So you figure why just you take a walk, you know save some energy, calm down a bit, possibly find a bush to go meditate in. As you are walking you notice that there are no ponies around... ok... you keep walk till somehow you end up in a alleyway somehow. You decide to sit in the alleyway for no good reason. You go to rest your head on a wall but... you fall through the wall. OK its now a illusion wall. You take a look around and notice it looks like a safe house, with your normal supplies such as: Water, Food... climbing gear? There are also some nice beds to that you would fit in. But something else catches your eye.
Stop running and think you need a damn safe house! Besides you can't outrun them forever and you need to sleep! You need to infiltrate a home most specifically heading toward the dark alley way behind you with the idea that walking the pony filled streets will only get you caught. After walking for a bit you find a box only to find the mother load of hiding places a hole leading to the towns sewers.
After reaching a good distance from that place you decide to take a small stop, you look around to make sure nobody is there, after quickly thanking the greek gods your inner soldier kicks in, you grind your teeth and go forward, you walk down your path turning with determination whenever your heart told you it was right, a left, a right, another right, another house NO you didn't stop, you didn't even slow down, you walk right into a corner and as you were a step away you see it! An amazing box with your name on it, as you open it you find a nice looking suit.... well... at least you will look cool in it.
Okay, you've been running for too damn long. As you run back through the streets of the town you notice several dark alleys. You figure ducking into one of them and collecting yourself would be the best idea for now. There don't appear to be that many ponies out today but even still, with your appearance its only a matter of time before someone notices you.
You look around and notice an alleyway with several large boxes stacked up between two of the buildings (they just look like regular buildings, none you recognize). If only you could get over them.
Well if you're trying to escape you're gonna have to at one time perform parkour, ray would be disappointed if you didn't.
JUMP!!!
You skid yourself to a half right as you reach them, then turn and run towards them. You don't stop, you won't stop. Suddenly! Your inner Solid Snake and Alex Louise Armstrong return and you vault over the boxes (turns out they weren't that high) like an Olympic athlete (you really just look like a regular guy who jumped over some boxes, but you feel like an Olympic athlete right now. God you feel badass) and duck behind them.
You press yourself back against the boxes and wait a few moments to see if you're clear. When all you get is silence, you finally relax and slouch down against the boxes. Luckily, the two boxes you jumped over are large enough to hide you as long as you stay seated. You take a moment to catch your breath and thank the Greek Gods for helping you out back there. You seriously didn't think that would work out, not with your luck anyway. After that's done, you start to think about what to do. You can't just run randomly throughout town like this. You need a plan.
Step One: Grab a pony.
Step Two: Put him/her on your head.
Step Three: Claim you have a hostage and you'll let him/her go if you get a ride as far away from Ponyville as possible.
Step Four: LEAVE!!!!
As you run, you find a train getting ready for departure. Seeing the way out of this crazy town, you channel your Inner Flash and run towards the train as it moves, and barely manage to get on as it goes full steam ahead!
"Try and get me now, you fing crazy ponies!"
Okay, that is an idea, but you don't really think you can pull it off. Not cause you're not stronger than these ponies oh no, but because these ponies have shown themselves to be batshit insane. If you try that there's no telling whether one will try and take you down on the stop.
Besides, you're not entirely sure you want to leave this town. If you do you might loose all hope of ever returning home.
Run for the reflecting pool and make the most badass clone army, that even the emperor would be jealous of
You have no idea what the reflecting pool even is (plus it was blocked off by a rock so there's no way you can find it) so that isn't an option. Even if you did know what it was, you're not entirely sure that would be a good idea.
Wait a fucking second.... didn't that pony just drive through that wall with a motorcycle? You get your ass back there and steal that nigga's bike. It may be immoral but its either that or run through the street filled with potential rapists
That is an idea, but you're not going back there, not under any circumstances. Plus, that bike looked a little too small for you.
channel your inner Daryl Dixon you now feel like the greatest redneck ever an survie... you will survie you will not be defeated by pony's you now to the wood were you will be safe.
Summon your inner Aleksandr Pistoletov and do the dongcopter.
Unfortunately, you can only channel two inner fictional characters at any given time, and currently you're channeling both Solid Snake and Alex Louis Armstrong as your inner fictional characters and you can't have a third.
