Stuck somewhere between writing funny and sad horsewords. Don't forget to add romance in there!
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I come here every week. I still believe you can hear me, and I like to pretend you weren't taken away. Instead, I'm forced to face , whether I truly believe this is my reality or not. How would you feel waking up from a dream that seems so real? How would you feel when all your dreams are ripped from your soul?
Right now, this could be all a dream.
How am I supposed to know which is which?
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I can't help but think of Inception because of the description of this story.
This was definitely a good story, and I did enjoy reading it. I think you wrote the emotions of the ponies really well and you captured how they would react pretty flawlessly. Also, Vanilla Bean was a great touch. As far as characters go, I think he was spectacular. I was a little disheartened that Rainbow did not find him again while on her run, as part of me was curious to see how he might respond if he had been informed of what had happened to Rainbow and her marefriend. However, the fact that she didn't find him only made the one scene he was present for that much more special.
I do want to say though that you should work on the subject in your writing (at least, I THINK that is the problem I am about present. Someone more knowledgeable than me, like bats, might be able to name exactly what this is called). There were many times when Rainbow's thoughts were made as if she was speaking directly to Twilight, for example:
Then, only a few paragraphs later and in the same memory, we get:
The difference is that in the first quote, you're using words like 'you' and 'your', but in the second quote she is suddenly saying 'the unicorn', as though she is now talking to someone that isn't Twilight. Again, I think this is called the subject of your writing, but I am no English Professor, so I am not 100% sure. Eh heh.
.
I'm just another pony loving fool who happens to enjoy Rainbows mixing with Lavender.
Also, is your doctor a human? Because he apparently has a hand.
And I think you meant 'immortal'.
Anyways, my overall assessment? A good idea that was executed pretty well. With an editor and a few re-phrasings of some iffy sentences, this could shine as one of my favorite sad fics to date.
I cried like hell. An epilogue will be awesome. So, epilogue please, good sir. Awesome writing that I'm sure will have me crying for awhile. ;_;
Since this is a comment, may I have a cookie, please?
If you decide to do an epilogue, I'll read it. I'm curious to see what becomes of Rainbow Dash - particularly if she ever finds love again, and what she does with the knowledge of how suddenly and powerfully loss can strike if so.
2977017 You know, I can see that
2977218 Oooh!! I like long detailed reviews!
I can see the whole subject thing a being an issue, and I actually didn't notice it till now. Oh and I fixed both errors, thanks for the heads up
As for Vanilla Bean, he was a key part of the story and was always supposed to be pretty important. He basically was the one who, albeit indirectly, helped Rainbow out of her depression fog.
Glad you enjoyed it!
2977240 Thank you, and don't cry too much
I'm thinking on what I'd want in the epilogue, you might see it eventually.
2977272 *hands over a cookie* We'll see where the epilogue goes. I haven't honestly thought too much on it yet.
2977218
It's called a 'tense shift.'
And I think that's the first time I've seen that happen, while still staying in the same persons head. So...grats?
2977528 Oh thank you Ech! I should have known you would know what that was called.
2977528
Huh...
So at least there is a good side to it?
2977537
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/070/4/8/twilight_sparkle__oh_you_by_un_worst-d4sg3ou.jpg
Man I've never cried to a story before and even after reading it I'm still holding back sobs this just hit in all the right places for me.
Thank you for writing this it was beautiful.
Ow... My heart...
3 years ago, my fiance passed from a car wreck. you must know me or something. this was almost the exact description of how my life was for the first year... after I made it past the depression, I started changing my life for the better. Thank you for this story. It truly touched me.
2978015 Thank you for your enjoyment of it.
2978548 My heart was like that too while I was writing it.
Poor Rainbow Dash.
2978951 I... wow. For this to be that close to what you actually experienced, it must have been difficult to read.
So thanks for reading.
Also, glad to see you are not in the depression hole any longer. I tried to make this seem relatively realistic, and apparently I did just that.
I don't often comment on stories I read, but this one was so good, I just had to make my enjoyment of it known.
The depiction of everypony's emotions was excellent, with the narration being well paced and the overall feel of the story being smooth, with no jerkiness.
Rainbow's journey through her emotions was likewise very well handled. It felt real and heartfelt; I really wanted to give her a big hug through all of it. I nearly teared up in the hospital. Very well done, sir/madam.
There were a few minor grammatical mistakes here and there, but I can't do anything to point them out at the moment, as I'm using an iPad. Other than that, this story was absolutely brilliant for something that started out with no direction, and totally deserves the fave and like I just gave it.
If you ever feel like doing the epilogue you mentioned in the notes, I have no doubts it will be just as fantastic as this chapter. Keep up the good work.
2979563
I didn't have trouble reading it at all. it was just scary at how perfectly my emotions and experiences were related to this story. I did get the feels towards the end of it. I have no shame admitting that. I decided to chase my dream of joining the military after coming to my senses. please continue to write. I will be following.
Oh.... My... God..... This story actually made me cry, and I'm not one to cry over many stories.... You did a awesome job on this story, I swear I cried for 5 mins cause of this, I hope you make more like these in the future!
Definitely. Great story, but I think if you do write an epilogue you should write it from the perspective of Rainbows friends. Just a thought.
2980317 Glad you enjoyed it! I've been improving a lot in overall flow of a story, and I'm glad you noticed
2981886 I will! Thanks man!
2983341 Glad you liked it so much. Don't know how often I'll write these sadfics, they make me sad even
2984373 Hmmm... well it wasn't really what I was thinking of doing, but I'll keep it in the back of my mind.
2986628 heh, question, if you were gonna make another shipping story, who would you pair off?
