Staring contest with frozen Bonbon in 3...2...1...GO!
Your eyes never leave her's and she never blinks, and neither do you. It truly is a battle of epics. Man against pony, will against will, Holmes vs Moriarty, The Doctor vs The Master, Simon vs Lord Genome, Connor Macleod vs The Kurgen, King Arthur vs The Black Knight, Neo vs Agent Smith, Jotaro Kujo vs Dio Brando. NONE OF THEM COMPARE TO THIS!!!
THE GREATEST STRUGGLE IN ALL YOUR LIFE AND INDEED ALL OF EXISTENCE IS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah you gotta do something more than this.
Go up to her and say "Hi" with your best Mr. Popo impression.
You don't move from where you are, but being the polite gentlemen that you are, you feel as if it would be best to introduce yourself.
"Hi," you say to her as politely as you can. Still, she doesn't move. Seriously its like she really is frozen.
creep bon-bon the fuck out. thats gotta be fun
Shout odd things to have her think you don't exist, then run toward the basement door, open the door, get down the steps, lie on the floor then walk the dinosaur. With that done go back up stairs sit down next to Lyra while continue getting high/ watching Bon Bon's mind process what just happened.
Step 1: Locate door to Lyra's basement.
Step 2: Open said door.
Step 3: Get on that cold, hard basement floor.
Step 4: Do the dinosaur."
Scream "THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!" in the most guilty way possible.
Okay now you're starting to panic a little. You have no idea what this pony could do and you can clearly see that her mental condition is unstable. Worst might come to worst here. Then suddenly, you remember something Lyra told you in the previous chapter. She has a basement.
"THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" You instinctively yell at the top of your lungs before you quickly jump up off the couch and bolt for the basement. You run with a speed that could rival The Flash. Even Lyra is surprised by how fast you ran.
Miraculously enough, you find Lyra's basement and run on into it. Without hesitation you open the door and run down the stairs.
You reach the basement.
You get on the cold, hard, basement floor.
Yeah how is this helping?
Then suddenly, from above the stairs you hear the sound of a door shutting.
Say "Close the door you're letting in a draft, and you might let in Twilight" if she is about to get angry offer her a milk dud that you pulled from the ether.
CLOSE THE DOOR YOUR LETTING IN TWILIGHGT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly you remember that there are more important matters at hoof.... hand. Even though you are on the floor in Lyra's basement walking the dinosaur, there is still an insane purple unicorn out there looking for you, and Bon Bon just opened the door. You look back up the stairs only to notice that you didn't close the door to the basement on your way down here. You must have really wanted to walk the dinosaur.
Channeling your inner Flash once again, you run back up the stairs to Lyra's living room to tell Bon Bon off and hopefully close the door again before its too late. Yeah in retrospect walking the dinosaur was a waste of time.
When you get back up the stairs and reach Lyra's living room, you're about to open your mouth to tell Bon Bon off when suddenly the image before you cuts out any words you may have said.
Bon Bon, still as still as ever, is standing only a few feet to the right of where she was before and Lyra has just closed the door and locked it again for you. Apparently Lyra thought ahead for you. Since Bon Bon was in so much shock Lyra was apparently able to move her without waking her.
Now that you see her again, you look back into her eyes AND START ANOTHER EPIC BATTLE OF...
No no not that.
You kind of feel a little bad for her. She's just in so much shock she can't even more. You start to wonder what may be going on inside that brain of hers.
Don't be so bloody rude, ask if she wants to get high also.
thinking she's about to run... grab Bon Bon and yell to Lyra "Quick, get her high!"
"Help me with her," Lyra says to you as she walks right up next to Bon Bon. You get the message and walk right on over to her. With the combined effort of the two of you you lift her up and carry her over to the couch. Well its mostly just you carrying her, Lyra's just walking along next to you. You would have asked why Lyra isn't just using her magic, seems like that would be easier, but you decide to leave it be for now. After all you don't want to make things any more awkward. Also Bon Bon is surprisingly light for a pony, and soft too.
You set Bon Bon's rigor mortis like body down in front of the table in front of the couch. She stands up perfectly, of course she would. Also she has not blinked or moved an inch despite you carrying her. Seriously she's like a lawn ornament. A large, pony shaped lawn ornament.
