- Member Since 18th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Wednesday
Lord Of Dorkness
Deep into that dorkness peering...
Lord Of Dorkness
Joined 18th Jul, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- DontAskForCookie · 22k words · 34 9 · 1.3k views
- ChewyCard · 18k words · 25 5 · 1.3k views
- Mike the Red · 41k words · 29 14 · 2k views
- theone2three · 51k words · 40 12 · 1.7k views
- Vlad · 1.1k words · 159 49 · 3.4k views
- kwr2k13 · 83k words · 90 22 · 4.7k views
- Applejack_Honestly · 9.7k words · 65 7 · 1.1k views
Featured In14
Rule 631,249 stories ·3,993 members
I Just Want a Comment15,718 stories ·3,673 members
- Alicorns266 stories ·341 members
Alicorn Applejack and Other Amazin' Apple Stories2,261 stories ·653 members
X Becomes An Alicorn469 stories ·886 members
Technology VS. Magic779 stories ·2,657 members
- Five Score, Multiplied By More80 stories ·1,235 members
Nightmare X118 stories ·438 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.215 seconds
Total duration
1,013 users online
289,395 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
So, it begins.
Small question, how'd you like the adventures of Commander Blood McKill and Princess Sweetie le Gumdrop? (And the rest, of course...)
It was a hoot to write, but I'm worried the tonal shift might be to distracting. Thoughts on more? I indent to do more such scenes as palette cleansers, but I though I should ask about these two and Call Of Dude-Bro, specifically.
Awesome first chapter is always a promising sign!
Darn good. I love the story concept that you have going, absolutely wonderful and quite unique among 5s/4 stories. You have a pretty good sense for pacing the story, it doesn't feel rushed or drawn out too far. Character interaction and development are good so far, we have a pretty good sense of who each character is and what some of their motivations might be.
All in all I have only one and a half complaints: 1) your grammar and spelling are occasionally atrocious, and 1.5) it is sometimes hard to tell just who is narrating in chapters 2/3.
Of particular note:
You almost always use where (as in where is that) instead of were (as in we were over there).
You often use your instead you're (you are).
and myriad other spelling mistakes.
I advise spell checking before you post this, but otherwise I love it, and I can't wait for more.
Oh, that? Yeah, all the time...
.
I'd advise you to copy the text into Word once and see what it has to say.
It should really help you with most of your spelling mistakes and maybe with one or two other things, too. I'll guess that you're from Scandinavia, so I understand that there are some mistakes, but Word usually points out most typos I've overlooked.
Edit: Oh, and maybe you should make some sort of distinct sign for Trixie's text. Italics, or maybe a different color...
3118919
I *cough* kinda do that already.
Still thanks for the friendly tip, spelling has always been a weakness of mine. One of the reasons I wanted feedback was for spotting things like that.
May I ask how you guessed Scandinavian by the way?
3118998
Well, you already told me that English is not your native language (I think), and the protagonist's name was a good hint.
If you want I can go over the chapters for the basic spelling mistakes and PM you the edited text.
3119021
Thanks for the offer, but I think it was mostly my old spellchecker/word-processor that was more then a bit crap. If that change doesn't fix anything I might just take that offer up, though.
I'm testing a new one right now, and I've just finished the first try at fixing chapter one. You can give it read if you want.
And am I really that see-trough? Oh well, write what you know, right?
3119246
Reread chapter one?
You're accursed story is already throwing my own stories off track! And I haven't even finished reading the second chapter yet!
Your story is just too awesome to think about priorities, and I have to admit that your spelling already got a lot better after the first chapter.
3119273
I shall take that as a compliment. A big one.
Well, I've made it about 2/3 through the fourth chapter, and if I should say one thing about it...
It's freaking long! Seriously, it's good, but I don't think I can read any more of it today. You should really consider splitting it and working them between the main chapters as a side plot. I recommend placing chapter ends when Luna enters the tower with her sleeping sister, and maybe one at the change of perspective when she leaves Discord at the cottage.
Beside that... It's getting obvious now that this is an alternate universe from the original story. I'd say the story almost qualifies as a stand-alone.
