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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The sex scene with Fleur was great and I'm glad that the guy has learned to trust the ponies and improved his friendship with Twilight and Fluttershy. I hope the next chapter comes soon.
Poison joke. Why not?
Blue flowers? Oh boy...
I take it you either aren't so good with rhymes or have no real intent of incorporating Zecora into the story, which is why her conversation was glazed over. Which is it?
Also, what is Poison JJoke going to do to him, especially since it got into his blood stream? Given everything going on and how he's come to view this world now like he's somehow been incorporated into a magic-themed porno/hentai and how the magic inside him amplifies everything magic does to him, I wouldn't be surprised if he woke up the next morning as a tentacle monster...or as a girl...or both.
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I glossed over Zecora's part in this chapter because her dialogue was contributing to the significant delay in releasing the chapter, and the scene itself served little purpose other than introducing her into the story. I'm not entirely satisfied with the result, but if I'd continued to obsess over it, I might have lost motivation entirely and ended up with a dead story. As for future appearances, I've left plenty of room for her to show up again with spoken lines, so I'd say there's about an 80% chance she's coming back.
As for the poison joke, all I'm going to say is that it sets up a major development in Bill and Twilight's relationship. But now you've got me imagining what a girl tentacle monster would look like
What this I be hearing about a clop fic having plot? We don't preciate clop writers like you around these parts
bloody-disgusting.com/images/features/inbred/10.jpg
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Wait, since there were bits of Poison Joke still on him when they hugged, are they going to end up switching bodies?
And a girl tentacle monster looks the same as a boy tentacle monster, it just also has female openings on its main body. And more of its tentacles end in suckers or tongue-like protrusions rather than phallic protrusions.
I can something is gonna beeee gooood.
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Hell yes, it updated. When you said "next week" I was expecting at least after mid-week.
So Fleur claimed his alien virginity. I wonder how Rarity, Luna and Celestia are going to feel about that. They all seemed to really want to have a piece of him, but at least they can flat out ask and get some action as a result now.
When they were heading into the forest to see Zecora, i thought "*ding* foursome material"
What you do with the poison joke as modifier will be interesting.
Can't wait to see more.
Why do I think rule 63 might be broken next update...........
Poison Joke sexy funtimes ahead?
Anyway, I just read this whole story up to this point, and I must say you've done some fabulous things with it. Keep it up, good sir! I can't wait for more.
Please, pleasepleasePLEASE don't do the whole "poison joke turned him pony" shtick. It's trite, It's overused, and It's SO unoriginal. Also, i'm seeing an emotional breakdown ahead, looking forward to it
"Nah, I got it," I said, pushing myself up. My fall had uncovered a bed of blue flowers beneath the snow.
SHIT.
I've got a feeling there will be a transfer of personalities between twilily and bill... Sexy fun times ahead?
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Hopefully it won't take as long to get the next one out as this one took. I lost a whole month on this one due to overwhelming schoolwork and crippling writer's block.
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But if it still has boy parts in addition to girl parts, wouldn't that make it a hermaphrodite tentacle monster?
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Well, let's just say inspiration struck at a crucial moment, and I got through to where I wanted to be for the end of the chapter. I was stuck in a situation where I couldn't adequately explain why I put the characters where they were, and then I suddenly remembered that I started this story to make fun of things like that. The last ~1500 words came out pretty easily afterward.
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Because I felt that my comment box wasn't active enough, so I deliberately gave you all something to speculate about while you wait for the next chapter
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Welcome to the madhouse. I hope you enjoy your stay
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Nope. A female tentacle monster's phallic tentacles don't release spray on climax.
Funny and sexy, as per usual. On a side note Eratosthenes, was there any particular reason for the number in the name of the fic?
~The Rift Walker
Funny and sexy, as per usual. On a side note Eratosthenes, was there any particular reason for the number in the name of the fic?
~The Rift Walker
I've been enjoying the subversion of the anthro harem genre, so I'm not sure how I feel about the main character announcing he's gotten over his inhibitions.
Interesting. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work.
Welp, the next chapter is going to be fun... the awkward, silly, poison joke type of fun
Please update soon! I wanna know what happens to him since he touched Poison Joke!
