“I do not like this,” the Doctor said, his jaw firmly set.
“Why not?” Mary Sue, the red mane, black coat alicorn asked, not bothering to look up from her Sudoku puzzle book. They were seated in Derpy’s house, doing their best to enjoy the afternoon… or evening… honestly they weren’t for sure since both the sun and moon were both up. Mary Sue had asked if they should insert themselves in the goings-on and discover what was happening with the sky and the strange black vines that had suddenly invaded Ponyville but the Doctor had claimed that they weren’t that important in the grand scheme of things.
“Just wait until Tirek arrives… now THAT is an issue that needs to be dealt with!” the Doctor had said. Then he’d begun to play with his sonic screwdriver (no, not like that you perverts).
"You said it yourself that Dinky needs to make more friends," Mary Sue reminded the Time Lord.
"No, I said she needed to begin gaining some companions of her own. Big difference."
"Yeah, sure," Mary Sue said, rolling her eyes. "You said it yourself that Dinky needed to meet and recruit some companions... well, Derpy made her a playdate to do just that and now you are whining."
"This isn't what I meant!" The Doctor snapped. "I meant she find some young filly that needed a magical friend or some cocky, metrosexual bisexual who would both hit on her and be her gay friend. Or the Ponds... she could have just made them her companions!" By 'The Ponds' the Doctor was referring to their next-door neighbors Auburn and Roman 'Rory' Pond, who would watch Derpy's house when the family went traveling. "But not... it."
Dinky raced into the room, a wide grin on her face. "Come on, let me show you my room!"
"Rollypolly wishes to see room!" The Doctor glowered as the green and blue baby dalek that Twilight Sparkle had adopted toddled past him, its little colorful shell's eyestalk spinning about as it took in the house. "Hello Mr. Oncoming Storm. Mama Sparkle thanks you for letting me visit!"
"Grumble grumble," the Doctor muttered as Dinky and her new best friend made their way to her room.
The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted
Episode 26: Tydal and Chrysalis vs. The World Part 2
"We're back!" Tydal called out. "Sorry it took so long but it was hard finding bread pans that were in the shape of Twilight. Don't get me wrong, we found some but we had to dig through Pinkie's cupboards to find them."
Chrysalis held up two buns that were shaped exactly like Twilight. "They didn't have any post-ascension ones, so we'll have to do something about the wings... I'm thinking sidedish." The changeling queen stopped short, lips pursed together as she look first at Discord then Zecora. "Uh... did I miss something? Where is Dinner... I mean Twilight... I mean Twilight, my Dinner."
"Of Twilight's trance she has slipped out of it, so your meal is gone you silly twit."
Chrysalis' eyebrow twitched. "Twit?"
"It means you're stupid," Discord explained, trying to be helpful.
"Now now," Merida said, moving between Chrysalis and Zecora, "no need to get upset. You know how Zecora is with rhyming... she probably couldn't think of a better world."
"It is true that rhyming can make me twitch, but I meant that insult I gave to that b-"
"Alright, both of you knock it off!" Tydal snapped. "I'm upset dinner is gone too but we are not going to fight. We're all family."
"You fight with me all the time!" Discord protested.
"Name me one time when you didn't deserve what I gave you."
Discord held up his index finger, only to find no words would come out of his mouth. He paused, a puzzled look crossing his face, as he considered exactly what Tydal had asked him. The others waited, patiently, before turning away from the draconequus.
"Now Zecora, please explain to me exactly what is going on now that Twilight has emerged from her magical trance."
"Your switch of opinion strikes me like a lance! Why did you pretend to not know Twilight was in a trance?"
Tydal smirked. "Because I am an immortal sea god... I get bored very, very easily."
"He has a point," Merida admitted.
Zecora looked at Tydal in surprise. "You claim you are not much of a cur. So you weren't really going to eat her?"
The sea god merely shook his head. "Of course not! I do that and then Shining will never grant me permission to kill ever again. Besides, I try hard not to harm family..." Tydal looked coldly at his brother, who was still trying to find a situation when Tydal hadn't given him exactly what he deserved, "though I have made an exception a few times."
