Ladies, gentlemen, bronies, pegasisters, I am, with so much regret, sorry to inform you all that due to a series of unfortunate events.... that Wake up. See this. What do? is....
CANCELED FOREVER!!!!
APRIL FOOLS!!!
Lolz just kidding. I would never do that to you guys. I'm not that cruel. If I am going to make this story end, then it is going to go out WITH A BANG!!! (yes, just like that).
But yeah. Because I only have one month left until I graduate from university (WOOHOO!!!), I have a lot of projects coming up that are due at the end of the month. It is a time that my parents have always referred to as "crunch time." So yeah... I will still give regular updates, but I do reserve the right to take a day or two off if I need to in order to finish my senior projects (I have about four different ones). If nothing else is in my way however, then there will be regular daily updates.
So yeah, now that that is out of the way, lets get part 2 started.
Part 2
change you inner holmes for rocky
Theres no turning back, For this fight you will need to channel the 2 best swordsmen that have ever existed ever......
Vergil from DMC and Ryu Hyabusa from Ninja Gaiden. The epitome of swordsmen baddasery.
How about channeling your inner David Carradine?
Or maybe your inner Jason Bourne?
swithch out Sherlock homes with a Bezerker of Khorne the warp will protect you!
You switch Snake and the other guy for Sephiroth and Kratos. Due to the insane amounts of magic flowing Iinto that part of the Everfree at that particular moment in arcane meteorology, you actually begin channeling their powers.
You and Twilight are held totally speechless for about thirty seconds, completely confused.
Then Twilight generates two magic knives and the battle begins.
Unfortunately, you are in active mode right now, so you cannot switch out inner fictional characters. You have to be in passive mode in order to do that.
Remember, passive mode is when you are in a relaxed, at rest state. When you are not fighting, running, or doing anything physical. Basically, you cannot be in combat of any kind, and staring down an opponent counts as being in combat, which means active mode. So no switching out characters right now.
Activate Holmes mode: First, she must to the risky movement of getting close to her. From what we've seen of her magic, it is based on sight. First, blind her causing you moment of quick freedom. Next, send sharp blow to her horn as to deactivate the meddling of the magic. Afterward, if successful, use body wear, expand it and pin to ground and finally if done, put katana do neck to. stop any other problems.
With your inner Sherlock, you can see the bruises and scratches on her face and her panting breaths, she's recently been in a fight. Her eye is bloodshot red and she is wobbly. Only through sheer force of will and adrenaline is she standing up. She will still be tough to bring down, even at her weakest, crazy is crazy after all. With your inner Solid Snake, you thinks she looks a lot like Raiden, and that the sword she carries will be a problem...At first. Your Inner Sherlock tells you that your metal is more superior by it's color, weight, and how it's basically a light saber when compared to what you know of ninja swords from Kung Fu Films. You have a chance in this fight. You look into her eyes, and give her a smile of your own. It's just you and her, mono y mono, one of you is going down right now, and you're going to give her your all. You channel your inner Bruce Campbell as you hold out your hand as if beckoning to her as you say in the most masculine voice you can:
COME GET SOME
So.......this is it, the final fight, you Vs. the crazy psycho bitch known as twilight. Tensions are high, the air is at a mix between dry heat and misty cold, its as if this one moment is letting you see what you couldn't see before. You can see the leaves in a somewhat greater detail fluttering in the wind, you can see the breeze blowing in the air, you can see the breath that expels itself from your body......this is truly your final chance.
