Equestria Boy's 2: The Return of the Revenge of the Rise of the Continued Adventures of the Reckoning of the Reloaded Legend of Curly's Gold...in Stereo
It was an ordinary day at the Ponyville Farmers' Market. All the local shops and growers were manning their stalls (which sounds really weird, because they weren’t men. I mean should we say they were ‘stallioning’ the stalls? ‘ponying’ the stalls? Seriously, sometimes this language makes no sense. Do you think Discord created it? Holy crap, what if Discord purposely made all of Equestrian language nuts and it was his final secret ‘screw you’ and every time Twilight goes ‘everypony’ he is laughing his butt off? Wow, that would be evil and funny at the same time!), selling special delights to their friends and neighbors. Each stall had at least two ponies working it as it was not uncommon for one to hurry off to go get something from one seller only to return to find their partner selling to the other seller's brother or sister. Apples (The food kind, not the Steve Jobs kind), carrots, pumpkins, potatoes, cakes, sweets, breads, and other treats were all on sale; the air was filled with the delicious scents and aromas that could make any pony's mouth water. All and all it was a completely normal midmorning in the little town of Ponyville.
Which is why, of course, it was at that moment a green portal appeared out of thin air and three humans stepped out onto the street.
The oldest of the three crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "There we- urp!- are, Summer! I hope you're happy! Pretty little unicorns!" He never noticed the spit up that was now smeared on his chin. He pointed at a pegasus. “And look, we also have –uuuurrrp!- ones with wings and ones with nothing! So, yeah know, suck on that!”
"Grandpa Rick!" Summer, the sole female in the group, snapped. "All I said was that Unikitty was my favorite character in the Lego Movie!"
"And I, Summer-" Rick let out a belch, "said that Unikitty was stupid and that unicorns were better and, if I might- urp!- add, REAL! Not like your –urp!- fake building block character!"
"He did say that Summer," the final member of the group, a preteen boy with brown hair and a jittery attitude, stated.
"Thanks Morty," Rick said with a grunt. "Though I had it handled just fine so no need to be a kiss ass." He looked around at the startled Ponyville citizens and held out his hands. "Alright, alright, nothing to see here! My grandkids wanted to see some unicorns so I decided to vis-urp-it your dimension! Go about your lives... unless any of you have some booze,” he pulled out his flask and wiggled it, “I'm a bit tapped out."
"Huh... humans," Bon Bon said in shock. She turned to her ‘best friend’ (you know, like how hookers are ‘paid friends’ to men with $500 bucks). "Lyra, you want to-"
"No, I'm good," the unicorn said quickly.
"Gee Rick, I can't believe there is a whole dimension where ponies became the dominate species," Morty said as they began to walk around the stalls.
"Believe it, Morty. The multiverse is a strange place. I hear there is one dimension where Justin Bieber is an actual musician and not... uh... whatever the hell he is."
"He's a musician in our reality too, Grandpa Rick," Summer said.
"Sure he is, Summer" Rick said with a grunt, approaching the Sweet Apple Acres stall. "Listen, you guys, ponies, whatever, got any hard cider?"
"Rick Sanchez?" Granny Smith said.
"Granny Smith?!?" Rick said in shock. “Wow… you look good.”
Granny wagged her eyebrows. “Shoot, ya look good yarself!”
"Rick? You know this pony?" Morty asked.
"Okay, full disclosure and you aren't allowed to judge... but we use to date."
Big Mac’s eyes went wide. “…nope!”
And with that he ran away.
The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted
Episode 35: Equestria Boy's 2: The Return of the Revenge of the Rise of the Continued Adventures of the Reckoning of the Reloaded Legend of Curly's Gold...in Stereo
"So we're sure that King Sombra is the one behind all this?" Shining Armor asked. The princesses, Discord, Tydal, Sunset and her friends, Faith, and the royal consort of the Crystal Empire were seated in the library discussing Luna's revelation. It had been decided to let Faith in on the truth of magic and their being from an alternate world; the silver man had merely raised an eyebrow and motioned for them to continue.
"Positive," Luna said, shoving a photo she'd gotten Rainbow Dash to print off of the Google Search they'd run. It was the standard glamour shot many CEOS were want to take: a gray-skinned man with flowing black hair stood in front of his desk, his body clad in a black and red suit. He had a necklace on with a pendant shaped like King Sombra's horn and his green eyes seemed, even in the picture, to flicker with malevolent intent. There was no mistaking who he was the doppelganger of. "But here he is known as Mr. Sombra and is a land developer."
Tydal growled, balling his hand into a fist. "I hate Sombra so much... he killed my beloved dog, Wiggles."
“He also tried to take over the Crystal Empire,” Shining reminded him. “He tried to kill a lot of ponies, he stabbed my horn with black crystals…”
“And killed… my… dog.”