Using her telekinesis, Lyra picks up the bong and the bag and with a quick application of magic, she loads it up so its ready to go. That done she puts the bag back down onto the table and brings the bong closer to her. She then lowers her head so that her horn is just about touching the grass like substance in it, and again, with a quick application of magic, you see a small flame come from her horn as she lights it. You figure that must really come in handy.
That done, Lyra then levitates the bong over to Bon Bon's face. What happens next kind of shocks you.
With the bong in front of her face, Bon Bon instantaneously breaks from her shock like state, grabs it with both her hooves, and practically presses it into her face as far as it would go. You then see her inhale... really inhale. She doesn't stop inhaling for a full twenty seconds. You know, you counted. She inhales every bit of smoke in the bong and even some that isn't in there and still she keeps going. Given that only moments ago she was frozen beyond comprehension, that transition she took was so sudden that even you, who had seen it happen, had trouble believing it.
Eventually, Bon Bon stops inhaling and pulls the bong away from her mouth. She then exhales, letting out a huge puff of smoke. She seems perfectly relaxed now.
Ask lyra if bonbon is her fuckbuddy.
"So is she your..." You begin to ask Lyra, but she cuts you off.
"Yep," Lyra says as she walks on over to her friend, whose taking deep breaths right now, and drapes a comforting right forehoof over her neck. "This is my roommate and fuckbuddy Bon Bon." She then looks over at her friend. "Bon Bon, meet..." She's about to introduce you, but then she stops. "Wait, I'm sorry what did you say your name was?"
At that you are kind of surprised, all this time you've been here and you've never thought to introduce yourself.
The three of you are all sitting on the couch, you in the middle, Lyra to your right, Bon Bon to your left, and all of you baked as all hell. Whatever Lyra had its really good stuff. There is a thick haze in the room from all the smoke. An incredibly thick haze.
"So..." Bon Bon says to you. "You're really a human?"
"Eeyup," you reply to her as Lyra takes another hit from the bong.
"And you are..."
"Running from a crazy purple unicorn whose trying to rape me. Yes," you reply. There is silence between the two of you for a moment. You grab the bong again.
Ask Bon-Bon if you could call her "Bonny."
"Hey," you ask her as you put the bong back down. "Is it okay if I call you Bonny?" You ask her, Lyra just laughs at that little nickname and picks the bong up herself with her telekinesis. Bon Bon laughs as well.
"Sure," she replies.
"Dude..." Lyra says as she puts the bong back down on the table. You and Bon Bon look at her to see a wide smile on her face. Her eyes are almost completely red and a little glazed over. "I am so bucked up right now." She says to you two as she starts laughing uncontrollably. The two of you quickly catch her laughter and start laughing yourselves as well.
"Hey Lyra," Bon Bon says to her friend as she picks up the bong.
"Yeah," Lyra replies. It takes Bon Bon a moment to respond, but eventually she puts down the bong and does.
"Remember that thing I said I'd do to you if you ever found a human?" Lyra just laughs at that.
"Yeah,"
"I'm guessing you want it now don't you," Lyra just laughs again at that.
"Oh Bonny," she says to her. "Who are you kidding. Of course I want it now." Bon Bon just throws on a sultry smile as those words hit her ears.
"Oh I'm gonna plow you into next Tuesday," Bon Bon says to her in what you can assume is the sexiest voice possible for a pony.
"Oh I bet you are," Lyra replies to her friend. This goes on for a while. Its kind of a strange situation. Here you are in another world entirely, you're in a pony's house getting high, and now you're sitting right in between her and her lesbian lover while they talk dirty to each other. They kind of say some pretty graphic things. Under normal circumstances this would be hot but... yeah these aren't normal circumstances.
So you being you, you decide to break the mood.
Then ask lyra if she has anything to eat, because you're REALLY hungry right now
"Do you guys have any food?" You ask them. Only just now do you realize how god damn hungry you are. Hell you technically haven't eaten breakfast yet. Lyra and Bon Bon just look at you strangely, as you have just interpreted their dirty talk towards each other, but they both laugh.
"Sure," Lyra replies as she hops off the couch. "I'll be right back."
