• Member Since 27th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 24th, 2022

Silentpegasus


An aspiring writer that loves the fandom and it's works

Comments ( 434 )

omg, thank you so much. I've been waiting for a story like this. The problem is that all stories like this have been cancelled, or the won't update. Great story btw. I'll be here waiting for more. :pinkiehappy:

This is starting out awesome so far and from your previous stories I know this one is going to be a total hit. I loved that Payback part, I have done something close to that before but not with singing :rainbowlaugh:

Yer a wizard, Harry, I mean Lyra, I mean Grey! Grey, that's the one!

Ok, I got to say that this is one of your most original stories. I dont know if this sounds weird or offensive, but you have my respect for showing male homosexuality to be both acceptable and funny with the Dusk scene

4097231 Dusk will appear later on and make brief appearances throughout the fic.

I don't understand why he'd apply if he knew he'd never be able to pay tuition. This seems rather broodish and not my usual thing. But I see potential.

4097311 He just wanted to see if he was good enough.

I like the idea behind the story, but there is one (maybe two) thing(s) that bother me.

Discord says that he is taking Grey on as an apprentice because the young man is unorthodox and thinks outside the box (and isn't stuck up but with Discord I think the former is a requirement while the latter is just so he can stand being around the student). Yet aside from the choir based payback (which I would give a 6 on the Unorthodox meter (1 is very Orthodox and 10 is just plain crazy)) Grey doesn't do anything I would call "thinking outside the box".

I also have some mixed feelings about the wand and note from his father but I am going to see how you work that sub-plot out before making a real opinion on that.

For some reason I like ship fics that take place in a school(don't know why:rainbowhuh:). So lets see how this story goes as Grey goes to Hogwarts Starswirl University with a review:(cue in the Harry Potter music.)

“B-but why? I performed every spell perfectly, as you asked and-”

“You did not use a wand.” A stern woman said in a snooty tone. Grey silently cursed himself for being poor. When a wizard discovers their magic they get their own wand.

I'm confused, he is able to perform magic with his hands but he didn't get accepted cause he didn't use a wand?:rainbowhuh: I think it should be the other way around. If someone can perform magic without a wand that shows that they have talent. If anything he should have gotten accepted because of this.

Discord reached into his pocket and pulled out a contract and a pen and set them in front of the man.

I'm getting a deal with the Devil vibe here........*continues reading for a few paragraphs* Oh, you cheeky devil you.:trollestia:
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A girl with dark blue hair and bat wings walked into the room, she looked about the same age as the Changeling. Her eyes were spliced and were deep red. Her ears had a slight point to them and she had a large pair of fangs.

“Hey Midnight.” The Changeling said with a smile.

:twilightoops::facehoof: Apparently your having trouble with names since you already gave another bat pony the same name.:derpytongue2:

I thought that when a orphan turns 18 the orphanage kicks them out.(I think the state requires it)*end of review*

So this is off to a good start. It's going to take a lot of time for me to remember all the orphans names and appearance.(you'll have to remind us in future chapters) I am curious as to why you put a gay changeling in your story? Not that I have a problem with it(as long as you don't write any sex scenes. :pinkiesick:)Just wanted to know? Anyway, I can't wait to see how Grey's first day of school will be like.:rainbowwild:

4098800 Dusk will get no sex scenes. It'll be implied, but nothing descriptive.

It this the same Rogue from "A Ranger's Journey"?

4100224 That's Rouge= red powder or cream used in makeup. Rogue= a dishonest unpredictable person or someone not normal.

Nevermind. Apparently i traversed a letter

This foc has really caught my attention, i am SO watching it!

>Grey Newhope
Is this a joke or are you just that underaged/autistic?

Really loven' it soo far, keep up the good work. Quick question though how big is the harem, and are they all ready chosen or will thier be some sortof poll to choose?

well lets wait the unexpected from this fic:pinkiehappy::heart:

Good story so far. I like how you added Eris, and great job on updating quickly.
:heart::heart::heart::heart:

4106140 I am debating weather it will be 3 or 5.
The three have already been chosen and the other two are O.C's.

Well then that was... an odd occurrence. sorry to ask but when do you think another chapter for a story will be?

4106514 Not sure. I write when the inspiration hits.

I love how quickly you update the story.

I need more of this... I don't care what it takes... I'll ship myself in a box from England to your house, sit by your side and cater to your every need until you finish this story... :pinkiecrazy:

Aw goodie another chapter, Well lets take a look at this with a review:(I'm gonna put this in every review here:trollestia:)

Okay, I'm a bit surprised that the rest of the Mane Six are attending the university. I guess since this story is giving me a Harry Potter vibe I assumed that Starswirl University was the same as Hogwarts(or at least Celestia School of Gifted Unicorns.)

