It’s been about a half hour since I was talking to a weird pink pony called "Pinkie Pie", and now I'm walking in a forest, looking for something to use for stress relief. So far, I've been in this forest for close to an hour or so, total, finding nothing but those wooden wolves and I'm not even finding those now. There’s also the current questions that have been nagging me for a while, that I feel like I should know, but I can't remember. Like the fact of where am I, who am I, what am I, and where’d this Instinct voice come from anyway? These questions have been bothering me for a while now and I need some answers, but who could tell me?
"Hmm....wait a second. I do know someone, and he's right in my head." Despite being able to talk to Instinct in my head, it felt… weird.
‘I don't have to tell you a damn thing,' Instinct snapped.
"I need these answers and you know that."
‘No.’
"Will you please do this?"
‘I said, no.'
"Just do it."
‘I told you, no, and I'll keep it that way.’
"Look, will you just answer my questions? It's all I want right now."
‘You know what? How about this: go fight something strong and then I'll tell you.’
"No, I've already killed some wolves and now I'm distracted by some questions I have no answer for, so answer them now."
‘Tch, fine. I'll answer your questions cos it’ll get you off my back, so ask.’
"Where are we right now?"
‘No damn clue, I've wondered the same thing. Maybe you oughta make the 'ponies' tell you.’
"Okay, I'll think about that later. Now, next question would be, who am I?"
‘Truthfully? Even with your memories you didn't have a name.’
"No wonder I felt somewhat happy when Pinkie offered me a name."
‘And then, she gave you a shitty one.’
"I remember, I was as happy about it as you were, but I don't think she meant harm." She was probably just trying to be funny yet I didn't really feel much emotion other than confusion and irritation. "Now I just want to know one more thing for now."
‘Well spit it out, we don't have all night you know.’
"What am I?"
‘You're a Hollow.’
"A what?"
‘A Hollow. Check your chest.’
Confused as to Instinct’s instruction, I looked and saw something… odd. Almost like a part of my chest was sunken in or something. Curious, I brought my hand up to feel it, but my hand kept going and going… and going… and felt something hanging. Grabbing it, I pulled only to experience pain in the back of my head and my vision swinging going from my chest to the sky.
‘Loosen your grip, you fucking dumbass!’ Instinct laughed, almost choking on his words. I did as he said and the pain stopped, allowing me to lower my head and feel something sliding between my fingers. More gently, I pulled… orange hair through my chest. The same orange hair I could just see to the sides of my vision. My orange hair. My silence lasted for a full ten seconds, or so Instinct later told me before I reacted.
“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”
If Instinct could die, he would’ve died laughing right then and there.
========================
“Why the goddamn hell, do I have a hole in my chest?!” I roared at the pond I’d found, after about three minutes of frantically running around the damn forest, to see the hole in my chest. The sheer force of said yell was actually vibrating the water into a bowl-shaped depression as I used it for a type of medium to talk to Instinct.
‘I told you – You’re a Hollow,’ Instinct smugly replied, ‘You really gotta learn to listen, dumbass.’
“What the hell’s a Hollow got to do with it?!”
‘Calm the hell down, I’ll tell ya. See that mask on your face?’
“What about it?” I asked, marginally more calm than earlier.
‘That’s what Hollows get – a hole in the chest and a mask on the face. Basically, souls stay too long, become negative for something or other, and boom – new Hollow.’
Wait. Wait wait waitwaitwaitwait. “What do you mean by… souls?” I was nervous about this answer, ‘cause if it meant what I thought…
‘Simple. You died, and went through something of a rebirth. Not alive as in flesh, but alive.’ Somehow, that didn’t make me feel better. I had too much on my mind… and more questions than I started with. Instinct cut through my musing by actually suggesting something… in his way, as I’ve quickly learned.
‘So, gonna keep sulking, or you gonna get a damn camp happening, I ain’t answering anymore questions.’
“Fine by me,” I agreed, glad for something to distract my mind, “But how are we gonna get a fire started?”
‘Just leave that to me, you just grab firewood,’ Instinct ordered.
“But how are-‘I already told you I ain’t answering questions,’ Instinct interrupted. I grumbled, but decided to go with it.
========================
Sometime later, I had quite a few big logs of wood, a large armful of sticks and branches, and a pile of twigs and bark, while the forest was a tree or three smaller. Instinct wanted the fire right there and then, but I asked about the forest burning with us in it, and he reluctantly agreed to a firepit, as long as it was his way.
“His way”, as it turns out, was using a controlled stab from my sword to blast the ground apart to create a hole.