You decide to use your Sherlock Holmes to analyze the situation. You find that twilight is in another outfit altogether that suspiciously looks like raiden from before he went full cyborg, complete with the electric katana saber...thing. On top of that, she looks winded, as if she's been in a great amount of fights and expelled a bit too much energy, though you truly don't know if she's THAT winded, you can only hope. You then decide (even if this only gives you 5, maybe 10 seconds of reprieve to plan some maneuvers) to ask her some questions and HOPE TO ALL CHUCK NORRIS GOD that she answers them. Starting with: "why are you chasing me specifically" "what's up with that outfit of yours, couldn't pick out a more badass'er one?" "WHO WAS PHONE?!" and finally "if you're going to subdue me, at least truly answer my question in what you need me for specifically, I mean I AM sorry that I literally ripped a page from one of the books you owned, but come on. You tear me from home as I was in the middle of achieving the perfect veg out state, you try to force yourself on me for god knows what (at this point, your voice steadily rises in pitch and tone), I try to get some help and you pretty much tear that help away from me, and you never, not EVEN ONCE (until this final bit), DECIDE TO TAKE MY THOUGHTS INTO CONSIDERATION!!?!!.........unless you have a very good reason besides [im going to rape you and make babes], then I'll have to do something completely m night shyamalan-grimdark worthy" if she doesn't give you the answers you want after THIS point, then switch out your inner Sherlock Holmes for Master Chief (you'll definitely need the luck he has with situations like this....but with covenant, flood and Prometheans ) and your inner solid snake for Ryu Hayabusa
your inner sherlock tells you that the last thing that you need is to be the defensive because that happens, then you have a better chance of leaving an event horizon than getting out of this. some one like this is more than likely gonna be packing and you DO NOT want her to prepare any thing to get you.
DON'T GIVE HER A CHANCE TO ATTACK!!!!!!.
Use your inner Sherlock Holmes to deduce that the crazy-unicorn-rapist-bitch channels her magic through her horn and decide that it would be a good target to hit. A good rock should stop the magical flow or maybe the butt of the bowie knife if you get close enough. Either way, if her horn is hit hard enough, it should disrupt her magic... And because she has a horn mean she is always horny? I'm sorry, I had to throw in a pun.
That is not to say that the inner fictional characters you are currently channeling aren't useless. After all, you chose them for a reason. Just look at the badasses Solid Snake has taken down, Foxhound, the Cobra Unit (technically that was Big Boss but you still count it), his brother Liquid Snake, and Sherlock Holmes is Sherlock Holmes, nuff said.
In the short moment that you've been staring her down, your inner Sherlock Holmes gets in and begins to analyze the situation.
The first thing you notice is that clearly she has been through a recent battle. She looks like hell, to say the least. Cuts and bruises are all over her body, and you notice a pretty nasty cut on her torso right between her forelegs. It doesn't look that deep, but it's still a nasty cut, probably from a knife, couldn't have been from a tree, hence the fight. Also, the one eye that you can see that isn't covered by an eye patch is red and bloodshot and she seems a little wobbly, meaning that its probably only through sheer force of adrenaline that she's standing up.
She'll still be difficult to take down though. After all, crazy is still crazy no matter how tired it is. Plus, you're not entirely sure just how winded she really is. She could still be fine enough to take you on.
You inner Solid Snake then kicks in and you notice that she looks somewhat like Raiden from MGS2 before he became a cyborg. So pansy Raiden then.
You kick him out of your mind for a moment and go back to channeling Sherlock.
Still, your time with Snake led you to notice the sword she's carrying. Regardless of how winded she is, that sword will still be a threat, and its currently sheathed so you cannot see if it has any sort of enchantment on it. You're not entirely sure about the properties of oricalcum, but from what you've gathered, you know its stronger than most metals, so you should be okay. Just as long as you don't have to deal with any magic on the sword.
Which brings you nicely to your next point. From your time training with Lyra (you can't really call it training per se, but it did help), you've picked up a few things about how magic in this world works. Your inner Sherlock was always on, so you've seen a few things watching her and Minuette do it. First off, only unicorns can use it, since they have a horn. Which brings you to your next point, that magic seems entirely focused on the horn, which means that if it were either incapacitated or removed, then she wouldn't be able to use magic anymore.
A good blow to the horn via a rock or the butt of your knife should do the trick, the only problem would be getting that close.
Also you've never brought this up to Lyra, but you've noticed that the glow comes up when she uses magic is the same color as her eyes, it was the same with Minuette. That in turn, leads you to believe that magic must be somehow based on sight. That means that she has to see something in order to grab it with her magic.