Keep up the good work.
ahh,morgan björklund........ out of all names you picked that name.... and it was a good choise, wanna know why? becuse it has a Ö in it
3247633
That was completely intentional. It's a decently common Swedish last name and to the rest of the world it still sounds mindbogglingly exotic.
(It means "Birchgrove" if anybody is curious, but are feeling to lazy to translate.)
I'm glad somebody noticed.
Yay, it's up! With a new chapter, too!
And all throughout the internet Seth' rejoice was heard...
3247719
How did you get past the censors?
3247857
I didn't, they've changed the rule to complete or thirty thousand words minimum.
3247891 Oh.
3248582
Sorry to hear that, but thanks so much for the kind words and gesture.
I'm going to give a update schedule a try.
Next chapter will be out next Thursday (3/10 -13) roughly 19:00 GMT +1.
Until then, I hope I didn't step on any toes with the religious contents of this chapter. If you have any thoughts on it, good or bad, please share.
Second verse, same as the first...
Next update: 10/10 -13, about 19:00 GMT +1.
And a bonus hint for next week:
Ok, we had thought this was divergent from the original au, but this pretty much confirms it.
Chapter was rather lengthy, but that's ok.
Keep going! ;)
This chapter was certainly heartfelt. He has a point as well, you can't just choose one or the other, the best option is to take the best of both worlds, so to speak.
Keep going! ;)
3303492
Entire point of the chapter. I wanted to show that Equestria isn't just sitting on their collective plots and moaning about it... but a sizable portion of the populace just being gone isn't something that can be solved overnight.
And I know it got a bit long, but I try to end on high-notes. Sometimes that means a bit longer, but I think the end result is worth it.
3308044
And thank you so much, for the kind words about Father Smith. (And the chapter itself, of course.
) I was quite worried about peoples reactions to him.
Thank you again, and please keep these reaction comments coming if you feel like it, they're a great help in knowing what works and what doesn't.
3308134
We try to comment when possible. But seeing as I usually finish reading in the middle of the night we're not always lucid enough to be confident in our replies.
Still, I enjoyed this chapter, nice that some things are coming back.
I wonder how the Elements will factor in to this. If my prediction comes true this means that Fluttershy (as well as any other Element Bearers) will be contacted first. To say that their attitudes will shock the Princesses is probably very much an understatement.
Keep going! ;)
...At least I'm finally getting to the action, right?
Next update same time next week, but on Friday.
Oh, and for those of you that are left wanting a bit more? I've got a new story up that seems to be getting a decent amount of positive attention.
Sufficently Advanced
"Two worlds. One of science, one of magic. But what happens when the mane six... meets the mane six?"
Its HIE, with a first-contact and post-cyberpunk twist. Only one chapter so far, but I thought I should trow this out for those of you that might have missed it.
Wow, that certainly escalated quickly. It's not often that one finds themselves in a self-reverberating feedback loop, and when it happens to a near-god...
But still, why was the reaction so severe? as far as we know, fluttershy's element didn't cause this much distress...
Keep going! ;)
3340546
He, he, he...
Obviously this congregation is led by Father Awesome.
I've removed the option to comment on the Google-docs version. Nobody was using it, and this way I don't have to worry about spam.
Oh, and next update will be the same time next week... but might be the last for awhile. I've got half of chapter eleven written, but the 5S/4 ban took quite a bit out of my sails.
DON'T get me wrong, I have no intention off not finishing this story... but my muse has been more obsessed with lasers, spaceships and cyborgs lately. So, just a heads-up.
3362858
Thanks! I mentioned it before, but I was actually worried about him.
Instead he turned into the one character I've gotten the most positive feedback about. Strange how that works sometimes, isn't it?
3364466
With the introduction of the General here, that might very well change...
Good to see the government is competent, at least a little.
Keep going! ;)
Damn, that is one funny, though slightly confusing in the start, fanfic.
3364451
When Twilight plunged into the lake I suddenly remembered Meyrink's Hot Soldier.
but my muse has been more obsessed with lasers, spaceships and cyborgs lately
Sadly, this marks the end of the experiment with a schedule. I think it was mostly a success though. I might try it again, later.
