It all started with simple rainy weather, a friendly gesture on a stormy night. Though simple, it soon creates a chain of events that bring two friends closer than either expected. Like dominoes falling, one after the other—even if there are some bumpy obstacles in their path.
My first attempt at writing romance/shipping. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.
*Due to lack of inspiration to write this fanfic as well as pony fanfiction altogether, this fanfic is cancelled. I'm terribly sorry*
Chapters (3)
As you know, bestest fwend, I don't really care for Rarijack. But here, the lead-up has been excellent so far. Seriously, good job, Missy.
Can't wait for the next chapter
To those who dislike... please for the love of God, tell me why. I'm so tired of people disliking without even bothering to explain why, especially when it makes the ratio so low.
... Thank you.
So, a bit on why ppl will dislike. First, the pairing. People will dislike a story based only on the pairing and not glance at the story. Second, your summary is pretty much an overused bit for people to write AJ romance fics: being stranded on the farm because of a storm.
On that note, I want to say thank you so much for not starting this with instant running to the barn or house then OMG I LIKE YOU and make outs. I have read so many of those.
Second...I like how you incorporated the diary. It's a nice touch and I, at least, haven't scene it before.
Also, There are parts that were a bit confusing. Why did Rarity ask if she could stay as they were going to bed? There are a couple others,but I can't think of them now.
Anyway, this is a decent start to what looks like a good fic, especially for your first romance. Look forward to chapter two!
GOD THIS IS SUCH A HORRIBLE STORY! THE CHARACTERS ARE SOMEWHAT IN CHARACTER, THE PARTS WITH THE CMC ARE FUNNY, RARITY'S INTERACTION WITH APPLEJACK IS ADORABLE, AND ANY GRAMMAR AND SPELLING MISTAKES ARE HARDLY NOTICEABLE! GOD I HATE THIS STORY SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!
2871673 I suppose. I have seen the idea many times before, but I never said I was original. However, I'd like to think this won't be like other stories. I HATE when people immediately go to the romance. And I shouldn't overreact with dislikes; it's so silly of me. I just get tired when that happens. As for that bit where Rarity asked... hmm, should've thought that through more. I'll see what I can do with that bit. Thanks!
2871689 I'd... hate to see your reaction if you "liked" it.
2871712 In all seriousness, this is good. 7, maybe 7.5 out of 10. But this is the first chapter, and I have confidence the story quality is going uphill from here.
2871729 Well, not a bad start, considering this is my first romance story. I'll do what I can to make it better as it progresses.
Love it!
Looking forward to more.
2871712 Oh no, I didn't to make it sound negative. I love that you took something that is normally perdictable and made it not. It's brilliant! Sorry if that didn't come across before.
Going good, everything seems to be fitting well together. I've got high hopes for the pacing as well. Keep it up.
2873235 Thank you! I highly appreciate your thoughts. I love seeing longer reviews.
Everyone always has that moment of telling, not showing, especially me. I'll be sure to look into that more.
Really enjoyed this.
Initially I thought this was going to be a one-shot but I was happy to find out this will be a multi-chapter story.
I eagerly await the next update.
Keep up the great work.
Not bad at all. This is a pretty good first attempt, my friend. Carry on!
I'll pre-read any more chapters from here on out if you need it... and no I'm not using pre-reading as an excuse to get to read a brilliant Rarijack story early
, screw it what do I have to hide? I want more and I want it now!
My dear Miss Dark Angel, you doing a romance story of Rarity and Applejack?
Not bad at all, very good indeed!
Just because it irks me...
Rarity gazed down at herself, noticing just how much dirt stained her from helping Applejack. Her pupils dilated to a point where they were almost completely gone.
Should be constricted. Dilate means to open up. You know, like how women have to dilate before giving birth and all.
But, I shall upvote! For it was well written and held my attention. Far better than most fics I try to read at least.
3009944 Fixed now! Thanks!
Looking forward to more!
Honestly, there isn't much editing-wise I could say that people in the comments (IJAB and such) haven't pointed out.
In terms of character, the setup is sound but events appear to be going just slightly fast. Personal hope is that we'll be getting a little more in-depth on the subject of just how AJ got her crush in the first place, since we see clear hints of it already. As it stands, points for not having them quite all over each other just yet.
So I'm just going to go ahead and wish you luck. What you've got here so far feels a little rough but is overall simple and sweet. The most important thing you can do right now is to enjoy the writing process, and don't be afraid to tell a story. Indulge yourself in the act. Posting and sharing comes last -- if you get my meaning.
All the best!
3046673 Honestly, I didn't plan to reveal any sort of feelings Applejack has. Looking at it now, I guess some signs slipped in without my notice and made it out a bit faster than planned. I feel silly that I didn't even see that.