"Nah you don't..." You try to be polite and insist that Lyra doesn't have to get up and you can go get it yourself, but Lyra isn't having any of that.
"Nah nah," she says to you. "You're our guest here. So that only makes it right." She then walks back over to you and pats you on the thigh with her hoof. "Now you just sit here and be a good boy and I'll be right back with some snacks." She says in kind of a strange, almost motherly tone as she walks away again towards what you assume is the kitchen.
Then she is gone, you are now alone with Bon Bon. Both of you still high as fuck.
You look down at Bon Bon and see that he has that same sultry smile on her face that she was looking at Lyra with, only now she is looking at you now.
What do you do?
Kiss her on the cheek and tell her we can have a threesome.
Yay my comment was used. Alright here is what you do
Wanna have a threesome?
Point to the other end of the room and shout, "Look a distraction!" before bolting out of there.
You realize that Bon Bons are a food. Being in not the most clear state of mind, you ask her if she is edible.
Wait and see what happens.
EPIC HUMAN/PONY THREESOME! Unlike with Twilight, this one would be consensual and thus, you are perfectly ok with it. Plus, you're so baked you don't really care that they're horses and you have hands so that's something you bring to the table.
look at her with the sternest face you can muster and scream "GIVE ME YOUR WAR FACE MAGGOT!" leaving her to wonder what the fuck just happened for you to do this
Run up to Lrya, and hit her in the face.
AND THEN THEY ALL BUCKED!
"When Lyra gets back you want to have a threesome?" (being high as a kite takes away logical thinking)
2178753
NO
Hey bonny, staring contest 1.2.3 GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
2178820
Geez, dude, the idea was that Bon Bon would take it as a double entendre. I don't actually want the character to eat her.
Mock a popular religion.
Princess molestia finds you and locks you in her room ;) ;)
While as high as fuck, you try to summon Jesus but instead you end up summoning Darth Vader and Louis. Louis shouts "GRABBING PILLS" while darth vader is chill as fuck and teleports out of there. Louis goes insane before he disappears in a puff.
Do NOT have a threesome; The whole point here is to NOT get raped by a pony. Seems a bit counter-intuitive, if you ask me. How about, in a turn of events, Twilight uses Lyra's human detector (that she left at the library,) to track the human (Paco, I call him.) down? Then, he acts as sexy as possible, using the concept that is he's unsexy, he's sexy, and vice-versa, getting this idea both from chapter 2 and his love life? Applejack isn't there anymore due to Twilight being so desperate, that she raped her, thus eliminating her from the Human Busters. (The code is, "You're raped, you gone.")
Get into a philosophical debate over some random topic, then slowly but surely degrade into incessant ramblings.........then shout for her to save you from the giant skinny purple skeleton mage.....on a rainbow cloud made of farts
Don't give me that look young lady! What would Lyra say?
Nope.avi
Look at your invisible watch and exclaim "Oh look at the time, I have to go help Lyra!" and then proceed to run (or stumble since you're still high) after Lyra with a protective cushion from the couch.
2178753
Please... do this
Debate the meaning of life with her to break the mood.
(Hint: the answer is 42)
Having "relations" with the ponies is counter to your plan as you hach a grandplan that involes bananas and rope you relize thats silly and run and hide in the basement and go in the fetal position and cry while odd sounds are coming from above you.
Your eyes slowly meet and a deafening silence resonates throughout the room. You decide to make the first move. "doo doo doo Dooh, doo doo doo Dooh, doo doo doo Dooh..." You sing, giving her a beat. "When the night... has come... and the land... is dark..." Bon Bon starts singing. Lyra comes back in during the chorus, holding a platter of sandwiches and singing at the top of her lungs "So darling, darling, stand by me, oh stand by me..." You proceed to eat and sing for the next hour or so.
Inquire about a threesome.
10:00.
Cant sleep, check dashboard
See 'comment driven' fic
eh, why not?
30 mins & 10 chapters later
Holy fucking hay you dont realise how hard im laughing right now! This has made my day!
As for what to do... Hummmm
1. Proceed to tickle Bon-Bon
2. Formulate plan with aforementioned mare- make dirty/rude sounds without required actions, in an attempt to get Lyra's attention
3. Demand nachos
Ask Bon Bon if she tastes like candy.