And I would like to apologize to any who have commented or favorited lately. RL swallowed me up. I'll get around to fixing that.
Oh, and the fic is not going on hiatus, it is simply going to slow down. Just so we are clear.
And I'm so happy, that I managed to combine a dick joke with a Shakespeare reference! My language teachers must be so proud of me!
3398265
Considering there's already quite a bit of that sort of thing in the source material... probably.
Somehow, I believe that Twilight is going to redefine the term 'teleworking', isn't it?
still wondering why this doesn't have more likes
You know, I think I actually like this fic more than the original 5s/4... Probably because of:
1. The interactions between the ponies and their human friends and families.
2. The fact that everything isn't somehow being kept secret against all odds.
3. I'm a sucker for Reasonable Authority Figures (priest, general, most world leaders).
4. (and this is the big one) The ponies-turned-humans-turned-ponies-again are being treated as and seeing themselves as just as much human as pony.
More human than pony in a lot of cases, actually, but that'll probably shift a bit as they get more memories backscratch that, it is more that they aren't really seeing much of a distinction between the two. No divided loyalty crises or anything like that, not really. It isn't important that they are ponies, not really... What matters is that they are all sapient beings, and that they are still the same people that they were before, just... more (or rather, just having regained what they lost). They aren't going "we have to hide from the humans" they are going "we ARE humans" or rather "we are PEOPLE" and the fact that they are not human is irrelevant. And the humans-who-remain-human in the story recognize that the ponies are their friends and family and "fellow man", as it were. It is really interesting to me, especially if Equestria is eventually reclaimed or rebuilt. Human tourists/immigrants in Equestria would be welcomed with open arms, as it were. There would likely not be any of the fear and distrust and xenophobia and such from either side that you tend to see in a lot of "Earth and Equestria make contact" stories, since most/all of the ponies would have BEEN humans for a good chunk of their lives and thus would be completely comfortable around them. Basically, no "humans vs. ponies", just fellow sapients working together as friends and family.Question: Were the other races affected as well? Are there Dragons and Griffins and Diamond Dogs and Changelings that were also cursed? If so, the last 25 years of their lives could have a very interesting impact on their societies (particularly the Changelings)...
Well, that post went on a bit longer than I intended it to...
EDIT: Re-reading some earlier chapters, some of the things I talked about above might be invalidated/already addressed and I had forgotten. Bit tired right now though, so I can't really think that clearly on it. Looking forward to future chapters.
Why to I get the sneaking suspicion that allowing the government to take samples of a princess is in between 'phenomenally bad idea' and 'the worst bucking mistake she'll ever make'? 'Reasonable authorities' or not (though I am also a sucker for those), that sounds really dangerous - even if they truly do just as they said, with zero 'behind the back' investigations and the like, I can't help but feel like things aren't going to work out the way they wanted. I really, really feel that there is a reason Celestia doesn't do that for just anyone, a very good reason for that feeling Twilight had, and that there is a few things more at play in the whole princess thing.
Still, I like how they want to take destiny into their own 'hooves' despite the changes; Fluttershy's case in particular, although the line between that and plain ol' denial is... well, reading about it makes me a little antsy for the next chapter.
Huh... now that I think about it, the Five-score curse does have a line about a weak will and mind... make them prone to mistakes?
Still, all this is unpredictable, and I can't help but keep refreshing every once in a while. Great story! Don't worry about the schedule, at least, I will wait for as long as it takes.
*F5*
3365005
Glad you liked him.
3367764
Yeah... I personally don't get why so many stories (and not only fan-fics) have governments that can barely scratch their own backs.
Perhaps it is me being European, but you know what we 'call' regimes like that?
"Viva Le revelation!"
3381403
Glad your liking the humor. Nobody had said a word about that bit. I was beginning to worry my humor was just too dry, or something.
And never heard off Hot Soldier. Any good?
3398774
Heh, yeah... Still, I was so happy about that joke, it's almost embarrassing.
3398858
Oh, just you wait. I'm planning a lot of content around the whole "Holy f
ck! Magic is real! Quick, let's do science to it!" thing.