Zecora nodded to herself, pleased that one of the few family members of her's that she actually liked wasn't as bloodthristy as he made himself out to be. "Then upon your murderous ways I will not dwell. Dear Chrysalis, did you know this as well?"
"Uh... yes," Chrysalis awkwardly shifted from one hoof to the other. "Yeah... totally knew it," she said, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.
Tydal leaned down and sniffed the now abandoned bottle Twilight had been sucking from. "This was a smart idea, Zecora, especially since my fool of a brother refuses to help us."
"Doesn't that spell though only give you a summary of events?" Merida asked.
"The barest of facts the potion does bring, for not enough time had we for the whole thing."
Tydal glowered. "I bet that spell totally deleted me from the whole battle."
Discord finally snapped out of his stupor and nodded. "Oh yes, that it did! Just left in the good parts and the only beings the audience wants to see."
"So I was in it then?" Chrysalis asked.
"What audience?" Merida asked.
"It chopped the whole middle right out, dear brother," Discord taunted. "Celestia and Luna arrive, I vamp a bit, and then it cuts to me being turned to stone. You aren’t in it at all.” Discord tapped his chin in consideration. “I was gloating about that but now that I think about it that does seem like a cop-out. Our battle against each other was truly epic. The way Twilight saw things makes it look like I went out like a bitch.”
Tydal nodded, smiling fondly at the memory. “You fought well, brother… you may be without honor but you are a skilled opponent. Too few do not understand the game.”
“We are a dying breed,” Discord said, commiserating with the capricorn.
“Sometimes I can’t remember if you two hate each other or like each other,” Merida muttered.
“We have a complex relationship,” Discord admitted, reaching down to once more tickle Giggles. The little princess squealed in delight, kissing the back of Discord’s hand.
“So Twilight and her friends ran off half-cocked again, is that it?” Tydal asked.
“I suppose it would be too much to hope that they would die a horrible death?” Chrysalis pondered. When the others looked at her she rolled her eyes. “I said I ‘suppose it would be too much’!”
“Why did the last remaining princess in Equestria go running off by herself?” Tydal asked in annoyance, wondering not for the first time how Equestria had avoided being turned into a salve depot during his stone sleep.
“Twilight and her friends went to the Everfree, to find the location of the Tree of Harmony.”
“The what what?” Chrysalis asked, only to looked at Tydal in confusion. The capricorn’s eyes had gone to pinpricks and a look of absolutely worry crossed his face. “Ok, so the god of war looks nervous… this can’t be good.”
“The Tree of Harmony? You’re sure?” Tydal asked.
“And just why are you suddenly a scaredy cat?” Discord asked, snapping his fingers and causing Tydal to suddenly be dressed in a cat costume.
The capricorn king ripped the costume off and shook his head. “All of this suddenly makes sense.”
“That’s a first,” Merida said, only to grow serious when Tydal didn’t respond to her joke. “Ok, you are scaring me, love. What is the Tree of Harmony?”
The god of the sea’s eyes got a faraway look. “A nexus of positive magic. Some say that Treents made it, using their Free magic to gather up power from the realm of the Abstracts and place it within a seed from the Crystal Empire. Whatever caused it to come into being, the Tree of Harmony is a great crystal tree and the most powerful repository of positive magic in this world.”
“Treents?” Chrysalis asked.
“Trotting Ents in the common tongue,” Merida stated. “They are the shepherds of the forest. The smallest of them would be the size of a large stallion. Their legs are covered in hard bark and their coats are like moss. They have two tails, both of which are thick and like tree branches, ending with leaves. Their manes are like willow branches and it is common for flower buds or fruit to grow amongst the ‘strands’. Their faces are much like a normal ponies, save for their eyes, which are set deep in their heads and look like tree sap.”
Discord rolled his own eyes. “They are also humorless bores! Tydal here is like me when compared to them.”
“Huh?” Giggles said, tilting her head.