You can however, switch one of those up for either Daryl Dixon or Aleksandr Pistoletov at any point when you're not in active mode (running, working, fighting, anything that requires you to actually do some physical action on your part) and in passive mode instead (when you finally get a moment to relax and not do anything).
Basically what this means is that you can switch out any fictional characters when you're not in combat, running, or in the middle or something.
You suppose you could switch one of them out now, but you're not sure if you really want to just yet. You'll keep that in mind though for later. Plus, you definitely don't want to give up your inner Solid Snake, you still kind of need him at the moment. Especially for when that hind helicopter returns.
Run towards the forest near sweet apple acers...
Or maybe not if all those crazy ponies are there.
That is an idea, Applejack and Big Macintosh might be able to help you out (hopefully), but more than likely Twilight probably already knows you're over there by now, so for now you wanna stay away from that place, at least for the time being.
Run to Lyra and Bon Bon's house. If they aren't there, run to the hospital. Once you find them, have them press charges against Twilight and Applejack for 'Breaking and Entering,' 'Vandalism,' and 'Assault with a Deadly Weapon (Katana).' Even if you aren't protected under Pony law, surely you will be protected as a witness.
Once Twilight is in prison, you have about half a day to start running from Ponyville before Princess Celery bails Twilight out.
You aren't very fast, so you must ride Lyra off into the sunset.
Freedom! Freedom at last! Now is the time to do something you've been putting off for far too long: FIND LYRA AND BON-BON! However, since you have no idea how to navigate this crazy pony town, you stand still for a moment, contemplating which way to go. Suddenly, you hear a surprised voice with a rather thick English accent say "well I'll be." You turn around to see a brown stallion with a picture of an hourglass on his flank wearing a tie. He has a rather mischievous glint in his eyes.
...Uh oh.
You look around. hey... wait a minute... your back where you started. Well, while your here you should at least check it lyra, bon bon, and rarity are alright. Though be careful around rarity... she did save you, but we don't want her to almost rape you like last time.
Since you are back in town, it may be a good idea to seek out Lyra and Bon Bon for help and protection. You may also want to consider recruiting Applejack and Big Mac since you believe they aren't interested in bringing you to Twilight. You don't really have a lot of options at this point.
Suddenly, your mind drifts back to Lyra and Bon Bon, you've been worrying about them this whole time. Though, as that though pops into your head, you suddenly realize something.
You peek back up over the boxes to see where you are real quick. You've seen this area before, you've been through here when Twilight was chasing you the first time. For the first time in a while you actually know where you are.
You decide right there to head back to Lyra and Bon Bon's place, you should know how to get to it from here. You've been meaning to see if they're okay for quite a while now, and plus they might be able to help you. Hell, aside from Applejack and Big Macintosh who put you into forced labor (though with a good reason you might add) they are the really the only ponies that helped you out at all since you got here.
You look over to the left, you don't see any ponies. Then to the right, you don't see any ponies there either. Then you look back to the left just to be safe, still no ponies.
With the coast clear, you jump back over the boxes and begin to make your way through the town again, this time with a destination in mind.
It doesn't take you long at all to make your way back to Lyra and Bon Bon's house. You remembered the way well enough. Plus, you inner Solid Snake helped out with sneaking through town, you weren't spotted by any ponies. Not that you are aware of at least, and best of all, you haven't seen Twilight yet.
You're directly across the street from Lyra's house in the same alley you were before. Shame that box isn't here anymore, you could have used it to sneak over. You check the street and don't see any ponies. With the coast clear, you dash across the street to Lyra's front door.
Once you're there, you throw open the front door (knowing it would be unlocked) and throw yourself inside. Yeah that's kind of rude, but you figure Lyra and Bon Bon would understand, especially since they know what you're going through.
You throw yourself inside, then slam the door behind you and lock it. You don't want any ponies following you in here.
"Lyra, Bon Bon!" You call out, you don't receive an answer. "Lyra!" you call out again as you walk into the house. Silence remains. "Bon Bon..." Still no answer.
You look around most of the house, but don't find them anywhere. You figure they must be out, you're not sure why, but you're sure there's a good reason. Hell, they must have jobs of some kind to live in a house as nice as this. You also notice that most of the damages that were made by Twilight and Applejack have been fixed, miraculously enough.
