Shower Scenes and Other Things
“I just don’t what we are going to do,” Mrs. Cake said sadly, looking over the documents in front of her. “There is simply no way that we can stay afloat.”
“What did the accountant say?” Mr. Cake asked.
Mrs. Cake shook her head. “Nothing that can help, since we can’t alert him about why we are in the red.”
Mr. Cake sighed. After the incident with Nightdancer and her friends escaping (and then Nightdancer-dressed-as-King-Fakeo escaping) the Cakes had been dealt another, more serious blow. Filthy Rich had gotten it into his head that he wanted to buy their bakery and… change it. Oh, it would still be a bakery… just an erotic one. He’d stated that Princess Cadence’s orders alone would triple sales and make him a multi-billionaire. The Cakes had refused, mostly because all Filthy had offered them as payment was a dirty napkin he’d sneezed in (he was a haggler).
Filthy had responded as all rich stallions do when they don’t get their way… he calmly, with all the grace and charm he could muster… hired some thugs to terrorize Sugar Cube Corner, hoping to make life so hard on the Cakes that they would just give in and give up their bakery to Filthy for half of a sneezed-in napkin (again, he was a haggler).
"I... I just know how we'll manage to survive!" Mrs. Cake said sadly, tears gathering in her eyes. "Filthy Rich is going to drive us out of our business and our home!"
"We could ask the twins' real father for a loan," Mr. Cake said casually. "What was his name again?"
"You are their father... nice try though."
"Damn."
"Why is everypony such a grumpy bumpy in here?" Pinkie asked, skipping into the office. "Are you upset about the big veiny ponies that keep busting up the tables and made you wet yourself, Mr. Cake?"
"... yes," Mr. Cake said, blushing slightly.
"Oh, don't worry, I already took care of them!"
The Cakes blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?" Mrs. Cake asked. "What did you do?"
"I called an elite fighting force to take on the meanies!" Pinkie said, pulling a curtain out from under the desk (the desk being made by HammerSpace, INC) and, with a flourish, dropped it to reveal four strangers. "First, we have Handy Bill!" A white maned earth pony nodded, a thick cigar held firmly between his teeth. "Then there is Facepony!" A dashing unicorn stallion winked at Mrs. Cake. "Howlin' Mer-Dock." A surly looking capricorn let out a manic laugh. "And who could forget BJ Barabas?"
"I pity the foal that messes with me!" the mohawked zebra said, gold chains dangling from his neck. "I like drinking my apple juice."
"Pinkie... what..." Mr. Cake began.
"If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them... then you too can call THE NEIGH TEAM!"
The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted
Episode 5: Shower Scenes and Other Things
Rarity groaned, stretching out in a vain attempt to work the kinks out of her back and neck. Blurry eyes blinked as she rubbed the gunk out of them, her lips smacking together as she glanced at the alarm clock that sat on the endtable.
5:05 am… 2 MONTHS, 29 DAYS, 18 HOURS, 55 MINUTES TILL DOOMSDAY SCENERIO
Rarity groaned. She had gone on vacation so she could sleep in, not wake up 4 hours earlier than she normally did. She rolled off the hotel couch and winced; even if the Four Seasons (hey, not everything is a horse pun, ok?) was one of the premier hotels in Prance, that didn't mean their couches were comfy to sleep on. The white unicorn bit back a whimper, not wanting to alert any of her sleeping buddies that she was up.
After being rescued by the princesses.. and realizing said princesses had no money... Rarity had invited Celestia, Luna and the rest of their group back to her hotel room, so they could at least have one decent night's rest. She had given her bed up to the alicorn sisters, who had managed to make the king-size bed look tiny when the flopped down upon it. Cadence had decided to take Sweetie Belle's bed and had offered to let the filly rest there too; Sweetie had been ecstatic and accepted within seconds.
Rarity looked at the two, admitting that it was utterly cute the way Cadence was hugging Sweetie, her horn glowing softly as she used her magic to provide the filly with a nightlight.
Chrysalis was lying between the beds on the floor, her face covered in beauty cream, her mane in rollers and sleepmask held snugly to her face. The changeling would occasionally let out a dainty snort before falling back to sleep.
Rarity took a few extra moments to admire Shining Armor. The captain had taken the floor, using only a pillow and a spare blanket to get himself comfy. The rough conditions didn't look to faze him, as he had fallen into a deep sleep. Rarity smirking as she cast a longing look at his muscular flank; she might have been a lady but she was a lady with needs and desires.