Chrysalis leaned towards Celestia and whispered, “When are we going to tell him that King Sombra WAS Wiggles?”
“We do that and he might want to try and adopt our enemy,” Celestia hissed before turning back to the group. “The fact that Sombra is behind this is not good news.”
“When is anything with Sombra good news?” Cadence asked. When the others stared at her she quickly added, “Uh… sex joke, sex joke… I’ve got nothing. That’s how evil Sombra is! He makes me act all serious!”
Applejack raised her hand. “Uh, no offense ta the dimension hoppers but… what is a Sombra?”
“I think they mean Samba,” Rarity said. “A very lovely dance though I don’t see how it could kill a dog.”
“Maybe two people stepped on Tydal’s dog while doing the samba!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Pinkie!” Fluttershy exclaimed in horror, dashing over to Tydal who had fat tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “That’s his dog you’re talking about!”
“Wiggles!” Tydal cried out in angst, falling to his knees and screaming at the heavens.
“Oh… it’s just so sad!” Rarity whimpered before she too fell to her knees. “Wiggles!”
“Tydal…” Celestia said, facepalming (and finding that MUCH easier on the forehead than facehooving).
“How can you be so heartless?” Fluttershy asked the rest of the Squad.
Shining blinked. “Us? What about Applejack?”
“Applejack cries on the inside!” Pinkie sobbed, forgetting she was the one that had caused all this.
“She better start crying on the outside too!” Tydal growled through his tears. “CRY ON THE OUTSIDE DAMN IT!”
“Sombra… besides being a dog killer,” Shining ground out once everyone settled down and Fluttershy had gotten Tydal back in his chair, “was, in our world, a dictator and a monster. A unicorn with an unusual amount of magic, he tried to enslave the Crystal Empire and then Equestria.”
“It is more complex than that,” Celestia said with a sigh. “Sombra became a master of dark magic… especially of traps and mind magic. He used it to ensnare his victims and twist their thoughts and souls until they were bound tightly too him. Worse, he would use his skills to break a pony until they just surrendered to him.”
“He also had a lush full mane that flowed over his neck and shoulders,” Luna said. When the others stared at her she shrugged. “What? He did. Just because he was evil doesn’t mean I can’t admire his mane.” She tapped her chin. “I wonder what shampoo he used.”
“What do we know about the doggie-killer in this universe?” Tydal growled even as Fluttershy rubbed his back.
It was Discord who spoke. “The man is a fool, in my opinion. All grim and power hungry. Sits in a tower and sends off lakeys. When I did the whole evil conqueror thing I did it with style.” He jerked his thumb at Sunset. “And at least she got original… even if her idea involved teenagers.”
“Could we not bring up my evil plan of defeating the sun goddess with teenagers?” Sunset whined. “It’s not like it was even my first one! That was Plan D. My original plan involved turning NFL players into demons but that just didn’t work out. Unions… ugh.”
“Still, my point remains. What has happened to villainy? Luna wanted to bring eternal night, I wanted chaos, and Sunset an army. Now we face a male model with a love of architecture? What next, sirens that want love?”
“I hope not,” Tydal huffed. “The damn Dazzlings were such annoyances back in my day. Plus their singing sucked. Give me a good rock ballad any day! I’m glad I tricked Starswirl into kicking them into another dimension. I wonder where they ended up…” Tydal tapped his chin. “Meh I’m sure it’s not important.”
“What do we know about this Mr. Sombra and why he is working with Doubt?” Luna asked.
Sunset took over. “I looked into some interviews he’s done. Mr. Sombra has been gobbling up real estate all over the country and building his office buildings and hotels. They all have a unique crystalline structure, which he says better amplifies the ‘energy’ around us.” She paused, lips pursed. “He also really loves stairs.”
“He does?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yeah… seems he refuses to put a single elevator in any of his buildings. According to an interview he did…”
~One Month Earlier…~
“Mr. Sombra… why don’t you buildings have elevators? Why only stairs?”
Sombra leaned back in his chair and grinned at the reporter. “Because stairs represent the struggles we go through in our lives. When one takes a step on a step they are climbing higher and higher or trying to prevent themselves from tumbling to the dark depths below. For me stairs represent everything I’ve gone through in my master plan to take control of this world through dark means! Every step is a reminder that I am but one more step away of achieving my dream and taking my revenge on all those that scorned me and refused to see my genius! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
~MC~MC~MC~MC!~
“’Bwa ha ha ha ha’,” Sunset read. “Ha. Then he said, ‘Okay, so when do we start the interview? What do you mean we started? You never told me! No, stop wirting what I’m saying! Oh shit, oh shit! I’m serious! Stop it! If you won’t I’ll make you write stupid stuff! I eat poop! I eat poop! There, I made you write that. What do you mean you’ll quote me as saying that! No, I don’t eat poop! Stop it! Shit!’.”
