Precise hummed a cheerful tune as he trotted into Pinkie Pie's room, raising an eyebrow in amusement at the various party objects hanging from the walls, ceiling and equipment. A pleased humming drew his attention to the furiously waving patient, who lay in a barrel cast to keep her from jumping around and damaging her broken ribs even more. Despite the wires, metal frame and rubber bands that kept her broken jaw forced closed, her infectious grin was ever-present.
"Well, Miss Pie-" A bout of nonsensical humming, accompanied by a hoof waving in an offhand fashion, effectively told him what she was telling him, "-Pinkie it is. I have a... most difficult question to ask." His face became severely grave.
Her baby blue eyes widened a little in what seemed to be surprise, before narrowing and becoming steely. With a questioning hum, she gestured him to continue.
His gaze stayed as such as he asked, while his horn lit up...
And drew a deck of cards from a pocket on his coat, "Go Fish or Snap?" A playful smirk appeared on his face as Pinkie held her barrel in laughter before tapping a hoof once on the nearby table, dragging it over as Precise levitated a chair over and shuffled the deck.
Flicking seven cards over to his new playmate, Precise casually asked his questions as the game commenced, with Pinkie starting the round off by tapping five times.
"Fish. Any... threes? So, how've you been feeling?" This was met with a (to most) disturbingly fluid hoof and foreleg waving up and down, followed by a shrug and a tilt of the head. Two knocks.
"Ah, shoot..." He handed over his pair of twos, "Any particular pains?"
Four knocks. "Fish. Jacks?" A single card was handed over, Pinkie looking thoughtful, before a hoof brushed lightly against her sides and rubbed a few areas. In a little bit of embarrassment, she also rubbed her jaw.
"Hmm... Aces?" A slightly accusatory frown appeared on her face as she hoofed over two cards. "Pinkie, your Sense would most likely be labelled cheating. Fours?" Another card for him. "Sixes?" A wave of the hoof and he drew a card. "You've been trying to eat solids, haven't you?" This was met with an innocent look and slightly pursed lips, almost like she's trying to whistle.
"You know you're meant to stick to liquid based foods." Thirteen knocks. A card. "As for your ribs, I'd say those are where most of the cracks are."
The game continued much in this way, Pinkie slowly gaining books on the doctor, while Precise kept on asking questions regarding her health. Just as the game was about to finish, the door slammed open and a panting, aggravated unicorn stormed in. Mustard yellow eyes glared daggers at the other doctor.
"PRECISE!"
The pony in question shot a quick wink at Pinkie before turning his head to view the other and greeting him with, "Yes, honey-buns?"
A flush of anger darkened the doctors red oak coat as a tic appeared on his temple.
"For starters, what have I told you about calling your superior that?!"
Precise blinked in brilliantly faked confusion, tilting his head to the side as he thought for a moment. With a stamp of his hoof*, he answered, "Only on weekends!"
"Ye-NO!"
"Shoot."
"Now, Precise, listen to me and do your job, or so help me I will speak to the Canterlot Board of Hospitals about you!"
"Hey, gossiping's not nice, ya know!" Burn's eyes shot to Pinkie, who smiled and waved from the bed, the device still wired to her jaw.
"Welp," Precise sighed, using his magic to pick up the cards, "I'll see ya next time, Pinkie. And, for the love of the Moon, stick to what we give you."
Pausing at the door next to a still irate, and now confused, Burn, he turned back to Pinkie, "Unless, of course, you find out how to liquidise cupcakes and whatnot. In that event, make sure to save some for the rest of the patients and staff." Pinkie nodded with a cross over the heart, flapping motions and laying a hoof over her eye.
Precise grinned and left with a, "Good. I love the strawberry with lemon glaze."
After a moment, Burn whipped his head around to continue yelling at the now-vacant spot where Precise was, only to seethe as Pinkie giggled while his new headache grew.
=================================
Instinct and I were in quiet, dumbfounded shock as I stood at the edge of a clearing.
'Just... I don't even...' Instinct muttered while I stared.
At the somewhat charred, holed corpse of a giant purple-blue bear. Which had a veritable cloud of flies, two packs of those wooden wolves, quite a few creatures that looked like lions with bat wings and scorpion tails and various signs of decomposition.
'Just how the hell did we get full circle?' was the unspoken question on both our minds.
=================================
Precise continued to chuckle to himself at Burn's expression. He'd learned a long time ago to never think on Pinkie's antics. Burn, on the other hoof, took things way too seriously.
He quickly schooled his thoughts as he knocked on the door to his next patient. And blinked in surprise when all he saw was a mass of blankets on the bed. As he stepped inside, however, the blankets twitched slightly.