After your failed attempt to search the house, you remember Lyra's basement (the one you first did the dinosaur in) and head down there. You should be able to hide there at least for a while.
You throw open the door to the basement and head down. You don't notice anything out of the ordinary at first, but eventually, something catches your eye, a loose floorboard that's sticking up a little.
You let your curiosity get the better of you, and you walk over and remove the floorboard from where it is. Underneath, you find something that looks like its wrapped in paper.
Cautiously, you take it out, and unwrap the paper from it.
Ask if anypony has a compass. Acquire compass. GO. THE. BUCK. NORTH.
Inside, you find a compass.
There's also a note inside, which you unfold and read.
"Dear *insert human's name here
We knew you'd come back here, and I knew you'd find this place. Only something with hands would have been able to move this floorboard as easily as you could. Bon Bon thinks that's not true, but what does she know about humans eh :D. Anyway, we just want to let you know that we are perfectly fine, don't worry about us.
We're actually working on a plan right now to get you out of this mess. I know right. Awesome isn't it.
Anyway, before we can go ahead with this plan we need to get you somewhere safe. Since we likely won't be here when you come back, and since Twilight will probably know by this time that we tried to help you, we need you to move somewhere else. Somewhere safe.
Bon Bon thinks this might be a long shot, but we need you to make your way towards the forest to the southeast. Since you probably don't know which direction southeast is, don't worry, that's why we gave you the compass. Once you get to the forest, don't worry, we'll take it from there. For now, just get there, and try to avoid being seen if you can.
Good Luck
Lyra and Bon Bon
P.S. There's more where that came from if you make it. If you know what I mean. :D"
You almost feel your heart swell with joy as you read that. They're okay. They're really okay. Not only that, but they have a plan. A plan to get you out of here. You day just instantly got a whole lot better.
So, to the southeast it is then. You put the compass and the note in your pocket and head back upstairs. You're not about to stay here. You strangely enough have an instinct to go north, but you ignore it for now. If Lyra and Bon Bon have a plan you might as well follow it. You don't have any better ideas at the moment.
Run towards the forest and hope the Greek gods give you a break
Headi in the same general direction you see the least amount of buildings. Gotta get out of the town sometime, right?
So, head in whatever direction (NOT north because you have NO BUCKING IDEA where north or any other direction is!)
while evading any rapists, hind helicopters, ghosts, basements in which to dinosaur, ponies in general, etc.
Eventually find yourself on the edge of a seemingly pony rapis-free forest...
Begin to make your way through the town towards a looming forest in the distance. On your way, pray to the Greek Gods, expose Solid Snake in his cardboard box again and narrowly avoid being kidnapped by Twilight!
Keep running until you find a forest, when finding said forest, go in it and if you come across any ponies that are not Bon Bon or Lyra, GET THE F AWAY FROM THEM!
Run down the street at a speed which would put Sonic the Hedgehog to shame
You run outside of the house into the alleyway on the other side of the street again. Once there, you take out the compass and determine which way southeast is. Once you have it, you quickly pray to the greek gods again for luck, then leave the alleyway and start running again.
You run through the town as quickly as you can. You don't quite put Sonic the Hedgehog to shame, but you do make good time. You also make sure to keep yourself hidden. Your inner Solid Snake is really helping you here, and hardly any ponies see you as you dart between the alleyways and corners at lightning quick speeds.
Oddly enough, you don't see any sight of Snake or the hind helicopter on your way to the edge of town, but you don't give it any mind for now. They're not important, not now anyway. You also don't find any cardboard boxes either, strangely enough.
After about thirty minutes or so of sneaking through town, you're finally find yourself on the path to the forest. Without hesitation you run down the pathway towards it. Nothing is gonna stop you now.
"as you enter the forest, a giant bear appears, and it is NOT happy. You then faint like a true man. You then awake in a room on a couch not tied up with a yellow Pegasus sitting in a chair across from you."
Nothing of course, except a giant bear that leaps out of nowhere and roars at you. Clearly, it is NOT happy.
Whatever happened next, you're not sure, as everything suddenly went black, but you are definitely sure that YOU DID NOT faint. No sir, you are a bawller boss, and bawller bosses do not faint. No, you definitely did not faint.