"That is a really informative article!" Pinkie exclaimed.
“I can’t believe we almost lost to him,” Shining complained.
Celestia frowned. "I think we should consider sending someone out to investigate Mr. Sombra and determine just what his desires are-“
“I think his desires involve eating poop,” Rainbow said with a snicker.
“- when it comes to this school. I do not like the idea that the being in our world who coveted power so much he imprisoned his subjects in a stasis field for a 1000 years while he gathered his strength is out there in this world eyeing up this school... the one place so far in this world we know has magic."
"Tydal and I could go," Luna said. "Both of us could easily get through their lines."
"I don't like it," Shining said. "You aren't immortal here and we don't exactly have weapons other than some sports equipment."
Cadence grinned. "Goongala!"
"We can help with that!" The group turned to see Sweetie Belle emerge from behind her hiding spot, Scootaloo and Applebloom groaning in protest.
"What do ya'll think yar doin'?" Applejack asked in annoyance. "I thought we told ya to stay out!"
"We didn't hear much!" Applebloom protested.
"Squirt?" Rainbow asked.
Scootaloo grimaced. "Well, we certainly didn't hear you talking about other realities and how Principal Celestia and her friends are all really from that world and immortal gods!"
Discord quirked an eyebrow. "If I had my magic I could make so many jokes right now."
"Sweetie Belle, darling, I don't want you and your little friends considering for even a second about sneaking out of this school. It is bad enough you are part of the siege!"
"I didn't mean that!" Sweetie said simply. Rarity stared at her and Sweetie shuffled a bit. “Well, I thought about it but… I meant that we have someone that can help with weapons!" She hurried over to another bookshelf and reached behind it, yanking out a brown-skinned and brown-haired young man with a propeller beanie on his head. "Button Mash makes all sorts of cool gadgets!"
Sunset sighed. "Girls, I know Button might be able to make so interesting toys but-" Button held up his arm and a foot long blade extended from his shirt sleeve. "-holy googamooga!"
"Whoa!" Rainbow shouted, a grin suddenly forming on her face. "Is that a hidden blade?"
Button nodded. "I made it based on the ones used in Assassin's Creed. This one isn't sharp but I'm sure you guys could make it work. I also have some other ideas and why are you walking towards me Dean Tydal?"
The gray skinned college dean stopped before Button, kneeling down so he was eye-to-eye with the boy. "Mr. Mash... at this moment you are the most important person in this room to me. I want what you have. You are going to give it to me and when you do I will give unto you all that I have."
"Uh, I need an adult," Button whimpered.
"I am an adult," Tydal whispered.
"That an overplayed joke!" Discord called out.
"You're an overplayed joke," Maud Pie said as she passed by the library door.
Luna glanced at Faith, who had remained silent during much of the conversation. "Come on," she said, nudging him with her elbow. Faith blinked but followed her out of the library and towards her office. "What aren't you telling us?"
"What do you mean?" Faith asked as Luna shut her office door.
"You haven't freaked out in the slightest about the fact there is magic or that I'm from another world."
"Well, I did pay attention to the tales of Sunset Shimmer becoming a demon..."
Luna shook her head. "No, there is more to it than that. You know something... something about magic and what Sombra and Doubt are up to and you aren't telling me." She raised an eyebrow as she locked eyes with him. "You aren't just trying to save this school for the students and teachers... you know what is going on with magic here, don't you?"
Faith ran his fingers through his hair. "Luna... I swear I am on your side. And if I could tell you I would-"
"The famous phrase of liars," Luna grumbled.
"Luna I literally mean I can't!" When she just sniffed Faith grit his teeth. "Luna, this school-" he continued to talk... except no sound came out.
"What the?" Luna stared at him; she knew an act and she knew a spell and it was clear that something magical was preventing Faith from speaking.
The silver man lowered his head. "I have been bound not to reveal the truth. If I could I would... but the requirements that would allow me to do so would change this world completely and utterly. I can't do that... not unless it was a last resort. I'm sorry."
"I'm... sorry too," Luna stated softly. "I had no right to press you on this... and I'm sorry I called you a liar."
"It's alright," Faith said. He shifted back and forth before whispering. "I haven't felt like this since Doubt... back during the good times."
"I've never felt this way," Luna murmured, her eyes half-lidded. "It almost makes me want..."
"Yes."
Faith (striking a dramatic pose)
Once, in every fic
There comes a song like this
It starts off soft and low
And ends up with a kiss
Oh where is the song that goes like this?
Where is it? Where? Where?
Luna (holding her hands against her chest like a fairy tale princess)
A sentimental song
that casts a magic spell
But you can't really hear it
Oh author, what the hell?