"Miss Rarity, I must say that you never seemed to have grasped the objective of hide-and-seek," Precise chuckled, trotting forwards and drawing the sheets down to expose the practically mummified unicorn. Bandages wrapped from her head to her flank, continuing down her right legs partially.
With a scorning glance, Rarity replied, "Well, it doesn't help that these ghastly wounds sting whenever I move."
"So you simply pulled the blankets over your head?" Precise's grin grew slightly.
"Well, the world is better off without a hideous creature such as myself," Rarity sotly said, her expression shifting to one of quiet pain.
Precise sighed as he levitated the medical chart to him, noting everything on it in a practised glance, before saying, "As I'm sure you know, Miss, manes, tails and coats can grow back."
"Oh, I do know that, dearie," Rarity interjected, waving a hoof dismissively, "but it won't be the same for quite a long time yet. But that is beside the point - the scarring I'll gain from this will be simply atrocious - I couldn't dare show my face at a fashion show! I'd have to close my shop down or hire an assistant - nopony would want to interact with me."
Precise slowly slid his eyes to meet hers and, seeing the genuine anxiety over such a thing, stated bluntly, "Actually, Miss, the scarring you'll have from this will be minimal - barely lines, if anything, when you're fully healed. Your friends, on the other hoof?
Misses Fluttershy and Applejack have some high level scarring from their injuries. Miss Sparkle will have extreme scarring from the surgery alone. Miss Dash has lost a wing and Miss Pie has a broken jaw to contend with.
Suffice to say, the scarring you'll have is quite minimal to be honest." To prove his point, he unwrapped some of the bandages around her foreleg, revealing the crisscrossing gashes.
And, casting the illumination spell on it, gently pulled one apart.
"What are you doing?!" Rarity nearly shrieked, before noting something. While the wounds themselves where quite ghastly on her pristine white coat...
They weren't more than a few millimetres deep for the most part, the deepest a centimetre.
Flicking his eyes back up to hers, Precise finished, "So, I believe I don't need to tell you that you are quite lucky in regard to injuries, correct?" A slow nod was his reply as he continued, "In fact, there are only three wounds we've had to perform very minor surgery on to remove the debris - the majority was stuck just below the skin."
Rarity looked contemplatively uncomfortable as he redressed the foreleg, a teasing glint in his eyes as he finished.
"Now, what have we learned?" he asked in a manner akin to a teacher asks their student, while casting a spell to help her wounds heal.
Shooting a smouldering glance at him, she embarrassedly muttered, "To not take things out of proportion."
"Good," he smiled as he finished. Turning to the door, he said, "Now, those should heal well enough to not need bandages in about three weeks. As for your mane and tail..." he fished something out of an inner pocket, "I recommend looking at some of these - I'd say you should be able to work something." Tossing the object to her, he calmly left while chuckling quietly.
Rarity's cheeks burned as she found herself looking at manecuts for stallions.
=================================
As Precise finished up his rounds for the night, a voice called his attention. Glancing at the source, he bowed flippantly as Princess Celestia trotted up to him.
"To what do I owe this pleasure, your highness?" he asked smoothly as he rose at Celestia's bid.
"I would like to ask if the Element Holders, as well as Shining Armour, would be able to be moved tomorrow."
Blinking in surprise, he gave the matter some thought before voicing his opinion, "Well, I wouldn't say tomorrow, but why would you want them moved, and where?"
"There is something I, and my sister, wish to talk to them about."
Humming in response, he continued thinking about the subject as they unconsciously kept walking towards the end of the hallway.
"The creature?"
A regal nod was seen from the corner of his eye. Breathing in and letting it out as a heavy sigh, he concluded his thoughts.
"I'd like for them to have one more day of rest. After that, I'll organise the move after the midday check-up."
Celestia looked pensive for a moment before she agreed with another nod, "I believe that will work just fine."
=================================
Two days later
=================================
Luna took a deep breath as she beheld the results of the creature's escape, surveying each pony's injuries with increasingly heavy sadness. The Elements of Harmony, as well as Shining Armour and Cadance, stared at her curiously.
"There is something... We wish to discuss with thee," she began, her eyes flicking between the ponies and the floor. Beside her, Celestia hugged her with a wing. "You see... the truth is-"
A series of explosions sounded outside the hospital, followed by screams and a familiar buzzing. A guard barged into the room.
"Princess! The Changelings are attacking!" Everypony stared in shock at the guard, before they all rose to their hooves (Fluttershy choosing to hide under the bed before being pulled out by Rarity) and made for the door, each mindful of their own injuries. Once they reached outside, they saw the chaos that was occurring.
"Just what the hay is going on?!" Applejack gasped as she brought up the rear, her braces offsetting her balance. At the sound of her voice, however, no less than two dozen Changelings noticed them and immediately moved to swarm. The horns of the three Princesses, surrounded by their respectively coloured auras, showed their preparation to protect them.