“Come in.” A familiar voice said. The interior was simple. A large brown desk was in the far end of the room with a large bay window overlooking the courtyard.

Whenever I'm thinking of scenes that will involve Grey going to Discords office I keep imagining this.
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“Now hold your horses there Tia.” He said as he made his way over to the podium.

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“About damn time.” A female voice said in frustration. Grey looked to see a girl about his age and height staring at him. The girl had white hair with black roots and black tips. The whites of her eyes were yellow and her irises were blood red.

I'm just going to imagine her like this.
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“Sounds like Twilight.” Grey said as he and the girls got out of their rooms and converged on the door. The door opened to show a frustrated Twilight. “Something wrong?” Twilight pointed inside her room and groaned. The group looked inside to see a very disgruntled Trixie.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Dash said with a sigh.

“Trixie refuses to share a room with Twilight Sparkle.” The girl pouted. Grey felt pity for the indigo haired girl and shook his head.

While funny and cliche, I would imagine that Discord would behind this(but of course it wasn't him.:trollestia:)

“You men the girl with white hair?” AJ asked. “Went back in her room.” Grey walked over to the door and found it locked from the inside.

*bangs on door* ERIS!* bangs on door* ERIS!!*end of review*

Just like the title, first impressions are important when moving into a new place that's different from where your from. I guess it will take some time for Grey to adjust this new better lifestyle compared to his old one. I cant wait to see the comedy and drama of his first day of school.:twilightsmile:

4107463 Did not mean to put in the horse pun and yeah that's what I based Eris off of.

I was reading the story and thought it was quite epic so I decided to check out who the author was and I am proud to say that I wasn't surprised. Great job silentpegasus in yet another awesome story!

The first contact with RD and rarity seems familiar but still is quite awesome

Keep it up. But just so you know, once you've established your characters, you no longer need to refer to them as "the man" in the narrative.

4103966
What, is your OC like a bad version of superman that's "stone cold" because he keeps getting friend-zoned due to his social awkwardness and obsession with his atheist-fedora collection? Edgy/Gothic OCs like those are completely overused and unoriginal, like the content on Reddit. If you're not under 13 then that's pretty pathetic. Please go back to Reddit and shit up a different website with your autism.
>inb4 'master trole XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD'
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4121793 Couple things.
1. I don't use reddit. (Never been to the cite in my life and don't plan to.)
2. Grey has in no point in the story (so far) tried to get a girlfriend.
3. Athiest fedora colloection?
4. He isn't a goth or socially awkward, I'm still flushing out his character! (Give me some time for Luna's sake!)
5. Honestly, using the term autistic is pretty damn pathetic in my opinion. Not to mention extremely offensive to those who are unfortunately afflicted with the disease.

If all you're gonna do is bitch and whine without contributing anything. The get the F*&% off my comment board and let those who have decent comments enjoy the fic.

This actually reminds me of a story I read a while ago that has since been taken down by admins. I forgot the name but it was Red something Academy the characters were humanized but were also in te human world. I was wondering if you know what im talking about and if you so if you drew any inspiration from it?

4140268 Red Thrush Private School. One of the best fics ever written, true it was humanized. I didn't really draw too much from it since it was a 2nd person fic, no magic existed and there was no harem.

4140406 gotcha. Just the whole set up. Especially with AJ and Rarity being roommates was really similar. Any way you got a fave from me

Celestia and Luna seemed suprisingly uncaring about the fact that the examiners discriminate against people with a VERY low income.
"Huh, so they didn't let you enter because you are poor?.....well that's a bummer, oh well now it's time for a test!"

Hookshot, a HIMYM reference, twin flashing, and Twilight misinterpreting a fight for a sex scene. Yes, this chapter is gold.

You really know how to put eris a the daughter of chaos, and grey is someone that use the logic. But im wonderingif there will be a total bad guy as voldermort or shit like that in this fic

a great story about a generic sue will fave

*Bell rings* Alright,class is in session, so lets start the class with a review:

“Hey you looking for a job?”

“You offering one?” Grey smirked.

“Yup.”

“Then yes.”

“Cool. Be here at seven tonight and I’ll teach you the ropes.”

*sigh*:ajsleepy: Why can't it be this easy in getting a job?

“Sheesh, calm down. I’m on my way.”

“Don’t tell me to-” He closed the book on her and he quickly made his way back towards the school.

*ring ring* Hello?
Bitch, did you just hang up on...*end call*

“Twilight you’re up.”

“Got it.” Twilight raised her wand and aimed at each individual target.

“One minute forty-six seconds.” Celestia said as she looked at the stop watch. “Excellent.” Trixie was up next and she raised her wand. Several blasts of blue light came out of the wand and shattered the targets. “One minute forty-five seconds. Most impressive.” Trixie gave herself a bow before Grey took a stance.

