Ireyah
Joined 6th Nov, 2012 ·
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Slightly ebil, very hot, I'll probably find all sorts of things that you need to correct, but that comes later
And... how very dare they! Two dislikes already? Why I oughta... Lemme at 'em!
I liked this story. Daring, hot, sexy, it was amazing.
I was... concerned at first, until the backstory came up. That explains much. Good stuff.
2399875 I like to surprise people
Unapologetic clop still needs some grounds in plausibility, even if it's this short and devoid of context 
Unfortunately I'm not a guy, but I've lived with a very... open guy for a long time; anything I ask him about how he thinks as a guy is explained quickly, easily and in a way that makes a man's point of view that much easier to understand. But I hardly thought to begin with that a guy would just sit back and take someone like Sweetie busting in on them while they were 'bating and sexually assaulting them, not without a reason, not without History. (That's history with a Capital 'H' there.)
So I just had to put that back story in somewhere that would make for an explanation of his thought patterns rather than a section of clop on its own.
Thanks for reading guys!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
erm
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
was it a good one-shot? i think so.
will i like this one-shot? most likely
am i offended at the cheating on his marefriend? yes, a bit
was the clop good? NO DUH, SHERLOCK!
Will i fave? . . . . . . . . i need more time to think.
but probably yes
do i request a sequel? of course i do!
Well, that was soul chilling. A testament to your abilities I believe, forgive me if I concentrate more on the psychological aspect than the actual sex.
The dynamic between the two is fascinating, how their story began, the shift of power and the role of predator and prey, and how the story ends are worth an entire book of their own.
The ending for poor rose and her partner is truly sad, and I feel more for her in last paragraph than I do for entire nation in lesser works, however the greatest victim remains Sweetie Belle, she was taken advantage of in an incredibly vulnerable position, then abandoned in the middle of an exploitative relationship. If the relationship had come to a close with the human being caught she could have received counselling and eventually moved on with life. But now it has become part of her, not merely a trauma but a character trait, she has become the predator to be hidden from. An interesting little exploration into circles of abuse I believe, intentional or otherwise.
The human protagonist is a pathetic person, to say the least. The difference between him and other protagonists in the HiE “genre” is just weak and exploitative he is, while he did try to repair his mistake the simple fact that he was willing to take advantage of his student gives an insight into just how pathetically weak as a person he is. That Sweetie Belle is so easily able to make him abandon his life with rose after being forced into a sexual relationship, without so much as a hint of guilt after the act, shows him to be weak willed to an extent I'm not entirely certain how to describe.
There is little to say about Rose, save that I hope that she has a happy ending, her Human companion was not worthy of a decent relationship before Sweetie Belle returned. Now she has to try and pick up her life after this horrific taint has come into it, and I can only imagine how she would be able to look at another partner without wondering is this seemingly lovely person that she knows so well won't turn out to be so rotten as the last one. She'll have a shadow over her for years to come.
Anywho, this was far above the standard fare for this site, pornography and even fiction in general. I would like to see you write more in the future, I have no doubt I would enjoy every sentence.
Have a nice day.
BlackWinter
What a dick.
that was hot.
2402515 Wow, you hit my points on the head one-by-one... You're definitely one of the most insightful cloppers I've had the pleasure of getting a comment from.
Yes, he was weak, it's amazing what happens to a broken man sometimes. I wanted to make this whole thing with the basis that this man lost himself, who he was, everything he had mentally and emotionally, in coming to Equestria, and only give him what he had physically.
In losing himself, he lost his control, he was tempted and didn't resist when he 'fell' for his student, until he was reminded of the fear of morality. Out of fear he cut himself off from that fear and did everything he could to hide, not to make it better, but hide. And then when someone else came along that he thought would give him that... legitimacy to his hiding, he convinced himself that he should go for a relationship, again not out of courage, but out of fear of what he had done without one.