However, they were blindsided by the nine Changelings that slammed bodily into them from the sides, knocking them down and disrupting their focus. In shock of the Princesses being effortlessly held down, the rest were quickly held captive.
"Ah, ah, ah," tutted a familiar, two-toned voice that oozed smugness, "We can't have you ruining our invasion again, Princesses. And as for you six," Chrysalis came into view, smirking at the Elements of Harmony, "I would rather not have to injure you any more than you are, but I will not have you interfere." Her eyes roamed the group, lingering on Shining Armour to the detest of Cadance, before settling on a unicorn. Her smirk growing wider, she beckoned to a nearby, heavily built Changeling.
"Let's start with that mummy right there."
=================================
Meanwhile...
=================================
A Changeling buzzed around in anger, trying in vain to keep track of an annoying group of fillies. Whisper Wind noticed from a short distance as the Changeling's head kept snapping around, even as the group of fillies in question ran underneath Whisper.
<I'll grab the fillies,> Whisper hive-spoke to the Changeling, giving an impression of where he was and where they went, <You go help secure this place.>
<Éntoa guide you,> the Changeling replied, relief in his voice as he recognised the request. Scouts, after all, were much faster and agile than Soldiers.
Whisper immediately spun around and buzzed after the fillies, sending orders over the Hive connection. Two were shortly captured, one having been side-swiped by a Bomber and the other running into a pincer-move. The last continued to run, though her strength was clearly-
The filly stopped short with a gasp momentarily before sprinting with new energy towards... A glance, and a brief query over the Hive, told Whisper that the filly was heading for the hospital. Where a Guardian, one of Her Highnesses personal guard, reared back to drive his foreleg into a wrapped-up unicorn. Seeing the connection immediately, Whisper pushed his wings into overdrive to catch the filly.
Time slowed.
The filly let out a wordless cry. The unicorn looked over with fear. Whisper drew closer. The Guardian descended.
Thump-thump...
The Guardian's hole-riddled hoof sank closer to the unicorn. The filly screamed something, probably the name of the unicorn. Whisper was almost there, his shadow halfway covering the filly. The scream echoed through the world.
Thump-thump...
The filly's hoof scraped up a short burst of dust. The hoof was almost touching the bandage-coated unicorn. The surrounding ponies watched in horror. Whisper's shadow covered the filly. The dust almost entered his eye. He blinked.
Thu-bvzvzvzt-ump...
Whisper's eyes opened to see a skull-like face, an orange-mane falling around it's shoulders like it'd been thrown into the air, a pale-white body with black markings that held a hole in the chest, a shredded black robe, a black sword and manacles around it's body. The red filly just passed between the creature's legs.
Wait. Wasn't the filly white?
Whisper's eyes widened as he took in the sphere of red energy that swirled between the monsters horns. The same red as the magic that lanced out of the same hospital they stood near. The same red energy that was...
Right.
In.
Front.
Of.
Him.
=================================
Time resumed as an explosion consumed a small hill covered with trees a fair distance from Ponyville.
Even as a solitary hoof, smoking slightly at one edge, bounced off the ground.
Behold the Vasto Lorde
'Just how the hell did we get full circle?'
Best form of comic relief ever. I shall wait for more
Seriously, Dude? You used it? You used the most overused and pathetic cliche in writing history. The "Oh, I'm about to tell you something really important. Something that will take less than a minute to say. Something that, if you do not hear, will lead to you acting stupidly later," then they get interrupted by somebody bursting in, cliche.
You know, I was already on the verge of quitting this story because of the too-long waits for comparatively short chapters and said chapters having almost no story progression in them, not to mention a Pinkie who makes references to the fact that she is in a fanfic, and the Mane6's injuries being unrealistically symbolic (Seriously, the flyer loses a wing, the applebucker has pulverized hind-legs, the blabber mouth gets her mouth wired shut, all by chance), but this had pushed me even closer.
If anypony does anything hostile towards Ichigo because of this and causes more conflict just for the sake of it, I'm not reading this and disliking it.
Oh...My...Gods...I just got the chills from that last part
3664066
Well, a bit hostile yourself, but I can kind of see your point. I've never liked the "Pinkie talks about the fanfiction" thing in stories, it destroys an integral part of why people read them. When Pinkie does this, it not only takes the reader out of the story, but also weakens emotional connections to the characters. Our brains may know these characters aren't real, but that doesn't mean we want our hearts to know. If Pinkie knows it's just a story, that her actions aren't her own and that their going to win because the story demands it, than why should readers worry about it?