Licking her lips, Rarity trotted into the bathroom, naughty little images dancing through her head. She didn't know if Shining had finalized his divorce from Cadence but it really didn't matter... Rarity would be more than happy to stake her claim. As these sexually charged thoughts went through her head she grasped the shower curtain with her magic, failing to notice the water was running...
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Rarity leapt back, screaming herself. Lord Tydal grabbed a towel and covered his chest, eyes wide in panic.
"PERVERT!" He screamed, using his magic to send Rarity flying back into the main room.
"Huh?" Cadence said, slowly waking up. "Did somepony call me?"
Sweetie Belle was jolted awake when Rarity's tail smacked her in the face. "Hey!"
"What's going on?" Luna asked groggily from her place on the bed. Celestia had wrapped her up in a hug and refused to let her sister go, preventing the lunar goddess from being able to even lift her head up.
"This harlot tried to sneak a peak!" Tydal cried out, still clutching the towel to him. "You should be arrested!"
Shining groaned. "You most likely murdered 10 stallions last night... you really don't have a hoof to stand on."
Sweetie Belle frowned. "But... he does, see?" She darted over and counted Tydal's hooves. "One, two, three-" She paused, standing directly under him. "Hey, what's that huge-"
"Get out from under there!" Tydal shouted, stumbling away from the filly. "You ponies are sick, just sick!" He hurried back into the bathroom and shut the door.
Rarity blinked, utterly horrified that she had peeped on the capri-
"Wait a minute... we are always naked!" Rarity exclaimed. "Why are you freaking out?!?!"
"So we are all perverts... good to know," Luna said, drifting back to sleep.
Shining pulled the blanket over his head. "Wake me when its time for breakfast, will ya?"
Cadence glanced over at Sweetie. "Want to watch cartoons?"
"YEAH!!" Sweetie exclaimed, the two jumping on the bed.
"I'm murdering on sunshine!" Tydal sang. "Whoo-o-oa! I'm murdering on sunshine... and don't it feel good!"
~MC~MC~MC~
"No donuts?" Shining asked Cadence, grabbing another bear claw and adding it to his plate. The hotel's banquet room was buzzing, filled with ponies, griffins, and the occasional camel loading up their plates with delicious breakfast foods.
The pink alicorn looked down at her plate, which was lined with sweet fruits and a small dipping bowl of honey. "I figure what with me turning into Cadence the Hutt it would be better to stick to some low-fat treats." Cadence playfully poked the white unicorn in the tummy. "You might want to consider that yourself."
"Hey!" Shining exclaimed. "There is nothing wrong with how I look."
"I love looking at your flank," Chrysalis said, licking her lips.
"Thanks... I think."
"There is nothing wrong with Shining," Tydal said glibly. "You are a big, beautiful stallion."
"...hate you so much."
"But I love you and your moobs," Tydal snarked.
"I love them too," Chrysalis purred.
"Me too!" Rarity said quickly, pressing up against the stallion. "Want to bury my face in them..."
Tydal glanced up at Sweetie Belle, who was sitting on his head, and smirked. The filly knew she looked like a baby riding around like that, but when the god of the sea asks if you want a ride you don't turn him down. "Tell me, what is the most sugary thing here your sister would never let you have?"
"The sticky buns!" Sweetie exclaimed.
Tydal nodded, making his way to the dessert table. "Then sticky buns for breakfast it is."
Rarity groaned. "Why? Why is he loading her up on sugar? She will be like a bumblebee all morning!" The mare let out a whimper when she watched Tydal levitate a gooey, sticky, frosting covered treat the size of Opal up to Sweetie Belle. The filly was giggling as she tried to snatch bites of the treat, the capricorn king playfully tugging it away.
"It's easy to forget our bloodthirsty brother is so kind hearted," Luna said, watching Tydal play with Sweetie Belle. Several other fillies and colts hurried over and soon the god of the sea was making it rain muffins to the delight of the children.
"Indeed," Celestia stated, looking down at her empty plate.
"Aren't you hungry?" Cadence asked, making her way to the table.
"I don't know... everything looks so good." Celestia sighed, taking a seat in hopes that she could figure out what she wanted to eat if she took a moment to rest.