As you come to though, you find yourself laying on the couch in another house somewhere. Thankfully, you do not appear to be tied up this time. As your eyes begin to clear, you notice a butter yellow pegasus with a long, pink mane sitting in a chair across from you at a coffee table sipping a cup of tea.
Once she sees that you're awake, she looks right at you.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile back at Sugarcube Corner-
The sounds of slurping filled the air in one of the rooms on the second floor of the bakery.
"MMMmmmm.... Oh yeah," Braeburn said, the expression on his face one of absolute bliss.
"*Slurp slurp..." were the only sounds that came from Pinkie Pie.
"Oh yeah Pinkie, you're so good at that."
"*Slurp slurp..."
"Mmm.... Ah.... Oh yeah..." Braeburn said in between moans of pleasure.
"*Slurp slurp..."
"Oh yeah... These are some mighty fine cupcakes Pinkie Pie," Braeburn said as he finished chewing on the cupcake he was eating.
"I know right," Pinkie Pie said as she finished sucking the frosting off of the tops of one of them. Why she was doing that, Braeburn had no idea, but since it was Pinkie Pie was involved, he figured it would be better if he didn't ask questions. "I've been working on this new recipe for the longest time and I finally got it juuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssssstttttttt right." As she finished that sentence she took grabbed another cupcake and began to suck the frosting off the top of it again. "*Slurp slurp... I'm glad you like them," she said with a cheerful smile after she finished with that cupcake.
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"Oh, hi commenters. Since you're here, remember to if you haven't already, be sure to respond to Razor's most recent blog post here and help him..."
Pinkie, why are you advertising my blog posts?
"Are you complaining Razor?"
Well, no, but... I just didn't think you'd do that for me.
"*giggle. Why wouldn't I silly. I like making ponies, and people too now that I think about but really..."
Uhh, Pinkie...
"What, oh right. I like making ponies and people happy, and your videos make people happy, so if I thought that if I help you with your video then you'll be able to make people happy and then I'll make enough people happy to fill the whole world with laughter. And then I'll fill it with cupcakes and banana bread."
You do know what that blog post is about right Pinkie?
"Oh of course you silly Reely? *giggle."
Right.... Anyway, yeah click on the link to my blog post that Pinkie here just provided you with. I need material for a new video I'm planning on making for my dramatic reading channel and yeah, I need your help to come up with it. As far as exactly what I'm looking for, you'll see what it is when you get there. All help is appreciated.
"And all cinnamon is appreciated."
*sigh. I suppose I should be thanking you Pinkie.
"Ah don't worry Razor. Its all in a day's work for me. *giggle,"
Yeah, anyway, check out the blog and I'll see you next chapter, where hopefully the fourth wall will be secured.
"Bye commenters! *waves hoof* Have fun with Fluttershy! Give her some good ones!!!"
"Ah'll right Ah have to ask Pinkie Pie. What is in these DELICIOUS Cupcakes!!!"
"*giggles... Oh Braeburn, you see I..."
SCREEEEEEEAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKHHHHHHHHH
We apologize ladies and gentlemen but the feed into this story has suddenly been cut by an unknown source. We are working on fixing this and should be back online by tomorrow. We apologize for the inconvenience.
Fluttershy: Be Narylohtep.
Well you have nothing better to do so go ask if you can have some tea in the peace with the Pegasus.
And hope to god she isn't insane in the membrane. And remember never ask for a staring contest with her.
If she seems to work for Twilight, Boop her on the nose and run.
So, being in a passive situation, you decide to switch your inner Alex Louise Armstrong for your inner Vash the Stampede. Upon doing so you realize just how adorable this Pegasus is. You then proceed to hug her like a teddy bear.
Glomp HER! Pin that feeble pony to the ground and DEMAND that she give you your Batmobile back before Mr.T has a fit!
1, be silent and look at her.
2. clear your throat.
3. scream like littl- i mean big man.
4. flip the table
5. jump out of the window
6. ???
7. Take over the world
Sing her a bedtime story to make her to go sleep. A.K.A. beat her with an electric guitar that is conveniently right by the couch until unconscious.
Before continuing check whether you have diabetes cause I have the feeling we soon will get it.