All this leads you to one conclusion about what your battle plan should be for this fight. Do not stand still.
You cannot go on the defensive cause you don't know what she will throw at you, magic or otherwise, and since she needs to see you in order for her magic to work, then if you can avoid her then you should be fine. Basically, you do not want to give her the chance to attack. Going on the offensive would work best right now, especially since she is winded and potentially wounded and you won't get a better chance. Yet, something also tells you that simply rushing in right now is a bad idea.
Still, she hasn't attacked you yet. She's still just staring down you as much as you are her. What you fail to realize is that you made all those deductions in about a second, much like Sherlock himself would, so not much time has passed at all.
In your mind you remember Solid Snake's words to you: "YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS ME MOTHERBUCKER!!!"
Now is the time to PROVE. HIM. WRONG!!!!!
As you stare into her eye, your mind wanders for a second and suddenly you remember the words Solid Snake spoke to you when you saw him in the hind helicopter with Jesus and that dragon thing earlier (God that even sounds stupid in your head).
"YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS ME MOTHERBUCKER!!!"
Now, its time for you to prove him wrong. Suddenly, you get an idea. It's damn crazy, but it just might work. All you need to do is stall for a few moments.
Solid Snake, Discord, and Black Jesus show up in the hind to watch the epic fight.
also battle for the ages
Neither you or Twilight notice this, but up on the sky, off some distance away so that neither of you hear it, a hind helicopter suddenly shows up and stops where it is to watch what is to come.
Since neither of you pay attention, you simply keep staring down Twilight.
Now that the final battle is about to begin, it's about time we tie up a few loose ends, if only to keep readers waiting for a little while longer.
Ask her just why IS she trying to rape you?
"Why are you chasing me?" you ask her. "What the fuck do you want with me anyway?" She doesn't answer you, though you notice her smile drop as those words hit her ears. You want to ask her about her outfit, but then you remember that you really don't care right now. "Look," you continue. "If you're going to subdue me, then at least answer my question in what you need me for specifically, I mean I AM sorry that I literally ripped a page from one of the books you owned, but come on. You tear me from home while I was of sleeping, you try to force yourself on me for god knows what, I try to get some help and you pretty much tear that help away from me, and you never, not EVEN ONCE! DECIDE TO TAKE MY THOUGHTS INTO CONSIDERATION!!?!!......... Unless you have a very good reason besides 'I'm going to rape you and make babes,' then I'll have to do something completely m night shyamalan-grimdark worthy."
You see a look of confusion hit her face as she just stares back at you.
"Look," she responds after a few second. "I'm sorry about all that, but I don't have time to explain. Right now I need you." She said that last bit like she really meant it, she even stressed the word 'you' a lot. "I need you to mate with me right now. All of this world is at stake and I need you."
Just as you though, she does really need you alive. Now you know that your plan just might work. God you hope Lyra and Bon Bon aren't watching you right now, you don't think their hearts would be able to take what you are about to do.
Determine that whatever Twilight wants you for, she needs you alive. Put your knife to your own throat and tell her that, whatever it is, she better explain it to you and have it happen on your terms, or you slit your own throat, and then she'll be screwed.
...try to wait until there are enough witnesses around to make that an effective strategy before doing this.
"All right then," you say to the crazy purple unicorn. "If that's how it is." The moment those words leave your mouth, you bring up your knife and hold it at your own throat.
You see the purple unicorn's eyes go wide and a look of absolute horror come across her face as you do that.
You also notice her horn glow a little, but you press the knife closer to your throat and point your left index finger at her.
Pull your best god damned fricken emotionless face and stare at twilight.
THE GOOD
THE BAD
AND THE UGLY STYLE!
"No!" you say to her as you notice the glow in her horn die down. "No magic. No magic, no sudden moves of any kind. If you move from that spot, I swear to god I'll do it." You watch as the horror on her face increases. "Don't think I won't." You say to her as you press the knife closer, but not by much. As you are doing this you put on your best god damned fricken emotionless face. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly style. It's too bad you're not channeling Clint Eastwood right now, he could really make this work better. Still, you do a good job.