Now, with all the right amount of firewood in the pit, Instinct showed me how to light it. Apparently, I had to use my ‘Cero’, which turned out to be the laser thing from earlier. All I had to do was charge it, he assured me, and he’d tell me when to release.
Needless to say, we got it on the third try. The first made the pit about two feet deeper and bigger (not to mention wasted the firewood) and the second went wild into the trees after a stick fell from a branch above me and smacked the side of my head. The third was successful by using said stick as a big match.
With a nice fire going, a good night and a silent Instinct, I fell asleep soon, my sword planted into the ground within arms reach.
========================
After the sight of the Princess of the Night appearing on her doorstep stopped shocking her, Twilight fell into a brief bow before looking up with a stammered, "P-Princess L-Luna w-what are you d-doing here? I haven’t even sent the letter yet!"
"We are not here because of thy letter; we sensed a large amount of magic appear out of nowhere and chose to investigate."
"Why didn't you just send the royal guard?" Twilight asked, regaining her posture as best she could. After all, the Library was messy (a cushion was flat on the couch, the curtains were half-drawn and her quill, ink and letter were on her table). At the thought of the letter, she quickly levitated it over to Spike, who quickly sent it on its ashen way before walking up the stairs to the bedroom.
"We were afraid that the being that possesses this power, may be too strong for our guard. That and we also wanted to stop by," Luna said, with a gentle smile on her face at the last statement.
"Well… actually, I think I can help you, since I saw the source of this power, along with my friends."
"Wait. You and your friends investigated the scene?" Luna asked, concern in her voice as she did a quick scan of Twilight to ensure that the lavender mare was unharmed.
"Yes, and what I saw was both amazing yet horrifying at same time." Twilight replied, shrinking a little as she remembered.
"Very well, Twilight Sparkle, tell Us what you saw."
---30 minutes of explaining what happened earlier that night---
"So thou art telling me, that there's a bipedal being, which appears to be wearing some sort of mask that obscures most of its face. That's also strong enough to obliterate an Ursa Major, without a scratch, am I correct?"
"Yes."
"These events… really disturb Us, We think we should find this creature before it hurts somepony."
"I'm not quite sure about that since Pinkie says he's alright, but then there's the fact that it's Pinkie Pie, and she's fine with almost anything."
"So will thou come and help Us find thy creature or do thou not wish to come along this journey?" Luna asked of the still nervous mare.
"Yes, I think we should find it and possibly negotiate with it, but first I'd like to wait for Celestia's response, so you can go on without me if you wish."
"Alright. We hope to see thee soon, Sparkle"
---5 minutes after Luna's departure---
"When is she going to write back?"
*BURP* The slightly opened door to the bedroom glowed green for a moment.
"Twilight, the letter's here!" The dragon yelled from his bed.
"Quickly, Spike, bring it down!"
"Okay!" The little dragon ran as fast as he could without tripping before Twilight used her magic to bring him downstairs. Luckily for him he made it down just in time to find Twilight full of excitement, nervousness, and anxiety.
"Give it to me Spike!" Twilight grabbed the little scroll out of the dragon's claws, nearly sending him onto his face, and opened the letter and read.
"Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I am afraid that the creature you explain may be more dangerous than you think it currently is. I extremely recommend that you do not search for this creature as it could possibly harm you and that's something I don't want.
You have already seen Luna come by as she sensed the being’s power just a while ago and is now looking for the creature. She may ask you if you would like to search with her, but even though I wish that you don't, I know you will. So please, be careful, my student.
Your mentor, Princess Celestia."
"I know that it's dangerous, but I can't just sit around." Twilight muttered to herself as read the letter three times now, just in case and prepared to leave and catch up to Luna. Meanwhile Spike is quietly sleeping in his small bed since it's about his bedtime. Twilight walked upstairs to say a silent goodbye before she went to go find the creature. "Goodbye, Spike. I'll be back soon, I promise."
---30 or so minutes trotting toward the Everfree's entrance---
Luna had now reached the entrance to the Everfree Forest and is currently waiting in Fluttershy's cottage. Currently, she was wondering where Twilight is right now and didn't wait long for her to get her answer as knocks were heard from the door and Twilight walked in when Luna opened it with her magic.
"Twilight, what took thou so long?"
"I just needed to read the letter a few times and say goodbye to Spike, plus it's a long trot without wings." Twilight looked around and saw Fluttershy sitting down on her couch, drinking some tea. "Hi, Fluttershy. How are you doing?"
"I'm still a little shaken from what happened earlier with the monster and the Ursa Major," Fluttershy whispered, shaking lightly. She would’ve been the most affected by the death of the large ursine, Twilight reflected quietly.