As for the slow chapter update, short chapters, and little to no story progression in chapters, well, that goes with my 'rule of three' for posting stories online internal guideline. Basically, when posting a chapter, there are three things you should keep in mind, chapter delay, chapter length, and content. You don't want a negative in any two of them. That means, for example, if you take a long time to post a new chapter (months), that chapter should be fairly longer than the norm and have some really important stuff in it. If you release hastily, it's okay to have 2000-4000 word chapters as long as they're not complete fluff. Personally, I don't always succeed, but I try to more often than not.
Lastly, the cliche is kind of annoying as it only serves to cause frustration and could have been avoided easily. As writers, we should strive to avoid them whenever possible. You could have just had the attack happen earlier, before Luna was just about to tell the girls, and one stallion, the truth and lessened how frustrating it was.
All in all, despite these things, I still like this story enough to keep reading and I hope you continue. Good luck, hope the next chapter comes out soon, especially now that something is going to happen.
It's alive!
Been waiting for an update for a while now :o
Eh, don't worry to much about QWERTY. I've seen a lot of his comments on other fics and all he does is complain.
This is a hobby for you and we realize that it comes second to your real life. As it is, the wait between updates isn't really that bad. I'd rather read something you were inspired to create, and took the time to edit, than something thrown together hastily.
For the symbolic injuries, I thought that was your point, to teach them a lesson about jumping to conclusions and the consequences that may follow. (I still believe you should die a fiery death for hurting Fluttershy )
But onto happier thoughts. I too enjoyed the little M.A.S.H. skit you had going, was a good laugh for those of us who remembered the show. And the fact that you're having the princesses address the fact that what Luna did was WRONG, really gives me good vives for the story's direction. The fact that Ichigo saved the day like a BOSS is just icing on the cake.
3664066 3664176 Yeah, I used the cliche.
And? My story, my problem. Plus, everything else kept falling through.
3664191 Sorry, had a busy two months. Plus, was running low on cash so I was a little more focused on work.
3664316 Thank you for your understanding. And it's pretty sweet to see another M*A*S*H fan! Also, I'm planning on burning in Hell anyway. Much warmer than Heaven, and much darker which suits my light-sensitive eyes just fine.
3664176
Thank you for detailing what I meant, I was a little too frustrated to do so at the time.
3664316
Complaining? Hey, at least my "complaints" are more constructive than people like you just patting backs and kissing flank. How does just saying, "Good job," or "I love your story," help anyone? I may be mean about it, but at least my comments have a chance of actually helping writers improve instead of just stroking their egos.
As far as I'm concerned, there is no need to tell someone everything they're doing right, (if I didn't point it out, I didn't have a problem with it, after all) and people should feel happy if I take the time to write out what I didn't like about their work. As it is, if I don't write anything on something I read, it either means I didn't have any qualms with it, or I thought it was so bad that it was not salvageable.
My "complaints" show I care for the future of a story and do not want to see it fail.
3664567
Don't act like that, like there was nothing to be done and the cliche was necessary. There was an infinite number of ways you could have handled that part and you were either not skilled enough to make them work, or too lazy to do so.
Kind of Brony was at least trying to be nice and help you out, he deserved a courteous reply, not a smack to the face. If you didn't want to take his advice, you should have said nothing back.
Many shitty cliches. Used for sake of just having them. I hope the story can recover from this.
3664639
Thanks for defending me, but their is one thing I'd like to say about your comment. Where it is true that just saying things like, "Good job," and "I like your story," don't necessarily help a writer improve, they can help motivate them to write more.
I think it is a kind gesture to just say something nice in the comments, than it doesn't just feel like they were doing it to make you feel better after ragging on you. Ironically, saying something nice about someone's work anonymously is more honest than if someone said it face to face because they don't feel as obligated to do so. I mean really, how often do you say you like something just because the creator is right in front of you? Imagine telling someone to their face you think their writing is crap.
need more
3664684 Well, I don't know a whole lotta clichés. So, if you see 'em, it's not intentional.
3664639 Actually, that was me making a simple point. Trust me, if you want me to give, and I quote,
I would've said a lot more, and been a whole lot more scathing. Also, my brain runs 5 scenarios an hour. I also have an SAO, two RWBY, three Bleach, one Darksiders, an One Piece, a Code Geass and an Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfics in mind, along with an A:TLA, two Bleach and Pokemon crossovers with MLP. Throw in a HiE and apply the 5 scenarios an hour.
No, I'm not saying that to look cool. It's a headache and a fucking half. And I would love to focus on one at a time.
3664686 Manners do go a long way. And, I have had that happen. A few times, too.
I never watched M*A*S*H, but if that was the inspiration for Precise Incision, it must have done something right.
3663944
Apparently his sense of direction is about on par with his judge of character. Man that's gotta sting when both your personalities agree you're a dumbass.