"PLEASE DON'T!" She screams at you. It appears to be working. "PLEASE DON'T DO IT! I NEED YOU TO BE ALIVE SO YOU CAN MATE WITH ME! ALL OF EQUES-" She's about to scream some more, but you simply hold up your hand and shut her up. She stops talking and shuts up the moment she sees it.
"If you're going to take me away," you say to her with all seriousness as you begin to slowly walk towards her. "Then it's going to be on my terms." You watch as Twilight simply stands there in a horrified silence as you walk towards her. You're almost up close to her. "How about it Twilight?" you say to her in the most masculine and serious voice you can possibly muster up. As you say that, you close the distance between you and are now standing in front of her. "Well, what's it gonna be Twilight?" you say. "What's it gonna be Twilight? What's it gonna F***ING BE!!!???"
"Uhh.... I... Uhh..." are the only words that come out of her mouth. You have to admit you're quite surprised, you've legitimately managed to terrify her right now.
Then you see her blink.
channel holmes
kick up a dust cloud to blind her
then kick her forelegs knocking her down
she will fire a spell
dodge or prary it away
then she'll take a swipe with her katana
block it, then switch snake for captin falcon
and
FALCON PUUUUUNNCH!!!!!!
Now is your chance! You channel both Solid Snake and Sherlock Holmes for this (yes, you can channel the two at once), you're going to need them. With the distance between you closed, you kick up a dust cloud and knock some right in Twilight's eyes.
"AHH!!!" she screams aloud as she doubles back a bit. Now is your real chance.
You quickly move forward, take your knife away from your throat and knock Twilight right in her horn with the butt of it.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Twilight screams even louder this time. You're guessing that must have really hurt, she's screaming about as much as you would if you got hit in the groin. A unicorn's horn must be sensitive somehow. You make a note of that for future reference.
Still, you're not about to stop now. You quickly get low and swing your legs under her. With her forehooves at her eyes and her horn, you kick her rear legs, knocking her down to the ground.
You get back up and move away just as Twilight hits the ground. You look down at her as she lays there. She's on the ground writhing in pain. You can't believe it, you've done it. You've incapacitated Twilight. Still, you're not done yet, and you don't want to guess how long she'll be laying there.
Human: Throw rocks at her from behind cover.
Hit Twilight's horn to temporarily disable her magic.
Climb up a tree to hide, wait for Twilight to pass under you, then jump down onto her back and restrain her.
You quickly bend down and grab a rock at your feet. You'll need it in case she gets back up again so you can throw it at your horn.
You then notice her start to get back up. You quickly pull your arm back to throw the rock at her. You then plan to duck behind one of the nearby trees and keep this up. One she's down, you can take it from there.
Right as you are about to throw the rock however, something... well unexpected happens.
"NOW!!!" A voice you don't quite recognize suddenly shouts. Suddenly, as it from all the corners of the forest, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, the pink pony from the bakery, and Fluttershy all jump out and tackle Twilight back to the ground.
"NO NO NO!!! LET ME GO!!!" Twilight yells at all of them as she opens back up her eyes. You then see her horn start to glow again. You contemplate throwing the rock.
Right before she can do anything with her magic however, a small... incredibly small... lizard... thing. It's about half the size of the ponies, and you're not sure why but you're going to assume its a dragon. Anyway, it jumps on Twilight's back and grabs her by her neck with its left arm. Yes, it had arms, and hands.
The dragon then pulled out a rather long wooden box, tore the top off of it and threw it aside. He then pulled a long, black, cone like thing with what you guess are some sort of grey runes etched into it. Either way, he slammed the thing down on Twilight's horn and wrapped some kind of strap around her head to go with it.
"SPIKE!!!" Twilight shouted at the little dragon as he did this. "STOP IT RIGHT-"
"Now Rarity!" The little dragon yelled as it jumped off Twilight's back. The dragon's voice is the same as the one you heard shout earlier.
