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Aww you stole my idea. But I love the story.
My suggestion would be better pacing and maybe more dialouge. Skating over so much with not a word spoken seems cheap and a little lazy. I'm not saying this is bad, just that it could be better if hashed out a bit more.
3614587 Thanks for the advice, I will be sure to use it for future Spike stories and chapters.
I liked it and all, but the pace seems all wrong. this could have been at least a 10,000 word chapter if not more. You could have spent so much more time telling when they started feeling love for each other and why lyra was so fascinated with hands. and you could have mentioned how he had grown out of his crush on rarity. A lot could have been said that was left out. But I digress, twas a good read before turning in for the night. I thank you.
Finally, somepony who's acknowledged that these 2 could work because of Lyra's love for hands!
3615245 this one really did some work on me I wish my girlfriend would just up and tackle me for this reason but I understand that she isn't ready for it yet, even though my body says it is ready, my heart and mind tell me it is too soon to take that step.
May want to include some foreplay or some awkwardness of it being there first time being intimate.
Other than that, it was good.
I blame the 'Bad Pick-up Line Spike' Meme for getting me interested in this couple, but i thank you for making it look good.
Most excellent fic!
FAR FAR TOO fast paced, even rainbow dash would say "Slow it down"
You could try slowing it down a bit with witty banter from the others, have rarity actually talk as well as the others, about them. Maybe not mention the angry elites unless you are going to make that a thing, since this is a one-off, it seems unneeded to me. Celestia as spikes mother seems unnecessary unless you were going to expand upon it. (If you were going to make this more chapters, then both celestia and the elites would be good to add to have some conflict [adding lyra's parents would also be good.
The sex was pretty rushed as well. their first time together would probably be awkward and a little slow (based on the experience both had, if any.) Add foreplay, mistakes, a little frustration, self doubt (spike is riddled with insecurity being a dragon born in pony society, plus typical male stuff [too small, etc, etc])
This wasn't bad, but it does need work. Just keep trying. I suggest making a sequel, maybe start the next day and go from there. I would look forward to it.
The clop part was just brutal it way way too short and the lack of details.
Round tap
I shall indeed edit this with more detail. About time I get on it with all this free time on my hands. For the people!
Yeah, I feel like this went by too fast
you should add bone bone