"I know what I am getting," Chrysalis said, zeroing in on a couple on their honeymoon. "Excuse me!" She happily cantered over to them, eyes gleaming as she shoved between the two and began to slurp up the love pouring off the two of them.
"So undignified," Celestia said. "You would think a queen-"
"Those pancakes look good," Shining commented, his mouth half-filled with a glazed donut.
"PANCAKES!?!?" Celestia squealed, pushing ponies out of the way.
Tydal, who had moved over to a buffet table where a griffin chef was making bacon and sausage, glanced at Luna, worry in his eyes. "She doesn't still sing the pancake song, does she?"
"Pancake song?" Rarity asked. "What is the-"
Celestia happily trotted back to the table, a plate full of flapjacks piled high. "I love pancakes, I love pancakes, it makes me a happy Tia. Their so yummy in my tummy, nom nom nom nom nom!"
"...that was the creepiest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen my sister eat brownies," Shining commented, setting down the half eaten jelly donut he had been savoring. Celestia did not notice the stares she was getting, so consumed she was with devouring her pancakes, humming to herself with every bite.
"I'd think she would have grown out of it," Tydal said as he walked up to the table. his plate was so full it was a wonder it didn't shatter under the weight of all the food he'd ladled onto it.
"Sweetie Belle... what are you eating?" Rarity asked.
"Bacon!" Sweetie exclaimed. "it's sooooo good, Rarity!"
The ponies looked at the filly in horror. "TYDAL!" Shining shouted.
"Wot?" Tydal said, his mouth full of hash browns. Cadence brought over a pitcher of orange juice, which Tydal quickly drank down. "Sorry... what?"
"Why are you feeding Sweetie Belle bacon!?!?!"
"Because it is tasty, of course," Tydal said simply.
"She is a pony... she doesn't eat meat!" Shining exclaimed.
"I've eaten meat," Chrysalis said, her belly sticking out a bit from all the love she had ingested.
"You don't count," Shining complained.
Rarity watched in horror as Sweetie Belle happily accepted another piece of pork from the war god. "My... dear little sister... you do realize you are eating a pig, correct?"
"I am?" Sweetie said in surprise.
"Yes... bacon is made of pigs."
"It is?" Sweetie said, staring at the bacon. "Pigs... are yummy!"
"That's what I've always thought," Tydal said, before turning to Rarity. "I want to buy the child."
"Pardon?" Rarity asked.
"Sweetie Belle... I wish to purchase her and make her my own. How much gold will she cost?"
Cadence frowned. "Are you looking at one lump sum or by the pound? Rarity, you might want to charge the second way, as you'll make a bit more if you set the price right-"
"I am not selling my sister!" Rarity exclaimed.
Luna frowned. "Why not?" When Rarity just stared at her in horror the lunar mare pursed her lips. "So... you ponies no longer sell your family members? My, how the world has changed."
Tydal pulled a napkin over. "Now, I do not have access to my vaults at the moment, so we can set up an interest plan. I am also afraid that I do not have the time at the moment to convert her to a capricorn, so that will have to wait..."
"You can convert ponies into capricorns?" Shining asked in surprise.
"Yes... I tend not to do it, since most of your race annoys the piss right out of me, but it has been done."
Rairty shook her head. "My sister is not for sale!" With that, she turned her nose up and stomped away.
"...so, does that me she gave me up for free?" Sweetie asked, still chewing on the bacon.
Tydal smirked. "I believe so... we'll talk about your allowance later."
"Nom nom nom nom nom," Celestia grunted, still inhaling her flapjacks,
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A nice little interlude, loved it
...for some reason, I can totally see Sweetie being the third daughter of Tydal. The other two would probably be happy... capricorn Sweetie Belle...
MAKE IT SO!
...Wait, are the pigs intelligent or not? It's so hard to tell, sometimes.
In any case... Congratulations, Sweetie Belle. Soon you'll be into morbid equine-consuming humour.
2328429 Just assume yes. Much like the sheep probably.
Why is it so difficult to imagine Twilight's face after eating a browne but oh so easy to see and hear Celestia sing her pancake song?
Also you ended on a comma. Was there supposed to be more?
...And for some reason, the doomsday counter makes this all the more funny (wasn't going to comment on it but oh well)
Another convert to the ways of bacon. Rejoice for bacon shall nourish you young Sweetie Belle. Hurrah.
