• Published 23rd Sep 2013
  • 2,502 Views, 148 Comments

One Pony's Curse, Is Another Man's Blessing... - Lord Of Dorkness



Alternative universe 5S/4 Fic. What if the ponies didn't see much point in hiding from their fellow man?

Comments ( 33 )

This chapter could use some editing for spelling errors here and there.

There was one thing that stuck out at me though. In the previous chapter Seabreeze played with Applejack's tail, but in this chapter it takes effort to make her mane tangible. This looks like an inconsistency to me, given that the ethereal manes of Celestia and Luna are just as ethereal at the tail in canon.

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This chapter could use some editing for spelling errors here and there.

Feel free to point any errors out, but I've run this through two different spell-checkers and an editor.

I can give it a new go tomorrow, but right now I'm simply a bit burned out on this chapter, and probably slightly blinded by just that.

There was one thing that stuck out at me though. In the previous chapter Seabreeze played with Applejack's tail, but in this chapter it takes effort to make her mane tangible. This looks like an inconsistency to me, given that the ethereal manes of Celestia and Luna are just as ethereal at the tail in canon.

That one's actually intentional. Good eyes/memory, though.

Basically, Applejack haven't completely mastered her new tail and mane yet, but is still doing some stuff with them unintentionally every now and then.

That, plus a heavy dose of denial and her world being turned upside-down. :applejackconfused:

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The error I remember most is misspelling "anthro" as "antro" on more than one occasion.

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The error I remember most is misspelling "anthro" as "antro" on more than one occasion.

...How the hell did I manage to miss-spell what's more or less the most controversial word on this site?

Oh, now I feel stupid. :facehoof:

Still, fixed. Thanks so much for pointing it out!

I'm really glad that this story is being continued. It's one of my favorite human tagged story on this site, actually. 'Twas such a huge chapter (20k!) that I probably should reread it again to fully parse it all.

Lots of stuff happened (or was hinted) here, lets see if I can catch the new stuff:

1) Even hearing the triggering phrase (five score divided by four) will start the pony transformation, even if the person wouldn't have normally started yet.
2) Applejack didn't ascend originally, that was something ADDED later, and the cartoon was DIFFERENT from what actually happened. Or, this Trixie is from another reality, but I'm buying into the former option. It begs the question of how many of the bearers actually ascended or were upgraded later. In Rainbow Dash's case, she also ascended while staying in Equestria, so we know at least 2 of them (Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash) did it genuinely? Or it was something that was forced later.
3) The Elements themselves have their own goals and ambitions, and if not watched would push for Black and White naive interactions with the world.
4) Everything regarding Morgan in the sense that his personality isn't Trixie but rather the Nightmare Force possessing Trixie at the time of the curse. Does this mean he is the same as what made Nightmare Moon/Nightmare Rarity? Or were they different possessing demons?
5) Morgan being almost a literal devil in terms of persuasion. The interesting point here is that Morgan ISN'T wrong (in fact almost every argument he makes is either outright true or philosophically true. He doesn't lie, neither by omission nor outright), he is just on the side of Evil (as far as the black and white morality of Equestria goes), so he as to fight an uphill battle trying to convince people of things while they equate him to a deal making devil... which isn't much different from his pre-curse personality except his goals and motivations have changed. It doesn't help that everyone feels unclean around him by his very nature as a corrupting power, or the fact the from a certain point of view he is one of the greatest villains seen yet, upgraded from an almost nobody by the nature of the human world and genre savviness. Being extremely charismatic as a villain is a human attribute, not one we've seen from Equestria. Applejack's comment about him being a high functioning psychopath is spot on my interpretation of his character, and what one could expect from a genuine villain trying to reform (or at least function) in the real world.

I still can't predict where this story is going to go, which makes me really happy. It's hard to balance following a strict narrative and not have it either be a boring transcript of everything that happens or skips around so much that it feels disjointed (the original five score felt like this near the end). I feel you are doing a good job here, going into good detail in some parts while skipping to other different points of view (the other bearers) in the 'time skips', while also hinting at what is happening (or will happen) somewhere else.

I've no comment on the anthro hinting, the story can go either way and even if some anthro appeared it wouldn't happen to everypony (certainly not the ones that stayed in Equestria) so it would be another source of drama if it did occur when they reunite.

We enjoy how much effort Morgan is putting into being the best hero he can within the bounds of his curse (is it really called that? Not officially I think). Clearly he's driven toward certain tendencies but trying very hard to help out. Kinda like canon Discord actually....
Same with the Elements as well. Their programming can only do so much in a world essentially founded upon chaos.
Keep going! ;)

Ohhhh... It's really alive and things finally started rolling. Good work. Now churn out next 20k chapter for Horse Feathers or SA and I can die a very happy man. :pinkiehappy:

Given how both my dad, now holding the clever I might add

heard the handle of the clever he was holding creak.

