and that this could end even sadder than it already was, but I was writing a sad-touching story, not a sad-go commit suicide depressing story. There's still going to be a funeral and respects paid to her mother, bug again, maybe all Vinyl wants is a relaxing evening to get to know Octavia better.
You want pacing? How about a night of just friends on the town getting to know each other like a first date should be? They're not going to make love on the restaurant tables and then in the darkness of the movie theater, or even make out passionately! That doesn't make any sense the seeds of the relationship have only been planted! So considering that their relationship isn't actually going to go anywhere truly meaningful for a long time, I thing that the ending works just fine, and you just need to stop seeing it as if it was written in a nutshell.
"My mom is dead."
"Yeah sorry."
"Wanna go out?"
"Yeah sure."
That isn't what I wrote. When you look at it like that then of course it looks retarded. So if you don't like it? Okay that's your problem I guess. The problem isn't pacing, it's that you don't have a definite timeline for previous events as well as future ones. And in the end, tons of people loved the story and much to my joy were touched by it, so no skin off my nose.
But I appreciate the constructive criticism! Don't get me wrong man, I'm not hating on you or anything. You bring up a perfectly valuable point on the matter that can be viewed as a mistake on a very large scale that can effect the entire story, being a big part of it in all. But like you said it's a one shot and some light hearted closure that would make readers feel like hugging someone close to them was something I just couldn't help but put in. I'm happy I could touch people's hearts despite this, rather than ruin it for most. I'm just too soft hearted I guess, even when writing sad fics.
Also, Neon Lights is indeed the pony you're thinking of. A lot of bronies ship him with Vinyl thanks to some random fanart shipping them and a comic by PluckyNinja that portrayed him as a rival DJ, and after argueing they... suddenly make out... on stage... There's your pacing! He wears sunglasses like Vinyl, so obviously he's perfect for her.
Personally I think they just would rather see Vinyl with a stallion and have a straight relationship, which if that is the only reason I find it kind of sad. 
images.wikia.com/austinally/images/7/74/FEELS.gif
Ya know... I used to think that my tear ducts had shriveled up and become useless. Congratulations! You have proved me wrong. Keep up the good work.
so beautiful bwaaaaahahaaa!
You know it's a good fanfic when you lose respect for a character
This was probably one of the best stories I've read in a while, you did good kid, you did good.
I put this story on hold for too long; and boy oh boy was it a mistake.
This is going in my top five.
This story did touch my heart. I would go happy go lucky if you made a sequal. please make one.
3451198
I'll write something and see how it comes out. I have wanted to make a sequel with the positive feedback this one got.
3451829 yay!
Can you make a sequel please!!
3189127 omg yes
This is waht i'm going to do. I am going to magically somehow get into what happened after this story (I know something happened after)find some awesome ninja skills and beat gosh darn Neon Lights until his heads buzzing forever. As for Vinyl and Octavia, imma go give both of them a Hi-five
Just fricken epic. Nuff said.
Well. That's where all the feels went
tears. that is all.
Simple yet elegent, I liked it.
Just wow.
This would definitely deserve a sequel but while looking at the date..
Well don't know if you're much into it after that time.
I loved the story and I would give it 10/10 rating because when I lost some close to me my best friends were there for me
But I guess in this case it vinyls new marefriend
3177981 HERE! HAVE A FEELS CONTAINER!
*Gives you a bottle... that breaks*
DAMMIT! WHY CAN'T I HOLD ALL THESE FEELS?!
One MAJOR problem with this story, and everyone else here is too cowardly to point it out to you, writer...
This hasn't been Featured.
And it deserves to be.
Screw the Admins for not knowing good feels stories. Damn them.
My absolute applause to you, writer.
I don't feel Vinyl here.
Also I like to believe ponys are genderblind...
were it so easy
I know this is an older story at this point and it's probably not needed anymore, but I can't help but feel as if the whole thing with vinyls mother in the end came a little too much from left feild and the believability kind of teetered a bit from that. I just think it would feel less random and 'just for the plot' if vinyl were to have known about her mothers drinking problem already, but had finally gotten a call about her mother's worsening condition. Something in that direction might have flowed better instead of the 'oh shit what a coincidence, my mother is suddenly fucking dying so conveniently to make the plot go forward with a single mention of the possibility beforehand.'
Still though everything before that was really good, just fell off in believability after that.
I was really, really touched by this. I was practically screaming throughout all the story... it really hit hard. The only thing that kind of bothers me is the ending, Vinyl's mom literally dies and she asks Octavia on a date right after it)? I don't know...
Still, the emotion throughout all of it was real. I know this story is old but it doesnt matter it is really good!!