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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Holy sweet Jesus, this update was surprising.
Moot to say the sex scene was hot and I'm glad that Twilight and our protagonist get along better.
Well, that was nice. Pity it didn't go all the way, though.
Oh, I am so looking forward to Twi and Rich really going at each other later... Wonder who will win in the end? LOLz
The tables have been turned and flipped over
Assertive Twi is awesome!
Looks like I missed some old comments
5198701
I find your remarks about my pacing interesting, especially in light of another reviewer who voiced the exact opposite complaint (that I'm taking my sweet-ass time). I glossed over what I did because nothing worth mentioning actually happened. Anthro clopfic readers don't stick around for idle chit-chat over tea at Zecora's, nor do they have the patience for slumber parties where no one goes past first base (especially after I strung them along for as long as I did in the earlier parts).
As for the mental breakdown, Bill's comment was part of the joke. Apologies if it fell flat in your case. My writing style for this fic isn't exactly meant to be taken at face value (better to read it as a mockery of HiE, harem clop, and anthro).
5208330
It's really subtle, but when Bill enters and leaves the bath, nowhere does it say anything about passing through a door that could be closed and locked behind him. He just didn't notice that at any time, he could have called Luna's bluff and walked right out (she can be very distracting when she wants to be). Luna's intent here is to gauge Bill's reaction to the reality that he's found himself in. Him getting bent out of shape about it would be akin to being outrageously offended that Germans drink during Oktoberfest.
5216683 5217117
To which Luna might reply, "Do not presume the lifting of your quarantine entitles you to unlimited freedom. Our obligation extends only to hospitality, protection from harm, and safe return to your home world at the earliest opportunity. We are perfectly within our rights as sovereign rulers to sequester you from our own people should we see fit."
5439104
Surprising in what way? That I released it when I did or at the events that unfolded?
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It's amazing how a shared experience can help two people bond. They'll still keep bickering though.
5441442
Everyone knows the naughty librarian likes to play rough
As a side note, I just noticed this
i.imgur.com/7wHSw4V.png
Should I take it as a sign of something Is evil related to the meaning of life?
5443011
Both. I was surprised to see an update and the events of said update surprised me as well.
5443112
Well, I did promise a December update, and we're quickly running out of December. At least I can wait until next year before I have to update again. I'm surprised no one's mentioned yet that I sent a male clopfic protagonist to the spa, and he didn't fuck the twins. Then again, this was a Bill-and-Twilight-centered chapter that finally released some of the tension I've been building up all this time. They've been at each others' throats from the very beginning, and everyone knows how that ends (I'm a Pratchett fan if you haven't noticed). The poison joke just provided the catalyst for each of them to see things from the perspective of the other, and with this new-found mutual understanding, it was a foregone conclusion from there.
Yay! An update!
~OreoKookie
I wonder if this will end up with a pregnant harem scene.
Aw, he turned back to normal already? Shame, and I was gonna post a "well on the bright side, at least there's one part of your anatomy you can be thankful for Richard." joke too. Oh well, easy come easy go.
... Hmm, just an afterthought, but when exactly does estrus come again? I'm curious to see how ol' Richie boy might handle that situation, along with how much more horny the mares'll get since they're already very "sexually supportive" as it is thanks to the athro spell.
5442975
Goddamn it, FiMfiction didn't notify me of your response. Glitchy piece of phlegm.
If there's a scene that is crucial to the plot, but isn't really worth mentioning, you need to rewrite the scene. Make it worth mentioning. Put interesting dialogue and moments in. That's what makes a story good.
If the scene isn't crucial to the plot, you shouldn't even bother with it. Put a different scene in.
I thought this story was meant to parody anthro clopfics; not pander to their readers.
I thought it was supposed to be a joke, but then it wasn't.
Richard: I'll be fine in a few minutes.
Me: Yeah, right. This guy will never be alright again.
*He's fine a few minutes later*
"I don't expect freedom, I expect to be treated like a sapient person. I'm not playing your game. I'm not jumping through your hoops. What makes your culture so much more valid than mine? What makes you think that you deserve respect while I don't?
You say that "nudity and proximity need not result in carnal knowledge"? Well, I say that's utter shite. Yes it does. It has for hundreds of thousands of years at least. If there's one cultural taboo that humans have always followed, it's that one. It can hardly be considered culture any more.
And don't give me that threat. It's empty and we both know it. You want me gone just as badly as I want to go; and you need my cooperation to do it."
These are points that I think Richard should bring up some time.