Cleaver.

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POW

To be fair, I have worked on it; this is the early stuff, after all.

Still, it is one of the things on the 'fix when you actually have that type of time' list.

1) Oh hey, its Bjorn again.

Actually, Björn is actually more or less Swedish for 'Bob.'

Joke aside, it actually means 'Bear' but it really is one of those almost comically common names around here.

Still, I'm not one of those 'ALL MY STORIES MUST BE CONNECTED! :flutterrage:' type writers, but hey, if it amuses you, no skin of my nose if you think this Björn is a slightly more squeamish alternate-universe version of 'the' Björn.

3) Yay prehensile hair!

I know, right? Always puzzles me why it gets used so seldom, given that there's quite a few hints that it's even an earth pony thing.

4) Oh dear. I appear to love anything you write.

:twilightblush: Thanks!

2) You seem to like writing these barely restrained but kind people.

I've tried to mix it up, but I simply like writing kind people in general, and anger is a really flexible and useful vice.

It's just a really, really good and solid combo for the foundation of a main character that both helps and hinders them in interesting ways.

Morgan's main vice isn't anger, though; it's greed, just not for money.

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No promises, but try not to keel over if I get something out before Christmas. :raritywink:

And fixed.

Thanks for pointing it out, for some reason 'cleaver' is just one of those words I can never seem to remember the right spelling to.

1) This scene.... just reeks of awesome. It invokes this feeling of:
People surrounded by enemy forces, outnumbered, outgunned, then this helicopter squad swoops down from the clouds and unleashes macross missile massacre, while the leader (Morgan) leans his head out of the door with a two fingered salute, saying "Hop on. Let's be badasses together."
2) Ah. so this is what you have been working on. Yeah, at this point, I'm pretty much going to be begging you to let me help you with everything to make everything as awesome as possible.

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Season 4.

I think it was from original Five Score Divided by Four.

Ahhhhhhhh. Now that was a nice thick chapter. Waiting a few days to let others catch errors is my normal policy on huge updates, but it seems like three filters haven't caught everything.

Unfortunately, trying to edit a chapter this long on a phone is all but impossible. Some errors caught my eye while reading, but nothing immediately memorable.

In all, this was quite the enjoyable reading experience, and quite a bit of it managed to tug at my hardened heart. Trixie's breakdown at Applejack's observation of her viewing Morgan as a son while he sees her as a sister was perfect. I eagerly await more, while hoping that future updates don't take quite as long.

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:pinkiegasp:

PLEASE, put a spoiler on that last bit!

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Oop. Sorry. Those notifications don't actually get sent my way unless its in the same chapter.

1) he flow over and
flew
2) iant hickey were his face
where
3) weather around her actually
here
4) toast of my horn
off
5) i lifted a hoof
I
6) Without much fuzz
fuss
7) shouldn’t even have hesitation on.
hestiated
8) The later beaming
latter
9) back nearly as some twisted
nearly as straight as some
10) me and Trixie is the most normal one
are the
11) they complied; stopping
complied,
12) case was; keeping
was,
13) that ends up colorful rugs
up as colorful
14) his fingers; something I
fingers,
15)Fluttershy is in USA
are
16) this is all over; one way or the other.
over, one way or another
17) broke; judging from how
broke,
18) So, yeah; I can offer
yeah,
19) harmless; to what were
harmless,
20) a unicorn; crawling
:
21) of a mare twice —if
twice, if
22) thrice, my size, was
thrice my size, was
23)they had a point.”
(Remove ")
24) accordingly; as much as
,
25) defiantly; like a single amber
defiantly, like a single ember
26) Ah hummed on; a
,
27) utter idjit, and reaching
idiot
28) y’all made, is enough
(Remove ,)
29) left mine; sending a
mine, sending
30) faraday-cage; not a
cage,
31) coldly clinical; like
clinical,
32) wizard or the entertained my
entertainer
33) the fray; a blue pelt
fray:
34) that things eyes
thing's
35) metaphor; the best of both
metaphor:
36) wavering magic; instead
,
37) lier vibes
liar
38) how long; like some
:
39) circumstances; like an
:
40) her neck; like a weight
(Remove ;)
41) we try to keep in touch; and
,
42) filled with bad acting doesn't tell
don't
43) a weak constitution; after the fifth
,
44) told; making odd sounds
told; just making
45) whole meaning for existing is
existance was
46) the worst is yet to come,
has
47) to admit; I’d heard worse
,

48) questions were these pretty
where
49) facial expression; that wistful
:
50) But I thought Morgan and me
Morgan and I
51) arms; as if I’d shocked
:
52) Morgan himself haven’t quite
hasn't


Final Boop.