Oh this is the song that goes like this
Faith (with a grin)
Yes it is
Luna (trying to be bolder)
Yes it is
Faith (Even more bolder)
Yes it is!
Luna (almost screaming it)
YES IT IS!
Faith (Grasps Luna and begins to dance with her)
It only gets worse
Into the second verse
But for you its just bad poetry!
Luna (Puts her face close to Faith's)
I'll sing it in your face
While we both embrace!
Faith and Luna (Holding each other like star crossed lovers)
How long... could this...song be?
Faith
The next line is to me
Writings gotten lazier I see
Luna (nodding)
Brevity's the key
Song's dragging on to me
Faith and Luna
For this is our song
That goes like this!
Faith
I'M FEELING VERY PROUD!
Luna
Caplocks means you're far too loud
Faith
That's the way that this song goes
Luna
I still have these stupid toes
Faith and Luna
Singing our song that goes like this!
Luna (Letting out a sigh, clearly tired)
I can't believe there's more
Faith (shoulders slumped)
It's far too long that's sure
Luna (annoyed and staring at the fourth wall)
We're padding our stupid word count
Lengthen the chapter by an amount!
Faith and Luna
Singing our song that is too long
Faith (realizing the song is still going)
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter!
Luna
We'll be singing this till dawn!
Faith
You'll wish that you weren't born!
Luna
Let's stop this damn refrain
Faith and Luna (moving in for a kiss)
Before we go insane!
The chapter always ends... like... this!
“SHHHH!!!”
Faith and Luna grimaced, realizing that their singing had led them into the teacher’s lounge. “Sorry Ms. Harshwhinny.”
The librarian glared at them. “Foolish people singing while I’m trying to read the paper.”
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Not many people can pull the "I eat poop" bit and make me laugh. You sir, are are one of those people
Hooray a Button Mash cameo!
...He's made alot of those (in the show) recently.
Ah well, this chapter has become my favourite, mainly for the Sombra interview.
Nice chapter, keep up the awesomeness.
This has to be the funniest fic I've ever read.
Another enjoyable chapter. Good job.
Sombra's rant is good, still not much more articulate here when ranting about his love for stairs and his evil plans. I like Tydal's jab at the Dazzlings and the ending song.
6523141
Until a certain Nightmare Night episode that is coming up soon the Dazzlings were the closest connection MLP has had to my work. I was... less than impressed with the sirens' design, and thus wanted to mock them a bit here.
Wow, Tydal's like the one being in the multiverse that doesn't like the Dazzling's singing. Also, given what's going on, Luna had every right to press Faith on this
... Considering who we're talking about here, I honestly would not be surprised.
Huh. Guess they're too wierd even for her, seriously though, you've stooped to RICK AND MORTY. WOW.
I'm fairly certain it's dominaNT, but, not sure.
No. No he is not. Stan Bush the guy who composed the Touch and Dare from the G1 Transformers movie, was a musician, Michael Jackson, was a musician, or a singer at the very least, Wierd AL Yancovic, is a musician. Justin Beiber, Is NOT a musician.
First, useD to date. And second of all, yeah that's pretty much how I'd react as well.
Agreed.
Yes, Cadence may be a nymphomaniac, but she's not stupid.
Not exactly.
So a real Knight of Cerebus.
Fair, point.
True...
Hope not.
Wat.
Real mature.
He's right. However, look at the new TMNT reboot, Casey Jones is all that, and just a teenager, yet he's a Badass Normal.
See?
Agreed.
Oh really?
Great googly moogley this kid is awesome.
IE, you've impressed him.
He's not wrong though.
OOOOH!
She's not wrong...
I see...
What else?
Ugh, I know right?
So you parodied the song that goes like this? Nice.
Woo, Rick and Morty cameo!
6523365
Let me put it this way... I have the OST cd right now in my car's CD player.
Oh Maud...
Maud was the best part.
6525349 Even better, good sir.
6527884
Yup. Though I bought that cd about 10 years ago.
>“How can you be so heartless?” Fluttershy asked the rest of the Squad.
Obvious reference is obvious... kinda surprised you didn't make it.
>“Could we not bring up my evil plan of defeating the sun goddess with teenagers?” Sunset whined. “It’s not like it was even my first one! That was Plan D. My original plan involved turning NFL players into demons but that just didn’t work out. Unions… ugh.”
Some NFL players already are demons (cough Ray Rice cough).
6533687
I think the better question is are cenobites Cadences?
6542886
Chrysalis is like Tydal in the dessert here... if Tydal is baking in the sun he can't call upon 10% form. Same with Chrysalis... she needs a bit of love to be able to break the level-limits she's placed on herself.
... You wouldn't have happened to have gone to a high school play that ripped off holy grail (lovingly of course, as it is Monty Python) called Spamalot?
I see Sombra is as competent here as in the main universe.