However, future chapters WILL go into the girls' feelings, because I'd hate to just throw something in there like that. The next chapter is almost complete, but it's taking a long time to finish, with me rewriting and taking and adding things in to make sure I've got it just right. This is my first legit fanfic with romance as a main element, so I admit, things will be rough and imperfect, something a far more experienced writer could handle, but I'm doing my best, so thank you kindly for the criticism.
3046776
Haha, no worries!
Yeah, things like the journal, and the longing present in AJ's eyes when Rares was about to leave the house were dead giveaways. And honestly, those aren't bad things. All those did for me was raise curiosity in how AJ got that way, and that's a perfectly valid angle to take.
As an aside since I'm reading the comments again: the biggest key to the whole "show don't tell" thing is that you want the readers to be scavenger-hunting for character feelings and emotions, rather than telling that information to readers outright. Circumstances, expressions, body language, all of that helps to give the reader pieces they can put together themselves. Makes the readers feel awesome when they pick up on hints, and even adds a bit of interactivity to the proceedings. It's a thing one gets better at with practice and reading, though, so don't sweat it too much, but be on the lookout for it when you read other works. Honestly, I'd say you did a bang-up job of showing in the next-to-last scene. Unfortunately the final scene in the chapter is like an answer key to what happened just one scene previous. Just gives away everything.
Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and keep track of this! Catch is, I'm terrible at keeping up with my favorites. So if you want me to take a look at the next chapter when you're done, feel free to send me a PM. I'm a... bit of an old hand at this romance stuff, though I retired from it when ponies happened.
Have fun.
Take this for what it's worth, but I think this is very well-written, and I can't wait for more. You did a good job with this story, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Best of luck
Awwww...yeah
I love this pairing, though there was not much to any romance in the first chapter, that's to be expected, it's the damn first chapter, I'm very excited to rad more, I saw no errors and you really outdid yourself, flawless....NEXT!
Honestly not bad, saw no mistakes and you seriously kept them true to who they are, much as I hate Rarity, I liked her joke she played on AJ. Though you can at least hint some form of romance sometime soon, don't need to go full blast but if you don't get at the romance soon then it will just seem like a slice of life fic, other then that very impressive....NEXT!
Also, any other cameos or even mentions of other creatures or just these two and the family?
3177297 Cameos will come around, yes, and for me, at the very least, I want to keep their relationship moving good enough so when they do inevitable get together, it's not out of nowhere nor does it seem bad.
Hints will come around soon, I assure you. If not in the third chapter, then definitely the one after that. The Romance tag isn't there for show, my friend.
3177376 No words can be more true, I believe you
I'm very proud of you and excited for this story, it seems to be getting a lot of attention, damn you're fast 
YAY for cameos
It's funny, being a pre-reader is like being the uncle/aunt of a story. You get to watch the story grow with out the stress of being the story's parent/author.
This chapter, I like it! Another!
Just a few notes.
Watch out for redundancy. For example:
The last part is redundant. If she doesn't immediately say it after she thinks it, we know she kept it to herself.
Also:
We don't need to know AJ knew it as the bathroom, you can just say it's the bathroom. Saying AJ knew it as the bathroom is weird. If she's not the POV for the scene then you break your POV, and if she is, then it's still weird because it sounds as if the bathroom is something she rarely goes into, she just knows that's where the bathroom is.
And finally, may I recommend that you stick with one character as your POV instead of switching between them? It helps keep the reader grounded in the story. If you want to switch the POV character then you should start a new scene or do a page break. (This is very common. Even my most popular story has a sudden shift of POV character right in the middle of it)
3178443 Thanks! I'll try to fix those in a while. As for the POVs, I kind of expected a comment like this, because I knew what I was doing but didn't think much of it. However, I believe it won't happen again, or at the very least, I'll make sure to limit the POV to a single character.
... And I now want to hear Sweetie Belle's rendition of Soft Kitty. That being said, quite a lovely chapter you've got here, I'd say it'd be a shame if something happened to it but I too am afraid of roaming Internet Mafiosos.
3182477 Hah, now that I think about it, me too!
That'd be great!
Glad to see it's back! Love this story so far!
Yay update! !!!
Just wondering, is this story dead?
6388721 It is not dead. At the very least, I'm trying to not let it die. I'm trying my hardest to work on finishing this, but a lot of things get in the way, from school to just plain lack of motivation.
I do want to finish this, though. I apologize for the long wait.
6388814 It's no problem. To be honest, I haven't actually started reading it yet because if you never get to finishing it I don't want to be left on a cliffhanger.
Fix your god damn cover art you pleb ass bitch
i.imgur.com/PpyYm2I.png
6828681It isn't that problem for me, tbh. :/ So I don't know what I can do.
6828748 Then you must yell at knighty
Update when
9551258
pm1.narvii.com/6759/c807ac70b9b380bdb43a7fdb019a399a2945cbbav2_00.jpg
When will you uncancel this story?
10519435
NO