Being high impairs judgement and sex is sex so you say:
"You, Lyra, me... we should bang."
Ummmm play a game of 20 questions?
if you value your virginity you must *boop*
her on the nose and tell her
"sorry"
you and bonbon notice lyra is coming back from the kitchen with whipped cream, chocolate sauce and cherries? you question "OOOOOH are we having smores?"
You look back to bonbon, only to notice her sulty smile widen. No smores i presume.....Dear god that rape face is the stuff of nightmares.
Yell out HOOOOOOOLY SHIT A DISTRATIOOOOOOOON while pointing in random direction, grab the bong and pot and run out screaming
"Whats that Lyra? You want to help me carry the munchies? I'll be right there." Then get up go to were Lyra is and tell her that her f*ck-buddy needs a stern dickin.
Get a song stuck in your head
So uhhhhh yeah. Know any good pickup lines? I've got somepony I can use them on right here.
Be the upstanding gentleman you are and tell her:
Now Bonbon lets not get any funny ideas here... Lets at least get Lyra's consent first before we try anything funny and who knows she might want in on this as well.
Step 1: Ignore Bon-Bon
Step 2: Continue smoking bong
Step 3: Receive food when Lyra comes back
Step 4: Eat food
Step 5: Repeat steps 1, 2 and 4 until you lose all cognition
Aw, hell yes my comment got used. To bueno effect. This was a particularly great chapter. Great links, points for the Tengen Toppa reference (among others), possible monty python, and of course doing the dinosaur.
Trust me, brah. It's helping. It really is. Doing the dinosaur is ALWAYS best plan. Great video, btw.
Alright, time for suggestion time.
"Hey, you wanna play rock-paper-scissors? Seriously, it's a TON of fun let me just teach you how to play..."
Oh, and one more thing:
Yeah, you know those purples. Pretty fucking crazy.
2178968 Perfect response from the perfect user.
2179214 Also this is good.
Ignore Bonny. Pretend you don't notice the expression at all and wait for snacks. Hope for nachos.
Ask Bon Bon if she wants a hamburger.
Step 1: Try to find a sound system.
Step 2a: If successful, put on some kickass music.
Step 2b: If unsuccessful, wait for snacks.
Step 3a: If no kickass music can be found, break the fourth wall and magic up a kickass cd or something to that effect.
Step 3b: If kickass music is now playing, dance to it.
Step 3c: If no music was found at all, start singing your favorite song.
Step 3d: If you're terrible at singing, just hum or whistle.
Step 4a: If Bonnie dances with you, keep dancing.
Step 4b: If Bonnie does not dance, ask both her and Lyra to join you.
Step 4c: If they refuse to dance with you due to not knowing how, teach them.
Step 4d: If you are now singing, humming, or whistling, try to get Lyra and Bonnie to join in.
Step 4e: If they refuse, retreat to a corner and sob softly.
Step 5: ???
Step 6: Profit.
get naked and run through the ponyville market yelling "HELP ALIENS ARE ABDUCTING ME!!!"
You're starting to feel nervous..... when suddenly le wild plate full of cheese appears, you started to grab some cheese after that you just yelled: THROW THA CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE
Tell her in a Arnold schwarzenegger voice: DON'T DO THAT
2178855
..................................................................................oh
Sing this song.
"Lyra what are your thoughts on a threesome?"
It's pistachio time!
~Crack, Crack, Crack, Crack,
Cracking Gangnam Style!
Heeeeeeeey!
Crack your nuts now!
Crack, Crack, Crack, Crack,
Ey! Ey! Ey! Ey! Ey! Ey!~
Slap her, then proceed to stuff the bong in her face.
Then out of nowhere, yell "DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!"
And do the Gangnam Style dance.
"While Lyra is away at the kitchen, there is a knock on the door. Bon Bon gets up to and looks out the window to see who it is. Her face suddenly becomes worried and she asks you "You said that it was a purple unicorn who tried to rape you, right?" you nod your head, after a few seconds there is another knock on the door and Bon Bon speaks again "She is knocking on the door".
RAPE HER!
Close her eyes, lay her down on the couch, and sing her a lullaby. Who knows, maybe pot makes her sleepy. "Sleep tight, little one~. With baby Jesus by your side..."