Holy hay we can switch out inner-fictional characters? This changes everything!
I would say swap out your inner Alexander Louis Armstrong for Barney Stinson, surely then you'd be able to talk yourself out of this situation! Oh, but your suit is back at Rarity's... you really need to go get that at some point, how else will you channel your inner Barney Stinson?
Oh well.
Time to put those acting lessons you took back in junior high to good use! Put on the most soul crushingly sad yet resigned to your fate face you can, and in a meek voice ask the yellow pegasus if she plans on hurting you, or giving you to Twilight who will surely hurt you.
If she says she's not, then quickly explain the situation to her, warning her not to smell you because your scent apparently affects ponies in weird ways.
Oh, you should probably introduce yourself at some point too... assuming she's not trying to rape you that is.
A pissed off white Bunny slaps you in the face and starts tapping his foot. You feel emasculated because that really hurt, he packs a punch for a Rabbit. Bring your hand up to pimp slap him across the room to gain your cred back but get stopped by Fluttershy who scolds the bunny and apologizes to you profusely.
Whip yur dick out and slap ponies with it.
Afterwards, find an elementary school and run inside.
Jack off on all of the children.
When you open your eyes the yellow Pegasus stairs at you intently with a little creepy smile on her face.
................. "Oh god, not another one"
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/316/089/b99.jpg
You stare at this pegasus and think "omg, if she's anything like the others, I. am SO BONED!!". But the minute you start staring into her eyes, you feel something from her. She doesn't look like the others you've encountered so far, she looks too.....timid, or peaceful, like a pacifist. Seeing that she doesn't have a single hint of lust or malice around her, she may be one of the few that can help you. Ask her what is her name, where are you right now, and if she can help you with the problem seemingly any female that smells you ends up trying to rape you, and the fact that twilight is trying to rape you. Perhaps she has something to change your scent to something more your alley, and if not, then ask if she knows of ANYPONY else that can help, there has to be somepony or even someone that can help.
Unrelated comment from the nonexistent realm:
Yeah, I think I'm going to stay out of this one.
*looking at a random wish-granting dragon*
That, however...
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
Hug the adorable butter yellow pegasus in as non-threatening way as you can possibly imagine. Possibly start by saying, "Can I hug you?"
Ask WTF was that bear thing, and why it didn't eat you. Then relize it must have been the fact that you are so baller boss that there is no way he COULD have eaten you, and berate yourself for not thinking of it earlier. Thank her profusely for not raping you. Remain suspicious that she might, however. It started out well with Rarity too...
Pimp slap Fluttershy.
Milk her teats.
Make sure you still have your compass. Having a sense of direction gives you a source of power. It's a minor one, but still a source of power you lacked before.
Ask her for some (manly) tea.
And hope to the Greek gods she's like Lyra and Bon Bon
Notices how nervous this one seems around you. Proceed to assert a air of confidence that says " Help me and we'll be friends. Betray me and you damn spine gets broken in half."
boop fluttershy on the nose, boop her on the nose like she's never been booped before!
You need to assess the situation, so you change your inner Alex to Sherlock Holmes. You can practically hear his English monolouge in your head- we appear to be within the home of another pony, but this is different. All unintentional encounters have involved you being pinned down or restrined, but you have full control of your limbs. The subject at hand appears to be timid; evidented by being half hidden behind her mane, and the way she holds herself, but friendly, as she wears a smile holding no sexuall intentions. She obviously saved you by an act of friendship or compassion, as you have woken up on a couch and not a bed; secondly this shows she either lives alone, or on a small income to not afford a guest bed. She doesnt appear to be strong, physically, so you can't be far away from where you passed out; a hermit perhaps? but she saved you from a bear that you fainted infront of; possible consideration of magic that exists in this world.
Course of action- introduce self and explain current situation.
So now your in the hands of another pony, GREAT, you don't want to take chances with this so you play it out till... *BOOP*. Then get the fuck out.
Close your eyes and pretend that you're asleep. So far, the last few you times you fain- erhm, your vision turned black— because you're too awesome to faint, ended with being nearly raped, forced into labor, and sing a weird song that came out of no where. Tied down or not, this pony might not be any different. Better paranoid than sorry. If you are wrong, beg to the Greek gods that you ARE wrong, then hope that the pony that was staring at you are like Bon Bon and Lyra.