Then suddenly, Twilight is enveloped in a blue glow. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, the pink pony, and Fluttershy all get off of her as she is. Then suddenly, Twilight is lifted into the air as a straight jacket floats in from out of nowhere right in front of her. Twilight doesn't appear to be fighting back, so you're guess that that black cone thing on her horn must somehow prevent her from using magic.
"NO!! STOP ALL OF YOU!!! I NEED TO-" she keeps screaming, but for now you choose to ignore it. The straight jacket then forces itself onto Twilight and wraps her up seemingly on its own. You then look to your right to notice Rarity walking on the scene, her horn glowing the same blue she always had. Once Twilight seems to have been securely fastened in the straight jacket, the blue glow around both her and it disappears and she falls back to the ground.
"NO!! LET ME-" She starts thrashing around on the ground for a few moments before Applejack and Fluttershy get back on top of her and pin her to the ground. You then watch somewhat horrified as Fluttershy holds a ten inch knife to Twilight's throat.
"Don't even think about it sugarcube," Applejack says to Twilight as she keeps her to the ground.
Time to act casual..
At this point you're kind of confused. You let the rock fall from your hands as you just stand there casually. Your knife is still in your other hand though.
You're not quite sure how you should feel right now. Part of you wants to thank all of these ponies tremendously for showing up when they did, but another part of you wants to walk up to them and scream "Yo what the fuck! I was gonna kick her ass in an epic battle! What do you think all that buildup was for!?"
You don't really want to go back into the cave either. Doing so would seem pointless after all you went through mentally just to make yourself come out here.
What do you do?
Approach Applejack - the only one of the group that hasn't put the moves on you yet - and ask for a calm, rational explanation for all of this. Keep the knife in hand, though, just in case the heat spell is still active and they all suddenly become overcome by the urge to gangbang you.
Ask twilight whats up.
Twirl and then sheathe your knife like a G, then walk over to the group for a proper explanation on this situation.
Wait a second! those other mares are still after you!
Fluttershy and Rarity because they want you, Applejack because she is probably still angry at you for earlier!
With all of this realisation sweeping you all of your personas are replaced by paranoia and you do the only thing you can at the moment....
you collapse on your arse and slowly back away mumbling incoherently to yourself.
Epic Victory Dance!
You start to recognize everyone around twilight, There's applejack and rainbowdash and... rarity... and... fluttershy.......
welp, this is awkwards. Play it cool. Play it cool.
You start chuckling.
All this runing, training, fear of being raped by little purple pony. when the epic fight is about to begin some god damn dragon and group of ponies comes out of nowhere and take her down.
Your chuckling has transformed to full laugh. all the ponies are watching you in concern except the pink one is laughing with you.
They took her down, but not because they wanted to save you. they want you just like Twilight.
Your laughing stops and paranoia sets in.
Next they are going to put you in straight jacket and then-.
You can feel cold sweat starting to drip.
"Hey are ya all right? did she hurt ya?"
You didn't notice, but Applejack had come near you. When you notice her being so close, your eyes widen and small scream leaves your mouth.
"stay back! all of you! I'm not going to get raped! not today, not ever!"
All of them stop and look at you with wide eyes.
Now they are distracted
You start running towarads the way they came.
So what you don't want to go back into the cave! Go anyways. Even if it's only to say to you ONLY pony-friends that it's safe outside. Besides, if there going to be explanation the have the right to also know what's going in.
Big Brawl of Harmony, Commence!
"I want him!"
"No, I want him"
Repeat as needed.
Human runs away to hide... there are now SIX mares after him!!
FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-
Do a barrel roll in the air that makes Rainbow Dash envious and then ask them what the fuck is going on here and how do you get home.
You spot the parked hind helicopter, go up to it, tell black jesus that your converting because christianity isnt ganster anymore and budha is way cooler (you mainly say this cause the basterd did not bother to help one bit). Do rude hand gestures to snake while telling him to suck it AND THAT YOU ARE BETTER THEN HIM! Then you notice a... you point at what ever the hell that is while screaming "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? IS THAT A CHIMERA? HOLY SHIT! IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PLAYED MISTER POTATOE WITH A BUCH OF BODY PARTS FROM THE MORGE!?!"