5468399
Always good to know Knighty is hard at work breaking everything...
The important part of the scene wasn't the tea at Zecora's, and that's why I largely ignored it. It was that Bill and company had a reason to be in the forest to begin with (otherwise there would be no poison joke to play with).
Likewise with the slumber party. The point was to establish Bill's standing with the supporting cast. It's not explicitly stated, but it's heavily implied that the more he enjoys himself, the more *ahem* productive his experiences will be. Once the others had a chance to express their support, the scene had served its purpose. The implication here is that while Bill is still wrestling with his own feelings, the others have been doing the same (offscreen because this is told from Bill's POV) and already reached their own conclusions.
The two aren't mutually exclusive? I'm really not sure what argument you're trying to make here
There's two ways you could read this. The first is that I'm just hanging a lampshade on what hundreds of other HiEs do in the same situation (taking the joke for what it is and moving on).
The second is that he didn't really get over it. He'd just been successfully distracted (how would you react if a well-endowed woman suddenly asked if you were thirsty with her assets hanging just inches from your face?), and the glass of water helped ease the hangover he was still feeling (hangovers are at least partially caused by dehydration). Beyond that, he's too busy dealing with all the other ridiculous crap that keeps popping up to fight with issues more complicated than he can handle.
Arguing about how Bill should/would respond to Luna's shenanigans is a moot point. He isn't really the type of character to blow up in anyone's face in the heat of a moment after a single offense. He's just trying to keep a straight face in an absurd situation because he feels that if he loses it, he's got nothing left.
That being said, I'll continue this game.
"If you wish to behave like a foal and throw foalish tantrums, then we shall treat you as such."
"What makes you think you can dictate to us how to run our own civilization? When you showed up to breakfast wearing bedsheets, were you turned away? We are not demanding that you adopt and conform to our culture. We are merely pointing out that the world you are in is not your own, and you must adapt if you wish to avoid unpleasant interactions within it. In fact, if there is something we can do to help you adjust, you merely need to inform us."
"That may be true where you're from, but it is not true here. That is the point of this exercise."
*Picks Bill up with magic bubble*
*Carries him back to room and puts him in time out until he stops throwing tantrums*
*Posts guards at door to enforce time out*
Calling a Princess's bluff never works out
5471160
Then we're back at the solutions I already mentioned. You either should have made the scene important, or at least interesting; or you should have replaced it with a less invasively pointless one.
Well, they kind of are. Not to the point of complete exclusivity. I'm not saying a parody can never appeal to the original media's audience (Just look at DBZ abridged.)
Let's just put it as it's really hard to do both, and I don't believe you've done it quite correctly. Damn close, but not quite there.
I would lean back and ask for a water. Like I already said, I'm not that into breasts.
I would accept that, but this story hasn't been explicitly comedic or parodic enough to make that situation believable.
In other words, a joke like that would be out of place because the rest of the story is taking itself somewhat too seriously.
If that's the case, you should do something to imply that. Maybe have him shudder every time he looks at the moon, or maybe he doesn't like talking about physics any more. Something like that.
"I'm not the one acting childishly. I'm not the one demanding that other people change their fundamental behaviors before they're allowed to interact with me. I'm just asking that other people respect my boundaries."
"Then why are you forcing me to stand in this bath with you naked? Why are you trying to pound lessons into me that completely oppose every human's basest instinct? Here's a fun fact I haven't told you yet: I feel naked when I'm naked. I can tell, even when I'm asleep. It's not an unlearnable behavior."
"I knew that the moment I woke up surrounded by fucking extraterrestrial life forms!"
"And I brought it up because you people trying to enforce your casualty towards the subject onto me makes me very uncomfortable, and I'd like you to stop it."
*Proceeds to happily make use of newly found free time by making minisculely more stylish clothes from bedsheets.*
So, I don't know if the issue has been raised or not, but there is one glaring issue with the mass-transmogrification that should be right in-line with the quadruped/biped shift: the sudden acquisition of fingers. How did any non unicorns get ANYTHING done effectively? This excludes certain characters as much as the walking problem does, obviously,
I'm only asking because I just recently discovered your story, but why is the cover image a lovely bunch of coconuts?
5652490
It is a metaphor for breasts.
5653839
Huh. And here I thought it was a reference to "clopping" with halved coconuts like they did in Monty Python and the Holy Grail .
Now that was an interesting sex scene. Dom twilight sounds kinky
5472295
I can't help but feel like this story would have been much more interesting if you had wrote it instead. It's currently filled with too many contradictions.