“Ponies of bark, twig and stem… why have I never heard of them?” Zecora asked.
“They are private creatures. You have probably seen them hundreds of times but thought them to be just part of a tree or a bush. As long as you do not bring violence upon their ‘flock’ they will not harm you,” Merida stated.
“This is all well and good…” Chrysalis said, looking nervously at the black vines that were slowly growing towards them, “…but what exactly does any of this have to do with what is going on right now?”
“The Tree of Harmony was rumored to be crafted by the Treents to act as a… well, guardian I guess would be the best word for it… of the Everfree. It use to ensure that the forest remained within it boundaries and that the dangers within never got too wild.” Tydal bowed his head, clearly disgraced. “But like any other tree, its fruits were plucked.”
“That’s how you made the Elements of Harmony?” Chrysalis said in surprise.
“Yes. I knew of the tree’s location and told Celestia and Luna to gather them. I stood guard at the mouth of the cave… but I am as guilt as the princesses for taking the Elements and weakening the tree.” He looked at the vines. “And now the Tree is not strong enough to fight back this new threat.”
“But what are they, exactly?” Chrysalis asked.
Tydal tapped his chin. “They look familiar… but at my age I could have seen then 2000 years ago.”
Merida tapped the bottle of Zecora’s Magic Mind Juice (or whatever the hell it was called… seriously, does it even matter? Well, I guess it does matter, because as a fandom we give a name to everything and anything… I am pretty sure that fabric Sweetie Belle stole from Rarity to make the Crusader capes has a name and an entire backstory… probably involving a lost love and a race against time to find an enchanted ruby... ok, totally off the mark here but wouldn’t that make a better story that this? Silky the fabric and the Ruby of Destiny. Sounds badass, right? Better than this rubbish. I am pretty sure this story is written by a drunk monkey… and not of his own free will. Anyhoo, what were we talking about again? Something about juice?), her face screwed up in consideration. “Maybe you could use Zecora’s potion here to look back into the past and figure out when you last saw the vines.”
Tydal tilted his head. “Normally I’d have a problem with taking an unknown potion under such thin reasoning, but frankly I’m bored and this might provide a few laughs. Discord, a cup please.”
“A cup?” the chaos god asked.
The sea god nodded. “Of course! Do you think I am going to guzzle from that bottle like an uncultured urchin? A cup, please.” Discord tilted his head before creating a simple red plastic cup, which he handed over with a trumpet fare.
“One for me as well,” Chrysalis said. When the others stared at her she quickly waved her forelegs. “Oh no no no, I am not doing this to help Twilight or Equestria or anything like that. Let them all burn for all I care! I don’t care… no, not at all!”
“Aw!” Discord said, blinking his eyes and making soft coos at the changeling queen. “Somepony is going soft!”
“I am not going soft! I just hope this gives me ideas for my next evil plan! It isn't because I feel an emotional connection to them!” Chrysalis snatched a cup from Discord and poured herself some of the potion. “Screw all of you, I totally do not feel close to Twilight or her friends because I spent so much time pretending to be Cadence that it rubbed off on me! I’m totally evil.”
“Sure sure, bottoms up,” Tydal said, taking a sip of his drink. Chrysalis did the same and the two blinked before letting out twin gasps, their eyes going pure white.
“…let’s shave’em,” Discord said, pulling out an electric razor.
“YAY!” Giggles exclaimed in glee.
~MC~MC~MC~
Tydal looked around, brow furrowed in confusion. “Chrysalis?”
“I’m here,” the lanky mare said, blowing some strands of hair out of her eyes. She looked around, lips pursed together. “You know, I always thought modern Equestria was a colorful mess but apparently the phrase ‘tone-it-down’ hadn’t been invented yet.”
Tydal scowled, looking over the village. The houses looked like Giggles would have used them when playing with her dollies, the grass was such a shock of green that it looked like it had been painted, and the trees were utterly uniform and perfect. Glancing up, Tydal saw that even the clouds looked to be smiling down upon them. The slight wind that blew out of the west had a hint of peppermint to it and cocking his ear Tydal swore he could hear happy music trickling out all around him.