Since you are now in passive mode, channel your inner Daemon Prince and prepare to fight should the spell still be active.
"Now, then, Twilight. Explain."
You thank them for the help, even though you didn't really need it, hell even they think you're pretty bad ass for how you took Twilight down, but they didn't want you to kill her so they intervened. After muttering your thanks, you still remain apprehensive as they walk towards you, so you tell Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash to back the fuck up and keep their distance by holding your knife up and pointing it at them and you only let Applejack and the Dragon come any further since they haven't tried to rape you. You call out to the Lyra, Bon Bon and the others in the cave that it's over, and it's safe to come out, you then speak with Applejack and the Dragon. You thank them again and explain your apprehension about the others. They understand and as your cave allies come out and observe the scene before them, you point your knife at Twilight and ask the most important question that can be asked at that moment.
"What are we gonna do about her?"
Spike will say in a sympathetic sorrowful voice about getting her some help, professional help. Spike will be trying to hold back tears at this point. You then feel bad for the little guy, he obviously cares about Twilight a lot.
Do the dinosaur in victory while singing your thanks to the ponies.
Oh look... it's every single pony in the world who has tried to rape me so far, amassed into a well armed hunting party. Time to split!
You act casual and say "Great now... pause for affect... WHAT IN THE NAME OF A GREEK GOD ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME NOW!!!"
Channel your inner CHUCK NORRIS and roundhouse kick EVERYONE or everypony
You decide to go up to them and thank them and ask for an explanation when suddenly......(you don't have to do this part but if you could it would be EPICCCCC)...Twilights horn glows and you get hit with a ray! The world is growing around you... OH NO! You realize the world isn't growing' Your shrinking! You are now 4 inches tall! GIANT PONYS AHHHHH! ( if you can't add this in please tell why...if you want to that is. KTHX
Stay hidden for now as the heat spell is still in effect and you don't want to deal with that right now, instead just watch as the others handle the crazed mare.
Fuck this shit, run away to your pony-lesbian-friends before another crazy mare try to rape you!
Ok, before you make ANY rash decisions, call forth your inner sherlock holmes to analyze what the fuck just happened and total up everything that has happened when you got to the cave and afterwards, also counting what happened WHILE you were here. (at this point, in your mind some music you recognize from the Ace Attorney series starts playing [that one bit of music that always plays during a trial, not that OBJECTION bit music, but....I forgot what it was called])
you were in a cave, getting some help from your cave buddies when you ended up coming to a startling realization and had an emotional breakdown, you then recover from said breakdown and walk out to confront twilight liek a baws. You then try another attempt to coerce some information out of her pertaining WHY she needed you exactly besides "equestria is in danger, I NEED you, lets maek the secks", but "Le Gasp!?" she doesn't give diddly shit. You then decide to threaten her with your suicide and apparently that did the trick, because since she needs you for whatever, you're no good to her dead. When a Deus Ex Machina from the heavens themselves appears in the form of the ponies you met and tried getting help from (with the exception of applejack when you wrecked her apple stand) successfully restraining twilight, using an object that has bound her magic, put her in a straight-jacket (though you think she needs 3 more on top of the one she's in, crazy ass ho), and fluttershy putting a knife to HER throat, effectively making her still. you decide to still keep your guard up and your weapon on hand just in-case the ponies you tried getting help from start to "turn", while asking them "ok, I don't know how the hell you managed to find me, and even how you did what I couldn't but.....thanks *insert slight sag of the body*. I guess I should also tell you, that she put a heat spell on me, which explains why when I tried getting help from you ponies and you sniffing me made you go....crazy, but now, its time for me to get some answers"
You end up walking cautiously slow towards the bound form of twilight, making sure she's in no position to move or use her horn, and ever so slowly, you put the tip of the knife at the base of her horn (or at a part of her skull which is good enough to get your point across) (and also at the time you talk, your voice starts to shift ever so slightly towards the menacing seriousness of solid snake) and then say "I've been running from you only because you tried chasing me and raping me, you put a heat spell on me, hampering my chance of getting help to get away from you, you have caused me SO much grief, so much fear, and even bits of pain here and there, and for what, a threat which you deem un-necessary to explain and don't even think of explaining? I don't care about your opinions on why you didn't explain, and im at a point where im tired of the SHIT you've been causing me, so i'm going to give you an ultimatum that you have no choice to accept: Tell me, tell everypony here, WHAT and WHY you NEED me exactly for right god damn now (have your knife dig a teeny bit into whatever body part its pointed to, but make sure its not lethal but a "getting my point across" seriousness), or despite whatever these ponies or dragon included can do to me this close, I....will *cue seriously menacing voice* end you." *end creep voice*
Well, channel your inner
Atem"Yami" and challenge Twilight to a children's card game. A SHADOW CHILDREN'S CARD GAME.Just incase she breaks free get ready to do this:[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BGCMfprPJoA]
It's that other crazy unicorn so run for the hills.