"Don't worry, Fluttershy, everything will be alright. Luna and I will take care of the creature."
"Thanks Twilight."
"You're welcome, now,” Twilight turned to the Princess standing by the door, “are we ready, Princess?" The alicorn nodded before she opened the door.
"Twilight?” At her name, she turned back to Fluttershy as she whispered, “Please come back safely, okay?" Twilight just nodded and told Luna that she's ready to go find the creature. They all said their goodbyes as Twilight and Luna entered the forest in search of a being of untold power.
========================
‘Does he really need to friggin’ snore?’ Instinct grumbled, ‘It’s a pain in the arse tryin’ to sleep to this.’ Within his host’s head, Instinct tried to find a metaphorical comfortable position while attempting to tune out the snoring.
---Inside our hero's dream---
I was looking down upon a strange creature that looked similar to me, but with pinkish skin, shorter orange hair, a white shirt, dark pants and no mask. Yet I was also looking up at an older looking creature that had paler skin, brown glasses that hid his eyes, a white shirt, black hair and a black coat of sorts that wavered and flickered, at the same time.
And all three of us were falling down alongside some giant buildings as boxes fell around us.
“Among the countless ***** **** are falling, your ********* powers are hidden in just one,” The older one said, some of the words blurring so I couldn’t hear them. “Find that one.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” the younger retorted.
“I won’t ****** to excuses. There is no time.” As the two argued, I spotted surrounding buildings crumbling into boxes. “If you don’t find it before **** ***** crumbles… then you will become * ******.” Become what? I couldn’t hear it… it was too blurry. As I was thinking, I didn’t notice the distance between the elder and the youth until a sudden splash brought my attention out of my thoughts and to the sudden watery world around me/us.
The youth seemed lost in thought, until suddenly he seemed to have an epiphany or something. He yanked on something I couldn’t see and a box at the corner of my eye, inexplicitly, opened on its own accord to show blackness. As I turned to view it, it suddenly got larger as a pair of glowing yellow eyes shone abruptly before bone-white teeth lunged at me with a wavering scream.
---Our hero's awakening---
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" I screamed as I snatched my blade from its improvised stand while shoving myself to stand in a battle position.
‘Oi! Calm the hell down, damn it!’ Instinct snapped.
"Wha-what, I...what happened?” I frantically asked while twisting my head back and forth, looking for the bone-white teeth from my vision, my sword following my gaze.
'How would I know, I may live in your head but I have my own mind. I don't see YOUR dreams.'
"Oh… well, sorry for bothering you,” I said, calming down as nothing leapt out to attack me.
'Tch, yeah, well, now I can't sleep because of you,' He snarled.
‘What was that? It felt too… real, to just be a dream. Could it have been… a memory?' I was once again brought out by a sudden rustling to my left.
========================
"Luna, I see a light coming from over there,” Twilight whispered to her companion.
"The beast might be over there," Luna mused quietly.
"Or it might be Zecora, since she lives nearby."
“Hm, alright, well, lets-” The sound of a scream ripped through the air, interrupting the pair.
"Let's go check it out now," Twilight suggested, hoping it wasn’t a pony or some other poor creature.
"Yes, that would be a good idea, Twilight." Princess Luna agreed as she and Twilight ran towards the direction the scream came from. After five minutes, they reached the source of the scream. To their surprise, it really was the creature but they didn't expect it to be talking to itself. It was somewhat distracted, but swung its head towards them when it heard a frond that Twilight brushed rustle, so Luna and Twilight quickly hid behind a tree and a bush, respectively, to keep out of sight. "I knew it was here," Luna whispered.
"Yes, you were right. But now is not the time to gloat," Twilight cautioned the alicorn of the night,
"Right, now how are we supposed to approach the creature?" Luna asked, her eyes on its sword as it continued looking around.
"Well, so far it hasn't been hostile to me and my friends, but I bet if....Luna?" While Twilight was giving her answer Luna completely ignored her except for the word "hostile" and confronted the creature.
Twilight knew this by the Royal Canterlot Voice speaking the word, "CREATURE!" with the wrath of thunder.
========================
‘OH GODDAMNIT, MY EARS!’
‘You don't have ears,’ I reminded Instinct mentally as I looked at the owner of the ear-bleeding scream.
'Well, as I said, I hear what you hear. So, it still friggin’ hurts in here.'
‘Whatever,’ I finished my discussion with him and turned to the winged, horned pony in front of me, “Now, what do you want?"