Call up your inner Mr. Popo to and use his dark powers to scare her away.
*GASP!* Butter yellow? You're lactose intolerant! Screw butter!
"Screw butter!" you yell to the pony. She gives a confused face.
You then decide that she was probably flesh and bone.
Say with your best mug face "How rude, you could of made me a cup of tea"
ask politely for a cup of tea and pray to Athena that she doesn't want to rape you!!!!!
Also, make sure that their isn't a grue under your seat, they love dark places
Thank her for saving you from the bear.
She says the bear was trying to save you from her.
FIGHT!!
PONY KOMBAT
ok so yellow one who hasn't tied you down yet, thats good
be on your toes
for you ever know what they might pull(rarity as an example)
Say "ohai" and request a cup of tea. You may be a bawller baus, but after your efforts to preserve your baus status in the face of numerous horny ponies, gigantic forest monsters, and Solid fucking Snake, you're really quite parched.
Oh I forgot this:
Meanwhile at sugar cube corner.
Pinkie pie is "tied up" by a crazy purple demon that is currently trying to learn the human location.
1. well as long as we are here could you pour me a cup of that earl grey.
2.i came across a certain prismatically proficient pony earlier who said i smelled, and i quote "oh..." could you please define "oh..." if it's not to much to ask.
Say "hello" just because you're in a land of magic pony rapist is no reason to for get your maners..
Step 1: Switch out Louis Armstrong for Sherlock Holmes and analyze the setting.
Step 2: be polite.
Step 3: be freindly.
Step 4: Be sure to have a backup plan in case things get "rough" but otherwise thank her for saving you from the bear
Step 5: HUG HER NOW!!!
P.S. THANK YOU RAZOR FINALLY YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!
crazy fit of joy aside... thanks
She probably told twilight about you it's best to start running
Ask if she's seen a Hind Helicopter around here.
You get a new idea. Twilight may be the most powerful mage, but that does not make her the only mage. Ask your new friend if she knows of any other unicorns talented in magic that can are friendly and able to use some kind of illusion or invisibility spell on you so that you can have an easier time hiding.
Ask the pegasus to untie you so you can run away from a crazy pony rapist and meet your friends Lyra and BonBon.
I having a feeling their three ways home
One: Twilight sends you back where she found you(Chance very unlikely)
Two: The TARDIS takes you home (if you can find the Doctor it could happen)
Three: The Dragon Balls (if you are willing to travel far and wide and avoiding Twilight along your way)
I don't really have any idea's about what to do here but i just want you to know that this story is fucking boss. and you should be proud to make it
What? Again? Waking up in the hands (hooves?) of a pony?
NO. FUCK. THAT. SHIT. You're done! Done, you hear me? There's only so much a bawler bawss currently channeling his inner Solid Snake and Alex Louise Armstrong can take! It's time to TAKE THE INITIATIVE! Time to intimidate! You jump up, loudly scream "NO!" and then proceed to rant at the top of your lungs about how dumb this day has been, and about how awful everypony in this town (except Lyra and Bon-Bon, you add calmly) is! Once this new pony, whom you really don't give a DAMN what her name is, is a quivering terrified wreck, you shriek your best Native American battle cry, loudly shout "GERANIMOOO!" and DYNAMIC EXIT the FUCK out of her front door.
Now. Where were we? Ah, yes. Southeast to the forest. No distractions now!
okay this is an extremely complex idea, "sit back n' relax"
Curl up in a corner and slowly start to snap.
Ask for some tea. *tea acquired* Tea restores 50 HP and allows the channeling of one additional character for 30 minutes.
1. Awkwardly say hello.
2. Ask for tea and sugar.
Turns out, Fluttershy uses the STARE on you if/when you try to escape, as she already had a conversation with Twilight about this person/pony/thing that needs to be stopped.
NEVER, EVER have you been SO SCREWED in your life.
Ask for belly rubs
First take a deep breath, second let it out slowly while rubbing your eyes, third make direct eye contact, fourth ask the following questions:
1. Who are you
2. What do you want from me
3. Please oh please don't be crazy (not actually a question but probably best to say it anyway)