Do the most sensible thing possible. Walk up to them, inhale deeply and then calmly tell them "EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"
Go North
Charge your ki... just in case.
*Walks up to the group*
Human: Now will somebody that's not crazy tell me what the hell is going on here already?!
just casually say
well... that happened
Solid Snake pops out of the Hind Helicopter where he watched the whole fight and yells down to you: "YOUR STILL NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS COOL AS ME!!!" He then ducks down inside the helicopter and it takes off again. At least he didn't throw any rude hand gestures at you this time.
Kill everyone
Ask "Just what the fuck is going on? I was about to go apeshit and beat her ass until you five showed up and restrained her! What the Fuck!?"
WHATS GOING OOOOOOON!!!!!
Yell as loud as you can: "Told you I'm a Badass Snake, I was so going to win this fight."
you pause as you look toward the ponies holding down twilight then back to the sky as you continue to yell:" at least until this happened!"
...
Maybe NOW I can use my falcon punch to beat the shit out of twillight....... Yeah! I'll do that!
A thought pops into your head, ask Rarity if she has your suit. After your break down in the cave and the somewhat anti-clamatic fight, you're eager to start feeling like a Boss again, and the swag suit is just what the doctor ordered.
At this point, I notice that we basically have the capacity for two inner character spirits we can channel. Logically, it follows that we should switch out the ones we have for maximum utility. With the consideration that we'll need both combat and mental ability, as well as the ability to be sneaky because we're not good in combat, our options are restricted. Ideally, we'd add a more combat-inclined character to the ones we have, but we don't have room for another.
With that in mind, I would suggest we switch out Solid Snake (MGS) with Ender (Ender's Game). Ender is a skilled strategist and tactician who isn't afraid to fight dirty, and he has the similar handicap to ours in not being in peak physical condition, leading his advice to be more beneficial than that of the genetically cloned... Hold on, SPOILER ALERT! All right, than that of the genetically cloned super-soldier with the recessive genes of Big Boss himself. (Also of note: That's scientifically bullshit, but we can get back to that later.)
If Ender is not an option, refer to some other comment.
Ender also fulfills our need for analytical thinking, but not quite how Sherlock would do it. With that in mind, I'd like to switch out Sherlock's opium-fueled detailed analysis for Batman's detective work and added combat prowess.
A combination of these two is the optimal choice, seeing as we have a combination of tactical, analytical, and physical abilities.
However! If the abilities of inner spirits are actually channeled as well, let's go for the most overpowered intelligent characters we can think of, eh? In such a case, we would be better off with a level 20 DnD Muscle Wizard and a high-powered Space Marine from Warhammer 40k.
With that over with (and half of your day eaten up in reading this), I believe it is time for us to move on. In other words, actions.