3399285
Sadly, I think I know why. Five Score fic from a new author. And with both mature, gore and sex tags on it. Mostly probably just skim that bit, and ignore it.
Still, I'm very happy with the response so far. All complaints have been about my spelling, next to none about the characters, story or even the pacing I personally think is way to slow... but I just don't have much way around it, given the number of characters.
Hopefully, with The Last Crusade reaching Equestria Daily and the new collaboration thing, more will check it out.
Heck, I've probably gotten more then a few readers simply by this being the only mature rated spin-off that's actively being written on right now. (Although I would really like to be proven wrong. The other was a very good start, but it seems a bit dead at the moment.)
3399292>>3404292
I can't go into a lot of that without spoilers, but I can give the following teaser:
The whole basis of this fic is more or less: "...What if, the "masquerade" was about as effective as it should be, in a world with HD cellphone cameras? How would the world react? How would the ponies react, to not actually needing to hide?"
And more or less most importantly, but we haven't gotten to more then to the edges of that part yet:
"And just how horrified would Equestria be by the result?"
After all, the "Exiles" don't know that Discord is a burnt out wreck...
If you even knew half of what I'm planning for the changelings, the dragons and even the sea-ponies, you would probably do a spit-take just from the description.
And that is not even counting the "freaks," like Morgan/Trixie.
One small hint about the Changelings, relatively speaking? Spoilered if you want to be surprised.
The show actually outright spells out the recipe for love-poison. And Chrysalis is on our Earth.... which means that not only is a place she actually feels at home at stake, but all those subjects of hers that got banished with her are at stake as well. Now, just what might a desperate Queen do with that knowledge?
Needless to say, the Alternative Universe tag is there for a very important reason, not just because its a spin-off. I'm basically planning on setting the worlds on fire, and making the characters have a big dance fight on the ashes.
I only pray that it will turn out half as awesome on the pages, as it is in my head at the moment.
3399292
Oh, and thanks so much for the lovely compliment. Made my day when I read it.
Augh!
I still need to catch up with all those chapters you wrote, and now you have a Nightmare Night special, too? It's just not fair!
...That doesn't seem like it should work, Celucifer, but I... I can't argue with the logic.
Overall, this omake was hilarious.
Truly, the most evil thing of all: COMIC SANS!
3426065
Well, keep in mind I had a buffer... before the ban hit and my motivation temporally tanked. The omake is actually the first thing I've actually written from scratch for this fic in nearly a month.
And don't worry about it, it's not like they'll spoil, or anything. Read at your own pace.
3428187
I know, right? Dumbest plan ever, and yet... I'm actually a bit tempted to continue this later.
But sooner or later if I do that, I'm going to have a choice between a scene of Jesus walking away from a bunch of demons because they're just too adorable... or Jesus beating up the Mane Six.
I thing either would be just a smidgen controversial. (Or converting them, I guess... but that would be boring and controversial.)
But glad you enjoyed it!
3428961
Yes! I'm so proud of that joke! I'm really glad somebody actually spotted it.
I'm almost certain it must have been done before, but I haven't seen it.
3412054
Ap ap ap! Question, if it's poison, why the hell would she use it? Doesn't it imply... nay, outright show that the love is sick and twisted, thus of no nutritional value?
Also, I get what you're saying. You are giving them rope, enough to lightsaber themselves in the foot. They could do something else, but they'll end up doing that anyways. Can't wait to see it; I can feel the shock already.
3431423
Performing an experiment and it succeeding are different things... Sorry, but any more then that and it will completely ruin the that bit for you.
And you're correct.
And man, I can't wait to show the size of the freaking rope!
Nice slew of randomness. The fonts were interesting, quite chaotic indeed.
Keep going! ;)
3443539
I just couldn't help myself with how close to Halloween it was.
But I'm glad it seems to have gotten a positive reception. I thought I'd get a few down-votes at least for the pink cryptonite bit.
Despite this:
superdickery.com/images/stories/seduction/pink5lr.jpg
Yup, I wasn't completely joking. Actually canon... if from a else-worlds story and only this one joke panel.