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1) I don't think so. I think it happens at roughly 25 years, regardless of whether you said 5 score or not.
2) I dunno
3) Wouldn't be surprised
4) He's basically the Nightmare half.
5) Pretty much. He's kinda ticked being "destined" to be seen as a villain.
6) The anthro thing is pretty much for "hey, hands!" thing. Hands are cool, yo.

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I've asked. Apparently, Bjorn is a really common name in Sweden. Like Bob or John.

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Yeah, sorry I missed answering such a simple question for so many months, but AppleTank is right.

No relation, just one of those top hundred names that it made sense to 'reuse.'

If you like to imagine it being the same Björn, though, no skin of my nose. I try to avoid having a interconnected 'verse' like that, but I know it tickles the fancy of quite a few to think like that.

this story is awesome! :twilightsmile:
i'm looking forward to what happens next. :rainbowdetermined2:

Oh hay, new coverart. Trixie and (Morgan)Nightmare Trixie, I presume?

Cover is a placeholder.

Might want to change that, among other things.

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Oops. :twilightblush:

Sorry about that. No insult intended, just an oversight.

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No worries, mate. Just noticed it because I like rolling around in the comments section of your fics.

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Yup, happened to me too after Sufficiently. After a brief moment of resistance, I caved in and binge read his entire published work on Fimfic. And why I actually got off my lazy ass to do fanart and editing work for (though the editing part was partly to also satisfy my thirst for more of his writing style)
Don't know if it is true, but there always seems to be ... an undercurrent theme of sorts with most of the main characters, about striving to be the best, and never surrendering to just "destiny".
With Curse, its Morgan, wanting to conquer this magical new field of Magic, and point a middle finger at fate for his supposedly deserved "suffering".
With Sufficiently, it's mainly the Mane 8, with the whole ignoring the rest of the world to become the cybernetic badasses they are today, and Blake is becoming his own force of nature with his frankly blunt way of getting things done.
Horse Feathers, Not-Dresden is much more badass than he thinks of himself, along with the "I'm going to become the 'villain' the universe trying to goad me to".
Dark Horse, he captured Dresden's willingness never stop trying.
Ironically is still iffy, I don't really have enough to get a good judge of the character, but the half finished stuff sems promising

I am somewhat disturbed that Diary is technically higher rated than this now, and demand to see Fimfic's manager.

I'd love to see this story continue. It definitely has potential.

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Thank you. :twilightsmile:

I am definatly planning on going back and finishing this story, but only when I actually have the time and energy to polish things to my current standards.

7790885 Well, if you ever need a proofreader, keep me in mind, hmm?

Soooo, the memetic trigger is the reason that the others have "died", for lack of a better word? Their alts never heard it, or gave up, so their real form was subsumed and is no longer alive?

Also, what's the connection between the alt form and the pony one? The pony one replaces the human one at time of trigger (and that really DOES mug physics for its lunch money. As it is, it might support something like an RPG or magic, but that level of weirdness does break things)? What happens to those with badly injured or worse pony forms (again, a lot of them were missing bits or patched up with others. Does that carry over, affect general health rather than that specific part, or even damage the psyche (loses the relative parts of their own, gains them from the donor!) rather than the body? I have sad thoughts about someone ending up the MENTAL equivalent of Frankenstein's monster from that.)?)

I am now rather worried about Morgan / Trixie. If they are in THAT bad of condition, with a mind-warping amulet that's been sitting on them for 25 years now... Do they recover, at least to the point that they are not either a lich, a bubble resident, or a cancer victim for good in three years?

Also, I can't help but notice that you do a very good job writing interesting stories with really awesome trickster/orator characters, even if you do <RCV>seem to like to discuss biological quirks that really should never make it into polite fiction.</RCV>

Oh, and that Nightmare Night special was an utter abomination (and the alleged fanfic was WORSE, somehow -- I believe that was the intent, of course), but it was also hilariously funny for being that insane. Just thought you might like to know.

As an actual Christian, though... I dislike the idea of a lovable devil, and the mere insinuation of all that "banging"... but it is still funny to mess with people's heads with something like that. I figure that anyone with the mindset of the (yes, I am aware it is fiction, but the same views can apply to real life as well) banging-obsessed people actual demons (according to that story) involved may need to discuss that with a certain higher authority, but it is not for me to judge. Love the sinner, hate the sin and all that.

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There was a joke fic I never finished (or started, really), where I came up with a bunch of wacky scenarios where suddenly having your entire biology change might end up fatal. One of the worse ones was female turned male while pregnant. Or having an implant bursting through reforming organs.

Wonderful story so far.
Looking forward to seeing it continued one day maybe...
I am really looking forward to seeing the reactions of everyone to how the others have changed. Especially back in Equestria.

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