Stuck somewhere between writing funny and sad horsewords. Don't forget to add romance in there!
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On repeated occasions, Rarity has tried to strength a weak friendship with Rainbow Dash, only to be turned down on every occasion. Defeated, she begins to question herself, but realizes she just might be wrongly examining the situation.
Perhaps there is a reason she has missed the whole time.
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i liked it.
Better add this to my read later!
You got Rarity's thought process down pretty well, but the talking part for both of them felt a bit....off. Good so far.
Seems like a really cute story about a crimminally underrated pairing. I'm loving it already!
Needs to be "doesn't"
It was a very lovely story. I read the whole thing out loud in my best impression of Rarity's Accent. That one (the only mistake I saw) wrong word broke my flow completely and I had to force myself back into it.
Still though, have an upturned thumb, you deserve it.
your lucky anyone has read this, it is good, but i almost didn't read cause you messed up the grammar in your description.
3014051 I just noticed that. Thank you for pointing it out!
3013689 Sorry bout the error, its all fixed now
Glad you enjoyed it!
3013443
3012628 Thanks!
3012561 It was supposed to feel awkward, so maybe that's why it seemed off?
3012555 Good to hear!
3012479 Glad you did!
It would be interesting to see how the date goes.
I enjoyed this story quite a bit.
One thing that struck me as a bit odd, though: you started out with Rarity talking as though to Rainbow, referring to her as "you", and then abruptly transitioned to Rarity talking about Rainbow instead. Both styles work, and I found the conversational "you" style quite engaging, but the transition didn't quite work.
Also, I can't help but think there must have been something more to Rainbow's side of things than just "nervousness".
I liked it. Now,
WHERE'S MY COOKIE!!!!!!?
I would like to see a rainbow dash mane overhaul and her in dresses.
I know it is unfair of me to compare this story to another I recently read, but several paragraphs in I was thinking to myself that I was reading yet another letter instead of a story. While I can't really make the same complaint again, since this story does indeed have plot, interaction, and dialogue, I can make some similar complaints. I'll get to those later.
There are several things this story does right, I feel.
The biggest one to me is Rarity's "voice" (though in this case more her thoughts). I can imagine Rarity thinking this way: Holding a conversation with the object of her thoughts, being critical of the details, critical of herself, and so on. Furthermore, I could see the theme of her mused-upon efforts being around her attempts to give gifts.
The overall conflict of mistaken intentions was surprisingly smooth.
The final bit I want to compliment on is the sense of the canon relationship these two have. I've noted myself in conversation many times that I could easily see Rarity being interested in Dash, perhaps even romantically or merely physically so. However there is very little reciprocation from Dash. Indeed it is hard to see the two of them being friends, when looked from Dash's perspective and setting aside the influence of Twilight and the Elements. That you had Rarity pick up on that and doubt their friendship feels very right as a proper conflict.
I especially liked the use of the Wonderbolts tickets as a sticking point for Rares.
There are some pretty glaring flaws though. The story starts out reading like a letter or a monologue until over halfway when we finally have some interaction. It is also not until that point that we even know really where any of this is taking place. I don't think it would have harmed the story to toss in a few little tidbits of activity on Rarity's part to add context to here musings. Is she staring idly out the window of her home? Is she attempting and utterly failing to make any progress on a dress in her workshop? Perhaps she's in the bath or sitting on a couch idly stoking Opal.
I recognize that there is a style-element being used where the identities of the main character and the object of her musings are gradually hinted at until the hints build into definite clarity. The character tags on the story kind of kill that effect though, and even if they didn't, you're only maybe fooling anywone for a half dozen paragraphs at best. If you really wanted to maintain that illusion though, you could pick some of the more generic of the activities I listed above, such as the window-staring or the bath. Done well, you could actually extend the effect longer and more naturally.
The bit with Rainbow felt a little off for several reasons. The first, paradoxically, was because it involved action and interaction. Barring the suggestions I made above being made, the suddent shift from monologue to actual story was jarring. It felt weirdly out of place. It shouldn't, because it is one of the highlights of the story. The error is with the rest of the story fore and aft of the event that cause this jar.
The other problem is one of details. Rarity is very detail-oriented and you mention it. I would have expected a lot more attention to the little details of body language and tone of voice that Rarity would pick up on. You do somewhat get a pass on this because Rarity is busy rebooting, but not a full pass. If anything Rarity should be especially focused on the details directly after her reboot.
Dashie wasn't so much out of character as out of her comfort zone. That said she came across just a little blandly. I think some of the extra details would go a long ways toward strengthening out of zone Dashie.
The last thing I wanted to touch on was a weird bit at the end.
Now, I can see this being intended to add to the blindside factor of Rainbow's confession, but it is fairly weak at accomplishing that as a random aside after the fact. Instead it brings up a lot of questions about why Rarity is going along with this, what is going to happen, and a whole can of worms. Rather than leaving us with an introspective story that has a good conflict, believable transition to confrontation and resolution, we're left with a huge payload of conflicts then cut off by "The End." This is really poor story construction.
Ooh you should make this a chapter fic XD
I forgot to favourite this last time I read it, my bad.
In the description:
Should be: Rarity has tried to strengthen...
But other than that (it is in both descriptions), I found this to be quite enjoyable. Thanks for the read. Now where's my cookie?
Such RariDash fluff, very enjoyable.