First Lieutenant John "Aquila" Killinger was on a less than routine patrol flight, when he was somehow teleported to a different planet. Little does he know, he is the last hope for the inhabitants of this strange world.
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I like it so far. Only real grammar/spelling problem I found was that you weren't spelling out your numbers (Three instead of 3). The only exception is when you are naming things, like his aircraft.
good so far nothing bad seems like he diapered in the Bermuda triangle witch i so funny i don't think he's near it
Alright... I don't fuck with peoples grammar, so I'll let your bad grammar slide. What really pissed me off, is that you did no research whatsoever. *Sigh* Get ready for a verbal beating.
They don't use "Miles" In the airforce. They use meters.
I'm sure there is more stuff that is not right in the second chapter, but this is my review on the first chapter.
First chapter conclusion?
Do your motherfucking research
Wait, what? What attack? I thought it was in response to a treat?
...
You need to spend more time with your characters and there is no real since of a passage of time. You don't really show and/or tell us anything about the main character, to the point that: from when the second plane hit the WTC, to when he is getting in his plane, doesn't feel like years later, even though you told us it is. Show us your MC's trails and short-comings in dealing with his wife and daughter's passing. Or at least tell us about them.
...
Some may disagree, but I think you actually spent enough time with James "Scorpius" Stratford, IF we never see him again and/or he is not relevant to the plot.
...
Also beware of relining on peoples knowledge of aircraft. The people who know what an E-3 sentry is or the flying saucer, without it being described to them, are the people who will flip-shit over little inaccuracies. Were the people that won't pick up on those inaccuracies will not know what an AWACS or an A-10 is without it being described to them.
Ok, rewrite for this chapter is complete, here y'all go!
I like it. You did the rewrite exceptionally, Really, no criticism from me on this chapter... :) Keep up the good work.
i cant remember any of this story so i'm re-reading it
Omgomgomg!!! The prologue... i was like and then and then ...Amy WHY!!!!!???! WHY AMY? TAKE ANYONE ELSE... BUT NOT AMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
Amy wanted to go on a big plane but nnnnoooo the terrorist wanted to hurt people.....AMY DIDNT DISERVE THAT KIND OF PAIN YOU FCKING TERRORISTS....good chapter bye the way
6138477 shit calm down holly hell
This HIE where a human crashes in a plane and opens the canopy, of a giant A-10, obviously mechanical, and is dying, then talks, and the ponies are shocked, that a creature, in a giant fucking machine, can talk. Then they proceed to introduce Celestia, and the humans are a myth in this story, and he says he's a human and she's all like, "hurdur, you aren't a human you obviously have a flight suit and oxygen mask on," and then she procedes to threaten the fuck out of him if he lies, 1500 years of experience and she can't tell the fucking diferance between clothes and skin.
God damn, I'm pissed at your incompetence at reading and writing a charecter that is not OOC.
And aperrantly they have no idea how to tell what clothes and machines are, like how the fuck do you think something inside of a really complex fucking machine, is a non sapient, wearing clothes and a helmet and they are like' "Oh my, a creature sorounded by evidence of its sapience, must not be sapient and able to talk." They are an industrialized civilization, so that excuse is off the table, they should know what the diferance between a machine and a living thing.
Also, how can a monarch with 1500+ years of experience, and read all about mythological humans, not tell that he is wearing fucking clothes and a flight helmet. "Oh, you are wearing camo, humans are only one colour, you can't be a human."
This fic gets a fucking 1/100 for shit writing. What simpleton likes this shit!?
Thank you for reading my rant, I am sorry if this hurt your feels.
Wow, nice introduction.
This sounds as if it could be turned into a nice live-action movie.
I would like to point out that the hijackers of the planes on 9/11 didn't have guns, they essentially had box cutters.
A-10's don't have radar. They do have a pretty powerful targeting pod as you mentioned, so maybe there's something on infrared.
2563389
Also, this guy is wrong. US aviation uses nautical miles.
6415707 uhg... If you found this story a piece of shit why did you read it? No one made you read it. Also it is a story not a guid to your logic. Its called fiction for a reason.
If it were up to me i would have blown you away with th 30mm GAU-8, the weapon that had the A-10 literally built around it.
Damn! Starts off with 911
Damn, starting off with his wife and child dying on a hijacked plane on 9/11........ gotta admit that's a first for me, now I'm intrigued.