“We -” I looked around at this, before realising it was her (at least I hoped it was a her) way of speaking, “-have heard from Twilight that thou art extremely dangerous and hostile so we have come to negotiate." Whoever this blue pony is she seems to be quite powerful I can literally feel it. Instinct apparently did as well, as he was urging me to fight.
"So far, I haven't been hostile to anyone, all I've done is fight a bunch of animals trying to kill me for food," I answered, reflexively tightening my grip on my swords handle. She noticed.
"Thou are still a danger to many so all we ask is that you go back to wherever thou came from."
"To tell the truth, I don't know where I've come from or how to get back, so I think I'll have to stay." The look on the blue pony's face was that of agitation.
"Thou think thou can lie to us?! We know thou came here from going through our meteor shower. So tell us why are thou here?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" I roared at her, suddenly losing my composure. ‘What the…’
Instinct snickered. ‘Sometimes, you just gotta to do things yourself.’
I was numb at what must’ve happened. ‘Wait, you mean…’
"IF THOU SHALL NOT LEAVE, THEN WE SHALL FORCE YOU TO!" The pony roared back.
"Wait!-" Was all I could say before she blasted me with some sort of attack. It was almost like a Cero, but not as intense. Whatever it was, I was lifted off my feet for a few feet, before shoving my clawed toes back into the soil. I still skidded back a few more metres, though.
When I looked back at my now opponent, she had wide eyes at my brushing her attack off so easily before spreading her wings wide and flew towards me, a sword of blue light suddenly being made and floating ahead with its tip stabbing towards me.
First comment yes! Anyways good job and keep up the good work.
God, Luna is being such a bitch in this fic. Isn't that Celestia's job?
3098382 Kinda, they kinda take turns......
Please don't let him be taken in by those ponies you can't knock a hollow out or put magic draining cuffs on them and hope it works they use spiritual pressure not magic and I doubt even the princess can take him on with his power.
Welp, she's fucked.
If instinct takes over Luna will get owned.
I'm looking forward to that.
3097379
...No please, there are enough pointlessly second-person view stories on this site; this story doesn't need to be added to them. Just... do everyone a favor and abolish this idea from your mind altogether. Don't misunderstand—it's not that I hate second person view, although I'm not a fan of it—rather, I question the logic of asking whether or not this story should be in "second person view" if none of the readers are anything like the main character in the first place. This isn't a story about some ambiguously faceless placeholder named "Anonymous" who lacks a unique defined background as a character—it's a story about Kurosaki Ichigo. That character isn't a placeholder for the reader's self-insert in this story—so why would you think to use second person view?
More. Now.
It must be done.
Right - Chapter One, Rough Landings and Rougher Meetings, has been rewritten. Hopefully that'll solve some of the pacing and placement problems.
Also, the polls are done. There will be no view-changing, and the fight's been added.
Enjoy!
3105570 Oi oi oi... And this goes to all similar comments.
They are done when they are done. Work and hobbies get in the way, y'know.
All I can promise is new chapters ASAP.
Thank you for taking this story and writing it all over again. The first story of this was good but was still left hanging till you came along and wrote it. So in short congrats.
Princess Luna demands a Battle!!!
I seriously want to enjoy this story. You seem like a good author, and really the writing quality isn't that bad. Sure there are some spelling and grammar issues (especially grammar), but for the most part you write very well. It's just the characterization and pacing in this story has so many issues that it makes it hard to want to keep reading.
You know about that problem I mentioned in my first review? A fight scene that felt utterly ridiculous and forced and which only seemed to exist because the plot said so? Yeah, this is even worse. At least the Ursa Major was an animal so it wasn't quite as intelligent (still doesn't in anyway work as an excuse for the fight to have happened, but that's beside the point), but this? It feels like the story is going, "How can I have this hollow and Luna have an awesome battle? Hmm, I could come up with a sensible way for it to happen, but hey, it's just fanfiction. I'll just force her to start a fight!" The only reason any of this happens is because Luna is given both a conflict ball, and an idiot ball. I mean, look at this:
Really? If you're going to have Luna have a moment of idiocy and focus on only one word Twilight said while ignoring everything else (despite the fact that literally one sentence before this she was asking Twilight how to best approach), then why bother including any of it in the first place? Heck, since the only thing this story seems to be interested in is having Hollow Ichigo beat things up, you might as well just replace the ponies entirely and throw in, I don't know, Goku or something.
Sorry for the negative tone of my last few reviews, but I'm just tired of seeing constant characterization issues in pretty much every crossover I find (especially when the cross involves something like Bleach or some other anime). It starts out interesting and draws me in, and then stuff like this happens and it just leaves a constant bad taste in my mouth.
Zangetsu at work.