Sweetie was taken advantage of and, as you said, internalised it and made it part of her character, instead of receiving counselling and moving on, and came for him this time to tempt him once more. She showed him his weakness and, out of fear, or guilt, or just the final acceptance of how terribly weak he really was, he let it happen. Embraced it, accepted it.
And that's the kind of thing that can happen. If you're made to be weak... it's not something you can deal with on your own. It's not something you can escape from, you're just waiting for the weakness to take over again.
Heh... I have a little experience in weakness, but I had help from Thaylien, and I owe him more than I can say for what he did.
Anyway, I'm glad you were impressed, I didn't know how a lot of people would take this story, especially after getting a fair few dislikes early on. Catch you later!
Blast! no foalcon. Will read anyway's ofc :D
This is an excellent story. Many congratulations are in order. First, from a technical standpoint, you made a very good protagonist. I do not mean that he is a good person (by any means). Rather, he is a very interesting person to read about. You packed extensive characterisation into a very small back-story. He is also a great example of a classical tragic protagonist, having great (metaphorical) wealth and losing it all due to a destructive flaw.
Second is that this aforementioned flaw made me caps-lock ANGRY. This is not a criticism, as I always enjoy stories that inspire genuine emotion. To elaborate, the wisest people I have met in my life have all shared a philosophy: solve the problem. This man outright decided that the best response to a temptation he knew was wrong was to give up and go along with it. It seems likely that this will wreck the lives of all three characters. Like I said: ANGER.
Finally and most importantly, this story made me think. It took me an hour to sort out what I was going to write here and I still don't think I got it right. Very well done.
2470441 Wow, that's two intelligent, full-length, actually thought-out responses to this now, I'm genuinely touched
I'll blame this whole thing on Thaylien, he's been teaching me about emotion-manipulation (he does it to me plenty, I'm the woman, I'm supposed to be causing him to question his thinking, not the other way around!) and how the best stories are ones that leave the reader thinking about what happens next.
A broken man's solution to his problems is to finally admit he's broken and stay that way... all too human in many cases. That's why we like the kind of stories where people pull themselves back from despair, where people get fixed or fix themselves; because too many times it doesn't happen.
Still, I made you think, I brought on an emotion that I was expecting about 50% of the readers to feel about this (I wrote it thinking about what responses would make me either search for the deeper reason behind them, or just make me, as a person, angry), so I'm calling the whole experiment a win
that, beginning to end was great.
Never read a fic like this that involves past taboo mistakes and under the wing deception.
This character seemed really human to me. Such things happen everyday, and sweetie, as a teen.
Acting the way she does, makes sense.
Wonderful, delicious lust.
Loved it
2509409 Why, thank you, dear reader
I thought it was very good with the clop, but the story made me kinda sad. I'm don't think Roseluck deserved to be treated that way. What had she ever done to get her heart ripped out like that?
3204101 Nothing, nothing at all. That's the thing, sometimes there's no fault of our own, sometimes the choices of others impact us whether we want them to or not.
Did she ask for it, or deserve it? No. And that's something I wanted to include in this, to show just how tragic this really is, for all of them.
Glad you liked it though, it's always worth it to see people get the reactions I'm trying to write into the story
You my friend are an amazing writer and i will be reading your other fics as well. I gotta say, I'm not really a huge roseluck fan, however, i am a huge sweetie belle fan, so this fic appealed to my tastes. Sweetie belle deserves all da loves!!!!!
I can't say I approve or even like the idea of cheating on a loved one for something as trivial as lust especially with one so young.
But I have to admit, that this was HAWT HAWT HAWT HAWT HAWT! At first I thought it was female on male rape, which I do quite enjoy, but then he just dominated her, BY THE NINE DIVINES! Dats sum good ass shit!
4354696 Now you're just going to make me blush. Thanks sweetie
Well this can only end well goddamn but that was hot, though. I hope you come back to this someday. Faved and upvoted.
Why is it when I look at that picture I can hear Thrackerzod say those words
This story was awesome, I loved everything about it. You my friend have a fan.