Okay
Point One: Its common fanon is that the way poison joke generates a uniquely humiliating effect for its victims by somehow drawing on the victim's subconscious.
Point Two: It's likely that between Bill's magic amplifying nature and having the PJ toxin directly in his bloodstream it will generate an effect far, far more powerful than poison joke is normally capable of.
Point Three: Candace is very good at this psychology thing and is probably right that Bill is moving too fast to have overcome his fears this quickly in a healthy way and he is probably in some form of denial.
Point Four: Bill is constantly emphasizing that it's just harmless "Consequence Free," sex.
Point Five: It is highly unlikely that a victim of poison joke has ever engaged in "fluid transfer," with an unaffected individual and contaminating another with its toxins in this manner may be possible.
Point Six: Twilight Sparkle is kind of freaked out by her "Heat that isn't really heat," and sex in general.
Conclusion: What is normally the biggest "Consequence," of unprotected sex?
No, I am not implying that Bill will be able to catch Pony STDs
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Yes... Speculate away
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The number itself comes from the story ID number in the URL. The reason for the generic title is to mock the fact that it's just another one in the pile.
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Really, as far as he's gotten is that sex is the only viable means to the end he wants. Ultimately, his desire to go home outweighs his desire to continue dwelling on his inhibitions.
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I try to have a reasonable turnaround on my chapters, but like it says in the description, real life dictates. I know where I'm going with this, but my free time is rather scarce right now.
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Take your time, then! I just love this story! ^^
Alright, well now that I've finally caught up with the story so far, I shall give my criticisms.
The short and dirty way of putting it: the pacing is janky as fuck.
You keep skipping or barely acknowledging scenes, to the point where it doesn't feel like it's been two weeks, but rather that it's been two hours.
Seriously, when Bill had his mental breakdown after seeing Luna raise the moon, I thought him saying "I'll be fine in a few minutes" was supposed to be a grim joke. Then he was completely fine literally a few minutes later. That's not normal behavior for someone who's position and purpose in the universe had been completely invalidated; it should have taken at least a few days to get over, if he ever even got over it at all.
It's rather frustrating to see so many potentially interesting scenes relegated to such small and ineffectual lengths of writing. The slumber party could have been its own chapter with a little bit of work, but instead it was a couple paragraphs. In fact, that entire chapter could have been split into four, or even five.
And this latest chapter, too. Barely any character interactions, and not even a spot of dialogue while at Zecora's. I didn't think it was possible to shorten an entire chapter's worth of writing down to a single paragraph, but you learn more every day.
This story could be downright fantastic, if you'd just slow the fuck down and smell the roses. I want to read a story, not a synopsis. The real sad part is that that's the only thing wrong here. Everything else is great, the characters, the plot, the storyline, the descriptions, the syntax, the grammar; it's all damn near flawless. It's just hard to enjoy the world when we're speeding through it like a NASCAR driver.
The only other complaint I have is the design of the girls. It kind of bugs me when anthro stories always give every single female character perfect humungous breasts, but that's probably because I'm an ass man. I can't ask you to change that; it's an entirely subjective nitpick. I just find it to be a rather tired trope.
Want moar. Excellent plot. Tis all about the plot and the clip.
Wouldn't it be funny if he woke up one morning and found out that he had an always erect eight inch penis growing out of his forehead? That was the first thing that immediately came to mind for me with all this talk about genderbenders and phallus tentacles. And at least he'll look a little bit more equine now that he has his own "horn" that shoots out "magic".
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Oh, hell yeah. I would've blown up in Luna's face.
"What? You think I'm not good enough? That I need to be "fixed" before I get to spend time with you and your ponies? Where the hell do you get off!? You've got some ego that you think you can push me around like this! I don't give a goddamn if you're the omnipotent creator of the omniverse, you don't get to treat me like some lost puppy who needs to be housebroken!"
Is it sad that if I was in Bill's shoes when cadence "proved" she wasn't bluffing, I would have said "tits or GTFO"?
The obvious joke is clearly to have Bill turn into a stallion.
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is it sad that looking at your username and avatar I assume something?
... Blue flowers?
... (jumps into story to inform Lotus and Aloe of the problem and prepare the cure before coming back to reality to continue reading.)
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I was thinking more along the lines of impotence.