If my suggestions for switched out inner spirits have become canon:
Channeling my inner Batman, I analyze his experience fighting thugs with knives, picking out the most effective methods of using one in a fight. Committing that to memory, I learn that in a knife fight your ideal stance is almost fully crouched, knife hand at your hip and off hand in front of your face. The off hand is used to distract the opponent, and the knife is used as a follow-up to stab your opponent. Once you've gotten one good stab in, keep stabbing until your opponent is dead.
If my suggestions for switched out inner spirits have not become canon:
Channeling my inner Solid Snake, I ask him for a crash-course in CQC. I remember from playing MGS3 that it's not only very effective, but also incorporates a knife. I remember from MGS4 that Solid Snake absolutely knows everything there is to know about it. From Snake, I learn that the knife is used primarily as support for restraining an opponent and then choking them to death. One of the most important advantages you need is that the opponent should not know you're there, so ideally you'd sneak up on them from behind, grab them in a choke hold, and either let them fall unconscious from lack of air or perforate their oxygen intake with the knife.
If this is somehow not possible, I meta the knowledge into our character. If someone asks, the response is: Magic! *snarf snarf*
Can now someone/pony whatever tell me why this crazy pony have hunted me like a animal!?
Step 1.) Deep breath in, and out, and loss of tension in shoulders.
Step 2.) Say the following, from a safe distance, "I don't know how you all found us, but thanks for the help. Just a word of warning, found out Twilight cast a heat spell on me, so I'd advise mares to keep their distance until it's run it's course. That said, I don't know about you, but I'd love to, maybe, rest in a proper hotel room until I can get back home."
Step 3.) Looks over to Twilight, eyes darkened with stress and suppressed fear. "I don't know what your problem is, and at this point I don't care. You say your world is in danger? Well guess what, you're stuck with it in danger. Due to your attempts to rape me, your inability to take 10 freaking minutes to either explain the hell is going on, or better yet send me back and try for a different guy, you wasted two whole days that you could 'save your world' with!" (Air quotes used on the last bits.) "As such, guess what? I don't care, couldn't give less of a damn about the why's anymore. All I want, is to go home, and sleep this whole thing off like a bad hangover. I've met some cool peo-er ponies, since I got here. Majority of them have been helpful, and some downright awesome. But for all the stress, the fear, and now the mind-numbing rage? Not worth it, and you can take all the blame for this, Twilight, right? All. Your. FAULT!!"
Step 4.) Watch as cold-hard logic finally creeps back into Twilight's mind and she looses her shit so completely it burns into your retinas forever. Incoherent screaming, sobs with tears aplenty, apologies and snippets of a 'Celestia' are hardly distinguishable. However, you are too far gone to care, and turn back to the cave, deciding to bake a bit more before bed.
Step 5.) Smoke inside the cave, (What the rest of the ponies and lizard dude do is no longer your concern) and the get some sleep. Sort the rest of this out in the morning, as now you are safe with your Lesbian pony friends.
Step 6.) ???
Step 7.) Profit
Run away! You may have escaped raping by twilight, but all of those mares are vulnerable to the spell twilight put on you. You can't risk them raping you!
Yah, ask for an answer on why she tried to rape you.
Get Lyra and her friends from the cave then head to ponyville once there get the unicorns to open a portal back to earth
Channel batman, he's Sherlock homes and Solid snake, but better, and he's batman, the. Channel hulk, and smash everything
2359184i agree wit him
From Twilights pespective: One of her best friends was holding a ten inch knife at her throat,others were pinning her down,all for what?!She is trying to save Equestria, for Celestia's sake!And that heat spell causes twilight to want to mate even after it wore off (Rarity being proof that the heat spell starts lust,and once it starts,it doesn't stop) effectively crushing her desires.On top of all that she has became insane from all this reluctancy.If Twilight had gotten her way she could have then wiped the human's memories of that event, and none of this peril would have to ensue.This just makes me bitter about the resolve of this chapter, seeing as how poorly she was treated because she attempted to (harmlessly, because even if she couldn't memory wipe,she could just say "You have been dreaming" as she sent the human back) save Equestria with no harm done to anyone/pony.
You pull out a bag of popcorn from nowhere and start eating it as you watch what happens.