A purple aura shot out of Twilight’s wand and levitated the rock five feet off the floor. Near the two minute mark Twilight felt sweat forming on her brow and let the rock fall at three minutes twenty-five seconds.

Trixie managed to keep it up for four minutes before losing concentration.

Wow, so you made Trixie better than Twilight.:trixieshiftright: Part of me wants to shout blasphemy since Twilight is the fucking Element of Magic meaning she is more powerful than anyone.....buuuuuttttt I'm not going to complain. It's nice to see that Twilight isn't so perfect.
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“Nah, I’m good.” Eris then saw something in the man’s coat pocket. In Grey’s squirming the small amulet fell out. Like a cat to a garden hose the girl jumped back and let out a small screech. “Where did you get that thing?” She yelled.

“Your old man gave it to me as a precaution.” Grey said as he held it up. “I’m told this will temporarily disrupt your powers. That true?”

“Yeah!” She hissed.

“Okay, so I won’t use this so long as you don’t give me a reason to, deal?” Eris bit her lip and grunted. “Well?”

“Fine.”

What's to stop Eris from taking it away from him when he least suspects it now that she knows he has it?

“Make sure everything’s running smoothly, keep the drinks going, keep the idiots out, make sure everyone is having a good time.”

“So I’m a bouncer?”

“Pretty much.”

Not sure how I know how a club runs since I've never been to one. But I think the bouncers job is to stand outside let people in, keep some out, and kick them out. So I don't think they'll be waiters or bartenders.

“Might be true, but were at capacity.” Grey said keeping a straight face. Both sisters then gave him pouting faces.

“Oh please.” One of them whined.

“Sorry ladies.” The two sisters looked at one another and they nodded. The twins took a step back and pulled up the bottom of their shirts. They were identical down to their belly buttons and nether of them were wearing bras. The people waiting in a line were awe struck as Grey kept a straight face. After the two had put their shirts down, Grey stepped aside and opened the door for them.

“Enjoy your evening ladies.” He said with a smirk. The blue haired one blew him a kiss as she went inside.

Best. Job. Ever. He thought with a grin. A little while later he felt a tapping on his shoulder.

Best twins in the show make an appearance. I always wonder if that really happens in real life or that's all TV and movies. You did miss the perfect opportunity for a anime nosebleed.:derpytongue2:
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He dug his feet into the floor and rushed his magic to his right hand.

The flyer only saw a blur before something hard connected with his face. The force from the man’s fist sent him flying back. “Thunder, incoming!” Thunder opened the doors just in time for the drunk to be thrown out into the street.

FALCON PUNCH!

“Hey why’s the gate closed?”

“Curfew. Any student caught outside after curfew gets disciplined.” The man said as he reached for the phone. “But my rule is that everyone gets one. Some get more than one, but everyone gets at least one.” The man said as he opened up the gate.

Is this going to be a problem since Grey works at a nightclub which stays open very late? And of course, I'm curious to know what the punishment is for breaking curfew.:trollestia:*end of review*

So looks like Grey had a very interesting first day of school.:rainbowlaugh: As they say, once you hit rock bottom the only now is up.

4146386 As for the whole flashing twin thing, I can say that it indeed does happen in real life. I've seen it happen. Best. Night. Ever.
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What do you mean rock bottom?:rainbowhuh:

4145460

This... doesn't surprise me. If Celestia and Luna were all like "SOCIAL JUSTICE CRUSADERS YAY!" then the testers would never have been allowed to get away with it. When you look up the definition of "clueless privilege" in the dictionary you probably see people like Celestia and Luna. I'm not saying they're bad people or that they won't fix it now that they know, but if it was something that offended them deeply to their very core, they wouldn't have allowed it to happen in the first place. In the real world, there are metrics that allow you to tell if the proportion of low-income people getting into a school is skewed; failure to employ such metrics means Celestia and Luna are not paying attention.

And now a nitpick for the author, or two rather:

I am really enjoying the story so far, but I have two small issues thus far.

Firstly: uniforms? Really? I have never heard of a university with uniforms. This isn't Hogwarts; it's not a boarding school that covers the middle school and high school age ranges, it's a university, which means young adults. Uniforms tend to be employed in places where either you need to be able to tell at a glance what someone's role is (like the bouncers working for Vinyl) or you want to generate a sense of camaraderie and we're all together in harmony yay, so I could see Celestia thinking it was a good idea, but universities don't use them generally because the whole point to university is to develop who you are as a person and emphasize and develop your personal uniqueness; that's why no two students have the same schedule, generally. You're writing this university like it's a high school, with numerous classes crammed close together. Is it supposed to be a high school and it's just called University? (I live in a city where there's a high school called City College, so this is not impossible.) But if it's a high school how did Grey get a job as a bouncer? Is the drinking age low enough where they live that teenagers are boozing it up? :-) I noticed the discrepancy because I was totally weirded out when Discord reminded Grey about his uniform. Discord? Tell someone to wear a uniform? If the school has uniforms then yeah, because he's chaotic not stupid; he wants his student to succeed. But why is the God of Chaos teaching at a school that has uniforms?