“I know this is all suppose to be sweet and nice…” Chrysalis said, eyes darting about, “but… uh… I’m kinda getting the creeps right now.”
Tydal stroked his beard. “Yes, I am getting a ‘too good to be true’ sense as well. But it isn’t like we were transported somewhere… this is the past. We are stuck in our heads, so we can't die or anything.”
“Does any of this look familiar to you, then?” Chrysalis said.
“I think this might be during my youth,” Tydal said, tapping his chin. “I remember that mother did a lot of work to repair the world when I was but a kid. Even Discord felt that things were just wrong. Poorly made and designed. Frightened the pudding out of him.”
“What could make Discord scared?” Chrysalis asked nervously.
Tydal opened his mouth to answer, only to snap it shut when he spotted a blue… thing… walking towards them. To call the creature a pony was to be rather kind. Her head was overly large, her legs several inches too small, and her eyes were even bigger than a normal pony’s. Tydal racked his brain, trying to figure out what exactly he was staring at, only to gasp slightly when he spotted the blue pony’s rainbow-colored mane.
“Rainbow Dash?” Tydal said in shock.
“Her? Rainbow Dash?” Chrysalis tilted her head. “You mean Twilight Sparkle’s lesbian friend? No... no no no. That is not Rainbow Dash! That thing looks like one of those fake lesbians from Ponywood movies… not the real ones like Rainbow Dash.”
Tydal pursed his lips. “Well, this is the past… I suppose that it might be a distant relative-“
“Oh darlings!” Rainbow Dash called out, the cultured clip of her voice nothing like the brash tone of the modern Rainbow Dash.
“By the Creator no!” Chrysalis screamed, scrambling away from the horrific mix of Rainbow Dash and Rarity.
“We should have never done this,” Tydal whispered in terror. “We played with forces we never should have and now have unleashed this horror.”
“I always dress with style!” Rainbow Dash declared.
“Make it stop, make it stop!” Chrysalis whimpered, clutching her ears.
Tydal fell to his knees and began to pray. “Our past is a horrid hellscape! Mother, forgive us! We did not know… we did not know!”
“Quick, we have to punch each other until we wake up!” Chrysalis screeched.
~MC~MC~MC~
“I think they are waking up,” Fluttershy said. Tydal groaned, blinking his eyes, only to find the yellow pegasus hovering an inch in front of his face. Fluttershy opened her mouth to shriek in shock but, when the war god didn’t even so much as let out a grunt, she merely stared down at him. “Uh… hello.”
“I am going to sit up now,” Tydal said calmly. “Please rise up so I do not strike you, little pony.”
“Oh… ok.” Fluttershy shifted away, allowing the capricorn to get back onto his hooves. He looked over at Merida and Giggles, the former chatting with Applejack while the latter laughed in utter delight at the funny faces Pinkie was making. “Welcome back, Lord Tydal.”
“Thank you, little one,” Tydal said, flexing his tail. He looked over at Chrysalis, who was still shivering in fright from what they had seen. “I have a very important question for Rainbow Dash.”
“Uh… yeah, what do you want?” She hovered in the arms, forelegs crossed over her chest. She looked utterly unrefined.
Tydal merely smiled. “Nevermind, you just answered it.” He looked over at Celestia and Luna and his smile grew more tender. The Princesses both leaned in towards him as he approached, nuzzling first one and then the other. “My little princesses…” He glanced over at Twilight. “Thank you for saving them.”
“You’re welcome, Lord Tydal, but it was all of us who saved them.”
“Yes, you and your ‘friends’,” Chrysalis said snidely. “Having parties and going on adventures and being bestest best friends and caring for each other and knowing about love and friendship and not being a lonely queen surrounded by minions who only want to know when what their next task is and aren’t as fun as the minions Gru has…” Merida rolled her eyes at her sister-in-law’s comments and gently bumped her flank against the changelings, cutting off the rest of her emotional ramble. “So, what evil doer failed worse than me?” Chrysalis asked, trying to perk herself up.