2987421 Other than Twidash, I'd probably go with Rarity and Dash. Its not a popular one but it could be done pretty interestingly.
2987508 dam, I wouldn't mind reading a raridash fic, If you wanted to make one I would be glad to help you, since I wanna start making my own shipping fics very soon
2987709 Well that won't be in awhile. I'm probably doing multiple contests in the Twidash group, both which run till the end of Sept. One of the stories I have in mind is 7 chapters, and I am not a fast writer
I'm willing to help you out with whatever your writing, even though I'm not a great editor by any means.
2987757 I haven't started one just yet, I've been looking for help for a while now, and was hoping you could maybe help write the story with me.... If ur alright with that
2987792 I'd be happy to
Also, you might want to send me a message instead. Easier so we don't have to flood the comment box here
A truly well-done and heart-warming story, keep it up
I hate feeling sad yet I seek it out... I guess I just want to feel emotions through fiction rather than experience, safer that way. I didn't exactly cry but I don't really cry all that much anymore, I've cried too much to pony fanfiction, but I did feel the emotions and as such this was a very enjoyable story keep up the great writting, I'll get around to reading Coming to Senses a little bit later today (you would not believe my backlog of stories to read).
I hate crying yet I search sad stories above all.
I have no idea why because most of them make me bawl.
I hope someday I will write a sad story just as good as this.
P.s. Twilight Sparkle, you will be missed. <3
Dammit all... why you make me cry?
Another incredible story. I would expect nothing less.
I think it would pretty valid to say that you are at your best with Twidash.
I originally was going to comment against an epilogue because, while they're fine and well, this was an excellent self-contained story and, while not THE BEST ending, it concluded itself rather well. However, the prospect of an epilogue from somepony-other-than-Rainbow's perspective I have to say, is quite a good one.
I loved this story as I tend to love all your stories (especially Twidash because Twidash is the best) and this has earned my like and favorite. However, love it or no, I can't deny this is THE most flawed story of yours I've read so far. Like, this is messed up REALLY BAD. Not from any significant narrative point, but from REALLY BAD grammatical errors, and a lot of them at that. I couldn't point out all out them individually, but in addition to your normal minor mistakes of missing or extra words and the consequent sentence structure issues, and done classic misspelling and typos, this fic suffered MAJORLY from tense and perspective issues. I think it's pretty obvious that it kept switching from first, second, even a little third person where Rainbow would confuse your, her, and my consistently, and it even flopped from past and present tenses a bit, but the main concern is the point-of-view and audience distortion. Rainbow would go from "your" and "you"s back to "her" and "Twilight" and "Twilight's"s, sometimes even within the same sentence. I couldn't point out every instance of this, and honestly I can't successfully copy and paste some examples because I'm typing this stupid comment from my phone and the browser won't let me. I've been trying, but it's not happening. Besides, unfortunately the issue is so prevalent that I don't think an example is necessary.
That's my two cents about this. Amazing story, pretty bad grammar errors.
Okay, what is this, like, the fourth story of yours I read in a row?
I wasn't planning to stay up this late and read, so I looked up an interesting one-shot to read (instead of something with multiple chapters and cliff-hangers in each of them ^^), and then go to sleep.
...
And yet here I am, reading through your stories 2h later.
First off.
You're good at characterization. Really. The way you've written these from the characters POV, and showing off how they think; That's pretty captivating.
Keeping to this fic though; how you've delved into Rainbow's despair, and her re-telling her story for Twi'. What goes on in her mind, and what she recalls. It's all there, and make her a very believable, well, Rainbow Dash, because we get to see what she thought, and how she reacted.
Even if she was out of character, this would be a great read. But, she's in character as far as I can tell, battling her own demons, living her life loyal to others etc.
And, for the story of this fic. That was very well performed as well. The concept itself is pretty heartbreaking, but, seeing it all from Rainbow's perspective, how she felt, how she coped, it made it that much more sad.
Have another like and fave, I'll try not giving you more of those tonight though, this is getting ridicolous.
Oh, and you've gained another
stal-follower!M
... Did the description alone make me almost cry!?
Oh damn it DJ, please tell me why
another great fic has made me cry
Just call me human for not dealing with death
On verge of more tears and struggles with breath
Another great story, to find a fault I could not
You kept us engaged with this intricate plot
I salute you good sir and have favourited most of your stuff...
...what I like Twi/dash and your ideas isn't that enough?
-Frost
Oh my poor feels. Maybe shouldn't have read this at work in the lunch room...
And now I remember why I swore of the dreaded sad+tragedy combo.
Curse you, you wonderful, glorious bastard.
wow... this is really sad!!! but amazing at the same time! i cant imagine what pain that would have to be for her... gaaaaaaaa!!!! i so sad
! thank you for this amazing story! 
I know the feeling... lying there as the ekg starts to slow... waiting for that final breath...
It's how it was with my Grandfather when he passed... and for weeks... months afterwards it was like everything was just a bad dream... one I kept hoping I'd wake up from...
2987988 out of all the sad stories I have read on this site, only one other has ever truly made me actually cry and this is the the second story to hit the feels so hard that no other sad story will reach the again for a while.
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I hate reality because it makes me mortal, it makes my family mortal. I hate going to sleep because all I see are the skeletons on those who have passed, who still live, and have yet to be born. So I read these stories and make them my reality and make myself the fiction. I still live in the real world one day at a time, but if I look into the future or past horrors pass over my eyes. All the stories I read have different ideas or genres to help me cope, so thank you for this story it truly is helpful.
do i spot a kanye reference at the end there