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Cupcakes, meet pancakes.
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2328429
Canonicly, all hooved animals are sentient. In the Scootaverse, it's whatever is funniest.
Anyone else hear the A-Team theme after pinkies introduction?
Oh god the A Team pony puns XD Simply brilliant.
Tydal got a good deal! Will he go on to collect the whole set?
2328795Because the brownie thing is given no discription
So... BJ is a Capricorn AND Zebra? Must be some weird union for his parents (or some epic love story, as all things involving capricorns do).
Tydal raising Sweetie Belle oh joy. I give it ten minutes tops before she loses her innocence.
2328429the pigs seem not to be, as every time we see a pig it acts like a real life pig. They are raised so that they can find truffles for the ponies, at least that's what Lauren said.
on topic;
Everypony needs moar bacon.
"I love pancakes, I love pancakes, it makes me a happy Tia. Their so yummy in my tummy, nom nom nom nom nom!"
I sang it like 5 times... Damn you make awesome songs.
Isn't hashbrowns one word instead of two. Unless of course Tydal was eating hash brownies
The best part bar none was when Tydal tried to by Sweetie Belle. Brilliant.
I imagined Celesti's pancake song like Britta's pizza song in community....
Good chapter, nice to have something sweet and simple after over the top silliness of previous few
2329380
No Howling Mad Mer-Dock is the Capricorn, Bj is the Zebra
2330401
They are the guest stars of this arc. You'll notice I like to have special guest stars in every arc for the cast to bounce jokes off of.
2332086
Ahh, I see. The wrding in the prose got me confused.
So, Celestia's into pancakes like Twilight's into brownies.
Factor in how Celestia can secretly have panic attacks over seeming little things (as portrayed in G Squad S1) Like Twilight publicly did until she learned to control it........
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2330401
Congulations Rarity and/or Sweetie Bell, you're now the God Squad's equivalent of Spike.
2329544 Now all we need is for Apple Bloom and Scootaloo to join her and.....
CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS CAPRICORNS!! YAY!!!
2331380 So it would sound something like this?
Bacon is the true universal greeting and friendship maker. No one stays sad for long when there's bacon to be had!
Maybe Sweetie Belle can get her cutie mark in the art of bacon. I actually like that idea.
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2332750 If that happened it would be the end of Equestria as we knew it.
I can't help but wonder what Discord is doing.
Sweetie belle as a part of the god squad would be funny
2335310
Oh, you know, he's busy building a Chocolate Factory where he harvests fresh chocolate from his clouds...
Opening with the Equestrian A Team was awesome, although Celestia and pancakes was slightly disturbing especially that song....
Sweetie is joining the god squad as a Capricorn? This is the best thing since the start of the god squad
Oh, GODS....I lost it when Sweetie Belle ate bacon
Luna, Tydal and Cadence had me dying,damn, I need to get back into stories with humor
This chapter was genuis
Ooooo bacon eating Sweetie is so adorable.
That seriously me lose it for a bit.
Is there a group discount if you buy all the CMC's at one time? Kinda like going to one of those buy in bulk stores.
2335917
Discord and the Chocolate Factory. No......Sweetie Belle and the Chocolate Milk Factory.
Make it, Defender. NAO.
standing directly under him. "Hey, what's that huge-"
that scene, and then he tries to buy her!? welp, he'd be better than her real parents at least.
"Get out from under there!" Tydal shouted,
... defender, i think i love you
2536477
I'd imagine so.
I agree with the above posters, Capricorn Belle would be both awesome and adorable(awedorable?). All in all, a nice, silly little breather.
5200603
Here name would be Swimmie Belle, actually.
5202473
I really, really hope that happens. It would be utterly adorable.
Goddammit Nappa.
It really is, guess just because she's a nymphomaniac, doesn't mean it's her only trait, besides, the CMC are adorable.
HAH!
Nice. She really knows her way with kids, then again, she was a foalsitter for Twilight, so, yeah.
Yeah, it's moments like this that make me appreciate this and how easy it'd be to flanderize the characters, but you don't, you show that they're more to them than just what they are like usually.
Heh, like I said, with a constant love source, she's not gonna go hungry any time soon, though what about her subjects? I suspect she could probably work something out with Cadence if she gets her mind to it.
Here's the real one. XD
I imagine Chryssie using a fancy straw for the love.
Like teacher like student, I see.