“Yes, who is at fault for all of this?” Tydal asked. “What poor soul do I get to torture and harm for DARING to hurt my little girls?” His tail swished in agitation at the thought of someone daring to kidnap what was his. “What pony or griffin or minotaur or centaur or bananatour will die by my hoof? What was the being-“
“It was the Tree of Harmony!” Pinkie said happily.
“…what?”
Merida and Giggles began to howl with laughter while Chrysalis snorted.
Applejack shifted a bit. “It was, your Lordship. We found the princesses wrapped up in those black vines things which had corrupted that there Tree of Harmony.”
Tydal slowly turned, staring at the princesses of Equestria. “You were defeated… by a tree.”
Twilight came to their defense. “Technically it was those evil black vines that Discord created-“
“ixnay on my involvement na,” Discord said, waving his hands rapidly.
The capricorn king scowled. “I don’t care who created them… you were beaten and captured by a tree?”
“A magic tree,” Luna said weakly.
“Oh, it was magical!” Tydal said with a roll of his eyes, his voice full of fake cheer. “Tell me, did the magic make it so the tree could walk and fight and not be A BLOODY TREE ROOTED TO THE BLOODY GROUND?!”
“…no?” Celestia finally said, cringing slightly.
“20.”
“20 what now?” Luna asked.
“20 laps around Ponyville.”
“WHAT?!?!” the alicorn sisters screamed.
“ You too, Discord, for being a pain.”
“And why should I?” Discord asked. “You aren’t the boss of me!”
“But I am and I think that is a great idea!” Fluttershy said with a nod.
Tydal turned his back on them. “Maybe that will teach you not to be defeated by a plant! Now then, I suggest we head to Sugar Cube Corner and get some cupcakes. I think King Fakeo is working the counter today.”
“…this is all your fault!” Celestia complained as she began trotting out her first lap.
“Mine… I was asleep when the vines attacked!”
“Oh, I hope I don’t get a blister,” Discord said, snapping his fingers and dressing all three of them in tank tops, sweatbands, shorts, and sneakers.
"I don't hear running!" Tydal called out, the three other immortals grumbling as they picked up the pace.
This chapter was tough. Originally the second act had Tydal and Chrysalis joining Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Fluttershy as their bodyguards and fighting off a manticore. THen there was this whole bit involving Tydal and Chrysalis discovering the Treents and I spent a ton of time designing them... but in the end it wasn't funny. Thus, I went back to the drawing board and we get Generation 3.5 Rainbow Dash!
Loved it, I loved all of it.
Especially the parts with Tydal interacting with Fluttershy and the Princesses.
Gen 3.5 Rainbow Dash seems to be the epitome of horror for that Gen. Season Four looks to be much more entertaining with Tydal around.
Poor Tydal. No creature should have to witness that.
*Shudders*
YES!!! Rolypoly!!!!!!!
Rouge Angles of Satin, much (and this is just one example)? Sorry if I come off as annoying about this, but maybe your editor should be a bit more attentive.
Lovely chapter, anyway. Carry on.
4548563
I don't have an editor. I write these for fun and things will slip through. If I waited for betas, as I have tried in the past, you'd get... a chapter every 3 months? Maybe 2 if we were lucky. I'd rather do a quick edit myself and let mistakes pop up that I correct when you guys discover them than have to wait for a beta to read through it just to tell me I did 'your instead of 'you're'.
Thanks for pointing out the mistake. I have corrected it. If you see more let me know.
4548576 Ah, okay. I would recommend getting one, personally. I know it's just for fun, and I don't mean to push, but editors CAN help the best of something get out right. Of course, you don't need to, as either way, I will continue to read and enjoy this, and so will others.
4548576
'Your' is the proper form here.
Properly, I believe this would be "Ixnay on my volvement inay,"
...I actually thought this was fine, but the wiki and Hasbro keep telling me it's one word. Huh.
Well, that's about it. I mean, there's possible fleshing out, but that can be saved for later (or never, since that's an option too).
