Ireyah
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Oh boy. This... You certainly pulled out a story on this one.
Nicely done.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Okay....
I expected something with less of an actual storyline.
You have surprised me, good sir.
2989904 Thanks, I try
Oh, and it's 'miss', just to be clear 
2989795 I like to think that I can actually make people react to the story as much as they react to the clop, it's worked for me so far (I'm thinking of putting my first fiction on permanent hiatus since it's non-story clop and I'm not enjoying it as much as I'm enjoying playing with people's heads)
Many thanks, and see you next chapter!
HOLLY CRAP IS THIS A CLOPFIC? EPIC!!!
2990278 As cloppy as I can make it
2990275
That's a given. You're welcome.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well, colour me impressed. This is the first story you've pulled out of your bag of tricks that I didn't know you were going to do ahead of time.
That said, I now know about it, and I'm going to predict everything you're going to do with it until you actually tell me (IRL so that you don't spoil it for everyone else). Then I'm getting proverbial popcorn and sitting back to watch the chapters roll in!
Also, I'm pretty sure that I'm not needed for proof reading on your work any more, you've learned well, young grasshopper. Love you!
Whaaaaaat. So Keen and Merry.....ummm.....
That really shocked the fudge out of me!
It's really awesome and I loved it! I think it truly deserves a favorite and a like! Keep up the good work!
2990741 Yep, I went there. I'll be going there again later, just to prove it. Hang on for the rest, I'll see if I can shock you again
2990460 Thank you sweetheart, I love you too.
While I may not need you for proof reading, I might have to keep you around, you're so good for... research material, after all
I love this so much! You did so well with the details too!
I'm surprised this story doesn't have more views! It's so good. I'm being a little crazy about this, aren't I?
Well I will defiantly be waiting to read the next chapter.
Moar please.
2990828 Well the view count may have something to do with the fact that it only got released about... 5 hours ago, according to the message telling me it had passed moderation
Also, sweetie, you've fallen prey to a common problem on this site (and fanfiction sites in general) please don't take this wrong when I correct your 'defiantly' to 'definitely'. Sorry, I live with an editor, he gets driven nuts by that one...
And as for you, 2990893, All in good time
2990264
Uhhhh...Nuh uh
No, I...I can't read anymore of this, mate, it's kinda freaking me out
This is... dark, I knew it was going to be, I saw the tag after all, I read the description, still...
I guess the thing that bothers me most is the change, the way his "mare-friends" act around him, the way he acts around them, it's like someone literally tore his heart out. I'm just trying to make sense of everything here, maybe this was always there, bubbling quietly beneath the surface, never fitting in, never normal... then one day he gets rejected by the girl he thinks he loves, just because he's different- heck, she basically emasculated him for pretty much no reason at all, he must have just... snapped. Either that or whatever magical solution he found did this to him, in any case this is a sad, horrifying story, made all the more tragic when one considers that the villain in all of this might just be the worst victim of all. I have to admit, it's impressive that you've managed to turn something like... this, into a story, kudos on that one.
Why is everybody/everypony always so against incest? If both parties consent AND theres no chance of children/foals whats the problem?
Oh man, I don't want to read anymore but I want to know where this is going. I'll just keep my fingers crossed for a happy ending (because I'm such a sap).
I will say that the sex scene was hot, so there's that.
2992772
Because it's hammered in it at a young age, how many children do you think tell their parents that they love a sibling or family member that way only to be viciously rebuked for it? Incest is wrong, marijuana is harmful, gay people are gross; those messages and millions of other fallacies are shown to children every day in a variety of different medias, and parents are either too lax to correct their children, or worse yet, agree with these sentiments. Maybe one day we can achieve a more open, informed, and tolerant society, but for now the deck is stacked heavily in favor of prejudice.
2992814
Nothing wrong with hoping for a happy ending, no matter how unlikely that hope might be.
Despite my love for incest, I think I'm going to stop while I'm ahead and not read this. I don't want to want to kill myself.
As compensation, have my thumb.
"and a mild helping of emasculation."
wait , of who exactly?....
OH GAHD WUT?
2992731 Oh and here I was still getting to the stuff I think is actually dark...
On the note of your comment, though, you'll see what happened, I'm hoping to add that in there too, if you're still reading, then look forward to it.
Also 2993621 what he said
2990931
But I understand, so no worries!
Oh....
And yeah. I have autocorrect on my computer so if I type definitely wrong, it automatically puts defiantly.
2992947 To be fair, there is a legitimate reason people don't like incest. The children are much more likely to be... handicapped.
2994997 Honestly, that's exactly why I like playing with taboos like this. People see incest as so wrong, but what if it's an adopted sibling? What if it's a step-sibling, step-parent?
I can understand that a step-father and his step-daughter would be frowned upon automatically, because there's virtually no cases where that's actually consensual, and when it is you could easily argue that the guy used his position of power to corrupt her.
But what about where a father marries a much younger woman, who's closer to his son's age? And if the father then passes on? What would be the harm in his son trying his luck at winning 'mom' over?