Secondly: thus far Grey is an engaging and interesting character, but he is just starting to shade a little into Stuness. He had excellent reasons for doing better than Trixie and Twilight on the first two tests -- more experience shooting things in real life means more experience shooting things with your magic, and a low income guy is likely to have a lot more experience shooting or throwing things at a target than upper class girls; and the reason Discord took him on as a student is that he thinks outside the box, so the idea of pouring the water with no magic at all makes great sense. But making him also more magically powerful than Twilight and Trixie is going a bit far. His specialness shouldn't be in his power levels -- Twilight should stll be more powerful than him (and Trixie being more powerful than Twilight is an interesting choice, but Twilight's more likely to be paralyzed by performance anxiety; Trixie probably does her best work when everyone's looking at her and she's under pressure and in competition, whereas that probably either drags Twilight down or makes her overcompensate and go out of control). If he's a smart, tricksy guy who thinks outside the box and is fairly unflappable and rolls with the punches and doesn't need the formal control of a wand and in general is a good candidate for the student of Trickster, that makes him a worthy hero of the story. If he's also the most powerful mage in school, that makes him a Stu. You should find opportunities to demonstrate that Twilight and Trixie have more raw power than he does, but his ability to think outside the box enables him to solve problems raw power can't.

Now for the good. I love seeing an accurate depiction of a trickster-type character in his early years. Someone mentioned an anime nosebleed; terrible idea, glad you didn't go with it. Anime nosebleed is a symbol of virginity/sexual inexperience; it's applied to characters, usually guys, who may be lecherous but are not in fact getting any and thus are very, very vulnerable to sexual power being used against them (ie, very easily distracted by the thought of sex.) A guy who is not a virgin, who is comfortable with sex and gets it often enough that he's not desperate, will not get a nosebleed. I like that Grey is not falling into the trap of the typical anime hero who is so nervous and uncomfortable with sexuality that when his roommate pretends to be having sex with him to freak out a classmate, he'd throw a fit. Grey just rolls with it; he doesn't flip out that Eris is pretending they're having sex. He lets the two girls who flash him through, not because he's so overwhelmed by their attractiveness that he drops his jaw and goggles while they walk right past him, but because they weren't on either list so it was his call and his call was, nice tits, let me reward you for showing me them. He lays down the law with Eris' redecoration, but he isn't all like "Aaah! My desk is on the ceiling!" but just "Hey, kid, do what you want, but there are some limits."

All this is great. This kind of character, who isn't easily discombobulated and who keeps his own center in the face of chaos, is a good choice for a student of Discord's, and a good candidate to become a chaos mage himself, or at the very least a trickster. But he can't be totally unfazed by everything. It's awesome that thus far, the only obstacle Grey has come up against that he has not been able to either overcome or shrug off was failing his test on account of not enough bits in his bank, which Discord saved him from. But you have to start introducing obstacles that he can't easily overcome or it becomes a weak story.

My suggestion is: identify to yourself Grey's weaknesses. He's probably not good in groups. He probably does not trust easily. He probably maintains an unflappable persona in part to maintain control; if no one ever sees him lose his cool then it doesn't matter if they're doing crazy shit, it looks like they're doing it with his permission because it doesn't upset him. But he isn't truly unflappable, no one is (even Discord can lose his temper over things not going the way he wanted them to). He's willing to tell people to piss off, he doesn't care, if they verbally get on his shit for being a poor kid; but he might be blindsided by active prejudice working against him, the way he was roadblocked by the testers when he tried to get into the school. Figure out what Grey is going to need from other people, and put him in a situation where he has to find a way to get it, to present him with a challenge. And do exactly what you're doing -- don't follow classic anime hero tropes because anime heroes are almost never Trickster avatars (I am not actually sure Japanese mythology has a Trickster.) Don't blindly follow cliches. You have demonstrated so far a good sense of what makes your character in particular unique; keep doing that.

4146833
You know just the fact the he was a orphan raised in the shitty part of Canterlot, where he struggle in a day to day basis.


4147127
I think your overthinking this. The nosebleed was just a gag no need to get into his personality. And I know the type of personality those certain characters are but they aren't the only ones who get nosebleeds. Plus we don't know if Grey is a virgin or has sexual tension since we haven't seen his thoughts on that. But again that was just to be a gag for that one scene I'm not asking he does it everytime he sees boobs. This also is a way to make him not so Stu-ish.

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