Good
4548396
Agreed, I think even Tirek wouldn't be able to stomach the magic there, and he absorbed all the pony magic in Equestria, then again, G4 Equestria is relatively realistic, in balance, harmony, G3.5, let's not go there, let's just say that I would gladly unleash some of the more cruel Discord's from fanfictions on that universe just so they can actually pony up and do something. I think the relationship between Tydal and Discord can be summed up like this, they respect each other as fighters to a degree, by Tydal is still annoyed at him for turning his entire race, him included into statues for so long and for turning the world upside down. Poor Celestia Luna and Discord, though in fairness, who didn't see something like this coming?
emotibot.net/pix/7035.gif
Rollypolly is adorable, definitely best Dalek. BEFRIEND! BEFRIEND!
G3.5 RD? Truly there are no horrors in all of Hell that could compare to that ghoul.
G3.5 Rainbow Dash?
G3.5 Rainbow Dash should be the next hit Nightmare Night costume.
Oh good, someone else is taking the piss out of the silliest part of S4, where the Princesses are captured by a tree.
4551535
"Oh yes, how terrible! If only that evil thing were rooted to the ground and vulnerable to termites. Oh, wait."
Rollypolly as a companion for Dinky? All of my yes.
Oh god.
That may be the best plan anyone in this story has ever had.
4553164
Someone once suggested that it would be interesting if the Doctor had a Dalek companion who was basically like Strax and had to be taught not to exterminate things and such. Rollypolly is much better... Dinky just has to stop him from glomping.
4551810
Good, all is going according to my master plan! *evil laugh*
4548576
I've counted at least a thousand spelling & grammar errors in all of your stories thus far. They're so frequent I figured they were intentional on your part.
This is the madness that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends,
Defender2222 started writing it not knowing what it was!
And he'll be writing it forever just because!
You get the point.
Thanks for such an amusing story, by the way!
4552156 4552078 Actually, Exdeath was pretty active. And most of the time, looked like this:
jpnanime.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/xdth.png
So, not bad for someone who's essentially Evil Pinnochio.
4570545
True, she may be seeking to bring back Lord Smooze, but she is slightly more assertive than regular Fluttershy and actually quite nice. Usually, when she's angry, well, when FIW did Dragonshy, when she was angry, there was an Ominous Latin Chorus version of Hellfire. Yes, that Hellfire.
Dash is never going to hear the end of that.
4618790 RainbowBob and defender2222 collaborating on a fic is my #1 wet dream.
4618790 This. Yes. This pleases me greatly. You are one of a great mind and excellent taste in "da vids"
Thank you, thank you for your contribution.
4688194 What's the movie?
I've always wondered what would happen if you introduced a threat that would force the 3.5s to undergo character development.
Ah, that's why he doesn't like this.
OK, let's calm down here! Wonder what he beef with Chrysalis is.
Tydal's got a point.
I like this, Tydal may not LIKE Discord, but he recognizes his skill and respects him for that much. I wonder what he did? I suspect mind games since Tydal is a very skilled fighter. Then again, Discord is even OLDER than he is.
A bit of column A, a bit of column B.
I suspect that Chrysalis is not entirely reformed. That, or just because she's with the good guys, doesn't mean she's really one herself.
Agreed.
Which explains how it spawned the Elements of Harmony.
That makes a lot of sense.
My Tsundere senses are tingling.
To be fair, Chrysalis is mostly chitin, and half of Tydal is scales, and they'll be pissed.
You monster.
You're calm.
Yep.
He's DISCORD, being a pain is practically his JOB.
4548475
Oh god, Chryssie just gained so many new nightmares... But I can totally see her continuously teasing Celestia and Luna about them being beaten by a tree.
4548475 QUICK! COME WITH ME THERE'S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! THE WORLD NEEDS YOU TO KILL A MONSTROSITY THAT EVEN THE DEVIL HIMSELF WOULD SCREAM IN TERROR LIKE A LOTTLE GIRL AND BLOODY WET HIMSELF!!