My personal favourite is same-age step siblings, where they're only separated by a few months. How are two young people, unrelated by blood, supposed to 'get along and become close' without the awkwardness of being opposite genders living together. It's worse if they're both the only child before, because they're actively encouraged to spend time together, get to know each other. I find the introduction of romance coupled with overcoming that sense of taboo to be quite delicious.
Just like this, we know that Merry May isn't his real mother, we know that Cotton isn't his real sister, and because he's an entirely different species, everyone else knows it too. And, if current events are anything to be seen, he doesn't seem to feel any taboo in it himself.
Events may unfold, we'll see, hmm?
2995112 I understand, I'm not criticizing the whole non blood thing.
I was just pointing out a very serious reason that caused such prejudice. It may seem logical when you get into the details but when people here 'family' and 'sex', it isn't hard for them to think of inbred white(or what have you) trash, trailer park, rednecks.
He's just standing there naked? HA!
He's gettin' inside of ALL KINDS OF SUGARWALLS, GOIN' BALLS DEEP!
Good thing that he's not related to anypony at all except adopted family, still not incest, but weird as hell.
Most of Ponyville is destined for hell because of this boy.
2998391 I've got just a smidge of a feeling that you may be right. Not completely right, but right enough
Nice story! Found myself a little bit excited reading this. But you don't want to hear about that.
Anyways, keep up the good work!
*Brohoof*
-Icudeadnow-
3000761 I'm always looking to hear how I excite the gentlemen that read my work. It's very gratifying. Of course, I like to hear about the ladies too, but my gender is less forthcoming about their love of erotic fiction... they're bigger fans of it than men, in general, they just admit it less
seriously hes just.............wow well they did say he had some big balls like if you get my joke
Alright... you've won me over. Something about Keen is just.... scary. Haven't even gotten into the rapey stuff yet, and still this story feels wrong. Thre was some quality to the scene with Scootaloo... on the surface, it was just sex, but given the context of what we've seen in the intro... Keen's cold demeanor and the way fillies seem to obsess over him even knowing he doesn't give a crap about them...
Yeah, it's dark, and I love it.
When is the next update? Just curious.
3179304 When I get around to it, sweetie, it's half written as it stands, but I'm not working to any schedule.
Sorry to disappoint you with ambiguity, but this one is a story I really, really want to finish, so it'll definitely get done.
3180373
I hope it gets done... It's getting more and more interesting
Not trying to bother you or anything, but when will the next update for this story be? I am dying to find out what happens next!
I spy with my little eye another name to add to my inter-dimensional hunting list. Not even bounty hunting. Cold, malicious, hatred fueled hunt. I want to watch them cry over his corpse. Yes children, your toy is no more. Sob over him. But know he wouldn't sob over you. Hm. If we do develop inter-dimensional tech within the next years or decades, I'm using it to destroy or ultimately humiliate things like this. Hm. Castration? Or possibly a revoke of your "power". I know, I'm fucked up. Don't need to tell me. It's just that things like him tear me up. Some would hate me for calling him an abomination just because of some bitch that humiliated him, but that's not the point. It's that he's grown upon it and acts so lewdly. I cannot wait for chapter three. The flame of hatred within my soul grows brighter for this being by every word.
So....uh....where's the next chapter?
Where is the new chapter?
I dunno Morgan Freeman. where is the bastard?
Keen's back on the prowl. And Spike needs a mustache.
Hmm, wonder what it was that he did to get himself "changed"? Were the emotional changes a product of the process, a part of the "deal", or something else? While he seems to be very good at pleasing (and being pleased by) mares, it certainly doesn't seem to make him happy. I suspect some escapee from Tartarus or the like was/is involved.
4338668 Well, I'm sure we might find out... but things can only get darker before we do.
i call bullshit. 1) a pony/horse is taller then a human 2)ponies are faster then humans 3) hands fucking suck when almost everything was made for ponies hooves.
4134119 i read your username in Morgan Freeman voice. it sounds fucking amazing
4338668
4338689
Don't tell me if I'm right or wrong but my theory is that Zacora had something to do with this. Either that or he made a deal with someone in exchange for his emotions.
4340144 Oh dear, we're going to have this debate again... Thanks for reading, and for caring enough to call bullshit, but really, I've actually got the arguments to back up my words here. And they've all been made before on this site and lots of others.
Let's see, first off, these are little ponies, not big ones, hence the name. The popular image to compare is this one: Linky-link So that's what I'm using. According to this a six-foot-something human, is twice the height of Big Mac or Mr Cake, who are taller than the average stallion.
Second, have you actually been watching the show? They have all the same things that we do. Hammers and saws, doorknobs/handles, even the cups and mugs are very, very similar. What is there in the pony world you've seen, made for ponies, that Keen couldn't use?
Third, even in this world a fast human can outrun a horse over a distance of a hundred meters or so, it takes a horse longer to get all four hooves in gear and then a little longer to hit full speed. Proven fact. In a world where their legs are less than a half as long as a human's legs? That works out at quite the speed difference.
Again, thanks for reading, but this is a tired one.